Shutout

by Jami Davenport

  “You’re welcome. It’s my pleasure.”

  I met her gaze and held it. Despite all my protests to the contrary, I couldn’t come up with one good reason not to have a sexual relationship with the mother of my children, at least not one I wouldn’t throw out the window given half a chance. We were hot for each other. We weren’t seeing anyone else. There was nothing to stop us. We were both old enough to know the difference between sex and love, even if we hadn’t as teenagers.

  If both of us understood the mutual benefits of hooking up without emotional strings, what would be the harm?

  Yeah, what would be the harm?

  I’d been a kid and thought I’d loved her once. I’d broken into a million pieces when I’d walked away from her, yet I’d done it not just for my career but hers. She’d wanted to go to nursing school. Following a hockey player around from team to team didn’t make such an education feasible.

  I’d done the right thing by leaving her. Should I do the right thing by leaving her alone?

  Maybe, but I couldn’t.

  Ever since she’d come back into my life, that emptiness had faded. I felt purpose, I felt happy, and I felt something I hadn’t felt in years. Yeah, I was a new father, but those kids weren’t the entire reason my life had turned around.

  Right now I had everything I’d ever wanted, and I was fucking hanging on to it with all the determination and grit I possessed.

  I wasn’t talking about a long-term relationship or even love, just a great sexual relationship without all the emotional encumbrances, drama, and heartache I associated with a full-blown relationship.

  A few days ago, I’d sworn to keep my hands off Caro. Today, I was plotting how to get those hands all over her hot little body.

  If I didn’t know better, I’d say I was a hot mess like Kaden, but I wasn’t. I was in control, not being controlled by a woman.

  Or I was fucking delusional.

  Chapter 16—Shameless

  ~~Caroline~~

  I had to admit the truth.

  I looked forward living in the spiffy new condo for the next several months. And if I was really honest with myself, being across the hall from Easton wasn’t so bad either—primarily so the kids would have easy access to their father, of course. Nothing to do with me.

  Junie and I packed up the hotel room first, which didn’t take too long. Then we headed to the storage unit and began the arduous task of separating out what stayed in storage and what moved to the condo. The kids sat in the car, read on their tablets, and took naps. I had everything ready by the time the first truck pulled up next to the unit.

  As truck after truck arrived, I stood in awe at the sheer manpower filing into the small space. Boxes were lifted and hauled out with incredible efficiency. These guys were used to working together on the ice, and that teamwork spread to packing out boxes, too.

  I did my share. I never believed in being one of those women who stood by and watched the men do the heavy lifting. I held my own. Easton attempted to relieve my load multiple times, but I’d hear nothing of it.

  Within a few hours, everything that needed to be moved was loaded.

  Having a professional hockey player as the father of my children did have its advantages.

  The procession of trucks pulled up outside Easton’s building, and we did the entire thing all over again. This time I didn’t carry in boxes but directed where each item should go as per the careful notes I’d placed on each box.

  Easton had pizza delivered, and his roommate Kaden lugged in a few cases of beer. The living room burst at the seams with lounging hockey players, the aroma of pizza, and boisterous laughter. Junie and I had been introduced to the half-dozen guys who’d shown up, but I didn’t recall all the names. Many of them lived in this building since it was close to the practice facility and the team owner gave them a good deal on long-term leases. Ethan Parker had bought the property and built the condos with the intention of housing his hockey players here, especially the single ones. Most of the married players opted for large homes with yards.

  Junie flirted shamelessly with the guys while I observed her amusing performance. She had these guys eating out of her hand, and I suspected she’d been propositioned by more than a few of them.

  Steele and the kids were playing a board game at the dining room table. Every once in a while, Steele would groan, and the kids would giggle. They were handing Steele his ass on a platter, or so it sounded.

  Easton stuck close to me while participating in the banter going back and forth. He’d told them about the twins, and no one thought it was odd he was paying so much attention to me. No one but me, that is.

  For a brief moment, I allowed myself to be transported back to a time when we were teenagers and had our entire future ahead of us. It’d been a time of hope and happiness. Being with Easton opened up an entirely different life than I’d had in the past. He was from a good family with two great brothers and a loving mother. I’d met them a few times when they’d come to watch him play. His mother was a gem, and Easton talked fondly of his father.

  I’d been drawn to Easton because he was self-confident, easygoing, and rarely flustered. He enjoyed life and didn’t worry much about his future. I was the opposite. I’d vowed to make something of myself. I’d show my parents. They told me I’d never be anything but a failure and would end up barefoot and pregnant by the time I was eighteen. How prophetic.

  I had ended up pregnant and neither parent had been the least bit supportive. My father told me to get an abortion, and my mother booted me out of the house. She didn’t want any screaming brats underfoot. I was on my own, except for Mark. He stepped up and married me, rescuing me from a fate I’d sworn never to succumb to.

  Mark loved the kids, probably more than me. He didn’t bat an eye when we found out I was having twins. The prospect excited him. His parents were hugely supportive, unlike mine, who to this day had never shown any interest in meeting their grandchildren.

  Those early days had been wonderful. I’d loved Mark, not with the white-hot passion I’d had with Easton, but with an easy, secure love. We’d been happy together. I adored his parents. They’d been supportive and loving toward the twins. I saw them as role models of good parenting.

  The last couple years hadn’t been bad, but looking back, I’d been complacent and in a rut. I gave up my dreams and busted my ass trying to be the good little wife and measuring up to my own high expectations. I was a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. That alone was a huge strike against me in my opinion, not that Mark or his parents cared one damn bit, but I did. Being that girl had always defined me and driven me to be the best, whether it was student, mother, or wife.

  “Hey, penny for your thoughts?”

  I blinked a few times, focusing on Easton. He held out a copper penny. I shrugged. No way in hell was I discussing my innermost secrets with him.

  “You were so deep in thought, you didn’t hear a thing I said.”

  “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

  “Let’s see how things go for the next few months, then we’ll decide on a permanent agreement.”

  “I like that idea.” The skeptic in me wondered what his angle was. Throughout my life, the people who were supposed to love me used me for their own selfish gain. I hadn’t gone to college because Mark had asked me to wait until the kids were in school. I hadn’t paid attention to finances because Mark insisted on taking care of everything. I hadn’t done anything for me because of an underlying belief I wasn’t good enough.

  I refused to play the victim though. I’d learned my lessons. This time no one would manipulate me or guilt me into doing things that didn’t benefit my life or my children’s lives, even if that person was Easton.

  “Good,” he said with his easygoing grin. “I know you’ll be more comfortable with something in writing. I’m fine with winging it, but that’s not how you like to do things.”

  After all these years, Easton still knew me too well. I’d been a d
ot-the-i’s-and-cross-the-t’s kind of person, controlling any aspect of my life I’d been able to control by being super-organized. I was still like that. Hell, I’d color-coded and labelled every box and item so my moving crew would know exactly where it went. If that wasn’t over-organized, I didn’t know what was.

  Easton stepped closer to me until I felt the heat from his body. I didn’t move. My feet were anchored to the floor. We didn’t touch, but my body reacted as if we had. Every nerve ending was supercharged and hyperaware of the sexy man standing merely inches away. If there hadn’t been people nearby, I’d have jumped him, ripped off his clothes, and fucked his gorgeous brains out, despite my vows not to do so. My gaze dropped to his jeans and the telltale bulge pressing against his fly. He wanted me, too. No doubt about that. Slowly, I ran my gaze up his body, not caring that I was caught admiring him. He’d had an amazing physique as a teenager. I couldn’t imagine what he’d look like naked now. Okay, I lied. I did imagine what he looked like every single night when I lay in bed. I did pleasure myself to thoughts of him, rather than Mark. The disloyalty of such acts wasn’t lost on me, but Mark wasn’t here, and he was never coming back.

  “Caro?” Easton’s deep voice pulled my attention away from his broad chest and my guilty thoughts. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I said tightly.

  “We’ll make this work, Caro.” Easton lowered his voice so only I could hear, not that anyone was paying attention to us.

  Make what work? Was he referring to co-parenting or something more?

  ~~Easton~~

  Thanksgiving came and went. I had a fantasy Caro and me and the kids would have our first Thanksgiving together. We did not. I went to Coop and Izzy’s instead, while Caro insisted on a private Thanksgiving as it was the twins’ first major holiday without Mark.

  I wasn’t happy about her decision, but I wasn’t in a position to do much about it either. In some ways, I had to admit she was right, but from a personal point of view, I guess I was butt-hurt at being excluded from their holiday. Christmas would not happen like this.

  The Sockeyes played home games both the day before and day after Thanksgiving. I was pretty busy, and despite their proximity to my doorway—about fifteen feet—I didn’t see much of Caro and Co. until the following week. They also needed time to pack and settle in. Even though I was itching to start what I considered my new life as a father, I backed off, giving them the necessary space.

  The following Monday, Caro and I sat at the shiny black dining room table in her new condo and hashed out the details of a temporary agreement. Tomorrow I left on a four-day road trip.

  Caro made notes in the margins of the paperwork, and I craned my neck to read what she’d written. She caught me in the act, and I looked away, ashamed of myself for reading her personal notes.

  The sooner we had this agreement done, the better. I’d legally have rights to see my kids. Caro had agreed to allow me to see the twins whenever I was available as long as I prearranged the visitations. She insisted she be present, and I didn’t mind for more selfish reasons than the well-being of my kids.

  She was getting to me despite my hands-off oath, an oath I was beginning to question.

  Every time I was near her, my heart raced and my body hummed. When she was gone, something was missing, and I felt empty. Hockey was the only thing that quelled the emptiness, and I was beginning to wonder if hockey had been doing that very thing for longer than I cared to admit. The breakup from my college girlfriend hadn’t bothered me as much was it did when I hadn’t seen Caro for a day or two. I was getting in deeper and deeper.

  Our chemistry had survived the years and the secrets. When I wasn’t with her or playing hockey, my thoughts centered on her and my children. Despite my intentions, I was confused and conflicted as to where Caro should fit into my life. Should she fit? Did I want her to fit? At times I did, and at others, I wanted to escape to my Puck Brother existence and pretend she wasn’t anyone special, which made me either smart or delusional.

  “Easton?” Caro nudged me to get my attention. “Does this work for you?”

  I squinted and tried to recall what she’d said. Oh, yeah, I remembered. She wanted a specific schedule. “Nope, not during hockey season. I’m not budging on this topic.”

  As much as she wanted to nail down everything to specific dates and times, I refused to waver on keeping it loose during the hockey season.

  She sighed. She hated backing down as much as I did. “Fine. We’ll revisit everything once the season ends, and we’ve had time to evaluate how it’s going.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Holy hockey pucks, she smelled incredible, but then she always smelled like a fresh field of wildflowers in the spring sunshine. If I didn’t watch it, I’d be spouting fucking poetry.

  “Easton? You’re doing it again. Pay attention. You’re worse than your son.”

  That brought a grin to my face, and Caro rolled her eyes.

  “Sorry.” I tried to sound contrite but didn’t pull it off.

  “Is that all?”

  I pulled my head out of my ass and brought up the biggest elephant in the room. “Uh, no, on the matter of when to reveal I’m their father…” I hesitated. This would be one of the trickiest subjects to broach.

  “They need more time. Their father’s death is still fresh in their minds. Such a revelation would be too big of a shock to them this soon.”

  “And when will it ever be a good time?” I leaned across the table and stared pointedly at her. I read the answer in her eyes. It’d never be a good time.

  “I’ll play it your way for a while, but I’m not going to wait forever.”

  “Thank you,” she conceded.

  “Has it occurred to you the longer we wait, the worse it might be for them?”

  She met my gaze, and I saw the worry in her blue eyes. “Yes, it’s definitely occurred to me.”

  I didn’t belabor the point. She felt bad enough about the situation. For now, I’d content myself with being the doting next-door neighbor.

  “About the child support—” I pushed a check across the table to her. “My attorney felt this amount was reasonable and fair.”

  She picked it up, and her mouth dropped open in shock. Incredulously, she lifted her gaze back to mine and shook her head. “This is too much.”

  “I don’t think it’s enough,” I countered.

  “I’m already living here rent-free thanks to you. I can’t accept this kind of money.”

  “Caro, hear me out.” I grabbed both her hands in mine and squeezed them. “It’s in my best interests you have enough disposable income to afford that college education you’ve been talking about.”

  “But this is too generous.” A lone tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t deserve your kindness. How can I ever make it up to you?”

  The bad boy in me surfaced before I could muzzle him. “I could name a few things for starters.” I winked at her, grinning broadly.

  Sorry, not sorry that I’d thrown the sexual component out there.

  “What are you saying?” She tugged on her hands, but I held tight. She glared at me, and I chuckled. Much to my surprise, she laughed. Her laughter captured my heart and locked it under her spell. Everything about her captivated me, just as it had years ago. I loved the feeling of her soft hands in my rough ones. The differences between us aroused the man inside me, and I wasn’t able to hold him back this time.

  “I want you,” I blurted out, channeling my teenage, horny-boy self. “I can’t stop thinking about you naked. I’m going crazy with lust, and I’m tired of satisfying myself when I’d much rather you satisfied me.”

  “You want me?” She sounded incredulous, which was almost as funny as my interest in her was blatantly obvious.

  “I want to fuck you,” I clarified bluntly, annoyed with myself that deep down I might want more.

  “Oh.” Her face fell, and sadness flashed briefly in those hypnotic eyes. She’d been hoping for so
mething different, and I’d stomped on that seed before it had a chance to grow. This wasn’t about anything but sex, damn it. As hard as it was for me to see her hurt, I had to be perfectly clear. A person didn’t do what she did and expect to be forgiven. There had to be consequences to withholding a father from his children. But she hadn’t known, said my fairer, nicer side. Bullshit, said the asshole in me.

  “I want to bury my cock inside your warm body and slam into you until you beg me for mercy. Then I’ll turn you over and finish the job from behind. Later, you can ride me, or I’ll take you up against the wall. Hell, there are hundreds of ways I want to fuck you.” Explaining what I wanted in graphic detail distracted me from what I really wanted—or thought I did.

  “And if I say no?”

  “That’s your choice. The money isn’t tied to having sex with me, but if things advanced beyond friends to friends with benefits, I’d welcome the change.”

  “You think we’re friends?”

  “We don’t hate each other anymore. I’m working on the friends part.”

  “You still blame me.”

  “A little.” I spoke honestly. “Maybe my resentment and bitterness prevent us from ever having that special thing we had before, but it doesn’t stand in the way of sex. We were explosive together, and our chemistry is still there. Don’t you feel it?” I’d never planned on propositioning her, especially not following a discussion about money, but I wasn’t taking it back now. I made it clear where she stood with me. She had the power to say yes or no to a purely physical relationship.

  She chewed on her lower lip, much like our daughter did when contemplating a decision. “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t have to give me an answer right away. After all, you know where to find me.”

  She nodded. Her blue eyes were troubled, and I fought off a wave of guilt at reducing our former relationship to something carnal and almost demeaning. She tugged again on my hands gripping hers, and I let go. Caro stood and walked into the kitchen. Unable to resist, I followed her and spun her around.