zoegirl:
you brush your face?
SnowAngel:
yr missing the point. my sister dropped my face brush into the toilet, which was, yes, currently in use. by HER. the toilet, not my face brush.
SnowAngel:
well, actually both
SnowAngel:
AND she’s got strep, so her pee is all orange from antibiotics. *stomp stomp stomp*
zoegirl:
i take it you’re not happy about this?
SnowAngel:
would u be? i use my face brush to wash my FACE. u know, instead of a washcloth. it lifts away dead cells while improving circulation.
zoegirl:
you don’t say
SnowAngel:
AND I JUST THIS VERY SECOND USED IT!!!! AFTER SHE DROPPED IT IN THE FREAKIN TOILET!!!!!!!!
zoegirl:
ewww. why?
SnowAngel:
*pulls hair from roots* cuz she didn’t TELL me until just now! she thought i’d be mad!
zoegirl:
so basically you washed your face in chrissy’s stinky orange pee?
SnowAngel:
u r not being helpful. *stomps on picture of zoe AND picture of chrissy*
zoegirl:
i’m sorry, but that’s disgusting. surely chrissy washed it off.
SnowAngel:
she RINSED it. that’s what she says, she RINSED it. like that makes me feel a hell of a lot better.
zoegirl:
back in christopher columbus’s time, people used to brush their teeth with pee. did u know that?
SnowAngel:
*breathes deeply* i did not know that, zoe.
zoegirl:
although i think it was only people who were taking long sea voyages and ran out of toothpaste…
SnowAngel:
that’s it. good-bye.
zoegirl:
wait! angela?
zoegirl:
angela!!!!
zoegirl:
fine. just don’t expect me to kiss you tomorrow. air kisses, that’s all you’ll get!
zoegirl:
ANGELA!!!!!!
Mon, Sept 13, 5:15 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
hellooo, maddie
mad maddie:
hellooo, angela
SnowAngel:
i saw jana whitaker after 6th period today. she was looking especially tacky in her sparkly emerald eyeshadow, and she was trash-talking julie matthews. i swear, she is ALWAYS putting down ppl who are supposedly her friends. have u noticed?
mad maddie:
what’d she say?
SnowAngel:
terri was like, “oh, julie, u look so cute. u cld be anna kendrick’s secret twin, i’m not kidding.” and jana goes, “so true! u could totally be her twin—the chubby version!”
mad maddie:
ouch
SnowAngel:
julie turned bright red and tugged on her shirt, like to cover herself up, and jana goes, “just stick to your diet, you’ll get there.” as if calling her chubby was ok since it was mixed in with this great show of support. but julie’s not even fat, so there was no reason for jana to say all that in the first place.
mad maddie:
does jana have a reason for anything she says?
SnowAngel:
i swear, she’s like an infection. she gloms on wherever she spots a weakness and makes it five thousand times worse.
mad maddie:
and yet everyone still worships her and secretly craves her approval. why is that?
SnowAngel:
i have NO idea. anyway, not everyone craves her approval. i certainly don’t. and u don’t, of course.
SnowAngel:
right?
mad maddie:
please. this morning ms. andrist lectured me about being tardy, and i could tell jana was laughing about it behind my back. i can always tell. it’s like i have jana radar. so i gave her the evil eye and was like, “yeah? u want some of this, homegirl?”
SnowAngel:
good for u, homegirl. *flicks jana off the stage*
mad maddie:
what about u and rob? how’s that going?
SnowAngel:
oh, pah. u know how i told u that today was the day i was gonna make my move? well, he sat next to me in french, and i acted totally blase. just, “hey, rob.” no real excitement in my voice or anything.
mad maddie:
why? at lunch u were like, “watch out, bubba. here i come.”
SnowAngel:
i know, so what’s my deal? i need to help him along as much as possible, or else forget about him. i get so mad at myself when i act disinterested around guys i like.
mad maddie:
yes, it’s a real trauma
SnowAngel:
it is!
SnowAngel:
oh, hold on. doug schmidt just sent me a txt—let me txt him back real quick.
SnowAngel:
ok, done
mad maddie:
doug still texts you? what did he want this time?
SnowAngel:
to know if i wanted to go bike riding. i told him i was sick, but i don’t think he believed me.
mad maddie:
hmm, wonder why. maybe cuz u’ve rejected him once a week for the past two years?
SnowAngel:
well, he shld take the hint!
SnowAngel:
uh oh—now he wants to know if he should bring me some chicken soup. what shld i tell him?
mad maddie:
the truth. that he’s simply not in your league and he should aim his sights lower.
SnowAngel:
maddie! *gazes at friend reproachfully* u make me sound awful.
mad maddie:
well think about how it sounds: oh no, a guy asked me out! how terrible! and now he wants to bring me get-well gifts!
SnowAngel:
stop it. i hate turning doug down again and again. but isn’t it better to do that than to lead him on?
mad maddie:
are u sure yr NOT still leading him on?
SnowAngel:
there, i told doug VERY NICELY that i don’t need any soup cuz i look too terrible to come to the door. r u happy?
mad maddie:
“very nicely?” uh huh. point proven.
SnowAngel:
oh god. AM i awful? am i shallow and self-centered cuz i don’t wanna go out with doug?
mad maddie:
yes
SnowAngel:
maddie! now i’m all paranoid
SnowAngel:
i know. maybe i’ll call doug later just to chat, so he’ll know i’m not a jerk. but i’ll chat about boring stuff so he knows i’m not interested THAT WAY. and then afterward i’ll call rob and turn on the ol’ charm, so that he’ll know that i *am* interested that way.
mad maddie:
ur hopeless. it’s official.
Mon, Sept 13, 5:45 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
OMG!!!
mad maddie:
what?!
SnowAngel:
i called rob, just like i said i would, and he asked me out! for TONIGHT!!!
mad maddie:
damn, girl. u r good.
SnowAngel:
he’s taking me out to dinner, and then we’re going to some party at kyle’s.
SnowAngel:
hey, u could come if u want—u and zoe both! not to the dinner part, obviously, but rob says kyle’s party is gonna be huge.
mad maddie:
kyle’s having a party on a monday night?
SnowAngel:
his parents r out of town, but they’re coming back on wednesday, so this is the only night he can do it. come!
mad maddie:
yeah, that’s what i wanna do—have the moms drop me off at kyle’s in front of the whole friggin grade. with my luck jana would be there laughing her head off.
SnowAngel:
I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE A DATE WITH ROB! MUST GO PRIMP!
Tues, Sept 14, 4:15 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
zoe! dahling!
zoegirl:
you better be texting to tell me about your madcap night with rob. you can’t put me off any longer!!!
SnowAngel:
he was sitting RIGHT BEHIND US, zoe. what did u want me to do, announce to his face how in love with him i am?
zoegirl:
it was the cafeteria. we were at separate tables. AND, if you were afraid to use your words like a big girl, guess what? you could have texted me then just like you’re texting me now. hmmm?
SnowAngel:
and break the no-phones-allowed-during-class rule? *draws hand to mouth*
zoegirl:
TELL ME!!!
SnowAngel:
ok. me: long-sleeve white shirt, slightly tattered miniskirt, platform wedges, silver square bracelet, garnet ring. hair down. him: “moab” t-shirt, jeans, those overly huge sneakers boys seem genetically wired to wear. adorable sticky-uppy hair.
zoegirl:
very nice, although i’m not sure i agree about his hair. i’m thinking it’s more lack of hygiene than stylistic flair.
zoegirl:
where’d you go for dinner?
SnowAngel:
bennigan’s. mmmm. and while we were waiting for our food, he told this hysterical story about this time he called the home shopping network. did u know the home shopping network even existed still? well, it does.
SnowAngel:
they were selling a watch that was supposedly indestructible, and rob phoned in and asked, “yes, but does it resist cheese dip?” only he pronounced it really funny, like che-e-e-ese dip.
zoegirl:
i wish i knew how to tell funny stories. i always get embarrassed and start mumbling, and then i wish i’d never started.
SnowAngel:
then he said, “cuz my last watch stopped working when i dropped it in a bowl of che-e-e-ese dip. so tell me: this solid gold watch u’ve got on the screen there, can it handle the dairy products?”
SnowAngel:
rob says they broadcast his voice and everything! god, i wish i’d heard it!
zoegirl:
what’d you do after dinner?
SnowAngel:
we went to that party at kyle’s and danced the night away to patrick benson’s awful garage band. well, i danced. rob kinda shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
zoegirl:
white man’s boogie. did he bite his lower lip?
SnowAngel:
no, but he bit mine! later, that is, when he took me home. yippee! the boy can kiss!
zoegirl:
go, angela!
SnowAngel:
*sighs in ecstasy*
SnowAngel:
what about u? what’s up in your world?
zoegirl:
nothing nearly so exciting—although you might want to talk to maddie if you haven’t already.
SnowAngel:
why?
zoegirl:
because i highly doubt she wants to talk to me.
SnowAngel:
no, i meant why shld i talk to her? what happened?
zoegirl:
well, she called me up to get my opinion on this letter she’d written, and i… ah, crap.
SnowAngel:
what? what did u do?!
zoegirl:
i corrected her grammar
SnowAngel:
u didn’t
zoegirl:
i did
SnowAngel:
zoe! u know how much she hates being corrected—especially by you!
zoegirl:
i just wanted to help!
zoegirl:
and then i told her i was just being anal and to forget everything i’d said, and she said, “you don’t have to lie, zoe.”
SnowAngel:
ouch
zoegirl:
so will u talk to her?
SnowAngel:
i’ll txt her now.
SnowAngel:
want me to report back?
zoegirl:
if there’s anything to report back, yes!
Tues, Sept 14, 4:33 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
mads! wazzup?
mad maddie:
ur interrupting a very important quiz on my planetary personality. did zoe tell u to check on me?
SnowAngel:
???
mad maddie:
hold on, the little men in my phone are processing my quiz results. wanna hear what planet i am?
SnowAngel:
uh, sure…?
mad maddie:
i scored 85% Powerful Pluto. pasting in what it says:
Although you tend to wallow in your misery, Pluto’s energy gives you the power to change your life—if you dare. It may be scary, but Pluto doesn’t care. This planet knows how to play with the big boys.
SnowAngel:
i wanna play with the big boys! send me the quiz.
mad maddie:
it’s at helloquizzy.com/tests/what-planet-are-you-from-test. i’ll forward it to zoe too.
SnowAngel:
so ur NOT mad at her. yay!
mad maddie:
excuse me?
SnowAngel:
oh, uh…
SnowAngel:
*does random hand gestures as a distraction technique*
mad maddie:
forget it. i don’t care. she told u about my pathetic letter?
SnowAngel:
she never said it was pathetic. she’s worried yr mad at her, that’s all.
mad maddie:
well, i’m not bursting with joy.
SnowAngel:
who was the letter to? i don’t get it.
mad maddie:
if u MUST hear the whole sad story…
SnowAngel:
i must
mad maddie:
fine. chapter 1: maddie is in study hall with evil jana, who is writing notes to terri and laughing hysterically, like hahahahaha! we have a life and u don’t!
SnowAngel:
hate it when ppl do that. like they’re trying to rub it in your face how much fun they’re having.
mad maddie:
chapter 2: class is dismissed and everyone goes squealing out of the room. only maddie (that’s me) stupidly leaves her geometry notebook behind, so she goes back to get it. and there, lazily packing up her stuff, is jana. by herself. there is no one else around, just jana and maddie. u with me?
SnowAngel:
uh oh…
mad maddie:
chapter 3: maddie, being the kind good soul that she is, decides to say “hello.” just “hello,” all right? normal ppl do it all the time. AND WHAT DOES JANA DO?
mad maddie:
she keeps shoving books into her backpack, la-di-da, like no one is freakin there! she didn’t even look up or nod or anything!
SnowAngel:
oh, that makes me so mad. that is SO ridiculous!!!
SnowAngel:
but why do u even care what jana does or doesn’t do?
mad maddie:
chapter 4: maddie goes to snack machine and buys a king-size snickers to ease her pain. chapter 5: the snickers is rotten inside. like, really, really nasty. chapter 6: once she gets home, maddie whips off a complaint letter in a frenzy of self-righteousness. chapter 7: maddie calls zoe and reads it to her over the phone, and chapter 8: zoe makes maddie feel like total shit, as usual, which is just lovely after a day like this.
SnowAngel:
oh, maddie
mad maddie:
i was all proud of myself, and zoe starts lecturing me on what a dumbass i am who can’t even write a stupid complaint letter!
SnowAngel:
she did not say u were a dumbass and u know it.
mad maddie:
i just hate it that she’s so good at everything and
that i suck.
SnowAngel:
did u tell her all the jana stuff? before u read your letter?
mad maddie:
no. i was already humiliated enough, thank u very much.
SnowAngel:
but zoe wouldn’t care. i mean, she’d care, but in a good way.
mad maddie:
yeah, well
SnowAngel:
anyway, maybe jana didn’t hear u. maybe that’s why she didn’t say hi back.
mad maddie:
right. she didn’t hear me when we were the only two people in the room.
SnowAngel:
Ttyl Page 3