by Amy Clipston
“Keep praying.” Priscilla squeezed Cindy’s forearm. “You remember how horrible mei dat was to me, right?”
Cindy nodded.
“Well, through prayer, he’s changed quite a bit. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s definitely better. You can’t give up hope. God is our great healer and comforter, and he can soften anyone’s heart.”
Cindy nodded. “Danki, Priscilla. I’m so grateful to call you mei schweschder.”
Priscilla smiled. “And I’m grateful for you too.”
As Cindy took another bite of the sweet, delicious cake, she longed for Laura to be there with them.
* * *
Mark kicked a stone with the toe of his boot as he and Drew stood in the driveway. “I can’t believe mei dat was that cold to Cindy after not seeing her for two months.”
“I know. She’s devastated.” Drew leaned back on the fender of his truck and gazed toward Mark’s house. “She’s missed you all so much. She tries to act strong, but it’s really tearing her apart. I was hoping maybe you could help us.”
“How?” Mark looked over at him. “You already said Jamie tried.”
“Maybe you could talk to your other siblings, and then the three of you could talk to your father all together. Remind him that Cindy’s still family even though she isn’t Amish anymore.”
Mark rubbed his light-brown beard and frowned. “I’ll try, but I can’t make you any promises. I think mei dat is getting pressure from the bishop.”
“What do you mean?”
“I saw the bishop talking to him at church last month. When I asked about it, Dat said the bishop wanted to make sure we were treating Cindy like an outsider. He said we can’t let her think she can marry an Englisher and still be a member of the community.” Mark shook his head. “I know you think we’re all ridiculous, but it’s our way of life.”
“It just doesn’t make sense to me. You should cherish each other for all the days you have left together. You’ve experienced loss like I have, and it’s the worst kind of pain.”
“Look, Drew,” Mark began, “I’ll do my best. I miss my little sister, and I want her to be a part of my family’s life. I’ll speak to Laura and Jamie and see if we can talk some sense into Dat, but I can’t promise any miracles.”
“Thank you.” Drew shook his hand. “That’s all I can ask for.”
“Gut.” Mark rubbed his hands together. “I believe my wife is sharing a chocolate cake she made for me, so I’d like to grab a piece before it’s all gone. What do you say we go inside and get some for ourselves?”
As they walked up the porch steps, Drew grasped the little bit of new hope that seemed to take root in his heart. He was sure Cindy had been telling Priscilla about the baby, and if Priscilla told Mark, maybe he’d have even more incentive to do whatever he could for Cindy.
twenty-eight
Cindy touched her hand to her abdomen as a cramp gripped her. She dropped a breakfast plate into the sink and sucked in a breath, then grabbed on to the kitchen counter and bent at the waist as another horrific pain sliced through her middle.
What was happening?
She rushed to the bathroom and gasped when she found she was bleeding. Panic seized her heart and her chest.
“Drew!” she called. “Drew!”
“Yeah?” he yelled from somewhere in the house.
“Something is wrong,” she yelled back.
“What?” His voice sounded from outside the bathroom door. “What’s going on?” He sounded as panicked as she felt.
“I’m bleeding. I think something’s wrong with the baby. I need to go to the hospital.”
Icy fingers of dread gripped her windpipe and squeezed, blocking more words as tears streamed down her cheeks.
Am I losing my baby?
Please, God! Please save my baby! Please don’t take this child before I have a chance to hold it in my arms!
“Cindy, I’m going to warm up the truck, and then I’ll grab your coat and come back for you. I’ll be right back.”
“Hurry!” Grateful, she took down the clothes she’d just hung on the back of the door, intending to bathe before a trip to town for supplies. She did her best to clean herself up and prepare for the ride to the hospital, gathering the towels they might need. Then she sat down on the edge of the bathtub, gasping with each pain.
This was a nightmare. How could this happen? Had she done something to cause her pregnancy to fail? Where was Drew?
“Cindy!” Drew’s voice was close to the door again. “The truck wouldn’t start at first, but it’s running now. Can I come in?”
She stood and pushed the bathroom door open. Drew’s handsome face was twisted with worry.
“Can you walk?”
“I-I think so.”
“Let me help you.” He held out his hand. “Let’s get you to the hospital.”
She let Drew help her pull on her winter coat, and then he held on to her as they made their way out the front door.
Cindy shivered in the late January cold and leaned against the porch post. She glanced out at the frozen grass and up at the clear blue sky that seemed to mock her as fear ran through her like a roaring river. The pickup truck hummed in the driveway.
Please, God. Please protect our baby.
“You stay inside, buddy,” Drew told Bruce as he closed and locked the front door. “We’ll be back soon. You guard the house.”
Then he took her hand and helped her climb down the steps and into the truck.
Cindy stared out the window as Drew drove. She continued praying for their baby as dread surrounded her heart.
* * *
“Mrs. Collins.” The doctor stood next to her hospital bed and touched Cindy’s arm a few hours later. “I’m very sorry to tell you you’ve suffered a miscarriage.”
She curled up in a ball as tears blurred her vision and dripped down her hot cheeks. Her worst nightmare had come true. When she closed her eyes, she felt as if she were spinning in a black abyss.
She’d lost her mother and then her family. Now she’d lost her baby. What else would she lose in this life?
“It’s really over, Dr. Ross?” Drew’s voice sounded like it was a million miles away, even though he stood next to her bed with his warm hand gripping hers.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Collins, but unfortunately, yes. The ultrasound showed the fetus is gone. Parents usually ask why, but most miscarriages just happen, usually for no reason we can detect.”
Drew made a strangled sound in his throat, and when Cindy opened her eyes, she saw him wipe his.
“We’d like to keep Mrs. Collins here for a few hours for observation, just to be sure she’ll be all right.”
“I understand.” Drew’s voice was soft and thick.
“Let me know if you need anything,” the doctor said. “And I’m truly sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you, Dr. Ross.” Drew’s voice was weak, as if he were on the verge of shedding more tears.
Footsteps sounded, and then a door opened and closed.
“Cindy.” Drew’s voice was soft against her ear. “I’m here.” He moved his fingers over her back, making circles and sending waves of warmth through her. “We’ll get through this. When the doctor says it’s safe, we can try again. We’re young.”
Another flood of tears overcame Cindy as the hurt weighed heavily on her heart.
“Cindy.” He sniffed and touched her shoulder. “What are you feeling? Don’t keep all your sadness inside. Let me help you.”
“I want Laura,” she whispered between sobs. “I need Laura.”
Her sister had suffered two miscarriages. Laura would be able to help her through this. She could relate to how she felt. Laura would hold her hand and be a comfort to her.
But it had been almost a month since they’d visited Priscilla and Mark. Drew had asked Mark to help repair the great chasm separating her from her family, but none of her siblings had called or stopped by, and now she needed her family more than e
ver.
She hugged her arms to her chest and let grief take hold.
“Calm down.” Drew sounded frantic. “I’ll try to reach Laura.”
“She won’t come.” Cindy looked up at Drew, and the pain in his red, puffy eyes compounded hers. “She doesn’t care. None of my family cares about me anymore.”
“That’s not true.” Drew shook his head. “I refuse to believe that.”
“If they cared, they would have come to see us by now.” Cindy rolled onto her side, facing away from him. “We’re all alone.”
“No, we’re not.” Drew placed one palm on her back. “I’m going to call Laura. I’ll ask her to come. I’ll be right back.”
She closed her eyes, praying for relief from the anguish that racked her body and soul.
* * *
Drew’s shoulders slumped as he nearly stumbled down the hospital hallway. He wiped away the tears that had continued to fall ever since the doctor told them the news. Cindy had lost their baby.
He needed to find a place to sit down and collect his thoughts. He didn’t want to reach out to Laura and have Cindy witness the rejection that might follow. He found a chair in the hallway a few doors down from Cindy’s room, and he flopped into it.
A hot mixture of agony and heartbreak washed through him as he looked down at his phone and tried to recall the name of Allen’s business. It had the words “carriage shop” in it. What was it?
He held his phone to his forehead, trying to hold back more tears. The anguish on Cindy’s face was too much for him. He longed to take away her pain. Losing the baby was a tragedy no one could have prevented, but her family’s rejection was his fault. He was a failure as a husband.
Focus, Drew! Focus! Call Laura and then get back to your wife! She needs you!
He racked his brain once more, and then it came to him—the Bird-in-Hand Carriage Shop. Of course!
He searched the internet on his phone for the number and then dialed. After six rings, Allen’s voice rang through the phone. It was his voice mail. “You’ve reached the Bird-in-Hand Carriage Shop. We restore, repair, and sell buggies. The shop is open Monday through Friday, eight to five, and Saturdays, eight to noon. Please leave a message, and I will call you back as soon as I can. Thank you.”
After the beep, Drew began to speak, doing his best to keep his voice steady.
“Allen,” Drew said. “This is Drew, Cindy’s husband. I need to reach Laura.” He shoved his free hand through his hair while staring down at the tile floor, not caring if the Amish didn’t speak about “these things.” Maybe they did, but what did it matter now? “I’m at the hospital with Cindy. She’s suffered a miscarriage, and she really wants to see Laura. She needs her.”
He paused and took a deep breath. “If Laura could find it in her heart to see her, it would mean a lot. We’re going to be at the hospital for a few more hours, and then we should be home this evening. Please pass this message on to Laura. If you want to call me, here’s my cell phone number.” He recited the number. “I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks. Bye.”
He disconnected the call and then pulled up Mark and Priscilla’s farm number, stored in his contacts.
When he got their voice mail, too, he waited for the beep.
“This message is for Mark,” Drew said. “This is Drew. I’m at the hospital with Cindy. She’s suffered a miscarriage and could use the support of her family. I hope you can find it in your heart to come and see her. I expect we’ll be home in a few hours, but you’re welcome to come to the hospital too. It would mean a lot to both of us to know you care.” Then he left his cell phone number. “I hope to talk to you soon. Thank you. Bye.”
He disconnected the call and then stared at his phone as he started to pray.
God, please help us. We need to feel your love and comfort right now. Heal our hearts as we go through this loss, but also please bring Cindy’s family back to her. She needs all the love and support she can get right now. So do I. Thank you.
Then he stood and walked back into Cindy’s room. When he found her sleeping, he sat down in the chair by the bed to wait for the doctor to discharge her.
He closed his eyes and leaned back, allowing his head to smack against the Sheetrock behind him. He listened to Cindy’s soft breathing as he continued to beg God for the help they so desperately needed. Only God could heal the rift in the Riehl family, and he was certain prayer was their only hope.
* * *
“Here you go.” Drew handed Cindy a mug of warm tea as she sat propped up on the sofa in their family room. He sat down on the coffee table across from her and rubbed Bruce’s ear as he smiled at her. “What else can I get you?”
“Nothing. Thanks. This is perfect.” She studied his smile as she sipped from the mug. He’d received a call on his cell phone earlier, and she’d hoped it was Laura, returning the call Drew left on Allen’s voice mail. But when she’d questioned it, he insisted it was a wrong number. Still, he seemed to have something up his sleeve. She wondered if he’d left a message for Gertrude to come by, but they didn’t seem to be home.
“How’s the tea?” he asked, and then he looked out the window—again.
“Delicious. What are you looking for? You keep peering outside.”
“Nothing.” He stood and arranged her blanket so it covered her feet. “Do you want something else? Maybe another blanket?”
“Drew.” She touched his hand. “What’s going on with you?”
“I love you.” He touched her cheek. “We’re going to make it through this. Trust me. Please.” He kissed the top of her head and headed into the kitchen.
Cindy cupped the mug in her hands and tried to hold back another rush of tears. She’d been home for more than an hour, but her thoughts were still stuck on the doctor’s words. The child who had been growing inside of her was gone. Their hope for bringing a baby into the world next summer had evaporated, and her prayer of giving Drew a family had been dashed.
Bruce whined and then moved closer to the sofa.
“Hi, Bruce.” Cindy rubbed his ear. “How are you, buddy?”
Suddenly the warm aroma of coffee filled her senses, and she heard the belching and hissing of Drew’s coffeemaker.
“Why are you making coffee?” she called.
“Why not?” His answer was so simple. What was going on?
When Cindy heard the clip-clop of horse hooves and the whirring of buggy wheels, she turned toward the window. A horse and buggy headed up the driveway, the late afternoon sun low behind it.
“I wonder where Gertrude and Ervin have been,” she muttered to herself.
A second horse and buggy followed, and then a third. Her heart seemed to flip-flop.
“Are Gertrude and Ervin expecting company?” she asked.
“I don’t think so.” Drew appeared in the family room. “But we are.”
“What?” She stared at him. “What’s going on?”
“Look again, Cindy.” He pointed to the window.
She turned toward the window, and then happy tears filled her eyes as she spotted Laura, Mark, and their families climbing out of their buggies.
“What did you do?” she asked Drew.
“You know I left a message for Allen, but I also left a message for Mark. Then a little while ago, Mark called me. Yes, I lied and said it was a wrong number, but I think you’ll forgive me.”
Drew opened the front door and waved. “Hello there. How are you?” He turned to Cindy as she shifted on the sofa. “Stay there. I’ll get some folding chairs from Ervin’s barn.”
Cindy’s hands trembled as she set her mug on the coffee table, and then she touched her prayer covering to make sure it was straight. She peeked out the window again and tears streamed down her face. Her father, Florence, Sarah Jane, Jamie, and Jamie’s family were all walking up the driveway.
“Everyone is here?” she asked as shock filled her.
“Yes. Everyone is here to see you. I’ll be right back. Come on, Bruce! Come
with me, buddy.” Drew stepped out onto the porch and Bruce followed, his collar tinkling as he walked.
“Mark, hello! Would you please help me get some chairs?” Drew’s voice sounded from the porch.
The front door opened, and Laura stepped in carrying a baby in a car seat.
“Cindy!” Laura exclaimed as she crossed the room. She set the car seat with the sleeping baby on the floor and then leaned down and hugged Cindy.
“Laura.” Cindy looped her arms around her sister’s neck and held on to her as if her life depended on it. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she buried her face in Laura’s shoulder and sobbed.
“Ach, I’m so sorry, mei liewe. I’m sorry for everything,” Laura whispered. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you. I’m sorry you lost the boppli. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“I’m so relieved you’re here.” Cindy worked to control her emotions as voices filled the family room. “I’m so glad you came.”
“Allen got Drew’s message and told me right away. Then Mark called and said Drew had called him too.” Laura pulled back and handed Cindy a tissue from the end table. “Then Mark called Jamie, and I called Dat. We all wanted to come as soon as we heard. Mark called to coordinate what time to be here with Drew.” Laura gestured to her nieces and nephews behind her. “So we’re all here.”
“And we brought food.” Mollie held up a cake plate.
“We brought a lot of food,” Kayla chimed in as she, Sarah Jane, and Florence headed to the kitchen, each of them carrying a dish.
“Thank you,” Cindy said as happiness bubbled up inside her. Her family was here! What a wonderful answer to her prayers!
Laura seemed to hesitate a moment, but then she asked, “Would you like to meet your new nephew?” She unhooked the car seat and picked up the sleeping baby.
“Of course,” Cindy said, realizing Laura must have thought she might not be ready. But as Laura handed her the precious boy, she was only grateful for this blessing in her sister’s life. “Oh my goodness. He is so schee.”