If Loving You Is Wrong

by E. L. Todd

  “Yeah. Let’s just never speak of it again.”

  “That sounds great.”

  “Alright.” He stood up. “Um…I guess I’ll see you around.”

  “Yeah.” I walked him to the door.

  “Bye.” He walked out without looking back.

  I shut the door, trying to forget him the second he was gone.

  Chapter Nine

  Cayson

  Slade had been weird for weeks. He was unusually quiet around me, not making jokes like he normally did. His eyes showed a depth they never had before. It seemed like he was lost in thought most of the time, even in the middle of a conversation.

  “Skye asked me if we could live in Connecticut when we settle down. You think that means when we get married? That’s what she was implying?”

  Slade sipped his beer and stared at the table. A whole minute went by without a response. He didn’t even blink.

  “Slade?”

  “Hmm?” He came back around. “What?”

  “Dude…what’s up with you?”

  “Nothing. I was just thinking….about a paper that’s due.”

  “You never think about schoolwork—ever.”

  “What was the question again?” He tried to change the subject.

  “Skye asked me if we could live in Connecticut when we ‘settle’ down. What do you think that means?”

  He kept his hand on his beer. “She’s probably referring to marriage. What else would she mean?”

  That’s what I was hoping for. When she said those words, my heart grew wings and took flight. It was something I constantly thought about, coming home from work and seeing her every day. I wanted her to be the mother of my kids, the woman I made love to every night. It was my dream since I could remember. The fact it was a real possibility made my hands shake. “That’s what I was hoping for.”

  “Why are you surprised?” He stared at the TV, a bored look on his face.

  I shrugged. “She dated Zack for a long time but never considered marriage. And we haven’t been together very long and she’s already talking about it.”

  “It’s pretty obvious how much she loves you, man. And I don’t see why she would date you unless she thought it would go somewhere. Why ruin a friendship for nothing?”

  “Yeah…”

  “Just be happy. Don’t overthink it.”

  “You’re right.” Wait a second…Slade was never right. Where were all the jokes? All the comments? “We still haven’t had sex.” He should take the bait.

  He stared at the foam in his cup. “It’ll happen when it happens.”

  What the hell was wrong with him? “Okay, you’re really freaking me out.”

  “What?” He looked offended.

  “What’s up with you? You’re all quiet and serious and stuff.”

  He shrugged. “I’m just tired.”

  I wasn’t buying it. “What happened with you and Trinity?”

  “She’s hideous,” he blurted. “I would never sleep with her.”

  Okay… “I didn’t say you would.”

  “We just had a fight and we’re cool now. What’s the big deal?” He drank his beer and spilled a little on his shirt.

  “Well, what did you fight about?”

  “The usual stuff…”

  “But you’ve never avoided each other before.” What was he hiding?

  “She was just being annoying and I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. End of story. Shit, get off my back. Are you a detective or something? Calm the hell down. Who cares if she and I weren’t talking for a while? Why don’t you…” He rambled on for a full minute about me getting off his case.

  I wasn’t buying his bullshit. I knew something more happened but he obviously wasn’t going to spill. I decided to drop it. “Got it. I’m sorry.”

  “You should be sorry, dick face.”

  “Damn, you’re defensive today….”

  “I just don’t appreciate being called a liar!”

  I raised my hands. “I never called you a liar.”

  “Yeah, you did. Now stop asking me about her. I told you she was ugly.”

  “What does her appearance matter?”

  “Just…this conversation is over.” He downed half of his beer then wiped his lips. His eyes were glued to the TV, pretending I wasn’t there.

  Geez, he was being weird.

  Roland and Conrad slid into the booth, their beers in hand.

  “Have you seen Trinity?” Conrad asked. He looked at me when he said it.

  “Why would I know where she is?” Slade blurted. “I don’t fucking know. I don’t even like her. She’s disgusting.” He was breathing hard, practically having a panic attack.

  Roland raised an eyebrow. “You okay, man?”

  “I’m groovy,” Slade said without looking at him.

  Conrad raised an eyebrow and looked at me. He gave me a look that clearly said, “What’s his deal?”

  I shrugged in response.

  Slade ordered another beer and downed it like water. He was clearly on edge.

  Skye stepped into the bar, looking like a vision. She wore black pants that were skin-tight and a maroon sweater that went well with her skin tone. A pink scarf was around her neck and a gold bracelet was on her wrist. She looked beautiful, like always. I hardly noticed Trinity behind her. She was just a blur to me.

  I got out of the booth, eager to reach Skye.

  Skye gave me a breathtaking smile when she came near. Her eyes lit up like Christmas morning, and they sparkled with their own inner light. I’ve never seen her give this look to anyone before—just me. “Hey.” She moved into my chest and hooked her arms around my waist. “I saw a really good-looking guy when I walked in, but then I realized it was you.”

  “I’m glad I’m the only one who catches your eye.” My hand automatically moved to her neck, the place I loved to touch her most. I placed a gentle kiss on the corner of her mouth, treasuring the moment as it happened.

  A quiet moan escaped her lips while I touched her. Her small hand clenched my side, holding on during the embrace. When I pulled away, she gave me a look full of love. “I love kissing you.”

  “I love kissing you.” I gave her another kiss.

  “If you don’t mind moving your fat asses, we’re trying to watch the game,” Roland barked.

  I sighed then broke the kiss. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “Can I just sip some of yours? I’m not really craving anything.”

  “Whatever you want, baby.” I guided her to the booth and sat next to her. Trinity sat on the end, directly across from Slade.

  We all watched their interaction, wondering what they would do or say. They ignored each other, like always.

  “Did you have a lame time with Mom and Dad last weekend?” Roland asked.

  “No, it was fun,” Skye said. “You should have come.”

  “Ha. Yeah right.” He rested his elbows on the table and watched TV.

  “Mom and Dad said they wished you were there,” Skye said.

  “Of course,” he said. “I could only imagine how boring you and Cayson were.”

  “Could you not be a dick for like a second?” Skye demanded.

  “Nope.” He drank his beer then turned his attention on Trinity and Slade. “So what happened between you guys?”

  Both of them flinched.

  “We just got into a fight,” Slade barked.

  “Why is everyone so interested in us?” Trinity stammered.

  Roland raised his hands. “Sorry, I was just curious…”

  “Well, don’t be.” Slade watched the TV again.

  I finished my beer. “You sure you don’t want anything?” I asked Skye.

  “No, thank you.”

  I left the booth and headed to the bar. The bartender was busy taking drink orders so I patiently waited for him to notice me. If I were a girl who looked like Skye, I wouldn’t have to wait for anything.

  “Cayson?”

  I recog
nized that voice. I turned to see the blonde hair I fisted more times than I could recall. She smelled the same way, like vanilla. Her hair was silky like I remembered. It framed her face. It was a little shorter than the last time I saw her. She must have gotten a haircut. “Hey, Jasmine.” I knew I would run into her eventually.

  She wore a smile but it was clearly forced. “How’s it going?”

  “Good. You?”

  “Good.” Sadness was in her eyes.

  The last words she said to me on the night we broke up came back to me. She said she loved me the way I loved Skye. And I felt like a damn asshole. It was clear she still felt that way.

  “I know this is awkward…but I figured it would be better just to say hi rather than pretend I didn’t see you.”

  “I’m glad you said hi. It’s nice to see you.”

  She nodded, loosening up a bit. “How’s school?”

  “Lame, like always.”

  She chuckled. “I can imagine. And Skye…?”

  I felt the guilt in my stomach.

  “She was going to come up eventually, right?”

  “Yeah. She and I are great. I’m very happy.” I didn’t want to downplay my feelings for Skye. The last thing I wanted to do was give Jasmine the impression she had a chance with me.

  She nodded slowly. “Good. I’m glad to hear it.”

  No, she wasn’t. “Are you seeing anyone?”

  “I date here and there…I’m actually on a date now.” She didn’t seem too thrilled about it.

  “Is he weird?”

  She shrugged. “He’s just clingy and brags a lot. I like a guy who’s humble.” She gave me an affectionate look.

  “You’ll find the right guy. Just keep looking.” There was hope. I didn’t want her to lose it.

  “Yeah…hopefully.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, something she used to do when she was nervous. “You look good.”

  I felt awkward. What should I say in response? “Thanks…”

  “You’re still working out all the time?”

  “Every day with Slade.”

  She nodded. “It shows.”

  I couldn’t compliment her appearance. It would feel like I was cheating on Skye in a complicated way. “Well…it was nice seeing you.”

  “Yeah…” She played with her hair again.

  An arm moved around my waist and rose hips came into my nose. Skye moved into my side, hugging me like a teddy bear. “Where’s that beer?” she asked with a playful look. She pressed her breasts into my side and practically smothered me.

  Jasmine looked at the ground, clearly uncomfortable.

  “Uh…I’m getting it now.” This was weird. “I’ll be back in a second.”

  “I’ll wait.” Skye didn’t move.

  Jasmine didn’t look at us. “I’ll see you around…” She drifted away and returned to her table.

  When she was gone, I gave Skye an incredulous look. “What was that?”

  “What do you mean?” She raised an eyebrow.

  “You didn’t have to scare her off like that.” It was already difficult for me to get mad at her as a friend, but it was even harder since she was my girlfriend. But I couldn’t deny how upset it made me.

  “I didn’t scare her off,” she said, offended. “You’re my boyfriend and I can touch you whenever I want.”

  I turned to her, trying to keep my voice down. “Don’t bullshit with me, Skye. I know exactly what you were doing.”

  She flinched when I cursed. She was used to me treating her like a princess.

  “You already won, Skye. You don’t need to rub your victory in her face. Honestly, I never thought you’d be one of those girls.”

  “I wasn’t rubbing anything in her face,” she argued.

  “Seriously, just stop. She already knows I love you. You don’t need to come over here and claim me. You either trust me or you don’t.”

  “I never said I—”

  I walked off, not letting her finish her sentence. I stormed out of the bar then headed home. Anger consumed me, making my hands shake. I couldn’t believe I turned my back on Skye like that. But just because I loved her didn’t mean I’d let her get away with whatever she wanted.

  Not gonna happen.

  ***

  A few hours later, there was a knock on my door. It was almost midnight and only one person would come over at this hour. Skye and I usually slept over at each other’s houses. I was so used to it by now that I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep without her.

  I looked through the peephole and saw her standing on the other side. She was bundled up in a jacket and scarf. Her arms were crossed over her chest.

  I sighed then opened the door, keeping an indifferent façade. I stood in the doorway so she couldn’t walk in. I kept my silence, waiting for her to speak first.

  She stared at me for a while, the fear in her eyes. “Can I come in?”

  “No. I may be in love with you but I’m not going to let you walk all over me. Say what you came to say and leave.”

  Skye flinched at my aggression. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry…”

  I waited for her to elaborate.

  “I…I shouldn’t have acted like that. You’re right.”

  “Then why did you?”

  She kept her arms across her chest. “I guess I just love you so much.”

  “That’s not an excuse,” I said darkly.

  “I was jealous,” she blurted. “I admit it. Seeing her talk to you with that look on her face hurt my stomach. You’re mine and I…just wanted to make sure she knew that.”

  “Skye, she knows. I made it pretty clear when I dumped her for you.”

  She pressed her lips tightly together.

  “I’ve known you my entire life, Skye, and you’ve never pulled this number before. You’ve always been trusting and calm. You’ve never gloated to other people and you’ve certainly never intentionally tried to hurt another person. And that’s why I fell in love with you. I don’t want that to change.”

  “I know…I was being a bitch.”

  I didn’t deny it. “And it hurts me that you don’t trust me.”

  “It’s not that,” she said immediately. “It was all jealousy—on my part.”

  I studied her face under the light from my porch. Her hair was over one shoulder and her lips were ruby red.

  “It’s not going to happen again, right?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear.”

  She stared at me, the longing in her eyes. “Do you still want me to go?”

  I grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. “No. I want you to make it up to me.”

  Her eyes lit up. “I can do that.”

  Chapter Ten

  Skye

  I messed things up with Cayson and I knew it. When I saw Jasmine talking to him, I don’t know what came over me. And everyone at the table wasn’t helping.

  “Oooh…she’s after your man.” Slade watched them by the bar.

  “She wants him to stick it to her good,” Roland said. “Break up sex, you know.”

  “Shut up,” I said.

  “And she’s down for anal,” Conrad said. “So you have a lot to compete with.”

  The idea of Cayson having sex with her, any kind of sex, made me sick. “Knock it off.”

  “Someone’s getting jealous.” Roland nudged me in the side.

  “If my boyfriend’s ex was all over him, I’d strut over there and make it clear she’d have to go through me first,” Trinity said.

  “But you don’t have a boyfriend,” Slade noted. “You aren’t sleeping with anyone…”

  She gave him an irritated look.

  “If you don’t claim him, she’s going to snatch him up,” Conrad said. “And I wouldn’t blame Cayson for having his cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Jasmine being the too.”

  They were getting under my skin even though I tried to act like they didn’t. It was pretty
clear Jasmine was in love with him. It was obvious every time she looked at him. I gave into the jealousy and made a stupid decision.

  And now I felt guilty about it.

  I knew Cayson wouldn’t leave me over something like that, but I didn’t like upsetting him. Our relationship was perfect. He was perfect. I didn’t want to ruin it over something stupid. Honestly, I’ve never been jealous before. Cayson was the only one who instilled that emotion in me. I guess it’s because I was head-over-heels in love with him and I’ve felt that way for years—even if I didn’t realize it at the time.

  Whatever the reason, it wasn’t right. Jasmine was a very nice girl and what I did was very uncool. I admit it, and I didn’t feel good about it. Luckily, Cayson let it go the moment I apologized. I learned my lesson.

  Trinity sat across from me in the library and placed her magazines on the table. “I just got Vogue in the mail yesterday.”

  “Anything cute?” I asked.

  “A lot of cute things.” She pulled out a sketchpad and handed it to me. “I was inspired by a gown I found in this magazine. But I think mine is better.”

  I examined the picture, immediately impressed. “Trinity…this is really good.”

  “Really? You aren’t just saying that?”

  “No…” I was being genuine. “Do you have any others?”

  She laughed. “I have hundreds. They are at home in my office.”

  “You should show your dad. He would open up your clothing line in a heartbeat.”

  She sighed. “I think I’m going to finish my bachelor’s first.”

  “Really?”

  She nodded. “I’m almost done and my dad already paid a lot of money…I may as well finish.”

  I agreed. “I’ll support whatever you decide, Trin.”

  “Thanks.” She gave me a smile. “So…you and Cayson okay?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. I was just being childish.”

  “Are you still fighting?”

  “No. He forgave me the moment I apologized.”

  “That’s a relief. Knowing Cayson, he couldn’t stay mad at you for long.”

  “I don’t know…he was pretty mad.”

  “It all worked out, right?”

  I nodded. “It did.”

  “And I’m sure Jasmine will keep her paws off him.”

  The idea of Jasmine touching him still got my heart racing. “Yeah…”