Needing Forever VOL 1: Part of The Rocker... Series Universe

by Terri Anne Browning

  My feelings were already engaged. I liked this guy. A lot. Something told me I could love him, really easily. But love was terrifying.

  Suck it up, buttercup. He’s who we want.

  I mentally glared at my sister’s voice taunting me. What did that mean? That Michelle was already giving her heart away? Without asking me first? Her heart was in my body; she needed to talk to me about this shit before she just went and gave it away to someone.

  Remember how sad Mom was? I reminded her silently. How she would sometimes cry herself to sleep at night?

  Michelle remained quiet at that, and I found myself smirking.

  Then she blasted me. Remember how happy she’s been since Dad smartened up? They’re married now, sister mine. Have you ever seen her smile so much since they had Jaco?

  I didn’t want to think of our baby brother. I loved and adored that little chunky monkey kid. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of him. He got Dad from day one. Was growing up knowing our father would do anything for him.

  I didn’t get that until I was sixteen. Michelle never got that.

  I didn’t begrudge Jaco for getting Dad’s love and attention so early in life, but it hurt.

  “Mieke?”

  I shook my head, clearing it quickly, and shutting Michelle up. Kaden was looking down at me with concern. “Are you dizzy? You look a little confused…and sad.”

  My head was starting to throb, but I didn’t know if it was from my concussion. The doctors gave me some nice narcotic I couldn’t remember the name of, and that pain had mostly eased. This pain was from all the crap swirling around in my brain. Michelle, Dad and Mom, baby Jaco. All of my emotions felt twisted up, turning topsy-turvy, making me feel out of control with the thoughts going through my mind.

  I never thought about how hurt I really was over growing up without a dad. I tried not to think about it, because I was so damn happy Dad was in my life now. When it came down to it, he and Mom were both at fault. Two young kids who made mistakes. I told them I didn’t blame either of them, and if I were thinking straight, I would still say that.

  But I wasn’t thinking straight. My head was all foggy, and all I could remember was growing up wishing I had a daddy like Ben and Audrey did.

  All of that, plus all this craziness of wanting Kaden—yet scared of caring about him, only for him to walk away like Dad had Mom…

  Tears burned my eyes, and I suddenly just wanted Mom’s arms around me. I needed one of her hugs and for her to whisper everything was going to be okay.

  “Baby,” he groaned, pulling me into his arms, tucking my head against his chest. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head, not able to tell him everything that was running through my head. He would think I was insane. Hell, I thought I was insane. More so than I normally was. It wasn’t exactly normal to talk to my dead sister, after all. Yet I did, all the time. I could feel Michelle with me, beside me. She was a part of me, and not just because her heart beat in my chest. She lived in my soul.

  I felt Kaden sweep me up into his arms, carrying me into the apartment. The doors closed silently behind him, and he carried me over to the couch. It was soft on my back, with just the perfect amount of firmness. Kaden dropped to his knees beside the couch, his fingers slightly unsteady as he pushed my hair back from my face and wiped away my tears.

  “A concussion can make everything seem overwhelming,” he assured me. “I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have let you out of my sight. When you went to the kitchen for something to drink, I should have just followed you like I wanted to. But… Fuck, I guess I didn’t want to freak you out.”

  “Why would I have freaked out?” I asked in an emotion-choked voice.

  “Because if I’d been that close, I don’t think I could have kept from kissing you.”

  “But you’ve been this close for hours now, and you haven’t kissed me yet,” I reminded him, then cringed inwardly. Damn. I sounded all pouty. But the truth was, I felt all pouty. He took care of me at the ER, never leaving my side even for a second, and I’d only wanted him to kiss me more and more with each passing minute.

  He snorted. “Only because you’re in pain. I won’t take advantage of you like that.” Lowering his head, he kissed the tip of my nose even though it was running from all my crying. “Our first kiss is going to be special, Mieke.”

  That only made me want him to kiss me more. I wanted to know what he tasted like. If his lips would be soft or demanding. Would he kiss me like I was delicate glass, or would he devour me?

  I really, really want him to devour me, I silently whispered to Michelle.

  My phone ringing made me jump in surprise. I hadn’t used the damn thing all night and had almost forgotten I even had one. Pulling it out of my back pocket, I squinted at the screen and nearly groaned.

  Dad.

  Shit. I was not emotionally stable enough to talk to him, but if I didn’t pick up, he would worry. Then he’d tell Mom, and she would worry. One of them would show up at my dorm, and I wasn’t at my freaking dorm in the middle of the night.

  “What is it?” Kaden asked, his face tightening.

  “My dad,” I muttered and swiped my thumb over the screen to accept the call. I put my finger to my lips, silently commanding Kaden to stay quiet, and he nodded. I didn’t need to freak Dad out that I had met a guy. That was something I wanted to talk to Mom about first, maybe let her ease Dad and Uncle Noah into the idea of me with someone.

  “Hi, Daddy!” I greeted, trying to keep my voice at the same tone I normally would have used whenever he called me. “What are you doing?”

  “Jaco and I were up getting a late-night snack, and we were missing you,” he said. I heard Jaco’s excited baby talk close by and pictured my baby brother in Dad’s lap at the kitchen island, the two of them eating a bowl of ice cream. “Figured you would be up. Whatcha doing, baby girl? Hacking the Pentagon files again?”

  I bit my lip, unsure if I wanted to laugh or cry again. “Nah,” I said before clearing my throat. I’d only done that once. When I was thirteen. But Uncle Noah had told Dad all about how the Feds had shown up at my school the next day and I’d almost been taken into custody. “I was actually at a party earlier. Tara dragged me out because she met a boy she was into. Turned out he was only a douchebag.”

  “All guys are douchebags, Mieke. Myself included.”

  At least he can admit it, I silently mused to Michelle. But my twin only shushed me.

  “How is she?” Dad asked, completely unaware that I was emotionally unstable. I was pretty sure I needed a shrink. Someone professional who could probably commit me until I could get hold of all my crazy.

  “I don’t know,” I told him honestly. I hadn’t seen or heard from Tara since she left. If I’d been thinking clearly earlier, I would have at least texted her to make sure she got back to our dorm safely. Then yelled at her for leaving me behind to deal with Drunk Guy, or as Kaden called him, Josh. But I couldn’t tell Dad that. He would want to know why I didn’t go back with her, and then I’d have to explain Kaden and the ER visit and why I was suddenly feeling like I wanted to do nothing but scream at Dad for not being there when Mom and I needed him the most.

  Which was totally insane. I’d had the chance to scream at him when we first met. The time for screaming and berating and hating him was over.

  I didn’t hate him, though. I never had. Which was insane too. I should have hated him. He abandoned us for the rocker life. He walked away without a backward glance and broke Mom’s heart.

  I swallowed hard.

  Yeah, I didn’t want to give anyone that kind of power over my most valuable organ. Michelle’s heart was priceless, and I wasn’t going to let anyone shatter it.

  “Mieke? Sweetheart?” Dad’s voice was louder now, and I realized he’d been talking the whole time I’d been zoned out. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, of course not,” I assured him, chancing a glance up at Kaden. His eyes were narrowed on my face, a
nd I felt like he could read every emotion I was feeling. I shied away from his searching gaze, not wanting him to see just how vulnerable I really was right then. “It’s been a long week, Daddy. College isn’t as easy as high school. I’m not the smartest student in the class anymore.”

  He snorted. “I don’t believe that for a second. My Mieke is the smartest person I’ve ever met.”

  “You’re not biased either, huh?” I teased.

  “Not even a little—” He broke off with a curse just as I heard something loud. “Jaco, Momma’s sleeping. Don’t throw dishes across the kitchen, dude.”

  “Daddy, I’m going to let you go. You seem busy. I’ll talk to you and Mom tomorrow, okay?”

  “Yeah, okay, baby girl…” I felt his hesitation, his reluctance to hang up. “I miss you, Mieke.”

  A lump filled my throat, and I had to look away from Kaden so he wouldn’t see the fresh tears filling my eyes. “I miss you too, Daddy.”

  “How about Mom and I come up tomorrow, and we have dinner together?” he suggested, his voice so full of hope, it broke my heart. “Noah and Chelsea can babysit, and it will be just the three of us, like old times.”

  Panic hit me in the stomach with the force of a wrecking ball. I couldn’t let my parents see me like I currently was. There was a softball-sized knot on my forehead, and my left eye was half swollen shut. There was a huge bruise I would never be able to hide even under a hundred layers of makeup…

  And I was a total emotional mess. I had all these feelings I didn’t even understand because I’d never felt them before. At least, I’d never given them much thought. But I couldn’t face Dad when I was so sensitive. That would end badly. I needed time to get better control over all this shit before I faced them.

  “I have a study group tomorrow, Daddy,” I rushed to tell him. “We’re going to order pizza and crack the books. Hopefully, get the first ten chapters of this chemistry class outlined, so we will be ahead.”

  “Oh, okay. What about Sunday, then? Mom has to do this thing for work, but I can skip out on that and come up to—”

  “That’s not a good idea, Daddy.” I flinched at how hard my tone was, but I was in full panic mode now. He could not come up here. He just couldn’t. I sat up, making Kaden growl at me, but I pushed at him until he moved so I could stand.

  The world began to spin, and I dropped back onto the couch. Kaden cursed, and his strong hand pushed me back gently until I was lying down once more.

  “Mieke.” Dad’s tone was full of concern and a little hurt. “What’s going on? Don’t you want me to come visit you?”

  Stupid tears spilled over my lashes yet again. “Of course I do. Things are just really crazy right now. I’m trying to get them sorted, and everything is just piling up on me. I need… I just need a few weeks to get settled. Okay?”

  He blew out a frustrated breath. “Yeah, okay. I get it. This is all new for you and probably a little overwhelming.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay, yeah. But I’m coming up next weekend. Noah and I want to catch the football game, and then we’re taking you to dinner. So don’t make study group plans or anything else.”

  “Please don’t make me sit through a football game,” I begged, already dreading the visit. I might be able to hide what I was feeling from Dad, but never Uncle Noah. He knew me too well and would sense something was off before he even hugged me.

  Dad chuckled. “Mom and Chelsea are coming too. You can go shopping with them because they won’t want to sit through a game either.”

  “So you’re only coming for the game?” I couldn’t keep the hurt from my voice and silently cursed myself. Fuck, there was no end to this insanity. One second, I didn’t want him to come up, the next, I was upset because he only wanted to watch the stupid football game. Our team wasn’t even that good. He was a freaking Alabama fan anyway… “Wait. They’re playing Bama, aren’t they?”

  His silence was answer enough.

  Blowing out a tired sigh, I pushed my hair back from my face. “Well, I guess I’ll see you sometime next weekend. I’ve got to go, Dad. My phone is about to die.”

  “Wait, Mieke. Charge the damn thing up and stay on the phone. Seriously, what is going on with you? Are you mad at me?”

  I didn’t know how to answer that without sounding like a spoiled brat. “Gotta go, Dad. Love you.” I hung up and then powered it off.

  Glaring at the blank screen now, I debated taking a hammer to the damn thing.

  “Zander Brockman really is your dad?”

  I stiffened at Kaden’s question. No one had ever asked me that, and I wasn’t even sure how to answer. I didn’t like telling anyone who my father was. The few times I had, they had gotten all starry-eyed and couldn’t shut up about OtherWorld’s music. I’d spent thirty minutes listening to the last person telling me how hot they thought my dad was.

  Gross.

  “Google didn’t tell me that, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Kaden rushed to assure me. “But I saw the pictures of your mom and uncle, and I’ve liked the band’s music enough over the years to know what Zander Brockman looks like. You look a lot like him. He’s a good-looking dude, but you’re beautiful as hell.”

  Pleasure filled me that he thought I was beautiful. I knew I was pretty, sure, but it wasn’t every day someone called me beautiful. My mother didn’t count. “Yes. He’s my dad.”

  “But you don’t have the same last name?” I shook my head, continuing to glare at my phone, waiting for him to bombard me with a million questions about my father. “I get it. You don’t want to talk about this. I’m not going to make you.” Thick yet gentle fingers grasped my chin and turned my head so I was looking at him. “Just know I’m here if you ever want to talk about it, okay, baby?”

  Relief that he wasn’t like everyone else and asking all about my famous dad filled me, and I leaned into his touch. “Thank you.”

  Leaning his head down, he brushed his lips lightly over my cheek. “I’m going to get you some ice for the head. Are you hungry? There’s a pizza place that delivers until three a.m. if you want.”

  “I don’t eat pizza,” I informed him.

  “They have burgers too. Or anything else you might want. Just name it, and they probably have it.”

  My stomach grumbled hangrily, and I gave in. “Burger with ketchup, tomatoes, pickles, and lettuce. Fries. Wings, minus the dressing.”

  “You’ve got a dairy issue, don’t you?” he guessed as he got easily to his feet.

  “Yes,” I admitted, my face filling with heat. I didn’t know why I was suddenly embarrassed I was lactose intolerant. I’d never been ashamed of it before. It was something I’d lived with all my life, and it wasn’t like I had any control over it.

  He walked into the kitchen, and I heard him ordering our food as he got my ice. I took the chance to inspect his living room. I didn’t see a television at first, but then when I squinted a little better at the opposite wall, I realized what I’d first thought was a huge window was actually the surface of his massive flat screen. The thing was no thicker than a dime, but it took up almost the entire wall.

  The other walls held beautiful pictures of beaches, some at sunrise, but most of sunsets, yet there weren’t any of him or his family. That made me sad for some reason. Even though Dad only came into my life in the last few years, my house was full of pictures of him with me and Mom.

  Kaden was gone less than a minute before he was sitting on the edge of the couch and gently placing an ice pack on my sore head. “Any other things I need to know about your health?” he asked quietly as he brushed a few strands of hair back from my forehead. “Heart transplant. Lactose intolerance. What else? You need a kidney? I’ll make sure I’m checked to see if we are a match.”

  A smile teased at my lips. “No. Other than the heart thing and the cursed dairy issues, I’m basically healthy.”

  “You haven’t had any trouble with the heart?” I shook my head, and he seemed to relax.
“Thank fuck, baby.”

  His vehemence had my smile fading. “Would you not want me if I did have something wrong?”

  He cupped my chin, his eyes boring into mine. “No, Mieke. Never think that, okay? I’d want you even if you were down to your last lung and had six months to live. I’ll take however long I can get with you. I’m just thankful that isn’t the case. Because now that I’ve found you, I’m going to savor every second we have together.”

  I melted into the couch, Michelle’s heart screaming at me that we needed to let his guy in. But that was the most insane thing of all. There was no way I could let him into a heart that wasn’t even mine.

  Chapter 4

  Kaden

  The sound of my phone had me cracking open one eye. From the way the sun was shining through my bedroom window, I could tell it was still pretty early. Way too early to be awake on a Saturday, that was for damn sure.

  Mieke shifted against me, mumbling a complaint at the continued noise. “Make it stop,” she begged, burying her face in my shoulder, her hand on my chest, slapping against my bare skin. “Kaden, please.”

  My dick twitched, and I ached to hear her breathe those same words for an entirely different reason. Grinning, I kissed the top of her head and lifted up enough to reach for my phone charging on the nightstand. Seeing it was only one of my friends, I silenced it before switching off the ringer.

  As soon as the room was quiet again, she sighed happily and cuddled deeper against me. I closed my eyes, enjoying this time with her. Last night, she’d eaten and then fallen asleep on the couch. Wanting her to be comfortable, I’d carried her into my room and laid her in the middle of my bed before taking a quick shower.

  By the time I’d come out, she’d kicked off her jeans, her bra was on the floor, and she was hogging my pillows. Climbing in behind her, I’d spooned her back to my chest, and she’d relinquished my pillows in favor of my arm. Despite how hard my cock was with her perfect ass pressed up against me, I’d fallen asleep easily to the feel of her in my arms and the scent of her shampoo teasing my nose.