Season of Hope

by Lisa Jordan

  “Tori, you’re asking the impossible.”

  “I’m not. And deep down, you know it. You’re the one who’s afraid of letting go, afraid of releasing some of that responsibility you cling to like a life vest. You need to learn to trust God enough to carry your burdens for you. Otherwise, you’re going to lead a very lonely life.” Without another word, Tori walked out of the barn.

  Jake strode after her, but Evan headed in his direction. “Dude, you gotta come. It’s Micah. He’s getting ready to split.”

  He gazed after Tori, then bounced back to Evan, who waited for him to follow. Jake heaved a sigh and headed into the farmhouse, where Micah headed down the stairs with a duffel on his left shoulder.

  “Hey, man. Where you going?”

  “I gotta head out, man. Something’s come up.” Micah edged closer to the door.

  “You were going to leave without saying goodbye? What about Dad? What about this? We did this for you.” Jake’s voice rose.

  Micah gripped his bag and looked at Jake, his eyes glinting like steel. “No, brother, you did it for you. Look, man, I respect what you’re doing and all, but it’s not my scene. I never wanted to be a farmer. That was your gig. I have other plans.”

  “Like which park bench to sleep on?”

  Micah scoffed. “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Whose fault is that?”

  “Everything’s black-and-white with you, isn’t it? Things aren’t always as they seem, Jake.” Micah reached for the front doorknob.

  “At least tell Dad goodbye.”

  Micah lowered his head, and for a moment Jake thought he’d turn, drop his bag and stay. Instead he turned the handle and opened the door. “It’s better this way. For everyone.”

  “How can you be so selfish?” Jake palmed the door and pushed it closed.

  “Are you serious? I sacrificed my family, my body, and nearly lost my life to fight a war I didn’t even believe in. You called me reckless and irresponsible, but where were you when I was in that hospital bed? Where were your cards? Your phone calls?”

  “You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me when everyone but me was invited to your boot camp graduation. I stayed behind to run the farm—to keep our family legacy going.”

  “No, you stayed where it was safe, Jake. I looked up to you, but when we lost Mom, you expected everyone to grieve like you, to do everything the way you did. Guess what, man? It ain’t happening. I’ll live my life as I choose and you have no say about it. Learn to take some risks, Jake, before you lose everything you love. Now get out of my way.” Micah shoved him aside, yanked open the door and walked out, slamming it so hard the front window rattled.

  Risks?

  Was he crazy?

  Farming was a daily risk, but he needed to be responsible—to preserve the family legacy, to offer hope to those who needed it.

  Jake stormed out the back door and headed for the milk barn, the one place where he could be alone. He shoved through the swinging door and sat on the steps leading to the pit. Hadn’t he just told Tori he loved her? But that wasn’t enough. She was leaving anyway.

  Taking risks led to heartbreak. And he had endured enough to last a lifetime.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tonight was supposed to be a night of celebration.

  With the help of the Holland family and a whole lotta prayer, the fund-raiser brought in more revenue than they’d expected, along with monthly sponsors for continued success.

  With Kendra returning stateside, Sophie leaving the city to convince her in person to take the partnership position and her fight with Jake, Tori’s emotions swirled inside her.

  She’d come to Shelby Lake looking for a fresh start, but it looked like she’d be starting all over again elsewhere.

  She couldn’t stay here. Being neighbors with Jake would be impossible. Not when she wanted more. Needed more than what he was willing to give.

  For once she wanted someone to put her first, and if that made her selfish, then so be it.

  The look on Jake’s face when she asked if he’d be willing to leave the farm to be with her...well, that cemented her thinking.

  The guy lived and breathed the farm. She would never be a priority. Maybe it wasn’t the right time or place to have the conversation, but before she gave Sophie her final answer, Tori needed to know where she stood with him.

  He’d made it clear—his life was on the farm, and she could join him there or be on her way. Thing was, she’d grown to love the farm, and Jake had finally said the words she’d longed to hear.

  But it wasn’t enough. Not now. Not anymore.

  Someone knocked lightly on her door.

  Her heart leaped.

  Jake?

  She blew out an unsteady breath to settle her pounding heartbeat. She opened it and found Aunt Claudia on the other side. She swallowed her disappointment and pasted a smile in place.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “I know it’s late, but I wanted to let you know again how proud I am of you and what you’ve done for the Holland family. Chuck’s just beaming. You’ve given them a great gift, sweetheart.”

  “Thanks, Aunt C. It’s a worthy cause and I was happy to help. Come in. I was about to make some tea. Want some?”

  “Yes, please. That sounds great. Something herbal if you have it.”

  Tori pulled two mugs out of the cabinet and set them on the counter, then reached for a basket of assorted tea bags and handed them to Claudia. “Take your pick.”

  Claudia unwrapped a peppermint tea bag, placed it in her cup, then handed it to Tori, who filled it with hot water from the Keurig. “I’m sorry if I’m out of line, but you didn’t seem happy today. What’s going on?”

  Tori clutched the edge of the counter and lowered her chin to her chest. “Life’s been a bit complicated lately.”

  “Want to talk about it?” Tori handed Claudia’s tea to her, then made her own cup. She led the way into the living room. They sat on the couch facing each other and Tori told her everything.

  “With Kendra and Annabeth leaving in the morning, and you and Chuck going on your honeymoon, I just don’t feel like I belong here anymore. Every room in this house reminds me of Jake or Annabeth. Maybe it would be best to find my fresh start elsewhere.” Her vision blurred. Tori closed her eyes, but a lone tear managed to slip down her face.

  “Oh, honey.” Claudia wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “I thought Jake said he loved you.”

  “He did. But they’re just words. Is it wrong for me to want some action to back them up? He’ll never leave the farm.”

  “Do you feel it was fair to ask him to?”

  Poppy put her paws on Tori’s leg, wanting to be picked up. Tori lifted the dog and stroked her. “I’m not sure. All my life I did everything to please other people. And now Sophie offers me this incredible opportunity at the same time Jake decides he’s ready to move forward with us. With Kendra taking Annabeth all the way to California, I just feel... I don’t know, it’s time to live my life on my terms. I just don’t know where I belong.”

  “You’re a child of God. You’ll always belong with Him. If you feel the new job is where God is leading you, then you should go. But if you’re using it as an excuse to run away, then maybe you’re going for the wrong reasons.”

  “By partnering with Sophie, I can give back and raise awareness for voices that struggle to be heard.”

  “Why do you feel you have to move to Pittsburgh to do that?”

  “That’s where Sophie’s office is.”

  “With computers and today’s technology, you could work almost anywhere. I know I’m being selfish, but I’d hate to see you leave when I’ve just gotten to know you again. Promise me you will pray about your choices.”

  “I promise.”

 
Aunt Claudia glanced at her watch and stood. “I need to get back before Chuck worries. We’re leaving first thing in the morning. I hope to see you when I get back.”

  “You will. No matter where I am.” Tori gave her a hug. “Have a great time in Charleston. I heard it’s beautiful there.”

  “One of my favorite cities.”

  Tori walked her aunt to the door, then shut it behind her.

  God, what do I do about Jake? This house? The job?

  Silence reigned.

  The past two months filled her heart with memories she’d cherish forever. The good and the not so good.

  A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away with her finger as she headed for the stairs. Tomorrow was going to be a life-changing day. She loved caring for her niece. Not having her close by was going to be so tough, but Annabeth needed to be with her parents, no matter how much it broke Tori’s heart.

  Even though she didn’t want to, she needed to talk to Jake.

  But that would have to wait until morning.

  The emotions of the past few days had caught up with her and she wanted nothing more than sleep. Perhaps in the morning, her choices would be made clear. No matter what happened, someone was going to end up hurt. And there was nothing she could do to fix it.

  * * *

  Tori refused to take the cowardly way out again. This time she’d tell Jake to his face why she was leaving. No matter how badly she wanted to, she wouldn’t hide behind a letter.

  She’d hoped a good night’s sleep would have given her clarity about the right decision to make. Despite her fatigue, she’d tossed and turned, finally getting out of bed at 5:00 a.m. to make sure all of Annabeth’s things were together.

  And now three hours later she stumbled through her kitchen, wiping her swollen eyes and red nose, as saying goodbye to Annabeth and Kendra had gutted her.

  Somehow she needed to pull herself together, shower and find the courage to face Jake, who would be done with milking soon. She wanted to catch him before he headed to the fields so she could get on the road as quickly as possible.

  Put Holland Hill behind her.

  After her second cup of strong coffee and a hot shower, Tori stood in the middle of her bedroom with dove-gray walls and white trim, the restored iron headboard she’d purchased from Agnes James’s shop in town, and bed covered in an aqua-and-gray mosaic-patterned comforter. She loved this room. The way Jake had taken her ideas and transformed it into an oasis of light and peace with the sheer curtains, lots of plants and the small indoor fountain waterfall.

  She opened the French doors, allowing the morning sunlight to spill across the refinished hardwood floor as the cool morning air lifted the sheer curtains like a bridal veil.

  The scents of the farm wafted from the pasture and curled around her, causing tears to flood her eyes once again. She wouldn’t be able to pass a farm without thinking of Jake. Problem was, he wasn’t far from her thoughts no matter how much distance was between them.

  An hour later, wearing a red dress that gave her more confidence than she felt, Tori dragged two suitcases to her car and hefted them into her trunk.

  She closed her trunk and heard a vehicle approaching. Her heart rate picked up speed as she recognized Jake’s blue F-150 barreling down the road, kicking up dust.

  She wanted to run. To hide. Someplace where she wouldn’t have to face him.

  But she couldn’t do that.

  It was time to be brave no matter how much her body trembled.

  He parked behind her car and jumped out of his truck, slamming the door.

  He pulled off his sunglasses as he strode toward her, his dark brows knitted tightly as lines around his mouth deepened. Still dressed in dirty faded jeans, a tan T-shirt advertising the local feed store, black barn boots and his worn Ohio State ball cap, he still managed to make Tori’s pulse quicken.

  He stopped in front of her, splayed a hand on his hip and glared at her. “You’re leaving. Without saying goodbye.”

  “No. I mean yes, I’m leaving, but I was going to say goodbye.”

  “Why?”

  “I felt you deserved a goodbye in person this time.”

  “Why are you leaving?”

  “Because, Jake, we just can’t seem to connect.”

  Jake took a step forward, molded his hand around the side of her face and pulled her closer as his mouth covered hers. Then she took a step back as she engraved the memory of his kiss onto her heart.

  He scrubbed a hand across the back of his neck and exhaled. “I don’t know...seems like we connect very well, Tori. I love you. What more can I say to make you stay?”

  She shook her head as tears pooled in her eyes. “It’s not enough.”

  “Tell me what you want and it’s yours.”

  She reached for his hand. “Come with me.”

  “Tori...” A look of anguish twisted his face. “You know that’s impossible.”

  She swallowed several times and tried to regain her composure. “Then there’s nothing more to say.” She reached through the open driver’s side window and pulled an envelope from her black leather computer bag and handed it to him.

  “What’s this?”

  “The deed to the house and property. It’s yours. No strings. If you could give me a couple of weeks to get settled and get my stuff out, I’d appreciate it.”

  He shoved it back at her. “I don’t want it. I want you.”

  “On your terms. I’ve spent my life pleasing others only to end up with more baggage than I care to handle. I love you, Jake. I do, with all my heart. But it’s not enough. Like I told you yesterday—I need to be someone’s priority for a change. I want a home filled with love and laughter and children. I want to belong, Jake, and I won’t compromise anymore. With you or anyone else. I’m driving to Pittsburgh to spend a couple of days with Sophie, then I may fly out to California because even though it’s been only a couple of hours, I miss Annabeth already.” Tori wiped a tear off her cheek, stepped forward and brushed a kiss across Jake’s lips, then reached for her door handle.

  She started her engine, snapped her seat belt in place, then shifted the car into Reverse and edged around Jake’s truck.

  As she shifted into Drive, she glanced in her rearview mirror. Jake stood, frozen in place, and watched her drive away. She headed down Holland Hill, her broken heart scattering across the fields.

  * * *

  She left.

  He couldn’t believe it. Despite telling her he loved her, Tori got in her car and drove away. His words weren’t enough to make her stay.

  Jake crushed the envelope Tori had given into a ball, jerked open his driver’s side door and tossed it on the seat. He backed out of the driveway, spitting gravel, and raced down the road. He pulled into the barnyard and slammed out of the truck. Cutting hay could wait. He stalked across the road, climbed over the fence and strode through the pasture until he reached the creek.

  The canopy of trees sheltered him from the midmorning sun. Usually the birdsongs settled him, but today he wanted to yell at them to shut up. The flowing water trickled and tumbled over rocks, branches and litter, but it continued moving forward.

  Why couldn’t he be like that? Why did he feel so stuck? Stagnant?

  Kicking over an upturned log, he positioned it so he could sit, then he scooped up a handful of stones.

  He hefted them in his hand, then one by one, he whipped them across the water with as much strength as he could manage. His shoulder burned and his hand ached, but he didn’t care. The muscles in his arm quivered. His pulse pounded in his ears as his heart rammed against his rib cage, splintering into pieces inside his chest.

  “Planning to take down Goliath?”

  Jake turned to find his father standing on the bank behind him.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon?”


  “Soon. Saw you heading for the creek and figured I’d check to make sure everything was okay.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Yeah, you look it. Can’t say the same for those bushes across the water. With the way you’re whipping those rocks. What’s going on?” Dad settled on the log next to him.

  “Tori left. She’s gone. For good.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “She gave me the deed to the house and property but asked for a couple of weeks to get her things moved. Seemed pretty final to me.”

  “Did she say why?”

  “I told her I love her, but it wasn’t enough. I’m not enough for her. I never was.” Jake picked up another handful of stones, but instead of throwing them, he shifted them from hand to hand.

  “I don’t think that’s it. I don’t think she understands how to accept love as the gift it is. She feels love needs to be earned.”

  “Her father did a number on her, but I’m not like him.”

  “I know you’re not. What do you want, Jake?”

  “I want my wi—I want Tori.”

  “Then why are you sitting by the river?”

  “She left, Dad.”

  “Go after her.”

  He dropped the stones, wiped his hands on his jeans and stood. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “I can’t leave the farm.” Jake waved a hand across the fields. “There’s too much to do, and with the Fatigues to Farming program starting... I can’t walk away from that.”

  Dad raised an eyebrow and shot him a direct look. “Can’t or won’t?”

  “I won’t ignore my responsibilities again, Dad.”

  “What about your responsibility to Tori? To yourself?” Dad pushed to his feet. “You’re one of the most responsible men I know, of any age, but the farm is a family business. It’s not up to you to carry it on your own. If you choose to leave, go with my blessing. This farm will survive without you, and it will be here when you come back. Don’t allow it to take priority over the one you love.”