No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  “You know he let me fuck him, right?” Indy figured he might as well clear the air on that one. If Connor was going to become a fixture in Josh's life, Indy wanted to make sure they had things out in the open.

  Connor swallowed. “Yeah, he told me. Can’t say I like it, but then again I like the idea of Noah fucking him even less.”

  At least Indy could offer peace of mind there. “He won’t. Not anymore.”

  Surprised flashed over Connor’s face. “Did you…?”

  “No, that was all him.”

  “How were you okay with that? The thought of having to watch Noah and Josh… I don’t think I could. As a matter of fact, I’m sure I couldn’t. I’d rip Noah’s heart out. How could you stand it?”

  “When I met Noah and Josh, they were a unit. I don’t think they realized it, but they were a couple. A dysfunctional couple, but they were most definitely together. They needed each other, and they were nowhere near ready to let go. If I had forced it, I would’ve lost them both. And it didn’t bother me, watching them together. It still doesn’t. I calculate it woulda been way worse to not see it. This way, I could see it for what it was, and not let my imagination run off. And in all honesty, it was becoming less and less frequent. Plus, Josh needed something Noah couldn’t give him…and I suspect you can.”

  Connor cleared his throat, and Indy bit back a smile. The cop was clearly not used to discussing his sex life. “Josh told me you had suggested he might have submissive tendencies.”

  Indy lifted his eyebrows. “Does he?”

  “Yah.”

  “And I take it you like to be dominant, then?”

  Connor looked everywhere except at Indy. “Yah.”

  “Well, that’s good then, that you both can find fulfillment.”

  “Can I ask you a question about that?”

  It had to be a hell of an important question for the cop to overcome his reluctance to discuss such private matters. “Sure.”

  “I’m looking for a way to become more…proficient. I want to fully satisfy Josh's needs, and I need to learn how to dominate him better. There’s a ton of stuff online, but I’m not taking any risks as some of it seems dangerous. He’s too important to me. Any suggestions?”

  Indy sighed inwardly. How the fuck had he become the go-to person for kinky sex? The irony wasn’t lost on him. “Find a local Dom who does couples’ sessions. There are Doms that specifically teach partners the Dom/sub relationship. Find one you connect with, that you trust and go together.”

  Connor’s eyes lit up. “That’s a thing? I thought those Doms-for-hire were, like, a sex-club thing, or for subs who needed a Dom. Thank you, I’ll look into it.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, back to our plan. You’ll need a solid alibi and not from Josh. You’ll be the first one they suspect. Noah too, but they’ll clear him because of his surgery.”

  Connor smiled, amused. “You realize you’re talking to a cop?”

  “Sure, but you wanna know how often cops get caught for doing stupid shit, like accepting bribes? You’d think they know better, and they don’t. I’ll let you know when I leave, but it will be in a day or two. I want to get this done before Noah comes home.”

  “Other than the alibi, do you need anything from me?”

  “Money.” Indy breathed out. He hated this part. “I’m low on cash, and I need to travel without arousing suspicion, using several rental cars and motels. Plus, I need to hire a PI to dig up shit on these motherfuckers.”

  “Cash or a prepaid credit card?”

  “Both, preferably. Thank you. I hate asking, but I can’t pull it off otherwise.”

  Connor shook his head. “No, don’t thank me. I owe you for this. The money doesn’t mean shit to me, and I’d pay anything to keep Josh safe.”

  “I don’t like IOU’s. Consider it an act of love between friends. We’re good. But Connor, the money is not the only reason I informed you.” He searched for words.

  “Noah can’t know, so you needed to inform me in case something goes wrong. I get it.”

  Indy breathed out in relief. “Noah would try to stop me, and I understand where he’s coming from. But I have to do this for Josh. I can’t stand the thought of him having to go through this again.”

  Much to his surprise, the cop closed the distance between them and bent over to hug him. “Thank you for that. But know that if I ever find a way to repay you, I will. And please, Indy, be careful.”

  14

  Aaron had to go. Connor was sick and tired of Josh being on edge all the time, which was only exacerbated by Aaron’s lazy-ass attitude toward everything. It wasn’t that he was a bother, but he sure didn’t do fuck. Plus, Noah was coming home tomorrow, which meant Indy probably wanted to come back as well. He’d texted Connor to say he’d left to carry out his revenge plan, but he promised he’d return as soon as he was done.

  More importantly: Connor wanted his sex life back. He and Josh hadn’t had sex since their bet, aside from a fast mutual blow job. Connor wanted to fuck Josh properly, and there was no doubt Josh needed to be worked over well. He was so tense Connor kept having to yank him back out of a starting episode. He’d already found a solution for today, but it was time to get their privacy back.

  He’d waited three more days to see if Aaron got the hint himself, or for Josh to say anything, but when neither moved into action, Connor decided he was done. They were having breakfast, as always prepared by Josh. He’d fixed Connor oatmeal with nutty toppings as he called it, which meant a crunchy layer of various nuts and seeds he’d baked in the oven, with some maple syrup on top. Connor loved how Josh insisted on making a hearty meal for “his man”, as he dubbed Connor. The deep satisfaction that expression gave Connor had no equal.

  “Aaron, what’s your plan for today?” Connor asked.

  Aaron jerked up from the newspaper he’d been reading. “Erm, hadn’t really thought about it.”

  Connor held back a sigh. What else was new? “I can’t help but notice that seems to be a recurring event.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve been here six days, and I’ve seen no indication of you getting a job, or even moving any closer to obtaining one. You haven’t contacted Professor Kent about that room either.”

  Aaron had the decency to look embarrassed. “Yeah, I know. Noah is coming home tomorrow, right? Well, I figured I could maybe use your apartment, Connor, since you’re staying here, or if you guys wanted to go to your place, I could stay here with Noah.”

  Out of the corner of his eye, Connor caught Josh freezing to his spot. Before he could say anything, Connor put his foot down. “No. You’re not moving into my apartment, and you’re not staying here any longer. We gave you time to get your act together, but you seem to think that’s an ongoing invitation. It’s not. Deadline is tomorrow. When Noah comes home, you’re gone.” Having said his piece, Connor took another bite of the delicious oatmeal concoction Josh had made for him. Damn, the man could cook.

  Aaron’s spoon clonked out of his hand, splashing milk over the breakfast bar. “But where am I supposed to go? You can’t just put me out on the street. And it’ll be two days before Christmas then.”

  “I don’t give a fuck, and sure we can. You’ve had plenty of time to find something. It’s not our fault you didn’t use it. Call Kent and ask if you can stay with him. Book a motel. Or sleep in your car. I don’t care as long as you’re gone in two days.”

  Aaron paled and Connor almost felt sorry for him. He wasn’t a bad kid, but holy fuck, he was spoiled as all get-out. He needed one hell of an attitude adjustment.

  “I’ll figure something out,” Aaron mumbled. He quickly finished his cereal and went upstairs, leaving his bowl on the counter.

  If there had been any doubt in Connor’s mind about Josh's opinion on what he’d told Aaron, it was gone when he was rewarded with a fierce kiss.

  “Thank you,” Josh whispered in his ear, hugging him tightly. “God, I need you, Connor. I need yo
u bad.”

  Connor kissed him hard. “I know, baby. I have a surprise for you today. I need you dressed in comfortable clothes and ready to go after lunch, okay? Don’t eat too much. I promise, it’s a good surprise, and you’re gonna love it.”

  Josh's eyes lit up, then sobered. “What about Aaron?”

  “I’ll tell him to entertain himself outside of the house this afternoon. Maybe he can go job hunting. I don't care, but I’ll make sure he’s gone.”

  He felt good enough about what he had planned with Josh that he interpreted Aaron’s muffled remark when he informed him of their plans as enthusiastic consent. It even helped to suppress his worry about what Indy was about to do. Indy was wicked smart, and his plan was solid, but it still had risks. If one of the men reacted differently, if they got violent… Indy knew how to defend himself, but what would happen if he accidentally gave away his identity?

  Still, Connor didn’t see another way. The sheer nerve of these guys to request an appeal communicated loud and clear what caliber men they were. The lowest. Connor had no doubt they would sink to unfathomable depths to get off—and in the process not only blame Josh but destroy him. He couldn’t let that happen. And as much as he believed in justice and the system, he also knew this was one of those cases where being innocent didn’t mean you had the law on your side. No, what Indy was doing had Connor’s wholehearted blessing. He could only hope he would be okay.

  At one o’clock, Aaron left with an expression that tempted Connor to slap it off, but he let it be. He wanted to save his energy. “Come on, baby, let’s go.”

  Josh hadn’t asked once where they were going. Despite his aversion to surprises, he trusted Connor enough to surrender completely. Not that Connor wasn’t planning on springing this on him, but he’d thought it best to wait till they were in the car.

  “You curious where we’re going?” he asked once they were on their way. It was a twenty-minute drive, he’d seen on Google Maps.

  Josh nodded. “But the fact it’s just us is reward enough. Fuck, Aaron was getting on my nerves. Thank you so much for stepping in.”

  Connor smiled at Josh's trust. “I’ll tell you anyway since I don’t want to blindside you. I’ve booked us an appointment this afternoon with Master Mark, as he calls himself. He’s a Dom who gives private lessons to couples to teach them the Dom/sub relationship.”

  Josh's head whipped around. His mouth slightly agape, he was clearly trying to digest what Connor had told him. “He’s gonna dominate you, too?”

  The mix of worry and indignation in Josh's voice made Connor want to pull over and kiss the man senseless. How telling it was that Josh's first concern was for Connor.

  “No, baby. He’s going to teach me to be a Dom and you how to be a sub since we’re both newbies at this. I filled out this entire list of preferences, and he emailed me a contract that states what he can and cannot do. He won’t sexually engage us for instance, only help us pleasure each other. You didn’t think I’d be content watching another man touch you, or let you touch him, did you? You’re mine, Joshua.”

  Josh put his hand on Connor’s thigh. “I don’t want to have sex with Noah anymore,” he said softly. “Will you please be there when I tell him?”

  Connor’s entire body glowed at these words. Josh chose him over Noah. He’d never expected it to happen so soon. Of course, Noah felt the same, but Josh didn’t know that. Maybe it would be better for Josh's self-confidence if he was the one to break it off, not Noah? Connor would have to think on that, maybe discuss it with Indy and Noah. He wanted to do what was best for Josh.

  “Thank you, baby. You have no idea how happy that makes me. I’m sure Noah will understand, and we can tell him together. How do you feel about my surprise? We can cancel if you want to.”

  “Fuck, no, I don’t want to cancel. I can’t wait. You surprise me, though. You’re always so private about sex, and this is a huge step. You sure you’ll be okay with it?”

  “I’m a little nervous, but mostly because I want to do right by you. I figure being so private about sex was to protect myself since I wasn’t out and my experiences were so disappointing. I have no qualms about fucking you in front of this Master Mark if it helps me to take better care of you.”

  They drove in silence for a few minutes when Josh spoke up again. “Connor, would you be open to ditching condoms?”

  Connor shot him a quick look sideways. “Is that what you want, baby?”

  “Noah and I never used them because we were exclusive, and I would love that with you, too. I love the sensation of cum dripping out of me, and now that we’re exclusive, too, I thought maybe you’d… I dunno, am I going too fast here?”

  Connor reached for Josh’s hand, which was still on his thigh. “I’d love that. We’d need to get tested first, right?”

  “I had my check up the week before we started…dating, I guess we could call it? I could show you the results. Noah, too, since we always go at the same time.”

  Connor smiled. “I believe you, baby. I get tested monthly because of my job. I’m due next week, actually.”

  Josh sent him a careful smile. “Does that mean we could go without today? I’d love that.”

  Connor thought it over. He wasn’t taking any chances of passing anything on to Josh, but the reality was that he hadn’t had a hook-up in months. Barebacking Josh… He was hard just thinking about it. “I reckon we can go bareback today.”

  * * *

  They pulled up to a nondescript single family home that lay back from the road, surrounded by trees. Huh, not what Josh had expected. He’d figured it would be some seedy sex club or an industrial building of some sort. Since Connor seemed confident they were at the right place, they got out and rang the doorbell.

  The door was opened by a forty-something guy with friendly blue eyes, a wide smile, and long, dark hair pulled into a ponytail. “Hi guys, come on in. You must be Connor and Josh. I’m Mark.”

  Josh shook his extended hand. “Nice to meet you,” he said.

  “You too. We’re gonna go down into the basement, so follow me.”

  Josh reached for Connor’s hand, finding himself unexpectedly nervous. Connor gave him a reassuring squeeze and led Josh down the stairs into a softly lit area. Two leather couches were positioned across from each other with a sturdy-looking wooden coffee table between them.

  “Grab a seat. We’re gonna start by going over your preferences and getting to know each other a little bit. Feel free to ask me anything. In order for this to work, you guys need to feel like you can trust me, so ask whatever you need.”

  Josh lowered himself so close to Connor their legs were pressed together.

  “You’re the sub, Josh, am I correct?”

  Josh blushed, cursing himself as his cheeks reddened. “Yeah. I guess Connor told you?”

  “He did, but it was clear from your dynamic as well. You were looking to him for reassurance and guidance. That’s a good thing, by the way. It means you already have the natural urge to follow his lead. Neither of you has much experience with this, correct?”

  Josh shook his head. “I was talking to a friend about…sex, and he mentioned I might have submissive tendencies. When I met Connor, I told him, and we wanted to explore it.”

  “Well, you’ve come to the right place.” Mark shot them a friendly smile. “Let me start by explaining a little. There are many misconceptions about BDSM or the Dom/sub relationship. What many people call BSDM is merely being creative in bed, like spanking, or using restraints. Even when one partner is dominant, technically it’s still not BDSM. True BDSM is a lifestyle that most of the times happens outside the bedroom as well.”

  Josh looked at Connor, suddenly uncertain. Had they misunderstood?

  “No, don’t worry, Josh, it’s all good. From what I understand you guys are at the beginning of exploring your need for submission and Connor’s wish to dominate. I’d love to help you with that. Maybe you’ll both be happy with a little more Dom/sub dynamic
in your sexual relationship, and maybe along the way you discover you want more. Either way is fine. I wanted to make sure you understood the terms we use.”

  Josh nodded, sighed in relief.

  “To keep it simple, I’ll refer to Connor as the Dom and Josh as the sub, though those may be terms you’ll never fully grow into. Now, I don’t know if you’re aware, Josh, but there are several types of subs. Some get off on being humiliated, treated like crap—sometimes literally. We’re talking licking boots, being chained up like a dog, or similar scenarios. Others are about physical domination, wanting to be physically subdued. They crave feeling weak and want the Dom to physically overpower them. This is where bondage comes in, being tied up or restricted in some way. Then there’s a group who likes pain, ranging from mild to extreme torture. And lastly, there’s a group that just wants to be dominated in a general sense, without going to extremes. They relish relinquishing control without taking it too far. If you had to put yourself in a group, Josh, which one would you pick?”

  Josh's head automatically turned to Connor, but when he realized it, he stopped. This wasn’t something Connor could and should decide for him. This was about him, about what he craved. “The humiliation thing is definitely not me. Anything with bodily waste, and I’m out. I like some pain, but I don’t know how much. And I love it when Connor takes over, makes me stop thinking. So maybe the last group?”

  Mark nodded as he wrote down notes on a clipboard. “Have you guys experimented with pain?”

  This time, Josh did look to Connor for permission, but before he could say anything, Connor answered. “A little. I spanked Josh, and he almost came from just that. Plus, he digs it when I take him hard and rough.”

  Josh couldn’t help but smile at the pride in his man’s voice. He realized how healing this was for Connor, the man who had such negative experiences with sex. For him to bring such pleasure to Josh, that had to feel so good for him.