No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  Josh leaned back to study his face. It showed happiness, but there was more. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  Aaron shook his head. “Nothing. Nothing important,” he added when Josh sent him a look of disbelief.

  “Aaron,” Josh said, his voice filling with concern. “Talk to me. What is it?”

  Aaron glanced over his shoulder at Blake, who was engaged in a conversation with Noah and Indy. He turned back to Josh and bit his lip. “I should be grateful, you know?” he whispered. “When I met him, Blake didn’t even want a commitment, and now he’s with me. And we’re happy together, we are. He takes such good care of me.”

  Understanding filled Josh. “You’re ready for more.”

  Aaron nodded. “Watching you guys today…it’s what I’ve always wanted. I’ve always wanted to be married, to belong with someone, even though I didn’t understand why I struggled picturing myself as the one taking care of someone else in that scenario. Now, with Blake, it’s all I want, for him to take care of me, to be my…”

  He stopped talking, his eyes filling with insecurity, but Josh understood. “You want Blake to be your owner and make it official. I get it.”

  Aaron’s eyes teared up. “It’s crazy, right? It’s too fast, too much. I’m setting myself up for a major disappointment here.”

  Josh cupped his brother’s cheeks. “The heart wants what it wants. That’s never wrong.” He kissed his forehead, then let go. “Look at me and Indy. By all accounts, I should’ve been happy with Connor, and I was, but my heart still yearned for Indy. You can’t help who you love, Aaron, and you shouldn’t apologize for what you want.”

  “Not even if I’ll get my heart broken?” Aaron whispered.

  Josh smiled. “I think you underestimate Blake’s love for you. There’s nothing that man wouldn’t do for you.”

  “I don’t want him to ask me because he feels like he should or because it’s what I want,” Aaron protested. “I want him to ask me because it’s what he wants.”

  “Look, it may not come natural to him considering his background, okay? Getting married is a big step for him, much more than for any of us.” Aaron had shared enough of Blake’s story for Josh to understand the man had some serious trauma when it came to relationships. “But he loves you. Hell, he’s devoted to you. If you show him this is what you want, he’ll meet you halfway, like he always has.”

  Aaron’s eyes lit up. “I know he loves me. He shows me every day.”

  “Then trust in that, and don’t worry about everything else. He won’t break your heart, at least not intentionally. You may have to give him a little nudge, though, since he may not realize this is what you want.”

  Aaron looked pensive, but then he smiled. “You’re right. Thank you.”

  Josh smiled back as he hugged him again. “You’re welcome. Thanks so much for celebrating with us today.”

  “Anytime. Now, go have sex,” Aaron joked.

  Josh caught the heated look in Connor’s eyes as he watched him, and he swallowed, his cock already growing hard. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan. A very, very good plan.”

  * * *

  By nature, Connor was a patient man, but he was seconds away from kicking Aaron and Blake out. All the other guests were filing out, leaving just the four of them and Miles and his boys. The latter, Connor considered family.

  Well, Blake and Aaron were family too, even more since Aaron was actually related by blood, but it was different. He liked them, had come to appreciate Aaron more and more, and he’d never forget Blake’s role in fighting off the attackers who’d come to their house. The man had saved their lives, no doubt about it. But they were not the kind of family you could do anything you wanted around, unlike Miles, Brad, and Charlie, who didn’t blink an eye when they saw Connor naked. Or worse.

  And right now, Connor wanted to get naked. Badly. Not just that, but he wanted to strip Josh out of that sexy, form-fitting suit he was wearing, bend him over whatever table was closest, and sink himself inside that tight heat. He hadn’t fucked him in two days—Josh insisting it would make their wedding night more special. In Connor’s opinion, fucking Josh was always special, no matter how often he did it, but he’d been overruled. So he’d sucked it up and had waited, but now his patience was wearing thin.

  He’d been eying Josh’s ass all day, perfectly outlined in that suit, beckoning him like a damn beacon. At first, the wedding itself had taken precedence, but his cock now insisted it was time to move on to more carnal pleasures. The Beast could only be denied for so long—and yes, Connor had finally caved in and called his dick by the same nickname everyone used. There was only so long he’d been able to hold out when it was a compliment, really, and it was said with an awe that made him feel proud about his cock.

  Just then, Josh looked over his shoulder and smiled. He gave Aaron a last hug, and then the little pup made his way over to Blake, who was finishing up his goodbyes with Noah and Josh. Blake smiled as he pulled Aaron close, and then they walked out.

  “Inside,” Connor growled, closing the distance between him and Josh in a few long strides.

  Josh pouted in that cute way that made Connor want to kiss him breathless. “But Connor, I wanted to dance some more…”

  Connor grabbed his tie, then pulled him close until their faces were less than an inch apart. “Don’t you worry, baby, I’ll make you dance. All fucking night long.”

  He kissed him hard, his hand finding that perfect ass and squeezing it. “Now, get your lovely ass inside, strip the fuck out of that suit so I don’t have to ruin it, and wait for me there.”

  Josh’s eyes darkened. “Yes, Connor.”

  He rushed inside, a giggling Indy on his heels.

  “You guys go inside,” Miles said, dragging his eyes away from Brad and Charlie, who were slow dancing, kissing each other with abandon. “I’ll turn off everything here before we head inside the house as well.”

  Connor watched Brad and Charlie. He’d wondered at times how it could work, those three men, since they were so different. Miles was as steady as they came, the anchor that kept them in place. He loved his boys so much, and it showed in every little thing he did. Charlie was their joy, blossoming into his full, extravagant self now that he’d overcome his trauma. And Brad, Brad was the glue, his need for them so big and so deep that Connor wondered if it would ever go away. Yet every time he needed, Miles and Charlie supplied, and that raw edge that had always characterized Brad was fading, morphing into a sweet contentment.

  “I can’t get over how much he’s changing,” Connor said.

  Miles followed his eyes. “Brad?”

  Connor nodded. “Yeah. It’s amazing to see.”

  Miles let out a happy hum of agreement. “You all play a crucial part in that as well. It’s not just me and Charlie.”

  A few weeks ago, Miles had needed to leave for a few days for work training. Connor had taken over the daily morning spanking for Brad and had made sure the boy got attention throughout those days. Brad’s quiet approval had shown how much he had appreciated it.

  “I know,” Connor said. “He makes it easy because you can tell how much he needs it.”

  Miles turned toward him, his eyes careful as he spoke. “This may be the worst timing in the world, considering it’s your wedding day, but I just wanted to say it. You have our permission to use Brad, if Josh would be okay with it.”

  Connor frowned. What was Miles talking about? “Use him?”

  “Yeah. Have him blow you…or fuck him.”

  Connor’s eyes widened. “You’re shitting me.”

  “It shouldn’t be a secret to you he’s a little slut. He loves being used, and it’s not exclusive to us. If you or Noah need or want him, he’d love to oblige—but only if Indy and Josh are on board with it. He’d never come between you, you know that.”

  Connor’s head dazzled. This was a somewhat unexpected development, and yet it felt natural, as if everything they’d done so far had come to this. But he c
ouldn’t accept this, right? He had Josh. And Noah had Indy. Brad didn’t fit into that picture…did he?

  Miles’s hand came down on his shoulder. “As I said, worst timing in the world. Think about it or don’t, it’s up to you, but I wanted you to know.”

  There was nothing but sincerity in the man’s voice, and Connor let out a sigh. “Thank you, I guess. I’m gonna need some time to mull this over.”

  With a last squeeze, Miles let go of his shoulder. “No rush. The offer has no expiration date. And I know you never rush into anything.”

  The man knew him well enough, Connor thought. “True.”

  “Go inside. Your man is waiting for you,” Miles said with a laugh, and Connor realized Noah was also waiting for him, shooting him a look that was none too patient.

  “Hold your horses, Flint, I’m coming,” he called out.

  “No, you’re not, and that’s the whole problem. Get a fucking move on, O’Connor. I wanna get a start on the wedding night.”

  Connor grinned, couldn’t help it. He shot Miles a laugh and made his way to Noah. He hadn’t planned on it, but the words rolled off his tongue. “Miles just offered we can use Brad if we want, have him suck us off or even fuck him.”

  Noah’s mouth pulled up in a wicked grin. “He’s such a little slut. He’s been dying for your cock since the first time he got his eyes on it.”

  “The invitation was for us both.”

  “Sure.” Noah grinned. “But I’m more of an afterthought. With me, he’s offering because he thinks it’ll make me happy. With you, it’s selfish. He craves the Beast, man.”

  “He does?” Connor mentally shook his head. How the fuck was it possible that Noah had seen this, that he wasn’t even surprised in the least?

  “Connor,” Noah said, his voice much warmer now and devoid of the teasing. “I know this is harder for you than it is for me or for some of us. You’re a man who thinks in clear patterns, who needs rules.”

  “You mean I’m boring and old-fashioned,” Connor said, not able to quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. He’d been the one with the most resistance to Josh and Indy, he knew that all too well. It had taken him time to understand that Josh could love him and Indy both, that it wasn’t one or the other.

  “No,” Noah said with force. “It’s how you’re wired. Look, me and Josh had a fucked-up thing from the beginning. It’s made it easier for us to accept that things aren’t always black and white.”

  “You’d better not refer to me and a certain number of shades of gray in one sentence,” Connor threatened him, but his frustration with himself retreated.

  Noah grinned. “I’m not quite that stupid.” Then his face sobered. “I’ve never fit into any box, so I’m a little less bound by what’s considered ‘normal’ than you are. There’s nothing wrong with that, but neither is there anything wrong with you. I know things like this are new to you and that you need time to consider it. So take your time.”

  “Miles said the offer didn’t have an expiration date,” Connor admitted.

  “There you go. He knows damn well you wouldn’t jump on this right away.”

  “It feels wrong to even consider it. Like it’s…” He didn’t dare say the word, especially not on his wedding day.

  “It’s not cheating, Connor. Not with Brad. Not if Josh knows and is fine with it. Not if we do it all in the open.”

  Connor tried to picture it, Brad’s tight body taking the Beast. The thought made him even harder. “I’ll think about it,” he conceded. “But not right now.”

  “Hell no. Right now, we enjoy the best part of getting married,” Noah said. “A fuckfest that lasts all night.”

  5

  He was married. Josh let that thought sink in as he kneeled next to the bed, naked. He was married to Connor now, taking his name.

  Joshua O’Connor.

  The rush rolled through him all over again. He truly belonged to him now in every aspect. Who would've ever thought this was where their road would lead to when they’d met during that robbery that seemed like a lifetime ago? Theirs hadn’t been an easy journey, especially when they’d had to pretend to break up to save Indy. Those had been dark weeks that Josh had survived only by sheer determination and the knowledge it would be worth it.

  And it had been. The day Indy had come home, Josh had known he’d do it all over again to ensure his freedom. No one had ever linked him or Connor to the shooting in Boston, though the FBI had sure tried. But Josh’s breakdown at the psychiatric facility had been well-documented, his doctors assuring the FBI Josh had been drugged within an inch of his sanity.

  And Connor, why, he’d been working undercover for the Boston PD all that time, hadn’t he? At least, that’s what he kept telling the FBI, and he’d been backed up by the Boston cops all the way. Josh still wasn’t sure how Connor had pulled that part off, but he had. The FBI had stopped actively investigating the shooting for now with the promise to the public to reopen it should new evidence become available.

  Of course, the investigation into the Fitzpatricks was steaming ahead at full speed. Indy had already spent a few days talking to the new DA, and the case was expected to go to trial in a few weeks. Not before Christmas, the DA had promised, so Indy could at least spend that time at home. After that, it was a big unknown how long the trial would last and how long Indy’s testimony would take. He was the star witness, that much had become clear.

  Indy had flat out refused to relocate to a safe house, even though Noah, Connor, and Josh had indicated they’d come with him. He’d told them he was done running and that he would stand his ground. Josh understood, even if it scared the fuck out of him. Yes, Duncan Fitzpatrick was dead, and so were the other top leaders of their organization, but Josh wasn’t stupid enough to think it would crumble, not even after the endless raids the Boston PD had done.

  “Baby, you’re frowning,” Indy’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

  Josh looked up to find him on the bed on his stomach, his hands under his chin as he studied Josh. Indy reached out and caressed the worry line between Josh’s eyebrows.

  “What’s got you worried?”

  Josh hesitated. His wedding night was not the right time for this. It would ruin the mood.

  “Oh baby, don’t shut me out,” Indy pleaded.

  “It’s not the conversation we should be having today of all days,” Josh said. He broke posture and grabbed Indy’s hand, kissing it before lacing his fingers through it. “It would spoil the mood.”

  Indy pursed his lips. “If it’s worrying you right now, it’s important enough to talk about right now.”

  Josh turned sideways so his face was at the same level as Indy’s and let his head rest on Indy’s shoulder, his nose buried in his neck. He breathed him in deeply, the smell alone enough to make him calmer. “You’re so sweet.”

  Indy’s hand found his hair, and he caressed him, as usual content to wait till Josh was ready to talk. He still debated if he should, even though he knew he couldn’t keep this from Indy. Or from Connor and Noah. They all read him like a book, and though his PTSD had been stable, he still struggled with flare-ups. All three of them knew how to ground him, and even Miles had intervened a few weeks ago when a car backfiring had startled him too much.

  It used to bother him, this dependence on others, this weakness, but that had changed. Instead, he’d grown thankful for the family he had around him, for the men in his life dedicated to taking care of him. He’d stopped resisting it and instead embraced the love behind it. It was that same love that made him realize he should talk to Indy.

  “I’m worried about you, about the trial,” he whispered, his face still pressed against Indy.

  Indy’s hand tightened for a second or two before he relaxed again. “You’re scared someone will still come after me?”

  “You’re the key witness, baby,” Josh said. “Without you, they’d have a hell of a time getting convictions.”

  Indy gently grabbed his neck, t
hen pulled him back so their eyes met. “I’m sorry, I didn’t consider not going into a safe house would cause you stress,” he said.

  Josh let out a sigh, already feeling better now he’d shared his worries. “To be fair, staying in a safe house would’ve freaked me the fuck out as well.”

  “It’s hard to do what we do, to live how we live, when we’re under constant surveillance,” Indy agreed. “That’s why I wanted to stay here, in our own home, where we at least have the freedom to do what we want. I didn’t think you’d do well without your sessions with Connor.”

  Josh considered that. “True. And we’d miss Miles and the boys something fierce.”

  Indy smiled. “There’s something strangely comforting about watching Brad on his knees, isn’t there?”

  There sure was, but not as much comfort in simply having his family around him. Josh wasn’t sure when it had happened, but somewhere in the last few months, he’d become that person who wasn’t happy until everyone was home. Boring, maybe, but he didn’t care.

  “We should consider hiring extra protection,” Connor spoke up from the doorway. Josh hadn’t even noticed him and Noah standing there. “I agree with Indy that a safe house would be too disruptive, not only for you, baby, but for all of us. But if it makes you feel safer, we can look into hiring private protection.”

  “They’d have to be gay-friendly and kink-proof,” Noah said, and Josh realized he was only half-joking. “I don’t want people around us who judge us for how we live. Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

  “Good point,” Connor said, nodding. “Would that work for you, Indy?”

  Indy gave Josh a long look, then nodded when he was apparently satisfied with what he saw. “It seems like a reasonable compromise. Plus, the DA said once the trial starts, it’s not only threats we have to worry about. The press may be an issue as well. We don’t want reporters swarming our property either.”