Embrace Your Weird
Page 14
Ignorance is a disease that can only be cured by the knowledge of others.
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In a topsy-turvy fashion, mentorship from the opposite direction can be just as fruitful for our creativity. As in US helping OTHER people. Even if we don’t feel qualified! The truth is, we’re always better at giving advice than taking it. That’s because we’re trapped inside our own skulls, with all our history and relativism gumming up the works. How many times over coffee do we give our friends insightful, clearly obvious-to-us advice that didn’t occur to them even though they’re smart and awesome? When we see someone we love get into a relationship and think, Damn, that’s gonna go down in flames, hard. But they’re totally smitten, so you just stand by and be supportive until it crashes like a train wreck. THEN you can say without pissing your friend off, “I always hated her/him.” (Yes, I’m talking about you, Kate. That guy was a deadbeat; listen to me next time!)
The act of communicating about our creativity with others can teach US so many new things about our own processes. It’s like a jellyfish tank. Jellyfish require a circular flow of water to survive. They can’t exist in a regular fish tank. I think this is true of creators too. Unless we are constantly flowing through our own creativity, then through others’ and back again, we can’t grow to our full potential. Mentors know that. And inside, we do too.
Personally, I love helping produce other people’s work. And telling people how to live their lives. (Book in hand = case in point.) Whenever I get stuck on my own work, I deliberately reach out to help another person who’s struggling with their creativity. And inevitably I give them advice over coffee that later makes me go, Oh! That’s what I needed to hear myself! DUH! The mentor/mentee situation is beneficial to both ends! (The mentee/manatee one… questionable.) There’s no scarcity of knowledge in this world. But there is a scarcity of kindness. And in a karmic way, reaching out to help someone else, even for selfish reasons, truly can mean the world.
I once had Paul Feig, creator of Freaks and Geeks, out of the blue send me an email of compliments about The Guild. This was probably eight years ago, but to this day, I can’t tell you how much that random message lifted me up. If someone I admired THAT much took the time to reach out and send a note, I HAD to be on the right path. (Also, how did he get my email? That part is really weird.) Having that email in my mental back pocket amongst a few other inspiring moments, like when Joss Whedon recently took me to dinner and said, “I believe in you. I just wanted to make sure you knew”
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Reach out to someone near you who needs a mentor’s boost and offer to take them to lunch. Even if your fields are drastically different, lend them an ear and whatever advice you can give them.
Does your generosity help them? How does that feel?
How does the process of helping THEM later help spur your own creativity?
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Friends
Finally, let me state the obvious: we’re not meant to be solitary creatures. That’s for jaguars. And badgers. And moose. If you’re not one of those, keep reading. (If you are, grats on literacy.) Just like heroes in books, as creators, we need a set of friends to help us overcome our faults and beat the bad guy in the end. The Harry Potter franchise isn’t just about a kid named Harry Potter who defeats Voldemort. It’s his journey, sure, hence the title, but Harry succeeds because of the help of Ron and Hermione. (Whom I will never have hooking up in my personal canon. You can’t make me. Harrymione4lyfe!) I mean we can TRY to succeed without connecting with other people who are struggling in the creative trenches alongside us, but why? It’s so much more fulfilling to suffer with others! That’s why I always say to my partner after eating something disgusting, “This is awful! Try it!”
Linking arms with people to help keep our creative goals on track is crucial. Think of it as gathering a “Creative Friend Alliance.”
Ugh. That name is terrible. “Friend Coterie”? “Artist Guild”? “Imagination Tribe”? “Creativity Clan”? HELL no! Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m just flailing around trying to avoid using the phrase support group. Yes, it’s a bit of a dirty concept for people who sneer at empathy and primarily use internet memes to communicate, but the fact is that humans need to be supported. It’s how we extend our family outside our gene-stuffs. The concept may have originated with Alcoholic’s Anonymous in the 1930s, but I bet they’ve always existed, back to the beginnings of civilization. Picture a Neanderthal saying to another Neanderthal, “I have this cave painting I’m stuck on. Give me your opinion on it, Glort?”
Many years ago I was invited to join… FINE, a “support group” of women who met weekly to share creative wins in their lives. We were all struggling in show business, and the goal was to help each other be more accountable. While eating pancakes. (I kind of suspect it was inspired by The Secret, but I didn’t put the group together, so my hands are clean.) The group took me from feeling very alone and helpless to feeling confident and risking more for my creativity. (Also super guilty if I didn’t show up with progress every week. Guys, peer pressure is effective!) This accountability was the primary reason I wrote The Guild web series instead of playing video games all day for the rest of my life. And writing that show for sure changed my life. (FYI, that group was named “Chick-In.” Proof that the name is irrelevant as long as the intentions are good!)
So how do we find people to form our own creative support group? Well, for one, start local. We’ll never know what dreams the people around us may secretly harbor unless we approach a friend with, “Hey, do you have any creative goals you’d like to achieve this year? Would you like to meet weekly to keep up with them together? No, I’m not trying to draft you into a cult, promise!” This not only gives us a great excuse to hang out with people we like, but it’s a wonderful way to connect in a new way and deepen relationships. It’s also a way to find out surprising things about those we love. After I expressed an interest in learning a new hobby recently, my brother told me he was learning how to draw with online tutorial courses. I’d had no idea! Cool, bro, I wish you lived closer, I’d join you. Now send your niece a birthday present, NOW!
If we are able to gather a small group of supporters together to hold each other accountable for our creative goals, we can more easily achieve great things! (Or guilt each other when we fall into lazy, slacker behavior. Either/or.)
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In each board in the scaffolding below, write the names of friends and acquaintances who you could reach out to for support on your creative journey.
After filling in the names, lean back and take in the new picture. Does your creative journey feel more possible with all this new structural support?
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What if we can’t find immediate friends to join our group? Well, think of areas you have creative interests in and GO THERE. Yes, physically, in person. I know that’s a strange concept nowadays, consider me old-fashioned. Think, Where would someone in my town be if they were trying to learn how to create X? (Hint: the answer is not the local biker bar unless X = trouble.) It could mean tracking down and joining an existing creative support group, or gathering new members by getting out and meeting people through classes or networking events or conventions. Yes, going out is scary. I get it. I rarely leave the house after 5:00 p.m. There are too many shiny lights and stuff at night-night time. But when we put ourselves in situations tied to our creative passions, we’re more likely to connect with people we click with. If I bump into another writer at a Hollywood party who loves The Mighty Boosh, I know that our creativity will probably align with each other’s. I’ll put their number in my phone. And then likely be too shy to ever text them. But as we’ve demonstrated time and time again in this
book, DON’T BE LIKE FELICIA IN THIS INSTANCE. THAT’S THE POINT!
If anyone is afraid of the whole “human contact with strangers thing,” the internet is only MOSTLY all animated GIFs and alt-right haters. It’s also a place that contains cool, interesting people with similar interests. When I started making my web series, I was one of the first out of the gate. But I knew there were others out there too, and I wanted to meet them. So I scoured the web for creators like me. When I found a video I loved, I would send a compliment and share a link to my own work. That simple. Through that process, I became friends with Rachel Bloom, creator of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and met my friend Ryan Copple, who later became the CEO of my company and business partner, among other things. (I call him Ryco because my brother Ryon is the “official” holder of the name in my life. It’s okay to rename your friends, right? As I type this I’m getting self-conscious in a not-good way.)
Rather than having to pick out online collaborators one by one, which granted, might not have a quick success rate, if we’re a fan of something, we can also look for places like-minded fans congregate. Within those communities could be the seeds of a formidable creative group. I’ve had many people tell me they’ve been inspired by meeting people in chat rooms and forums around my show The Guild and my company Geek & Sundry. (I’ve also had TSA agents tell me they conceived a baby while watching my videos. That one we don’t need to talk about further.) The social networking part of the internet is maligned, but even in the face of some of the terrible stuff it’s doing to society, I will always think of the internet as a place where people who love things can connect around that love and support each other. If we ignore all the trolls and bots and data-manipulation-by-huge-corporations stuff, it can actually be a great place to meet people!
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Brainstorm five ways you could meet people locally to connect with others around one of your creative interests. If it’s gaming, look for a local game shop with evening events. If it’s meditation, look for a seminar. Comb every resource you can to see where supportive people might be!
Which event or idea excites you most? Which one works, but slightly scares you?
Can you talk yourself into doing the scary one first? What do you have to lose?
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Name some things you are a fan of that align creatively with what you want to make in the future.
Take one topic and find places online where you could connect with others about it. Join a forum. Or a chat room. Or a Facebook group. If someone in the comments seems to share your creative aspirations, reach out and say something!
You’ll never know who might become a potential ally unless you reach out, online or offline.
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Creating is hard. It requires hunkering down for grinding work between the sparks of enthusiasm. We all need a Scooby Gang to keep us going. (Of course technically, if you think about it, Scooby isn’t really the one who DOES anything in the show. He doesn’t solve crimes. He’s a dog. It’s all about Fred, Daphne, and Velma doing the legwork, and Shaggy and Scooby messing around trying to eat every salami sandwich in sight, while stumbling on a clue here and there. It really should be called the Velma Gang, right? RIGHT? Is this the longest parenthetical in the book? Sorry, I just really feel strongly about this issue!)
Our best allies are those who are fascinated by what we have to say. And always want to see more from us. So seek out and gather those troops and hold them close as you embark on your new creative life. The only wrong thing we can do is stay stuck and isolated. Those words are the antithesis of creativity.
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Commit to the idea of forming a creative support group!
Name it and design your own logo.
(Use stickers, clip art, glitter, whatever is fun!)
Pick a date to start. Within a month from now, please!
Decide on a place to meet.
Now… send out an invite and make it so!
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6 PLAYTIME!
It’s time to _____ with the _____ and harness the joy of _______!
If we were to brainstorm the perfect cliché of “creator,” I guarantee we’d come up with a lot of dark clothing, cigarettes, and torment. I had an obsession with black crushed velvet and lace as a teen, partially because of Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice, partially because I wanted to look “arty.” The sum benefit? A lot of embarrassing pictures I can now Instagram on #ThrowbackThursdays, and a terrible habit of associating agony with creativity.
The myth that we have to suffer to be creative (along with the equally poop-smelly myth of “If I’m not talented, I shouldn’t even try”) is what holds most of us back. But it’s all poppycock! Balderdash! Ganon and Spinach! (That’s a play on a David Copperfield phrase and a Legend of Zelda character. Five people got it. Everyone else, move along.)
We’ve done a lot of soul-searching, confronting mental enemies, and even philosopher name-dropping here and there (let’s hope in accurate contexts). But if there’s a single solitary thing I’d love for people to take away from this book, it is:
Playfulness is the root of all creation. All invention. All discovery. There is no reason NOT to feel joyous when we make things. Even when we encounter problems. In fact, WHEN we encounter problems is when we most need to channel playfulness! It’s not indulgent to ask ourselves, “How can I solve this in a way that’s fun for me?” I promise the answers will always lead to better solutions. And honestly, what is the worst that could happen? The end product will be worse because you didn’t suffer? Hit the road, double theoretical negative! Unless you’re a Puritan wearing a hair shirt, that attitude sucks, and we don’t have to operate this way.
Play and work don’t have to be looked at as opposites. It’s not an either/or choice. There is as much seriousness as joy in the attitude of children building a block tower. Their work is important to them WHILE they play. And they take it just as seriously as if they were composing a symphony. I suspect that Mozart, age four, didn’t stare at the wall while he was writing minuets and groan, “This Scheisse is torture.” You know that kid worked with joy under his tiny wig. It should be the same for us olds!
When we focus on the opposite of play being the words grind or struggle or, even better, drudge (back the garbage truck up on THAT word), we can feel better justified in incorporating it in EVERYTHING. “How can I make this fun for me?” should be the mantra in every creative activity that we do.
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Study the lines on your palm and draw them below. Then try to make recognizable shapes out of them.
This is play. No one’s paying you to do this. But did you notice the intense concentration of WORK you had AS you played? There’s no reason that spirit can’t be channeled into your actual work too!
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Think of a problem you are having right now in your life. On a separate piece of paper, brainstorm ONLY FUN ways you could solve this problem. For example, “How am I going to get money to buy a new car next year?” or “How can I get my cat to stop looking at me like I’m food?” If you get stuck, close your eyes and drop your pen on the below graphic.
Then try to solve your problem with something related to the object your pen landed on. If you aren’t having fun writing, TRY SOMETHING ELSE!
It might not 100 percent provide a solution, but doesn’t it feel freeing to know that problem solving doesn’t have to be miserable?
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Just as with any other muscle, we have to exercise play or we lose track of it. Like the area under the butt. I never use those muscles, but after I go to dance class? “Ouch, how long have I been sitting on THOSE things?” Challenging our brains in playful ways is necessary for creating. Because a life of doing the same thing over and over, always taking the easiest solution, surrounding ourselves with unchallenging tasks… snore. Ah, I’m sorry! Ten years just went by, where are we now?
Yes, I’m saying we need to FORCE ourselves to play! On a regular basis. It is our JOBS. As ADULTS.
I’m the worst, right?
So how do we do it?
Well, for starters, we allow ourselves to be bored.
Yup.
It might seem weird to say, “I need to take a break and stare at a wall to be more playful right now.” But that’s EXACTLY what we need to do sometimes! We live in a world that gives us no chance to give our brains breathing room, outside of sending us nightmares about showing up naked everywhere by accident. They only have a chance to do THAT because we’re unconscious. When we’re awake and in the driver’s seat? Forget independent play, Brain! EAT JUNK FOOD AND LIKE IT!
We never give ourselves a CHANCE to develop playful, magical thoughts, because the second we get downtime, we’re scrolling maniacally through people’s status updates, liking and retweeting… to what end? I mean, I love baby sloth pictures as much as any sentient being, but they’re not helping me come up with creative ideas with their cute, stretchy… okay, maybe that was a bad analogy, sloths are the best.
I’m certainly in no place to preach about the ills of social media—my career is built on it. (Follow me on Twitter, BTW.) But I do know that the years I invested the most time in my online persona were my least enjoyable creatively. My brain got locked in craving the “hits” of likes and comments and retweets instead of coming up with new ideas. As an all-or-nothing kind of gal, I had to take drastic measures to reset the way I was behaving. (Time Warner is NOT amenable to temporarily cutting off internet service, FYI.)