Five Years to Live

by Frank Zaccari

  “I know,” Donna said miserably. “The topic has come up.”

  “What are you going to say?”

  “I’m not sure yet, Mom.”

  “Well,” her mother’s said with a raised eyebrow, “Valentine’s Day is less than two weeks away.”

  “I have a calendar, Mother,” Donna said with all the charm of an angry bee. Then she said, “But thanks for your concern,” while trying to take the venom out of her voice.

  Donna went to her apartment and made a “pros and cons list,” something she and Michael had done so many times together. The pros list had more items. She loved Tim, at least she believed she did, yet her feelings were not 100 percent. She picked up the phone and called Michael.

  “Hi, Michael, it’s me,” she said sheepishly .

  “Hi, me!” He was genuinely surprised. “It’s wonderful to hear your voice. How you doin’?”

  “I’m okay.” She said cautiously, as if she was tap dancing in a mine field. “How are you? How are you feeling? Is your overall health improving?”

  “Donna, I know you didn’t call me to ask twenty questions about my health. You’re stalling. What do you want to say?” Michael took a deep breath to brace himself for what he feared was coming next.

  “Okay, you know me too well, Michael. Well, here it goes. I have been dating Tim Collins for over a year now. You know him, his family owns the feed store in town.”

  “I remember Tim. Go on.”

  Well, there is a strong possibility that he is...um...I mean, I think he might…”

  Michael interrupted, “Let me help you. He is going to ask you to marry him, right?”

  “Yes,” she said, biting her lip.

  “Is that what you want?”

  “I don’t know, Michael. I mean, I love him, I think…no, I know I love him, but I still have feelings for you.”

  “That’s probably normal, Donna. I know you will always hold a very special place in my heart, but you have to do what’s best for you. You have to give yourself the chance to be happy and live the life you’ve always dreamed of. That’s not going to happen with me.”

  “I know, Michael. I don’t know what I am asking you.” There was a pregnant pause, and then Donna continued, “I guess I want you to tell me it’s okay. That you are okay with this and happy for me. ”

  “I am happy for you. I am sad for me but very happy for you. Tim is a good man. He comes from a good family. He wants to stay in the Delhi area. I know he was always interested in you. You love him and he loves you. I am truly happy for you, Donna.” Michael felt like the rest of his heart was being ripped out and drop-kicked across the room, but he said sincerely, “I want nothing but the best for you.”

  Donna started to cry. “Thank you, Michael. If you had said not to do this, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you and what we once had. I don’t want you to feel I abandoned you.”

  “Donna, I never felt you gave up on us. This accident changed everything. It changed our lives. We can’t ever have what we wanted together, but you can still have the life you always wanted.” Michael took a deep breath to fight back his tears. “I am so happy for you. I wish you and Tim all the love and happiness in the world. I do appreciate you calling me. I know you will have a beautiful wedding, beautiful children, and a beautiful life.”

  “Thank you, Michael,” Donna pushed out between her sobs. “I will always love you, Michael.”

  “We will both always love what we once had. The accident can’t take away the memories. This is your time for the happiness you have wanted your whole life. Don’t hesitate, Donna. Say yes and live your dream.”

  “Okay, thank you, Michael. Good-night.”

  “Good night, Donna.”

  As they put down their phones, Michael and Donna cried one last time over their shattered dream that laid woefully in pieces on the ground under their feet.

  Michael collected his aching heart.

  Donna accepted Tim’s proposal.

  Chapter 15

  Destiny Steps In

  Michael was making a big impact at Fredonia State. He enjoyed the work but knew that this would not be his final stop. Unfortunately, his physical woes continued. The medication he was taking to slow down the calcium deposits in his hip was causing a condition called kyphosis. Kyphosis is a curving of the spine that causes a bowing or rounding of the back, which leads to a hunchbacked or slouched posture. The hump in Michael’s back was becoming more pronounced and was starting to impact his breathing. He knew it would continue to worsen until it was surgically repaired, but he was in no mood for another major surgery.

  On his way home early one evening during a lake-effect snow storm, Michael’s van hit black ice and went into a skid. He tried to correct the skid but it was too late. The van slid off the shoulder of the road and tipped over onto the passenger side and into a snow bank. Michael’s thoughts raced back to August 11, 1985. Oh no, not again was all he could think. The wheelchair stayed locked in place, and a tow truck was on the scene within minutes. Vehicles stuck in snow banks are common occurrences in Dunkirk. The tow truck driver knew Michael and called an ambulance before pulling the van upright. Since the lift did not work, the Fire Department used the Jaws of Life to open up the driver’s side of the van so they could release the lock on the wheelchair and lift Michael, still in the wheelchair, out of the van. Michael said he was okay, but the paramedic, his longtime friend and weight lifting partner Kyle Naslund, said, “We are going to the ER to make sure.”

  The good news was Michael was not injured in the accident. The same could not be said for his van and power chair, but it only took one call to the worker’s compensation carrier and a new van and power chair were on order.

  In the emergency room, the doctor noticed the kyphosis that had developed in Michael’s back. As a precaution, he tested Michael’s lung capacity. After blowing into the tube for what seemed like the ten thousandth time, Michael asked, “So how is it?”

  “Your lung capacity is dropping, Michael. The kyphosis is causing your sternum to put pressure on your lungs. When are you scheduled to see the orthopedic surgeon and respiratory therapist at Buffalo General again?”

  Michael, not wanting to get into this conversation, quickly said, “In two weeks.”

  The ER doctor told him, “Make sure you keep that appointment. I am concerned about your lung capacity.”

  “I will, I will. Look, right now I just want to go home.”

  Kyle, sensing his friend’s determination to leave, said to the ER staff, “I have to gas up the ambulance at Ralph Dolce’s station. That’s right by Michael’s house, so I will drop him off on my way.”

  Once in the ambulance, Michael thanked his friend for getting him out of the ER. They drove the five blocks to Anthony and Carm’s house in silence. As Kyle lowered Michael’s chair out of the ambulance, he knelt down so he could look his old friend in the eye and said, “Michael, the ER doc wasn’t bullshitting you. I’ve noticed your breathing has become more labored, and this hump is getting worse. Since they aren’t casting for The Hunchback of Notre Dame any time soon, get your ass to Buffalo General and get that checked.”

  “I will, Kyle. I really do have an appointment in two weeks.”

  Michael used his manual chair while he waited for the new power chair, but using the manual chair was exaggerating the kyphosis in his back. He knew surgery was imminent.

  Dr. Glenn, the orthopedic surgeon; Dr. Wheeler, the urologist; and the Buffalo inhalation therapist met with Michael, Joe, and Anne. Dr. Glenn took the lead. “Michael, the kyphosis in your back has become more pronounced. This has caused your posture to deteriorate and your sternum is pressing on to your lungs. Your lung capacity has dropped twenty percent. This is not good, given your lung capacity wasn’t that great before the kyphosis. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are going to need more surgery.”

  “God-damn it,” was all Michael could say, shaking his head in disgu
st.

  “I hear you, Michael,” Dr. Glenn said, “but this condition is going to continue to get worse. What I am suggesting is we insert two metal rods, one on each side of your spinal column. We will then tie the back of your ribs to the rods. This will straighten your back, and, as your muscles heal and strengthen, the hump will go away. You will be able to sit in a more upright and comfortable position.”

  Anne, moving into nurse mode, asked, “How long is the surgery and how long of a hospital stay?”

  “The surgery will be about three to four hours. Of course, we have all the same risks as your other surgeries. We have to be aware of fluid building up in your lungs, control your body temperature, plus any post-surgical infections. Decubitus ulcers are always a risk because changing positions will be more difficult for the first day or two after surgery. We will put a sheepskin under you, which will help. I would expect no more than five days in the hospital, barring any complications.”

  Anne said, “The last time he had surgery, he ended up with a small bed sore on his butt. No offense, but I don’t have a high degree of confidence that the nurses in ICU will be on top of this. They work with many orthopedic surgery patients, but this is not a spinal trauma center like Jefferson.”

  Dr. Glenn answered, “I will set up a meeting with the head ICU nurse so you can express your concerns.”

  “He is entitled to round-the-clock private nursing care,” Anne said with urgency. “Can you call the nurse now while we are here?”

  Dr. Glenn called the head ICU nurse, who arrived in ten minutes. Anne repeated her concern and request. The ICU nurse said, “It is our policy not to have outside aides in ICU. It tends to cause confusion, and I assure you our ICU nurses pay very close attention to detail.”

  “Are they trained in preventing bed sores with a quad? This is not a spinal cord hospital.”

  “My nurses are fully trained in moving patients and applying lotion and massaging any potential hot spots.”

  Anne was not fully comfortable but asked Michael, “What do you think?”

  “Let them try.” The surgery was scheduled the following week.

  As Joe, Anne, and Michael left the hospital, Anne again stated, “I don’t know about not having private-duty nurses for you.”

  Michael told her, “Just let it go. ”

  “Should we call Tony? He’ll jump all over that nurse’s shit and her policy,” Joe said with a laugh.

  “Could you have seen Tony with that nurse?” Anne laughed.

  “Let it go,” Michael snapped.

  One week later in mid April 1989, the Battaglia family reconvened at Buffalo General for Michael’s fourth major surgery in four years. Tony flew in from California, but Mary, who had moved to Phoenix in 1988, was planning to come the week after the surgery. While Michael was in surgery, Tony told the family, “We need to have a serious discussion with Michael about moving away from here. I know he loves western New York, but the weather is not appropriate for someone in a wheelchair and driving a heavily modified van. There is too damn much snow and cold here. He is going to have to move out to California with me or to Phoenix with Mary. The weather is much better, and the communities have the amenities for disabled people, particularly Phoenix.”

  Carm said, “He wants to live here.”

  “I know he does, Mom, but he can’t stay here,” Tony said, trying to show compassion, which was not his strongest virtue. “The winters are too harsh. Shit, Mom, healthy people are sick all winter here. His health is deteriorating and the weather plays a big factor. He is always sick with a UTI or upper-respiratory problems, so he can’t exercise like he did at Magee. He is losing muscle tone and flexibility. His muscles are starting to atrophy. These constant infections are breaking down his body and will eventually kill him. I have talked to Mary. One thing we discussed was buying some land in Phoenix and building two houses right next to each other with a breezeway between them. Michael would live in one and Mary in the other. The insurance has to renovate a house for him. Mary and I already brought this up to Michael. He said if, and he emphasized if, he moves, he would prefer Phoenix because I move too much with my job. He only wants to move once.”

  Anthony said, “We need to talk to him, but it’s his choice.”

  “I understand, Dad, but we all have to agree this is a good idea.” Tony then looked at his mother and said, “Mom, this house in Phoenix will be big enough for you and Dad to spend extended time with Michael. It would be good for you and Dad to get out of here for the winters. You can be snowbirds: spend the winters in Phoenix and the summers here, or better yet, you can move to Phoenix if you like.”

  “I don’t know,” Carm said.

  Tony would not relent. “The Saglimbens live in Phoenix already. Pete Mancuso lives in San Diego, so we have family there. If Michael goes there, you can be sure Aunt Grace and all the cousins will make many trips to Phoenix while you are visiting.”

  While they were still discussing the issue, Dr. Glenn into the room and announced the surgery had been successful and Michael would be out of post-op in a couple of hours.

  “Okay,” Carm finally agreed. “We’ll talk about this but in a few days. I don’t want him to be bothered by this move talk until he is doing better.”

  Tony agreed, and the family waited to see Michael.

  Chapter 17

  Is This a Sign, God?

  Three days after surgery, Michael was still tired and very weak. Each surgery seemed to suck more life out of him. Each recovery time seemed to take longer, and it was significantly harder to regain his strength. Mary called her parents’ house and spoke to Tony. She could hardly contain her excitement. “The lady who lived next door to me died last week. She was eighty or ninety years old. You know, the house to the right of mine?”

  “Yeah, I remember it,” Tony said.

  “So I went next door to visit the family who all live in Minnesota. I told them how sorry I was and if they wanted me to keep an eye on the house. They said they were hoping to sell it quickly because they don’t want a house in Arizona. So I asked them if they could wait forty-eight hours, my brother might buy this house. I told them about Michael, and they said they would not only sell the house at a great price but also leave all the furniture. The house is a mirror image of mine. Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, big yard, pool, just like my house. So I got my video camera and walked through the house and said what I was looking at and described the house. I sent the tape FedEx to Mom and Dad’s. It should be there today. Bring that little TV with the VCR to the hospital and show Michael. If he likes it, I know a general contractor who has the same injury as Michael. He could do all the renovations like he did at his house.”

  “Okay,” Tony said. “Mom, Dad, Anne, and Joe are sitting here, so I am going to put you on the speaker so you can say this to everyone.”

  Mary repeated the story to the rest of the family and then said to her mother, “Mom, maybe this is the sign you have been praying about.”

  From Valentine’s Day until the wedding day in September, the Harris and Collins families lived in a tornado of activity. The community was abuzz because the offspring of two long-standing and prominent Delhi families were getting married. There were multiple bridal showers to plan; colors and flowers to be decided; invitations to be designed and redesigned; stores to register at (quite a challenge in Delhi because the main store was Aces); bridesmaids and ushers to be selected and all the associated drama with tuxedos and bridesmaid dresses; a guest list to be made and adjusted numerous times; a caterer and reception menu to be selected; the decision to use a band or disc jockey; what the first song for the bride and groom would be, as well as the groom and mother of the groom and the bride and father of the bride; a cake to be selected and numerous tastings; honeymoon to plan and pay for; church and reception hall to be reserved; and the most important thing: picking Donna’s gown. After exhausting the bridal stores in Delhi and Delaware County, Donna, her mother, and two sisters took a road trip to A
lbany .

  On the drive Donna announced she and Tim were going to write their own vows. “Okay, let’s hear what you have,” Carol said, bubbling with excitement.

  “I’m not done yet. I mean, it still needs a lot of work,” Donna said, trying to stop this conversation.

  “We aren’t looking for the final version,” Karen said. “Come on, give us what you have so far. Albany is over two hours away and I don’t want to play the license plate game with Carol the whole way.”

  “Hey,” Carol replied with mock anger.

  Her mother joined in, “Come on, Donna, we’ll all give you input.”

  “Okay, okay. What I am thinking is, I have waited all my life for this day. I have dreamed of this day my whole life, and today it finally arrived. My heart is overflowing with joy and love as today I, Donna Harris, take you, Michael...”

  There was a loud, collective gasp in the car, which caused Donna to exclaim, “What?”

  “Oh my God, Donna, you said, ‘I take you Michael,’” Carol cried.

  “No I didn’t,” Donna argued.

  “Yes you did,” Karen said with shock. “You said, ‘I, Donna Harris, take you, MICHAEL.’ Holy shit, Donna, you said Michael.”

  “Mom!” Donna whined, looking for support.

  “Sweetheart, you said Michael.”

  “You need to work on that part because it is considered poor form to call the groom the name of your former lover,” Carol added with indignation. “It’s a good thing it’s just us in the car, or this wedding would be so off. ”

  “Spare me the melodrama, Carol,” Donna said, trying to quickly regroup.

  Karen started to laugh. “Holy shit, Donna, this would be the biggest scandal ever in Delaware County. It would be folklore forever. You’ll be right up there with Tommy Casey, who threw up at his first communion, and the time when the pall bearers dropped old lady Miller’s casket in the church.” Karen was now laughing hysterically.