All of You

by Jasmine Stevens

  That wasn’t meant to be, though, because as soon as Jackie left, Ben arrived. By this stage, Emma had had quite enough of visitors, but when she saw him walk through the front door holding a bunch of sunflowers, she didn’t have the heart to turn him away.

  ‘You look exhausted,’ he said as he thrust the flowers into her hands and brushed past her, walking to the kitchen.

  ‘Come in,’ Emma said sarcastically as she watched him open the fridge and take out the casserole Jackie had left for her for dinner. Wordlessly, he served two larger bowls and then as he served up a smaller bowl for Zoe, he asked, ‘Where’s Zoe?’

  ‘Asleep. I gave her an early dinner and bath, and she fell asleep.’ Emma found a vase in the back of a cupboard and filled it halfway with water. ‘Thanks for the flowers. They’re gorgeous.’ She placed the yellow bouquet in the vase and placed it in the middle of the dining room table.

  Ben shrugged. ‘I thought it might cheer you up.’ He scooped Zoe’s dinner back into the casserole dish and placed one of the bowls in the microwave. He turned, leaning with his back against the counter with his hands in his pockets.

  Emma could tell something was eating away at him. It was like he didn’t want to be here. So why was he? ‘You know, I don’t need babysitting.’

  ‘I know,’ he replied.

  ‘So, why are you here?’ Emma reached in the pocket of her track pants and wiped her nose. She knew she must look a fright, and she hated Ben seeing her like this.

  ‘To make sure you and Zo are okay.’ The microwave pinged, and he got the steaming bowl of casserole out and placed it on the kitchen counter.

  ‘We’re okay,’ Emma said. She took out a couple of knives and forks from the cutlery drawer and gestured to the second bowl of casserole saying, ‘I guess, you’re staying for tea.’

  ‘Sure am. Then, I thought we could watch a couple of movies. You’ve got Netflix, don’t you?’ He gestured for her to take a seat at the breakfast bar, and he pushed her serving of casserole over to her.

  ‘Yeah, I do.’ She sat down and took a bite. It was delicious. ‘Your mum’s a great cook.’

  ‘Yep, she sure is. I’m going to miss it when I move out in a few weeks.’ He sat down next to her and began to eat.

  ‘What’s new on the farm?’ she asked.

  ‘Tough day today. We lost a cow, so it’s hard work disposing of the body.

  ‘I bet it is.’ She had thought he looked exhausted, and now she knew why. The fact he had still come to help her with Zoe when he, himself, was tired proved to her the great man and friend he was.

  They sat in silence eating until a cry coming from the bedroom disturbed them. Emma went to get up, but Ben placed a hand over hers and said, ‘Finish your dinner. I’ll get her.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said and continued eating. She heard him talking to Zoe and heard Zoe stop crying. She turned, smiling when she heard the soft fall of his feet on the carpet when he walked back out with her. He was singing ‘You Are My Sunshine’ to her, and Zoe was lapping up every word he sang, looking up into his face with awe. Emma lapped it up as well. What a man, and where had he been all her life?

  Emma got up, cleared and washed the dishes, all the while listening to Ben sing song after song to Zoe. Ben called from the lounge room, ‘What about we watch The Lion King with Zo? Do you think she’ll like it?’

  Emma walked into the lounge room. ‘She might be a bit young for it, but we can give it a try. I might go have a shower. Is that okay?’

  ‘Take your time. We’re all good here, aren’t we, ZoZo?’

  Zoe babbled something in response, and Ben grinned. ‘See, we’re all good.’

  Emma left to have a shower, and when she returned, the sight in her lounge room took her breath away. The Lion King was playing on the television, but on her lounge, Ben and Zoe were sound asleep. Ben had stretched out across the couch, and Zoe was lying on her stomach asleep on his chest. She was pretty tired herself and wanted to go to bed, so she gently took Zoe from his arms. He moved slightly but relaxed when she said, ‘It’s okay, I’m just putting Zoe to bed.’ She tiptoed out with Zoe and placed the still-sleeping baby in her cot before getting a blanket from the linen closet. Back in the lounge room, she placed the blanket over Ben, turned off the television, and went to bed.

  Emma was trying to administer Panadol to a screaming Zoe when a knock sounded at the door. She wondered if it was Ben. He had been gone this morning when she had gotten up. The only evidence he had been there was the blanket neatly folded on the lounge. She walked over to the door and looked through the recently-installed viewfinder to find her sister, Jess, looking back at her. She opened the door with relief, practically falling on top of Jess. ‘Oh, my goodness. Thank God you’re here.’

  Jess embraced her in a tight cuddle swinging her back and forth. ‘Oh, honey. There’s no other place I’d rather be. You sounded terrible on the phone yesterday. I knew I had to come.’

  Emma gladly handed Zoe over to Jess. ‘We’ve both got a cold now. She’s miserable. I’m miserable.’

  Jess cuddled Emma around her shoulder, squeezing her. Emma lowered her head onto Jess’s shoulder, appreciating the familiarity of her sister’s touch. Her sister’s arrival was a godsend. Now maybe she could get some rest, and her sister could turn away all the visitors who had been rocking up to her house for the last two days.

  When Emma sneezed, Jess moved away with a look of disgust. ‘Ew. You look and sound like death.’ She turned Emma around and pushed her towards the hallway. ‘Go have a shower and get some sleep. I’ve got Zoe.’

  Emma went to protest but shut her mouth the minute she saw her older sister’s face. There was no arguing with that face. She headed towards the shower without another word.

  Twenty minutes later, Emma wrapped a towel around herself and left the steamy bathroom. ‘How long are you planning on staying, Jess?’ she yelled out, walking down the hallway. She couldn’t hear Zoe crying, but she could hear a man’s voice singing. Immediately, the hairs on Emma’s skin stood to attention, and every inch of her body became alert. She stood to the side of the lounge room entrance and peeked around the corner into the room. Emma stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Ben bouncing Zoe on his knee singing a song she’d never heard of about a pony. ‘I want someone to buy me a pony…’ he sang, and Emma’s heart skipped a beat. Zoe had the biggest smile on her face hanging off every word he sang. Ben turned around as if sensing her presence, and his eyes clouded over with admiration.

  Emma suddenly realised her state of undress, her hand going straight to secure her towel to her body. Then she saw his eyes land on the scars on her shoulder, and she saw his nostrils flare in anger. Oh God, what was he thinking? Probably that Ryan did that to her. She backed up into the hall, saying, ‘I’ll get dressed and be back in a tic.’

  ‘No hurry.’ His eyes watched her walk backwards to her room, and she wondered what was going through his mind right now.

  Emma closed her bedroom door and began scavenging through her drawers for something warm to wear that wasn’t track pants. She pulled on a pair of jeans and threw a hooded jumper over her head. She looked in the mirror and quickly ruffled her hair, so it was wavy. Her nose was red from her cold, and her eyes were puffy and watery. She looked a wreck, but Ben was sitting in her lounge room, and she couldn’t hide out in the bedroom all day. Taking a deep breath, she walked out of her room. He was sitting on the carpet next to Zoe as she pretended to make him a cup of tea.

  He looked up and smiled at her as she entered the room. ‘Zoe seems heaps better.’

  Emma moved over to sit on the edge of the lounge as far away as possible from Ben. ‘She wasn’t half an hour ago, I assure you. Where’s Jess?’

  ‘You only had full cream milk. She went to get some skim.’

  He looked so relaxed propped up against the lounge, his long legs outstretched. She wanted to crawl onto his lap and feel his arms wrap around her. Zoe was currently crawling over his legs to her k
itchen. ‘Why are you here, Ben?’

  His eyes grew serious. ‘I was worried about you and Zoe. I wanted to check in on you guys. See if you were doing alright.’ He took another cup from Zoe’s hand. ‘Thanks, possum.’ He pretended to take a sip from the cup and smacked his lips together. ‘Delicious, the best coffee I’ve ever had.’ Zoe grinned at the compliment, and Emma couldn’t help but smile. Zoe toddled back to her kitchen, and Ben returned his attention to Emma.

  ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘I’ll be alright. It’s only a cold.’

  ‘You still look beautiful, even with your red nose.’

  Emma reached up and touched her nose, which was sore from blowing it so much.

  ‘What happened to your shoulder? That’s a pretty big scar you’ve got there.’ He reached up to touch her on her shoulder, and she moved against the back of the lounge out of his reach.

  ‘I had surgery on it a few months ago.’ Her heart felt like it was going to explode, it was beating so fast.

  ‘Why?’ He stood up and sat on the lounge next to her.

  She knew he wasn’t going to let this go, and she wasn’t sure how much information she should divulge. ‘I was injured at work. I’m gradually getting more movement and strength back in it.’

  ‘Why couldn’t you have told me that before? When I’ve asked you about your shoulder hurting? You’ve always dismissed it.’

  Emma’s heart was practically thumping out of her chest now. She didn’t know how to respond. She had lied to him, and she could see he was less than pleased with her about it.

  ‘I’m done playing these games with you. I’ve come to really enjoy yours and Zoe’s company, but it’s getting to the point where the fact you don’t trust me enough as a friend to confide in me, is really beginning to hurt.’

  Emma reached for a tissue and wiped Zoe’s running nose. ‘I don’t know what to tell you. I keep telling you time and time again that I can’t tell you. I love spending time with you, and I understand if this is all too much for you to cope with and you want to back away from our friendship. I totally understand.’

  ‘That’s the thing, I don’t want to back away. I care about you. My suggestion is we take baby steps. All I’m asking of you today is to tell me one thing about your old life ‘cause I feel like I don’t know you as well as I could and as well as two friends should know each other.’

  ‘I can try.’ Emma knew if she gave Ben one tiny piece of information, and the people of Holbrook found out about it, then she’d be certain she couldn’t trust him. That’s when she decided to give him a snippet of information to test him. ‘I can tell you one thing.’

  As she was about to reveal Zoe was her foster child, she was saved by her sister, making a noisy entrance through the front door. Emma and Ben jumped up to help her as she struggled to keep hold of all the groceries she carried. ‘My God, Jess. What on earth have you bought?’ Emma said as she took in the mountain of groceries being placed on the kitchen bench.

  Jess shrugged. ‘You don’t have the type of muesli I like or the type of yoghurt, or the milk I like.’

  Emma held up a hand to interrupt her. ‘Okay, I get it.’

  ‘There’s more in the back of my car.’

  ‘You’ve got to be kidding. How long are you staying? A year?’ Emma started to remove items from the bags, butter that wasn’t really butter, kale, and when she lifted the next item out, she screwed her nose up. ‘Tofu? I’m not eating that stuff.’

  Jess snatched the tofu out of her hands and walked to the fridge. ‘Don’t knock it until you try it.’

  Emma looked at Ben when he made a gagging noise. ‘I’m with Em on that one. There’s no way I’d eat that rubbish. Give me a big, juicy T-bone any day.’ He turned, walking towards the door. ‘I’ll get the rest of the groceries.’

  As the door closed behind him, Jess grabbed hold of Emma’s arm. ‘Shut the front door. You never told me he…’ she pointed to her car outside the window, ‘… is mind-blowingly gorgeous. My God, those eyes just eat you up. He’s seriously hot.’

  Emma placed a finger on her lips. ‘Ssh, will you? He’s going to hear you.’

  Jess didn’t alter the volume of her voice when she answered, ‘He’s some serious eye candy. I may have to visit more often.’

  ‘You’re happily married. So, keep your eyes on your own husband,’ Emma whispered.

  ‘Oh, what have we here. Are you jealous?’

  ‘Oh, will you get a grip? Why would I be jealous of you and him? You’re madly in love with Chris.’

  Jess sighed. ‘Yeah, I am. But you should totally go all the way with Ben.’

  Emma hissed, ‘How old are you?’

  ‘You should totally go for it with him. He is… ahh.’

  Emma rolled her eyes. ‘Will you shut up. He’s coming back.’ She quickly turned away from her sister and started packing groceries into the pantry.

  Jess took the bags from Ben, and Emma saw the mischievous grin spread across her face. ‘So, Ben, what are your intentions with my little sister?’

  Ben coughed, and Emma spluttered. ‘What the hell, Jess.’

  Jess grinned at Emma. ‘Well, he looks at you like he wants to eat you for dessert.’

  ‘We’re friends,’ both Emma and Ben said in unison.

  ‘Mmm. Is that right?’

  ‘Yes, now mind your own damn business.’ Emma snatched the bags out of Jess’s hands and started to madly throw items in the pantry.

  ‘I tend to have that effect on her.’ She heard Jess tell Ben.

  ‘I’m going to head off.’ She turned around as Ben spoke. ‘Hope you’re feeling better by next Tuesday for the riding lessons.’

  Emma saw her sister raise her eyebrows with intrigue. ‘Riding lessons?’

  Emma ribbed Jess in warning before saying to Ben, ‘I’m sure I’ll be back to my normal self. Thanks for popping by.’

  She followed him to where he was saying goodbye to Zoe, and as he turned to make his way to the front door, he surprised her by hugging her. She was too shocked to reciprocate the cuddle, especially after his voice whispered into her ear, ‘Our conversation isn’t finished yet.’ With that, he walked out through the door. She didn’t realise she was holding her breath until she expelled it in a rush when she heard the ignition on his motorbike rev.

  Emma turned around and sent daggers flying through the air to her sister. ‘Are you serious? What did you think you were doing just then?’

  Jess jumped onto the kitchen bench swinging her legs back and forth. ‘Moving things along.’

  ‘Moving things along. You scared the hell out of him. He left.’

  ‘He’ll be back.’

  ‘You don’t know that. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and neither do I, for that matter.’

  ‘Bullshit. The sexual tension in here between you two was electric. You need to do something about that.’

  Emma pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘I don’t need to do anything.’

  ‘Um. Yeah, you do. He’s hot for you, you’re hot for him. He’s the perfect rebound for you to get over deadbeat Ryan.’

  ‘I don’t want a rebound. I want to be in a committed relationship.’

  ‘But, you just said a minute ago you didn’t want a boyfriend. So, what is it?’ Jess asked. She drummed her fingers on the bench waiting for Emma’s answer. ‘Well?’

  ‘Well, I’m going to lie down. You’re exhausting.’ She stormed into her bedroom and flopped down on her bed, laying an arm over her eyes.

  The silver SUV drove around the bend of the cul-de-sac. He had to be careful. Why did the bitch have to live in a cul-de-sac? It made things difficult if not impossible. He wouldn’t be able to stake out the little weatherboard house and remain inconspicuous in this street. He had his orders, though. He’d have to lie low in town for a while. He had followed the sister to this house. He assumed this was where the bitch and the baby lived. But he had to be sure. If he screwed up, he’d be digging his own six-
foot grave. He had seen the guy on the motorbike leave from his position where he had parked around the corner and wondered if he was going to be a problem. He’d have to find out a bit of information about him like if he slept at the house. It could become an issue for Jason Knight when he comes to get his granddaughter and kill the bitch who killed his son.

  Emma pulled in alongside Ben’s motorbike at The Gold Club. Good. He was here, exactly what she wanted. It was time she told Ben he could call everyone off from taking care of her. As she entered the gym, she saw him on the rowing machine. From her position behind him, she could see the sheen of sweat on the nape of his neck and the wet patches from his workout on his grey singlet shirt. Jamie spotted her and waved to her. ‘Hey, Em.’ She waved in return and watched as Ben immediately stopped rowing and turned in his seat, his eyes piercing her with an intensity that made her suddenly feel hesitant as to what she was about to say to him. ‘You’re back. You must be feeling better.’

  ‘I am, thanks.’ She walked over to him. ‘Sorry I had to cancel the horse-riding lesson on Tuesday. It took me longer to get over that cold than I thought it would.’

  ‘Ah, don’t sweat it. I’ve had a pretty busy week, so it worked out good all ‘round.’ His words slammed into her. Was this his way of backing off, was he giving her the cold shoulder? It had been over a week since she’d seen him, and she’d missed him terribly. Even with her sister staying with her for a week, she still found her thoughts centering on Ben, wondering what he was doing and if he was thinking of her. He had texted a few times to see how she and Zoe were doing, but the text messages had been polite without a hint of flirting. Totally uncharacteristic of him. ‘Can I have a word?’ she asked.