Flávia’s mouth twisted into a hollow smile that tugged at his chest.
‘A part of me wishes that were true. But no, her only concern was for the hassle that I brought. She would shout at me. Scream at me. Always saying how much she hated me.’
‘Flávia...’ He couldn’t imagine anyone hating someone as bright, and interested, and sweet, as her.
‘She was always telling me that I made her life difficult,’ Flávia continued, clearly trying to keep her voice level. Even succeeding at times. ‘That I was impossible. And I believed it, for years. It was only when I grew up that I realised my transgressions were just excuses for her to shout at me. The real truth was that she hated me for existing in the first place. Maria, too.’
‘Flávia, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. But you know that was more about her than about you. You understand that now, don’t you? She isn’t worth your time or your heart now.’
‘I know that,’ she agreed, her eyes locking with his, searching them. And when some of the tension eased from her face, he couldn’t help but wonder if that was because of him. ‘Although, Maria did track her down a few years ago. I didn’t want anything to do with her, but Maria had just had Julianna and Marcie and she needed to understand what had driven our mother to be the way she was.’
‘Why?’
Flávia twisted her face again.
‘I don’t know. My best guess is that she was afraid of turning out like her. She wanted to be sure.’
This time it was more of a grimace, and Jake felt his heart fracture at the expression. He didn’t know what to say, or what to do.
‘The worst thing about it was that she had remarried, only a couple of years after she’d walked out on us. And despite everything she’d said, she’d had another family with him.’
‘Flávia,’ he muttered, pulling her to him and cradling her in his arms.
He stroked her hair as if that single action could somehow make all her pain go away.
It was beginning to explain a lot. Like why she loved escaping into the rainforest, or how she focused on her work. Even why she kept people at bay.
Except for Brady.
And maybe himself.
‘I swore I would never be like her, Jake. I promised myself I wouldn’t make those mistakes. I wouldn’t drag a family into the kind of life that I lead. Yet, I inserted myself into your life, yours and Brady’s, and I had no right.’
‘And we’re both so much better off for you in it.’
Which sounded a hell of a lot like a declaration that he hadn’t even known he wanted to make.
It was insane. Preposterous. And it couldn’t happen. In a matter of weeks, the summer programme would be over and he and Brady would be flying back to the UK. There was no doubt in Jake’s mind that the next sensible action, the reasonable one, would be to start creating some much-needed distance from this quirky, funny, sexy woman who had, incredibly, managed to sneak under his skin.
For his sake, but mainly for Brady’s. Because God knew they were both at greater risk than ever of falling for the unique Flávia Maura.
Which only made his next move all the more irrational.
‘If that offer to take us into the rainforest is still on, I think when I get my free weekend next week, Brady and I would very much like to take you up on it.’
‘You trust me?’ She stared up at him, her amber eyes bright, proud. ‘With Brady?’
‘There’s no one else I’d trust more,’ he assured her, lowering his head and finally, finally, claiming her mouth with his.
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘PARE! OLHE!’
Raoul stopped abruptly, pointing something out that Flávia had to train her eyes for a moment to see.
‘Wait,’ she instructed Brady and Jake in turn, then panned with her camera until it caught what Raoul had first spotted. ‘Look—there in that glory bush.’
Brady and Jake peered into the image and belatedly, Flávia realised that she had effectively invited Jake to step closer to her. As her thundering heartbeat now heralded.
The past few hours with Jake had been eased by the presence of both Brady and Raoul. She’d used the pair of them almost as a shield to help her create some distance from Jake.
It had to be one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do in her life, but what choice did she have?
Flávia didn’t even recognise the woman she’d been last week on their date. She had never opened up to anyone—not even Maria—the way she’d opened up to Jake. It went deeper than the mere secrets she’d shared with him. It was more than just the way his grey-blue eyes had seemed to shine light on the darker corners of her soul, making the things which had once scared her seem less frightening. It had gone beyond the way they’d returned to her city apartment and made love slowly and tenderly. Then hard and illicitly.
And for the first time in her life, her apartment had felt like a home instead of just the crash pad she used when she couldn’t get back to the rainforest and it was too late to travel to Maria’s.
That entire night with Jake had felt like a surrender.
And it terrified her.
So, she’d gone out of her way to avoid bumping into him ever since. She’d snuck in and out of her lab and avoided all the places in the hospital that she knew he usually frequented. She’d even avoided Brady—which only made her feel guilt on top of all these other tumbling, confusing emotions.
It had been fortunate that the week had also been one of the busiest of the summer training programme and she’d known Jake had practically been in back-to-back teaching operations and seminars, anyway.
So why didn’t she feel that fortunate?
But now she was here, in the middle of the Atlantic Forest with Jake, and it was getting harder and harder to pretend things were normal between them. She had no idea what he was thinking, and it was making her crazy.
She was turning herself inside out. Wondering. Imagining. And then, trying to act as though it didn’t matter to her.
Impossible.
‘Wow...’ Brady breathed, drawing her back to the present in an instant.
And as soon as he did, her gaze pulled inexorably to Jake. Just in time to watch as his eyebrows knitted together in disbelief.
Her fingers actually ached to reach out and smooth his brow.
Hopeless!
‘What is that?’ The scepticism leapt from his tone. ‘It can’t be real.’
‘It’s real.’ Flávia ignored her leaping nerves and tried for a light laugh. ‘Even though, I’ll agree, it looks like something straight out of a sci-fi movie. Gentlemen, meet bocydium globulare—aka the Brazilian treehopper.’
‘No, surely not? That’s really real?’ Jake shook his head.
‘What are the balls on its head?’ Brady demanded, fascinated.
And she found it was easier to concentrate on Brady and pretend that Jake wasn’t there.
‘Ah, now, they are spheres of chitin, a fibrous substance and primary component of the exoskeletons of arthropods, as well as the cell walls of fungi.’
Brady touched the screen with his finger, as though it could somehow bring him closer.
‘Is it a male?’
‘Nice guess—you might think so given how flamboyant the males of species often are compared to their female counterparts,’ Flávia congratulated. ‘But actually, this ornamentation is found on both sexes of treehopper alike.’
‘So what are the spheres for?’ Brady asked.
‘Honestly, Brady, we’re not entirely sure. We think it’s possible that they are there to deter predators. It would certainly be harder to catch and eat something like this with all those balls on its head, wouldn’t it?’
‘Yeah.’ Brady nodded vigorously.
‘That said,’ Flávia hurried on, reminding herself to stay focused on Brady rather than
the fact that Jake seemed to have taken a step closer and was now sending her reactions into overdrive, ‘these spherical ornaments also sport bristles, so it’s possible that they are sensory bristles and the ornamentation also has some tactile function we don’t yet understand.’
‘That’s so cool,’ Brady inhaled.
‘I like to think so.’
It was all she could do not to snap the camera back into place and leap away from Jake. To try to regain even a fracture of her composure.
Her brain didn’t really seem to be functioning well all of a sudden.
‘Anyway, come on, the sanctuary is this way.’
‘I didn’t know we were going to the sanctuary?’ Jake frowned, his low voice sending ripples right through her.
‘We weren’t.’ Why was it suddenly so hard to keep her voice light, and breezy? ‘But I thought you might like to see it, given the amount I’ve talked about it.’
And maybe there she could remind herself where her heart, and mind, lay. And help her to get over this obsession with a man who could never exist in her real world.
‘Flávia...’
She wanted so badly to stop. To talk to him.
Pretending not to hear, Flávia practically launched herself in front of Raoul. Anything to establish a bit of a gap—however artificial—between her and Jake.
‘Come on. I’ll lead the way for a bit.’
* * *
Cesar stepped into the designated habitat, the large viper coiled on the ground, and Flávia watched him move his homemade staff to the snake’s neck. Gentle and accurate, that was Cesar’s motto. And much as the two of them adored their beloved snakes, they would never lose respect for what the powerful animals were capable of.
She held her breath, as she always did at these moments. Then Cesar was moving, fast and precise, pinning the bushmaster to the ground before scooping it up, keeping its neck straight and smooth so it couldn’t snap its head back and clamping it under his arm.
Flávia moved forward quickly with the film-covered container, and Cesar lowered the snake until it bit down, its venom sliding into the clear pot.
‘I always hate this bit,’ he muttered, his accent as heavy as ever. ‘But I have to tell myself that every sample is a step closer to finding a solution that will make my countrymen realise how valuable these snakes can be and therefore encourage them to cherish the animals instead of merely fearing them.’
Carefully placing the pot in another, sealed container, Flávia exited the cage and handed it off to Raoul, who promptly turned to Brady, who had been waiting outside in safety, with Jake. The passionate little boy appeared to have captured yet another heart.
‘Come,’ Raoul said to Brady and Jake, ‘I show you where this goes now.’
‘This is amazing,’ the young boy enthused. ‘I’m going to make a project as soon as I get back home.’
‘To the UK?’ Raoul guessed. ‘Are you looking forward to it?’
Brady’s face darkened instantly.
‘No, I don’t like it there.’
‘Excuse me,’ apologised Raoul hastily. ‘I was thinking...’
He tailed off but it didn’t matter. Brady hadn’t taken offence. He never did.
‘I meant home to where Vovô Eduardo is. And Julianna and Marcie.’
‘Ah...’ Raoul looked over Brady’s head with a knowing smile. ‘Flávia’s family are being very kind. I, too, am liking them very much.’
‘I wish I could stay with them for ever. I don’t want to go back to England next week.’
Next week!
As Flávia went hot, then cold, she watched Jake stiffen, and in that moment she would have given anything to know what was going on in his head.
It didn’t matter how much she’d been reminding herself of the truth, and schooling herself to keep her distance; the truth sounded that much less palatable when she heard it spoken aloud.
She couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even breathe. All she could do was stand, motionless, watching as Raoul led Brady and Jake out. Pretending she wasn’t standing there, staring at the door long after they’d left, and it had slammed shut behind them.
Why had Jake reacted? Because he didn’t want to be leaving in a week’s time? Or because, for him, it couldn’t come soon enough?
She was desperate to know.
But worse, she was terrified that he might give her the wrong answer.
‘Ready to get more samples?’ Cesar’s voice at her shoulder made her jump.
‘Yes.’ She snapped sharply back into the present. In this job, there was no time to be distracted. ‘Ready.’
For the next half hour they worked quickly and systematically, collecting sample after sample, and packing them away carefully. She fought to focus, using the space as a chance to remind herself what really mattered in her life. Her career, and her snakes. Not some fling who seemed to have got inside her head, however much he felt like more than that.
What really mattered was her work with Cesar. With VenomSci. And slowly, slowly, she managed to calm her racing heart and throw herself into the task she knew so well. They worked steadily, going from enclosure to enclosure and collecting venom from each bushmaster, treating the snakes with care but always respecting them.
By the time they had finished and made their way back through the sanctuary, Jake was sitting at the battered old picnic bench in the staff area and being treated to Raoul’s homemade dessert using the most succulent exotic fruits.
‘Where’s Brady?’
‘Fabio took him to look at something snake-related.’ Jake shrugged.
‘So you guys are leaving next week.’ She tried for upbeat and breezy as she slid in opposite Jake.
It had been the little test she’d set for herself as she’d been working. And she’d passed. But now it was getting harder as she sat there whilst Jake studied her for a long moment.
‘Brady wouldn’t be, if he could get his way. Your sister would be ending up with a third kid all of a sudden. And not the baby she keeps teasing Luis that she’s going to have.’
She tried to echo his low laugh, wondering if it was just her imagination that it sounded more forced than usual.
‘I honestly don’t think Maria would mind. She’s rather taken with Brady. They all are.’
‘You’re very lucky, Flávia. You have an incredible family, and you’re so close.’
‘Yes.’ She swallowed abruptly. ‘Well, we’ve had to be.’
‘Because of your mother,’ he said softly.
And she hated that he could read her thoughts.
Hated, she repeated firmly. Not loved the fact that he seemed to understand her so well.
But that didn’t mean she needed to bore Jake with the details of her own childhood sadness. Her mother walking out wasn’t exactly in the realms of what had happened to Brady’s mum, but it had affected her all the same. It had moulded the person she was—as Enrico had pointed out, very categorically.
‘Never mind.’ She shut down the discussion quickly, her own fault for such a thoughtless comment in the first place, of course.
Still, she shook off the melancholy that seemed to be hovering; she was where she needed to be now, so she was more than happy with the way her life had turned out.
At least, she had been, until Jake had slammed into it and apparently knocked it off its comfortable little axis. And try as she might, she couldn’t seem to restore order.
‘So what about you? Are you looking forward to leaving? Getting back to your own hospital and your work?’
He took a fraction longer than necessary responding.
‘I will enjoy getting back to my own hospital. Maybe implanting some of the lessons learned here.’
It wasn’t exactly the answer she’d been hoping for. She plastered the brightest smile on her face and forced out a hollow la
ugh.
‘Lovely. That’s fabulous.’
‘It is?’ he asked softly, not joining in with her brittle laughter.
Yet she couldn’t bring herself to stop.
‘Well, of course. Isn’t it?’
And when he looked at her like he was in that instant, his blue eyes almost silver, it was enough to make her stomach twist itself up into the most perfect Siberian hitch knot.
‘I don’t know,’ he answered softly. ‘Can we talk?’
‘Talk?’ she echoed weakly.
A hundred questions tumbled through her head. A thousand. But all Flávia could do was nod jerkily, before a commotion by the door caught her attention and a few words made their way to her ears.
Government inspection?
‘We have to go now,’ Cesar confirmed. ‘Flávia, are you coming?’
‘Coming,’ she responded instantly, steadfastly ignoring the regret that washed over her.
This was her job. It had to come first.
She shot an apologetic glance to Jake, who wore a disconcertingly neutral expression. If he was disappointed not to have had that conversation, then he wasn’t showing it. Then she followed Cesar out the door.
And if an odd sense of foreboding followed her, then she refused to let it affect her.
* * *
Jake knew something was wrong even before anyone uttered the words. Even before people started rushing around in a frenzy.
He couldn’t have said how he knew or, more to the point, he didn’t want to acknowledge how. That icy wash that poured through his veins with no warning, and for no apparent reason, an hour later.
‘Acidente. Accident,’ Raoul growled as he raced by.
‘What kind of accident?’ Jake demanded. ‘Where’s Brady?’
‘He’s fine—he’s with Fabio.’ But Jake couldn’t shake the sick feeling in his stomach as he fell in behind the running Raoul. ‘Flávia?’
He knew.
‘Flávia? Sim. Flávia is collecting o veneno. Venom.’
‘She was bitten?’ He yanked open the door to the medical room, all but pushing Raoul ahead of him with the medical supplies.
Falling For The Single Dad Surgeon (A Summer In São Paulo Book 2) Page 14