Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC Book 4)

by Mia Ford

  It all crashed in on me, and my head was spinning so badly. I needed everything to quieten down. I needed to sleep. Desperately, I had grabbed some beer from the fridge. I had only intended to drink a little, enough to make my hands stop shaking and to hopefully make me relax enough to feel tired. But one beer was followed by another, then another, then another. At some point, I found a bottle of whiskey, and I started to drink that with the Coke in the fridge.

  Before I knew it, I was very drunk and trying to remember why this was a bad thing.

  Now, though, Georgia is with me. I don’t really remember her coming in. She’s just read Polly’s letter. It’s absolutely hilarious that her reaction was exactly the same as mine. It seems she’s of the same mindset as me. We both just want to throw that letter in the garbage where it belongs and forget about it.

  But we can’t. For Lily’s sake.

  I wonder, dimly, why Georgia is here. Then I decide that it doesn’t matter. Part of me had hoped, foolishly, that Georgia would show up. Then, suddenly, she does. I don’t care why. I just care that she’s here.

  “I don’t want Polly to come back,” I confess to Georgia.

  “Then tell her she’s not allowed to see Lily,” Georgia suggests, but she says this without hoping, knowing me well enough to know what my answer will be.

  “Lily will want to see her,” I say firmly. Then I pause, confused. “Did I already say that?”

  “You did,” Georgia sighs. “And you’re right, of course. It’s just…”

  “Fucked up?” I suggest.

  Georgia laughs. I’ve always liked her laugh. It’s sweet and refreshing, just like she is. Simply being near Georgia on any day can make me feel calm, happy and relaxed.

  But that isn’t fair on Georgia. I need to stop relying on her to make me feel better.

  “Yeah, that sounds right,” Georgia agrees. “So, what now?”

  “I send Polly a letter telling her to get fucked?” I suggest before sighing in resignation. “I wish.” I look gloomily at the letter Georgia dropped back to the table. Polly’s number stands out starkly. “I guess I need to call her.”

  I start to pull out my phone. Georgia’s hand, however, shoots out and grabs my wrist.

  “As hilarious as it would be to watch you drunk call Polly to speak to her for the first time since she left, you should probably wait until you’re sober,” she advises. “This is too important.”

  “But, if I drunk call her, I might scare her away,” I reason.

  “Or, and far more likely, she might try to take Lily away from you because she thinks you’re a drunk, raving lunatic,” Georgia says seriously.

  I stare down at my phone. I didn’t think about that. I drop it onto the table like it’s a viper. Okay, no calling Polly until I’m not drunk anymore.

  “Right,” I say, nodding. “I’ll call Polly in the morning. When I wake up.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Georgia agrees.

  “Thanks, Georgia,” I say. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  Something flickers across Georgia’s face. Is it guilt? I’m not sure, but then it makes me feel guilty.

  “But that’s not fair,” I tell her.

  “What’s not fair?” she asks, startled.

  “I should be able to do things without you,” I say. I sit up straighter. This feels very important. “You have a life to live. You’re not Lily’s mother.” I point imperiously at her. “You need to live your life without chaining yourself to us!”

  “What?” Georgia breathes, her warm, brown eyes wide.

  “I’ve been thinking about it,” I nod. I wonder if I’ll remember saying these things to Georgia in the morning. “You do so much for us. But you need to do less so you can do you stuff, okay? I mean, it’ll be hard, and I’ll miss you, and I don’t want you to stop being around so much… Where was I going with this?”

  “You want me to do me stuff,” Georgia whispers.

  “Right!” I say. I smile at her. “So go do that, okay? We’ll live. We’ll figure it out.”

  Georgia’s shoulders are trembling. But I don’t know why. Did I upset her? The last thing I want to do is upset Georgia. I reach out and cup Georgia’s cheeks.

  “Please don’t be upset,” I say.

  “I’m not,” she says, giving me a tremulous smile.

  Georgia’s cheeks are soft under my calloused fingers. I’ve leaned in closer than I meant to, and I can see a smattering of freckles on her brown skin. Long lashes blink slowly over her beautiful brown eyes. I’m reminded, abruptly, of the last time I was this close to Georgia. I try not to think about that time too much, because it just makes me feel guilty and ashamed of my complete loss of control.

  But, suddenly, sitting here like this…Georgia is beautiful. I’ve always thought so, which is why it’s been so confusing that she hasn’t had more relationships. Can’t other men see what a gorgeous gem she is? Then I remember that that’s most likely my fault; Georgia is so busy helping Lily and me that she doesn’t have time for other relationships.

  “Sorry, Georgia,” I murmur.

  “What for?” she asks, frowning.

  I don’t like the frown. It doesn’t belong on her face. But I suddenly realize that she’s been frowning a lot more lately. It’s why I started wondering if I was taking advantage of Georgia, or if I was somehow preventing her from finding happiness.

  “I don’t know,” I admit. “Everything.”

  Georgia’s lips quirk into a smile. That’s better. So much more beautiful. My eyes dart down to her full lips. They’re right there. I want to taste them.

  So I do.

  My lips are on hers before I know what I’m doing. Georgia lets out a small squeak of surprise as I lick her lips, requesting entrance, and they hesitantly open so that her tongue can tangle gently with mine. It’s not a harsh kiss. It’s soft and sweet, and I try to pour in all my wishes that she could be happy into it.

  Then, suddenly, Georgia’s pushing me away. She’s blushing furiously, but she doesn’t look angry, just shocked and confused.

  “Ethan?” she asks. “What was that?”

  “I liked your smile,” I confess. “It looks so much better on you.”

  “What?” She looks even more confused.

  “Your smile,” I repeat slowly, “is beautiful, just like you.”

  She’s staring at me.

  “I’m… You think I’m beautiful?” she whispers.

  “Of course,” I say, incredulous that she’s even asking. “I’ve always thought you were beautiful.”

  She doesn’t look like she knows what to say to that. Her mouth is slightly open, and she’s staring at me, and it could be no clearer an invitation. I kiss her again, and, this time, her lips move against mine.

  A distant part of my mind is telling me that this is a very bad idea. It’s reminding me that there’s a reason that I haven’t been this close to anyone since Polly left, that I can’t take the chance of being hurt like that again. How can I ever trust love when the woman I promised my heart to, so long ago, shattered it to pieces? No, I can’t risk opening myself up again, so I hide behind the guise of needing to care for Lily.

  But that voice, and all the fears I have, are silenced by the alcohol coursing through my system. If I had to choose any woman to trust and be intimate with, it would always be Georgia. She’s the most beautiful woman in the world, after all, and I love her.

  Platonically, my mind tries to remind me. I love her platonically.

  I cast the thoughts away. They don’t matter. Georgia is here and her arms are winding around my neck now, and all my fears are gone. I want this and, from the way Georgia is pressing against me, she wants it, too. So what do we have to fear now?

  “Ethan,” Georgia murmurs against my lips as she pulls back. My hands run down her curves and settle on her hips. The pupils in her bright, brown eyes are dilated, and it’s hard to look away. She’s caught me in her spell. “Are you sure you want this?”
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  “Do you?” I ask her.

  Georgia’s eyes close.

  “Yes,” she says, barely audible.

  “Me too,” I say.

  Georgia lets out a little whine, one that sounds frustrated. Then she ducks her head, pressing kisses to my jaw. It’s a sweet, fluttery sensation that makes my cock perk up in interest as shivers run down my spine, and I crane my neck back to give her more access. We’re both sitting on the edges of ours chair now, balancing precariously as we get as close as possible, our legs tangling between us. I can feel the way her skin is heating up beneath my palms, and my heart is thumping loudly in my chest.

  Then Georgia nips the skin on my jaw with her teeth, and I gasp, because that went straight to my groin. She smoothes it over with her tongue before kissing lower, down my neck and over my fluttering pulse. Her touches are light but they awaken every nerve in my body, sending fire through my veins. I tighten my hands on her hips. I suddenly can’t bear the idea that she could possibly stop touching me.

  “Don’t stop,” I breathe.

  “I don’t plan on it,” she says teasingly. “Do you remember when you did this to me?”

  She presses a soft kiss to my collar. I’m reminded, abruptly, of kissing and biting her there the last time we touched each other like this. I left a mark on her, I remember, one that bruised for several days. The logic in the back of my head wakes, reminding me of how guilty I felt whenever I saw it. But Georgia bites down and I stop thinking about it that as I groan.

  “Fuck,” I gasp.

  Georgia laughs lightly, humming around the skin in her mouth and sending vibrations through my body. She sucks hard on the skin, pulling it between her teeth, and my cock is so hard now that I can barely think straight. Slowly, she licks the mark to soothe it slightly, but it still throbs as she pulls away. It’s going to be so very clear in the morning, and my stomach jumps at the thought of seeing it when I wake and remembering what happened between us.

  I had only intended on kissing Georgia. But it’s impossible, I suddenly realize. I discovered this ten years ago, too, which was when I should have pulled away.

  As soon as I touch Georgia, I’m caught by the addictive taste and feel of her body, and now there’s no turning back.

  Chapter Eight

  Georgia

  I’m a fool.

  I know it, even as I pull open Ethan’s shirt and drink in the sight of his smooth muscles, his normally pale skin slightly tanned from the overly hot sun lately. The mark on his neck is already beginning to bruise. His cock is straining in his jeans, and I’m so hot that I’m ready to tear my own clothes off.

  This is a bad idea. Sleeping with Ethan again can’t bring anything good. He’s drunk, and it almost feels like I’m taking advantage, despite the fact that he kissed me first.

  But I can’t help it. I never forgot the way Ethan touched me so long ago, and just how addictive it was. I fell into a puddle of goo the moment he kissed me, and it was impossible to resist once he told me how beautiful he thought I was. My traitorous body had reacted, and pulling away from him is impossible.

  “We should continue this in the bedroom,” I say, running my head down his chest.

  “Good idea,” he breathes. “I’m going to fuck you hard when we get there.”

  I shiver at his words. God, what I wouldn’t give to feel him inside me once more. There’s no way I can let this chance go.

  No matter how much I’ll regret it in the morning.

  We pull ourselves to our feet. We’re both lightheaded and drunk on lust. Neither of us has had an intimate relationship for a very long time, and that makes the sparks of pleasure that dart through us ten times more intense. I can’t help but wind my arms around Ethan’s neck as we move, crashing my lips against him in a fierce kiss, and we knock against the walls as we fumble our way to Ethan’s open bedroom door.

  I rip at the zipper on Ethan’s pants. My movements are rushed and frantic now, as are Ethan’s. Our hands are flying everywhere. We desperately want to touch each other’s skin. I feel Ethan pushing my jeans down and I step out of them as we move slowly toward the bed before pushing his pants away, taking his boxers with them so his cock can spring free.

  I slide his shirt down over his shoulders, and then we part just long enough for Ethan to pull my shirt over my head before meeting back in that desperate kiss, licking and biting and tasting each other as though it will be the last time we ever feel like this. Ethan’s trembling fingers are on my bra and, after a moment, it unclips and falls to the ground. Feeling uncomfortable moisture in my panties, already incredibly wet and ready for Ethan, I push my own underwear down and kick them away.

  Then Ethan and I step closer. Our naked bodies meet and my head spins at the sensation, making me gasp against his lips. It’s all too much, and the burning inferno around us makes me groan.

  “Fuck, Georgia,” Ethan pants, pulling away. “So hot?”

  He must be feeling the heat, too. Feeling a little dizzy from it all, I shove him back toward the bed. He falls back onto it and I crawl up onto it until we reach the middle.

  “I want to taste you,” I say. “I want to feel your cock in my mouth and suck everything out of you.”

  Ethan almost seems to stop breathing at my words. Then he gasps and pulls me in.

  “And when you’ve done that, I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll still be feeling it tomorrow,” he promises.

  Shit, yes. I push him back and turn around, straddling his chest. I shoot him a grin over my shoulder, loving the way his eyes are locked so intensely on me. Then I bend down and tentatively lick the leaking tip of his cock.

  Ethan’s hips buck at the feeling and I grip them tightly, preventing him from thrusting up again. I press a kiss on the side of his cock and his entire body shudders. Then I open my mouth and carefully wrap my lips around the top, swirling my tongue down the skin as I bob my head down a little further, his cock sliding past my jaw. I scrape my teeth lightly on it.

  “Fuck!” Ethan says, and his hips jerk in my grip.

  I laugh and he writhes at the sensation. I suck again, enjoying the sounds Ethan is making as he gasps and pants, muscles locked tight.

  Then I feel Ethan’s hands. He rubs his palms on my thighs and I pause, wondering what he’s doing. His hands travel upward, between my legs, and my heart starts to beat faster as I realize what’s about to happen.

  “You’ve presented yourself so nicely for me,” Ethan says in a low voice. “Keep sucking me, Georgia, while I touch you.”

  His finger dips inside me, caressing within, and I groan deeply around his cock. Shit, this is all so hot, so amazing, and I don’t know want to focus on first. Ethan thrusts his finger slightly further into me, and I lick him in time with his movements, my eyes rolling back as he suddenly adds two more fingers. My hips jerk, meeting his thrusts, my body desperately trying to take more of him in. He crooks his fingers and I gasp on his cock as he hits that spot inside of me that makes pleasure crash through my entire body.

  “So beautiful, Georgia,” Ethan groans. “Your body is so responsive to me. I can’t wait to fuck you.”

  It’s too much. I wanted to pull an orgasm from Ethan with my mouth alone, but I’m going to fall over the edge too, at this rate. I pull my mouth off his cock and Ethan’s fingers slip out of me before I turn around and lay my body on top of his.

  “Fuck me now,” I gasp, and then kiss him, sucking his tongue into my mouth.

  Ethan’s arms go around me, and the world spins as he suddenly flips us over, so that I’m lying on the bed and he’s hovering over me. He settles between my legs, pulling them up to wrap around his waist. Then, without warning, he lines up and sinks into my body, breaking the kiss.

  “Shit, fuck, god, keep going,” I pant, my hands gripping his shoulders tightly.

  “You feel so good,” Ethan groans.

  He sinks in bit by bit, pushing himself down into my body. I can feel his length sliding into me, every ridge an
d bump of his skin. Then, finally, he’s fully seated in me, and I try to catch my breath as I look up at him through the sweaty strands of hair plastered to my forehead. God, I can barely breathe from it all.

  “You okay?” Ethan asks.

  “More than,” I gasp. “This feels so good. I can feel every inch of you inside me.”

  “Good,” he says.

  He wriggles a little and I gasp before he pulls out and sinks slowly back in. He sets a torturously slow, gentle pace, his face set in concentration. At first, I thought he was just teasing me, but then I realize that he’s trying not to hurt me, remembering that it’s been a while since I’ve even had a boyfriend.

  It’s nice that he’s being considerate. But this isn’t what I want. I want to feel Ethan fucking me hard and deep. I want to still be feeling him inside me long after he pulls out. I tighten my legs around his waist and dig my nails into his shoulder.

  “Fuck me harder, Ethan,” I growl. “I want you to fuck me fast and hard, just like you promised.”

  Ethan chokes, his eyes searching mine. He must have seen just how much I want this, because his expression darkens with lust, and he pulls out until only the tip is in me, thrusting back in so hard and deep that my entire body jerks.

  Then he starts to move. His hips snap back and forth, and I meet his thrusts each time, taking him deep inside me. My world narrows to the connection between us, and all I can think of is keeping him inside me for as long as I can manage, never wanting to stop feeling the pleasure that’s roaring between us. Sweat is pouring down my face and I scrabble at Ethan’s skin, searching for a decent anchor, something to keep me flying away with it all. Ethan’s grip is bruising on my hips, and my body jerks in time with his thrusts.

  I needed this. I didn’t know how much I needed it until it was happening. I needed to feel Ethan once more, and part of me is frightened that it will be even more impossible to pull away from him now. But as he moves in and out of me, as our bodies are connected so intimately that I can barely tell where I end and he begins, none of that matters. I can work out everything else in the morning. For now, I just want to feel Ethan and remember the feel and taste of his body, because I know this can’t happen ever again.