Miles Apart

by A. L. Brooks

  Not by a long shot.

  She groaned and her head thudded onto her desk. When Mathieu had told her the project she’d been scheduled to start on Monday had been cancelled, she’d been prepared for a dull couple of weeks until something new came up. So while having a new project so quickly was great, why oh why did it have to be Alex’s?

  There went the universe again with its sick sense of humour.

  She needed some air. She grabbed some money from her wallet and her thick ski jacket and headed down to the ground floor. It was only five degrees out but the sun was shining, and she turned her face up to it while she waited to cross Rue McGill. The Starbucks in the World Trade Centre was busy, as always, but she didn’t mind the wait. Her mind was still churning with the latest episode of the Justine-and-Alex saga. You barely knew her, she reminded herself. All you had was two evenings with her. Why can’t you get past this? She had no idea. Every time she thought about it—which was more often than she’d admit to anyone—she came up blank. Her pull towards the memory of Alex was…inexplicable, yet palpable.

  After paying for her latte, she made her way back out to the street. She wandered up to the square and perched on a cold wall, sipping continuously at the hot drink cupped in her gloved hands.

  Whatever she thought she still felt for Alex, she had to park it. To be able to work together on this project, they had to be professional. Alex had managed it—magnificently so—in her e-mail. Now Justine just had to match that and they’d be okay.

  Wouldn’t they?

  When she returned to her office some fifteen minutes later, she fired off a quick reply to Alex, naming names and suggesting a range of times that would suit her team for the kickoff meeting. Not acknowledging their history hurt, but it had to be done.

  The neutral recorded voice that talked Alex through the login procedure for the conference call did nothing to calm her nerves. Dialling the number had made her aware of her trembling fingers and racing pulse.

  This is ridiculous. She exhaled and keyed in the passcode that would open the conference line.

  “Hi, this is Alex. Who’s on the call?”

  “Hi, Alex, this is Justine. I have the team assembled in the room with me, so we’re all here.”

  Alex swallowed as her body responded to Justine’s warm tones in ways she struggled to ignore.

  “Great, that makes it easier.” She was pleased her voice betrayed none of her turmoil. “Thank you all for taking the time to meet with me. Did everyone get a chance to read the project brief I attached to the meeting event?”

  After the numerous noises of affirmation, Alex launched into her agenda. The meeting proceeded smoothly, despite the slight thrill that sparked through her every time Justine contributed to the conversation. Thankfully it wasn’t all one-way traffic; a few of Justine’s team also chipped in with questions or observations and gave Alex a welcome breather each time from the impact of Justine’s presence.

  If this is what I’m like on a call with her, I dread to think how I’d react face to face again. Luckily that wasn’t on the cards and shouldn’t need to be for a project of this nature.

  “So are we agreed on next steps?” Alex asked as they began to wrap things up.

  “I think so,” Justine said. “Now that we’ve got the scope mapped out, I can get on with managing the workload and your expectations. I know it will take a few days for the team to get a test environment set up ready to configure, but I’m confident we can deliver that to you by this time next week.”

  “Great,” Alex enthused. “Then let’s meet again the same time next week and we can then start fleshing out the plan and allocating resources. Agreed?”

  “Sounds perfect,” Justine said, and that thrill shot through Alex again as Justine’s enthusiasm also came through loud and clear. “Alex, can you hold for a second?”

  “Sure.”

  The line went silent for a minute.

  “Hey, I’m back,” Justine said quietly. “It’s only you and I on the call now.”

  “Oh.” Alex didn’t know what else to say. What was Justine doing?

  “I just… How are you?”

  Alex closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She hadn’t expected this or planned for it. She’d thought they were going to be professional about this.

  “I’m…fine,” she muttered eventually, trying to put a lid on her irritation at being caught unprepared.

  “Good. I-I’m glad.” Justine exhaled a big puff of a breath. “Look, Alex, I… I guess I just wanted to say I hope we can be okay about working together. But if we’re not, I won’t have a problem assigning another manager to the project.”

  “Do you have a problem with it?” Alex asked bluntly. Was Justine trying to suggest Alex couldn’t cope? Couldn’t keep her professionalism in place? Alex was angry but in the next moment acknowledged it came from fear—she was scared her professionalism had slipped on the call with the team and that she would wobble while working with Justine.

  Before she could apologise for speaking so sharply, however, Justine spoke. “No, not at all. And I wasn’t suggesting you did either.” Her tone was mollifying. “And,” she continued after a short pause, “I genuinely wanted to make sure you were okay. I know the last few months can’t have been easy for you.”

  Alex shivered slightly as the warmth of Justine’s concerned tone seeped through her consciousness. “Thank you,” she murmured. “They haven’t. But I’m okay. Things are good. Or at least getting there.”

  “I’m really pleased to hear it.”

  “Thanks.” She hesitated only a moment before asking, “And you? How are you?”

  “I… I’m good. Thanks for asking.”

  They fell silent. After half a minute that threatened to drag on longer, Alex eventually broke the deadlock. “Okay, well, we’ll talk again next week. Could you get that appointment set up for us all, and in the meantime, e-mail me if you have any questions?”

  “Sure,” Justine said hurriedly. “I will. Speak to you next week, Alex.”

  “Bye.”

  As she replaced the phone in its cradle, Alex propped her head in her free hand. She wanted to laugh, then cry, then maybe laugh some more. Just as she’d feared, everything she thought she’d forgotten about Justine, or thought she’d managed to quietly leave behind these past few months, had just turned around and slapped her with a vengeance. Suddenly she was back in Justine’s apartment, with Justine’s hot mouth on her skin and Justine’s strong fingers buried deep inside her, and she struggled to remember to breathe.

  The surge of longing, and desire, and need that ripped through her set her hands trembling again and her heart leaping in her chest.

  Oh shit.

  Chapter 20

  “You’re her project manager? You are kidding me.”

  Christina’s eyes were wide, and Justine smiled despite her inner gloom. “I wish I was.”

  “So how does that feel? Are you two okay with each other?”

  Justine nodded. “We’re both professionals; we know how to play nice.”

  “But…?”

  “Yeah.” She exhaled loudly. “It’s not easy.”

  “Do you still have feelings for her?” Christina asked solemnly.

  Justine glanced out of the café window. The world outside carried on its business, seeming all calm and peaceful, while a tornado of emotions quietly ripped Justine apart from the inside out.

  “Justine?” Christina’s hand settled on top of Justine’s.

  Justine turned back to her friend and knew she didn’t need to say it out loud. Christina’s face fell.

  “Oh, shit.”

  “Yep.”

  “I thought you’d written her off after you found out she’d cheated on her partner.”

 
Justine sighed. “Well, after you pointed out what an ass I’d been on that issue in general, and after she took the time to explain her situation, I guess… Well, I guess I believe it wasn’t as cut and dried as I thought. That it isn’t who she is.”

  “You barely know her!” Christina threw her hands up. “How can you make that kind of call?”

  “I don’t know.” Justine smiled weakly, knowing the phrase wouldn’t appease her friend. “I just…can. Gut instinct, or whatever. I believe her.”

  Christina slumped back in her chair, shaking her head.

  “And what about Rose?”

  Justine leaned across the table and propped her head up with her free hand. “I really like her. And we have a great time together. But it’s just not… I keep waiting for the spark, you know?”

  “And it’s not there?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah. I know.”

  They finished their coffees with small talk—Christina seemed to sense Justine wasn’t able to talk anymore about the situation with Alex, or the one with Rose. But after they’d said their goodbyes and Justine walked back to her apartment in the light April rain, her thoughts spun a web of confusion centred around the two women in her life. She snorted as she let herself into the apartment and kicked off her boots. That was the thing—she didn’t have two women. She had one woman she was finally realising she didn’t want, at least not in a physical way. And the woman she did want in that way—and all the other ways she could possibly list—she didn’t have and more than likely couldn’t have.

  She was supposed to be meeting Rose for a late supper at her place, but Justine wasn’t remotely in the mood for it after that confession to Christina. She sat on the couch with her phone in her hand, mentally composing the message she wanted to send to put Rose off for the night. She’d arrange something face to face later in the week so that in the meantime she would have the space she needed to work out how to tell Rose she just wasn’t interested in her that way. She was dreading that conversation already.

  Sighing, she swiped her phone and opened a new message, her fingers tapping across the screen.

  Alex sniggered as she read the latest e-mail from Justine. Man, that woman could put someone in their place in the most perfect style. The idiot from IT who’d try to mansplain to Justine why her test environment would function better on another server had met his match in no uncertain terms.

  She sighed.

  The last two weeks had been torture of the best and worst kind. She was revelling in the amount of contact they had and the opportunities she had to share some time with Justine, however remotely. They spoke on the phone at least twice a week and e-mailed more times than Alex could count. All of which only highlighted what an amazing and accomplished woman Justine was. No wonder there was talk of her being promoted before the year was out. She was sharp, firm yet fair, incredibly knowledgeable, and clearly driven to succeed. Her e-mails oozed confidence, and some of her ideas for future enhancements or process improvements had literally left Alex speechless with admiration.

  On top of all that, she was just so…lovely. Encouraging her team in all the right ways and respecting the boundaries between herself and Alex whenever anyone else was on the e-mail chain or conference call. Alex had no idea if this was something Justine struggled with because she gave nothing away. She was the consummate professional, which was exactly what Alex had said she needed.

  Only…

  She found herself trying to read more into what Justine was saying sometimes, more than was healthy for her. She dared to fantasise about Justine breaking down one day and confessing that she still thought about Alex as much as Alex did about her. Whenever those fantasies threatened to get out of control, she would pull herself up short, give herself a telling off, and go home and try her hardest to forget Justine for the evening.

  She usually failed.

  Alex sighed. Danielle had invited her for dinner at an Argentinian steakhouse tonight, and something told her that she was the one in for a grilling, not the meat. Alex had been vague with Danielle over what had been happening at work recently—she’d yet to tell her that she and Justine were working on this project together. Because she knew what would happen when she did, and she hadn’t been able to face it. Tonight, however, would be different. Tonight Alex wanted to talk about it and wanted to hear what Danielle thought. The whole situation was driving Alex nuts, and the time for keeping it to herself was over.

  She worked through until six thirty, catching up on e-mails and bulletins she should have read days ago. Satisfied she hadn’t missed anything earth-shattering, she closed down her laptop finally and rubbed her aching neck.

  Her phone chirped with a message from Danielle.

  On my way!

  She stood and retrieved her jacket and handbag. The weather was pleasantly mild as she stepped out onto the Strand, and she enjoyed her stroll up to Covent Garden. The restaurant was just off the Piazza, and she was led straight to their table, where Danielle waited.

  “Hey, you.” Alex smiled at her friend as Danielle stood to pull her into a close hug.

  “Hello, Alex. You look very well.”

  They hadn’t seen each other for a while due to various commitments they’d each had. Not since Danielle and Beth had helped her move into her rented flat.

  “It seems rather insane that you only live around the corner, yet we haven’t been able to meet up since you moved,” Danielle said, mirroring Alex’s thoughts.

  “I know, but we’re both busy women, aren’t we?”

  “Very true.”

  They ordered wine and their food as soon as the waiter appeared.

  “So I need to talk to you about something,” Alex said after they’d taken their first sip of the delicious Malbec.

  Danielle smiled. “I am all ears.”

  “Um, since I saw you last, something’s happened at work. I think I needed to see how things panned out before I spoke about it. And it was sort of eating me up as well, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to explain it properly until I knew a bit more about what was going on. Of course, not that there is anything going on, but that’s the problem—”

  “Alex,” Danielle snapped, sounding frustrated, “what are you talking about?”

  Alex swallowed. “Sorry. It’s just, I don’t know how to explain it and not sound crazy.”

  Danielle sat still, waiting.

  “I’m working on a new project, and the project manager is Justine.” Alex said the words fast, as if ripping a plaster off a barely healed wound.

  Danielle blinked rapidly a few times. “Justine? As in the woman you had your…dalliance with in Montreal?”

  “Yep, that Justine.” Alex waited to see what further reaction Danielle would have to the announcement.

  “And?” Danielle’s face was expressionless.

  “And, well,” Alex stumbled, “I’ve realised… I mean, I think I always knew this, deep down, but you know, being in contact again with her has only emphasised it, you know?”

  “Emphasised what?”

  “Oh God.” She groaned, pushing her hands through her hair. “That I still have feelings for her,” she blurted out. “That I’m still hugely attracted to her—and not just physically. That she’s still the most amazing woman I ever met,” she finished in a whisper.

  “Oh, Alex,” Danielle said, her tone part exasperation and part loving concern.

  “I know.”

  “She lives in Montreal.” Danielle ticked the points off on her fingers. “You only had what was essentially a one-night stand. You have no idea if she is involved with someone. She lives in Montreal.”

  “You said that already.”

  “I think it is worth repeating!”

  “I know, I know. You’r
e right, on all counts. But none of that stops me feeling the way I do about her, and about what happened with us.”

  “Alex, I cannot see how this has anything other than the capacity to bring you yet more heartbreak.”

  “I know, but I’ve spent an awful lot of the past few months figuring out what I do and don’t want from my life and the people who share it. The woman who might yet share it. I know it sounds completely crazy, but what Justine and I had, even just for those two evenings, was incredible. The connection, for want of a better word, between us was something I could almost grasp in my hands, it had so much substance. I have never, ever felt like that with anyone.”

  “I remember you saying something like this at the time, and I must confess I wrote it off as just the emotional upheaval those nights caused along with the situation with Terri. But you are saying you can still feel that, even now, months later?”

  “Every time I hear her voice on one of our conference calls, I feel it. Every time she writes something funny or intelligent in an e-mail, I feel it. It’s exasperating, and mystifying, and so bloody wonderful all at the same time.”

  Danielle sat back and reached for her wine, taking a long drink before placing the glass back on the table.

  “So are you saying you want to have some sort of relationship with Justine? And if so, how on earth would that work?”

  “Yes, and I don’t know.”

  “Oh, Alex…”

  She stared at Danielle. The hint of disappointment in her expression twisted Alex’s stomach. “You think I’m stupid, don’t you?”

  Danielle’s eyes widened. “No, Alex. Not stupid.” She smiled and grabbed Alex’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I do think you are slightly mad, however.”

  Alex laughed.

  Rose’s lips on Justine’s neck were insistent, and her hands equally so as they pushed underneath the hem of her shirt. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. They were supposed to have just had that light supper that had been postponed the week before, then Justine was supposed to find an opportunity to talk openly and honestly with Rose about their relationship and what it did or didn’t mean to Justine.