Miles Apart

by A. L. Brooks

  “And if…if I said I didn’t want to have a relationship with you?”

  Alex’s heart lurched, but she answered honestly. “Then I would probably still go for the job, but if I got it, you and I would have to work out how we’d…deal with seeing each other in the office. I wouldn’t want there to be anything awkward between us threatening either of our careers.”

  “I’d like to think we’d be adults about it.” Justine ran her hands through her hair, and Alex admonished her libido for reacting to that tantalising image.

  “So would I,” Alex said, more calmly than she felt. “I didn’t mean we wouldn’t. But it could be difficult, in the beginning. Knowing all that we did about each other, knowing that we’d had this conversation and then not made that leap forwards into…something.”

  Justine looked away, staring across the room, her hands twisting around each other in her lap.

  After a couple of minutes, Alex couldn’t bear it any longer. “Justine, please talk to me. What are you thinking?”

  Justine slowly turned her gaze back to Alex. “I…I don’t know what I’m thinking. The idea that you could be living here, that that could give us a real opportunity to see what we can be… Well, that’s something big I need to get my head around. It confuses things, even more. Gives my head yet another strand to try and separate.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Justine sighed, and shook her head. “Alex, I’m trying, I really am. I know it probably doesn’t seem like it to you, because I’m being so vague. But I’m trying to sort through all of what I know to get to the underlying feelings. To understand whether I truly want to be with you, because I care for you, have feelings for you, or if I am chasing a ridiculous dream.”

  Alex’s anger was quick and sharp and she didn’t feel the need to filter it. “Well, I know I care for you! I know I have feelings for you, Justine. Real ones. Deep ones. I look at you and, God, my heart just wants to beat out of my chest. Is that crazy, based on what little we’ve shared so far? I don’t know, and I don’t care.” She tried to tone it down, to rein in the passion burning in her veins. It wasn’t easy, not when this gorgeous yet frustrating woman sat so close to her. “I only know that wanting to be with you, wanting you, is the biggest, most honest feeling I’ve had in my life. It is torture sitting across from you now, like this, when all I want to do is pull you into my arms, and kiss you, and do everything I can to make you believe me.” She stopped abruptly, the emotion overwhelming her.

  Justine’s stare was wide-eyed. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, Alex. Truly,” she said, her voice cracking with her own emotion. “I just don’t think I’m as brave as you are. No matter what I feel.”

  Alex threw her hands up. “Well, that’s one of the problems. I don’t know how you feel, because you’ve never told me.”

  “I do have feelings for you,” Justine said heatedly. “I do! It’s just…”

  Alex leaned forwards and grabbed Justine’s hand, linking their fingers and squeezing tight, desperation eating at her insides. “If you need more time, I will give you that. But please don’t write us off before we’ve even had a chance to get started. That’s all I want—a chance.”

  Justine looked confused and scared, her glance darting back and forth but never settling on Alex’s face for more than a moment.

  Alex let go of her hand and reached for the last of her wine. Justine wasn’t ready, that was the message Alex was getting. She didn’t know if Justine would ever be ready, but she knew she needed to walk away from this now. She’d said her piece and staying any longer to try to get a decision out of Justine would lead to nothing but heartache.

  “I didn’t mean to push you,” she said, setting the empty glass back down. “I…I’ll back off, give you some time, okay?”

  Justine nodded. “I…I don’t mean to be awkward, or upset you.”

  Alex’s smile barely lifted the corners of her mouth. “I know you don’t.” She stood. “I think I’d better go.” She picked up her handbag and slung it over her shoulder. “Call me, or message, or…something. I’d like to see you again before I leave on Saturday, but if that’s too soon… Well, just let me know, okay?”

  Justine wandered aimlessly through the narrow streets of the Ville-Marie, no idea where she was heading but forcing her feet to keep moving because the walking was helping to calm her down.

  Alex had left the bar half an hour ago. Thirty minutes of emotional torture that had dug its claws deep into Justine’s mind and mercilessly tormented her.

  What on earth was she doing? Alex had laid her soul bare, shared the stunning announcement of her potential move to Montreal, and Justine had let her walk out of the bar thinking…what? That Justine didn’t care for her? Didn’t want her? Neither of those were true. She’d shared Alex’s sentiments, sitting across from her in the bar, her body going crazy with desire for Alex, but her mind… Her mind kept blocking all her attempts to just go for what she wanted.

  Fear. Such a powerful force. Good at protecting, at keeping her out of situations that weren’t right for her. Now the fear was holding her back from something that could be so good for her. Something that could bring her happiness, and joy, and—maybe—love.

  No matter what Alex had done when cheating on Terri with Justine, she was obviously in a different place now. Her time alone had done wonders, helping her come to terms with so much about herself and what she wanted from life.

  And she wants you.

  There was no doubt about that. Her impassioned speech had sent the hairs on the back of Justine’s neck skywards, and huge cracks had appeared in her armour. Why was she still working so hard to keep that armour in place? Hadn’t being with Rose taught her that what she really wanted from a partner was everything Alex was offering?

  And now Alex could be living in Montreal. Okay, maybe only for two years, but that was a long time. Certainly long enough to find out what they could be. Together. The thought of it made her quiver. She let her mind wander, thinking of all the places they could explore together, all the things they could do together. The possibilities excited her, had her yearning for them.

  She thought back to Alex’s words when talking about her cheating incident. She’d said she couldn’t imagine ever being in that situation again. She hadn’t actually promised she wouldn’t ever do it again. Although, wasn’t asking for that a bit unrealistic? Who could ever promise anything? You never knew what life would throw at you. You just had to get on with it when it did and deal with the consequences. Life wasn’t perfect. No one was perfect.

  She stopped short, earning her a disgruntled tut from the person behind her, who had to veer sharply to avoid bumping into her.

  Was that what she’d been holding out for? Perfect? Thinking that would avoid all hurt she could possibly experience in the future?

  She shook her head, her epiphany lighting up her mind. Stupid. No one was perfect—she only had to look in a mirror to know the truth of that.

  Alex wasn’t perfect. But Alex was gorgeous, intelligent, caring, warm.

  And Alex wanted Justine, just as she was. Alex wasn’t looking for perfect. She was just looking for a chance to show Justine how good they could be together, with all their faults and doubts. Because she believed that all the good things they had outweighed all the not-so-good, and that made them worth exploring.

  And she’s right.

  Justine snorted out a laugh, earning her some wary glances from an older couple walking by.

  I’m an idiot.

  Chapter 29

  Alex drank the last of the herbal tea and placed the cup back on the tray. The tea had done a little of what she needed it to do; she had at least ceased pacing around the room. But the hot drink hadn’t soothed her inner turmoil that much and she needed further distraction. It was only a little past ten and she couldn
’t possibly sleep yet.

  Leaving Justine at the bar earlier had been one of the hardest things she’d ever done. She walked out of the hotel wondering if she would ever be able to spend time with Justine in anything other than a professional capacity. It hurt. Ached deep in her bones and her soul. But she’d thrown everything she had at it, tried her hardest to convince Justine to see what they could be together was worth a try. If it failed, at least she would know she had given it her best shot.

  But it would still hurt—and for a very long time, she suspected.

  She sat on the bed and opened her laptop. Work. She always had work to do that could help take her mind off her troubles. She dealt with the handful of e-mails that had appeared in her inbox since she’d left the office earlier, then opened one of the restructuring strategy papers they had been discussing that afternoon. Five minutes later she closed it—the focus of the document was the proposed new role, and thinking about that did nothing to take her mind off the situation with Justine.

  She knew she would have to think about the role, though, and soon, so that the minute the application process started, she’d be ready. She had to be able to make the decision on whether to take it or not based purely on the job and not what it meant about being close to Justine. And she was sure she would—the job sounded like a huge step forwards for her. But having said that, could she cope with being based here if she and Justine weren’t together? How painful would it be to see her regularly in an office setting and not have that connection between them? They still had to get through the rest of the upgrade project too, regardless of whether Alex went for the new role or not.

  She closed her eyes and groaned. God, why couldn’t it be easier?

  Her mobile phone pinged with a message notification. Justine’s name appeared on the screen, and her heart rate increased. She opened the message, then slumped. It was Justine’s inexplicably delayed message from earlier letting her know she’d be late for their dinner. God, that seemed so long ago.

  Sadness washing over her, she flung the phone back beside her on the bed, only for it to chirp again as she did. She picked it up—another message from Justine.

  Please, if you are still awake, can I come up?

  She was here?

  Her heart pounded as she typed out her response. Where are you?

  Down in reception. They won’t let me in or call you. Please, can I come up?

  Grabbing the phone beside the bed, she called reception.

  “Good evening, Ms Saunders. This is Helene. How can I help you?”

  “Hi, Helene. There is a visitor for me in reception, Justine North. Would you please let her up to my room?”

  “Of course, Ms Saunders. Have a good evening.”

  Alex tidied the room frantically, throwing her discarded clothes into the wardrobe and shoving her laptop back into its bag. She dashed to the bathroom mirror to check her hair, pulling a brush through it anyway just for something to do. Her mind was racing. Justine was here. What did she want? Had she made a decision that quickly, and if so, which way?

  The knock at the door was firm and Alex’s heart skipped a beat. She exhaled two huge breaths and walked slowly to the door.

  Justine smiled weakly as they came face to face. “Hey,” she whispered.

  “Hey yourself.” Alex’s voice trembled, matching the quiver that had taken over her whole body.

  “Can I?” Justine motioned to the room behind Alex.

  “Oh, God, of course. Sorry,” Alex mumbled, stepping aside to let Justine walk past. She caught a hint of Justine’s perfume as she did, and it stirred something low in her belly.

  She closed the door and leaned against it for a moment, looking at Justine looking at her.

  “Are you okay?” she asked eventually, fearing the answer but she had to know.

  Justine nodded and smiled, a deeper smile than before, one that reached her eyes and lit up her entire face. God, she was beautiful when she smiled.

  “I’m an idiot,” Justine said, shrugging. “A very big idiot.”

  Alex stared at her, blinking rapidly. What the hell?

  Justine stepped closer, and Alex’s breath caught in her throat. She’d seen that look only once before on Justine’s face, and the last time it had weakened her knees just as it was doing now.

  “Wh-what do you mean?” It was hard to find words, to construct even the shortest of sentences with her heart beating so loudly in every cell of her body.

  Justine stopped a pace away. “I was about to believe that I couldn’t have this. That I couldn’t have you. Us. That somehow my life would be better without you in it. I don’t think,” she said, closing that last bit of distance between them until her face, and her warmth, were mere centimetres away, “that I’ve ever had a more stupid thought in my entire life.”

  The kiss was like nothing Alex had ever experienced. It wasn’t hard, but it wasn’t soft. It wasn’t just a meeting of lips, or of tongues, but somehow contained every ounce of both of them in their entirety, inside and out. It utterly consumed her, drained her mind of all thought, sent wildfire scorching through her blood. When Justine’s tongue swept across hers, when her hands cupped Alex’s face and pulled her in even deeper, Alex wanted to laugh and cry and shout for joy. This was a kiss that claimed, that said—loud and clear—you are mine and I am yours. And so she gave it everything she had, everything she was and hoped to be. Her arms snaked around Justine’s waist, her palms pressing into Justine’s back as she pulled her in even closer, as if such a thing were possible when they were already fused at every single touch point along the length of their bodies.

  Minutes later they had to break for air; they stared at each other, chests heaving for breath, eyes shining.

  “I’m sorry,” Justine said quietly. “Sorry for not realising this earlier. Sorry for making you doubt, in any way, what I feel for you.”

  Alex shook her head, still numb from the turnaround in events, yet at the same time feeling more alive than ever.

  “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Not now. None of it matters.”

  Justine nodded slowly, a wide smile splitting her face again. “Will you apply for the job? Please? I want you here. With me.”

  Alex laughed in delight. “Oh, honey, right now that’s a no-brainer—and I’ll do my very best to get it.”

  Then she gasped as Justine swooped in, her mouth plundering Alex’s in ways she didn’t even know were possible. Now Justine’s kisses were hard, her tongue thrusting, her arms wrapping tightly around Alex’s shoulders. The fire it sparked was intense, curling up from her toes and in from her fingers to meet well and truly dead centre between her legs.

  “Justine,” she gasped in between more searing kisses. “Bed.”

  Justine lifted her head, her grin sinfully playful. “Yes?”

  Alex didn’t bother answering. She pushed Justine backwards, earning a throaty groan from her soon-to-be lover. The old Alex, the timid version of herself, no longer existed; in her place was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted and was more than happy to make it clear. They reached the bed in a tangle of arms attempting to undo buttons and remove clothing.

  “Wait,” Alex breathed. “Let me.” She pushed Justine’s hands away from her shirt and reached to finish what Justine had started. She took her time, revelling in Justine’s gaze sweeping hotly over every inch of skin that was revealed. She pushed the shirt back from her shoulders and let it fall haphazardly to the floor. The black bra she was wearing wasn’t her sexiest, but the hint of lace that edged the cups seemed to meet with Justine’s approval. Although Justine appeared far more concerned with what the cups contained, if her heated stare was anything to go by. Alex reached behind herself to unclasp the satin. As the cups fell away, Justine let out a small whimper, a sound that packed a powerful punch in the quiet room. Al
ex met her gaze and licked her lips. Her nipples hardened as Justine reached out slowly, her fingertips barely grazing the outside curves of Alex’s breasts.

  “So beautiful,” Justine whispered, keeping her touches soft and teasing, glancing up at Alex as her breath hitched with each pass of Justine’s fingers across her areolas. This was agony of the sweetest kind. Such a contrast to their first intimacy all those months before, but just as arousing, albeit for different reasons. This was not just about passion and need. This was about emotion, and connection, and…love. It was already the undertone for every touch, every caress and kiss, even if Alex knew it would be some time before she said the words.

  She cradled Justine’s head tenderly as Justine bent and placed the softest of kisses on Alex’s nipple. When her tongue lapped at the hardened nub, Alex moaned, sweet and low, and Justine’s hands clenched at Alex’s waist. Justine’s lips pulled at the nipple, the sensation connecting directly with Alex’s clit in the most exquisite way.

  “Yes,” she whispered, running her fingers into Justine’s hair and clasping tightly. “Oh…”

  Justine sucked, and nibbled, and pulled, first with lips, then with teeth. Wetness flooded between Alex’s legs, and her pussy ached with an intensity that bordered on painful. She wasn’t going to ask Justine to hurry, however. This had been months in the making and she wanted it to last. Soberly, she realised she didn’t know when they’d see each other again once she left on Saturday, so the connection they made tonight and in the next thirty-six hours had to last them for however long it took to get the job application sorted out. And if she didn’t get the job… Justine’s hands were on the zipper of her trousers, and Alex banished all thoughts of time apart to focus solely on the sensation of Justine stripping her.

  She stood before Justine, nipples rock-hard and the evidence of her arousal obvious at the tops of her thighs. She’d never been so wet. She didn’t actually know it was possible for her body to produce so much. Justine’s breathing was ragged as she stared at Alex’s nudity, her gaze roaming over every inch.