Born in Light

by Kim ten Tusscher

  “Humbug,” Seraph snarled. “I needed someone and you were there for the taking. Don’t think that you’re special, Lilith.”

  “If I hadn’t been special, there would be someone else to take my place. But there isn’t, so Kasimirh sent you after me.”

  “Lilith, I want to talk with you!”

  Az-Zhara had entered unseen. Lilith walked up to him, but after a few paces she turned around and whispered to Seraph: “Now that Nander is dead, no one cares about you any more. I don’t think Kasimirh cares whether you return or not.”

  Before Seraph could respond, she walked on. Almor followed her.

  “I wasn’t talking to you,” said Az-Zhara, and Almor checked his step.

  “Where are the dogs?” Lilith asked Az-Zhara.

  Imiq went to lie between her and the dragon. Lilith had noticed that the dog wasn’t afraid of Az-Zhara and only stayed around to comfort Lilith.

  “I sent them back to the Inuuk. Together with the meat of the polar bear I caught yesterday, and some other supplies I had lying around.”

  Lilith smiled. “Now that their hunt is cancelled, I’m sure they can use the help.”

  “It’s my duty to protect the Inuuk. It’s bad enough that I wasn’t around to defend them. Sending them some food is the least I can do.”

  “Why is it your duty?” Lilith asked.

  “It’s my battle.”

  “Are you Niul’s dragon?”

  “I’m nobody’s dragon,” Az-Zhara snapped at her.

  Lilith started back.

  Az-Zhara rose to his feet. “Follow me.”

  Imiq got up at the same time as Lilith. Lilith motioned for her dog to stay and followed Az-Zhara. Almor rose and followed her with his eyes.

  Az-Zhara stopped at a narrow entrance. He spread his wings and folded them around himself. As Lilith wondered if he wanted her to go on by herself, he started to change. Curious, Lilith watched him. She had changed numerous times herself, but had never seen how it was done.

  The membrane of Az-Zhara’s wings turned translucent, so Lilith could see the transformation from up close. Everything happened at the same time. Az-Zhara became smaller, and his wings and tail disappeared. The scales on his legs melted together and the spikes on his head turned softer.

  Finally, a man stood before her. He was clad in clothes made of the fur of polar bears. Everything about him was white, even his skin. His long, blond hair was twisted into plaits.

  Az-Zhara lit a lantern. Before he turned around he said to Almor: “Don’t follow us.”

  Lilith walked after him into the passageway. It took a slight bend and led further into the deep. The light of the lantern was reflected in the silver walls, but couldn’t entirely chase away the darkness. Az-Zhara was no more than a dark shape.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  He didn’t answer. She looked over her shoulder, but there was no light behind her. She bumped into a wall and looked forward again. Az-Zhara was taller than she was with broad shoulders. Lilith wasn’t sure if it was all muscle. It could also be the result of his thick clothes.

  The silver beads in Az-Zhara’s hair clicked against each other with every step he took. Suddenly, in her mind’s eye, Lilith saw the executioner showing her the scourge with which he was about to flog her. The metal beads on the leather laces had made the same sound.

  Lilith shivered. She stopped and looked over her shoulder again.

  “Keep walking,” Az-Zhara commanded.

  “What are you going to do with me?” Lilith asked. Her voice broke. Again, Az-Zhara didn’t answer.

  Lilith turned around, but before she could start running, Az-Zhara grabbed her arm. He held the lantern between them, so that Lilith could see his face. The yellow light was reflected in his oval pupils.

  After a while, Lilith cast down her eyes. “I’ll follow you,” she whispered.

  Az-Zhara let go of her and turned around. Sick with fear, Lilith followed him.

  The passageway was getting wider. “Stay here,” Az-Zhara said. He walked on towards something that sparkled orange in the distance. When he raised his lantern, the light hit a slab of calcite. It showed a dragon in black onyx and red ruby.

  Lilith looked at Az-Zhara. “Is that me?” she asked. He nodded and regarded her closely.

  Lilith looked at the black dragon again. There was anger and contempt in its eyes. The image affected her deeply. Az-Zhara was holding up a strange mirror. Lilith was angry with herself, because she hadn’t found a way out sooner, and because her cowardice had caused her so much pain. At the same time, she felt contempt for herself because she had never been strong enough to end it. In whichever way.

  The worst thing was, that even now, she still wasn’t strong enough. The contempt in the dragon’s eyes might well have been her father’s. She had kept Seraph alive and was responsible for the consequences.

  Lilith looked at the rest of the mosaic. She saw people and houses in the orange calcite. Everything was on fire. Shocked, Lilith clasped her hand to her mouth. The anger and contempt that Az-Zhara had captured in the dragon’s eyes weren’t directed at her at all. This was how the black dragon looked at the world and the people in it.

  She shook her head and wanted to say something, but thought better of it. She had often felt contempt for the humans, especially when they had been trying to escape her. Anger had been her motive to hunt them down and send them to their deaths.

  “I feel so bad about everything I have done,” Lilith said quietly. “And there’s nothing I can do to make it better. This is a sin I have to live with. I’ll be punished for it after I die.”

  Az-Zhara squinted. “Why did you choose a human sorcerer?”

  “You speak in riddles. I didn’t choose anything. This life was forced onto me.” She bit her lower lip. “But that doesn’t absolve me from my responsibility.”

  “Every dragon chooses a battle. I thought you chose to fight Margal’s followers. But why couldn’t you do it alone? Did your father force you?”

  Lilith shot Az-Zhara a menacing look. “Fighting the Naftalians was Seraph’s battle. I only recently found out that he was the one who chose me and brought me to Kasimirh. Kasimirh’s battle is different, though. He fights for Jakob.”

  “Kasimirh is your sorcerer?”

  “He is my enemy,” she answered, feeling irritated. “He used me.”

  Az-Zhara looked from her to the mosaic. He was thinking.

  “Do you know how the dragonshifters were created?” He asked after a long silence.

  “Someone once told me about Thibauld,” Lilith said.

  “But do you know what happened?”

  “The Nicasians were attacked. To help them, the sorcerers gave a few of the resistance fighters the ability to change.”

  Az-Zhara nodded. “The dragons that lived back then donated their scales to make the magic work. But the dragons also foresaw the dangers of this new race. Every shifter is bound to the sorcerer who gives them their amulet. That wasn’t too big of a problem with the less powerful races, but the dragons didn’t want humans to be able to abuse their power. The agreement they entered into was that the dragonshifters could only be bound to dragon sorcerers. Only in exceptional cases and with the express consent of the dragonshifter, can this rule be broken. This has hardly ever happened. The sorcerers have sworn to honour this agreement.”

  “But Kasimirh didn’t,” Lilith whispered and she looked at the mosaic again.

  “We never considered that possibility,” Az-Zhara admitted. “It’s so hard to believe that a dragon would let herself be tamed.”

  “But you do believe me,” Lilith said relieved.

  Az-Zhara nodded slowly. “Yes, I do believe that you were dragged into this against your will. But I don’t know by whom, Almor or Seraph.”

  “Seraph is no longer the innocent toddler you once met, even though he would like you to think that.”

  Az-Zhara looked at her. “I know his family personally. I don’t
know anything about you.”

  Lilith nodded. “I understand that it must be hard to figure out who’s telling the truth,” she said. She hesitated.

  “But?” Az-Zhara asked when she remained silent.

  “Maybe you’d like to think on this: if my father and I are the kind of people Seraph says, why would we have let him live? I’m sure you understand he was a millstone to us on our journey here, and of course we knew that he was going to tell you who I was.”

  Az-Zhara smiled. “You’re right about that.”

  A weight fell off Lilith’s shoulders. She laughed.

  “But I don’t have the right to exonerate you from what you’ve done.”

  Her good mood disappeared again. She could tell by the look in his eyes that there was a lot more in store for her. She felt a shiver run down her spine.

  “The dragons have to decide.”

  “Why do they have the right to punish me for the murders I’ve committed?” Lilith asked.

  “That’s not what concerns us. The dragons will judge you for what you did to Tir-Sah and Wigar-Dan.”

  “Who are they?” Lilith whispered. She was pretty sure that she didn’t want to hear the answer.

  Az-Zhara walked to the mosaic and brushed it with his hand. “Do you know why I made this? I was curious about you and wanted to see into your mind. I wasn’t the only one. Tir-Sah went looking for you. She was killed. Back then, most of us believed that you weren’t responsible for her death, but when Wigar-Dan was attacked as well, that all changed. Many of the dragons agree that you lured Tir-Sah and Wigar-Dan to a place where the dragon slayers were waiting for them. Wigar-Dan saw you when he was attacked. He was so close. You must have heard him when he screamed for help. But you remained sitting on your rock. Did you really not see him?”

  Lilith closed her eyes. She shook her head as she rubbed her forehead.

  “I can’t keep your stay here a secret for long, Lilith. The dragons will demand you be brought to trial. You either leave or you agree to meet the dragons right now.”

  “You’re talking about choices, but I don’t believe I have any.”

  “You always have a choice.”

  Lilith shook her head. “What can the dragons decide?”

  “If they reach the conclusion that you willingly helped the dragon slayers, you’ll be sentenced to a fight to the death. Wigar-Dan will be your opponent.”

  11

  Lilith bound Almor’s wrists together and tied the ends of the rope behind his back. She avoided looking in his eyes.

  “It’s all right,” her father said as she bound his ankles. Nevertheless, he offered some resistance when she tightened the knots.

  “I’ll untie you as soon as possible,” Lilith said as she rose to her feet.

  She turned towards Seraph. He was standing with his arms crossed, looking at her. He took a step back as she approached him.

  “Seraph! I told you what to do,” said Az-Zhara. He had changed back into dragon form and was keeping a close eye on them.

  Seraph looked at the dragon. “There’s no reason to tie me up.”

  “I already explained to you why I think it is necessary.”

  “And I gave you my word that I won’t harm Almor. Don’t you trust me?”

  Az-Zhara got up and leaned towards Seraph. “Right now, I don’t trust anyone. Sit.”

  Seraph quickly obeyed. Lilith walked up to him. She let the rope slide through her fingers.

  “Seraph, your arms…”

  Seraph grudgingly did what Az-Zhara told him to do. He held out his arms only just far enough for Lilith to put the rope around them. She smiled as she made a knot and pulled his arms towards her. She wound the rope tightly around his wrists. Then she walked around him. She placed her knee in his back and pulled at the ropes, forcing Seraph’s hands into his belly. He groaned. Lilith knew that his wounds hadn’t completely healed yet.

  “You won’t escape your punishment, just you wait,” Seraph whispered. “The dragons have no choice but to find you guilty.”

  Lilith bent down to his ear. “I’ll make them see that I’m telling the truth. You will be the one who’s going to get punished. But first, I’ll tie your ankles.”

  Seraph remained seated on his knees, so she shoved him in the back. He rolled over. Lilith pulled at his legs and put the rope around his ankles before Seraph had recovered.

  Seraph struggled to sit up and spat at her. Lilith got up. She wanted to kick him, but thought better of it. She turned around and walked to the dragon.

  “What’s going to happen next?” she asked. Az-Zhara had only told her that she was to meet the dragons and had to tie up Almor and Seraph.

  “Are we leaving now?”

  “We dragons keep in touch through our minds. We don’t have to go anywhere, but we do fall into a trance. Do you understand that?”

  Lilith nodded. “Will there be someone who sides with me?” She gave him a hopeful expression.

  Az-Zhara shook his head. “Don’t expect too much from me.” He pointed at the mosaics on the wall. “The brown dragon is Wigar-Dan. You know what he accuses you of. Another important dragon is Ari-Hagnè.” He pointed at the feathered dragon. “She’s our leader, and you still have a chance with her.”

  “I understand,” said Lilith. “And Hluth-Anner? Will he be there as well?”

  Hluth-Anner was the dragon sorcerer that had given Az-Zhara his amulet. Az-Zhara had told her that on their way back through the narrow passageway.

  “Of course. But he won’t interfere unless anyone asks for his help.”

  “But he should be able to understand what Kasimirh was able to do with me.”

  Az-Zhara shrugged. “I doubt if there’s any dragon who’s able to understand you. It’s even hard for me, because Hluth-Anner and I don’t communicate much. And he certainly doesn’t impose his will on me.”

  Lilith sighed.

  “Let’s call the others,” said Az-Zhara. “Dragi, i oest sprach.”

  The world around Lilith started to look blurry. There was a strong wind, but just as soon as the wind arose, it dropped again. The world came back into focus. Surprised, Lilith looked around. Az-Zhara and she had left his home and were now inside a ruin. Lilith was relieved to recognize the building; it was the temple at the Fountain of Origin.

  Lord Jakob, help me through this ordeal. I’m scared. Please, keep me safe.

  As she was praying, she felt the grass beneath her feet turn into tiles. The ivy retreated and the crumbled columns were rebuilt at high speed. The clear-cut lines made the inscriptions look brand new. The columns gradually merged into the dome. Outside, Lilith saw a beautiful garden.

  As more dragons entered the temple, it expanded to make room for everyone. Lilith didn’t have much time to marvel at it, because the dragons drew her attention.

  Almost all of them looked different, but now a group of dragons entered that looked much alike. Their snakelike bodies seemed to float. They had neither legs nor wings. They were all a different shade of blue-green. Their manes moved slowly in an impalpable wind. Or in water. Those were sea dragons, Lilith suddenly realized. She recognized Hluth-Anner from Az-Zhara’s portraits. The sorcerer dragon was eying her inquisitively.

  The dragons formed a circle around her, so that she had to look up at them. Only then did she really grasp the gravity of the situation. There was no one here to protect her. Almor lay bound in the real world, and Imiq was there as well. Even though the dog wouldn’t be able to defend her from the dragons, she would feel safer with her by her side. She timidly looked around. But then she realized that none of this was real. Nothing could happen to her. She straightened her back.

  Two of the frost dragons started whispering to each other excitedly. Across from Lilith, next to Ari-Hagnè, stood Wigar-Dan. He was looking at her, but only one of his eyes moved. The membrane of his wings was torn to pieces.

  “Az-Zhara, who is this?” Ari-Hagnè asked.

  Az-Zhara looked down at Li
lith. He opened his mouth, but clearly didn’t really know what to say. It seemed as if he had shrunken a bit when the dragons appeared.

  “My name is Lilith,” she said.

  Ari-Hagnè gave her a questioning look. “Only dragons can come here, so you must be a dragon, too.”

  Lilith nodded. “I’m…” She coughed. “I’m the dragon from Naftalia.”

  Wigar-Dan shot forwards. He lifted Lilith up and pressed her against the dome. As far as imaginary worlds went, the stones in her back felt surprisingly solid. Lilith thrashed about. The pressure the dragon was applying on her made it hard to breathe. She was scared. All of a sudden, she wasn’t so sure any more that she couldn’t die here.

  “At last!” Wigar-Dan hissed. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time.”

  Some of the dragons were cheering him on, including one of the four frost dragons.

  “Let’s first give her the chance to tell us why she has come,” Az-Zhara called out.

  “What’s wrong Az-Zhara? Have you been so deprived of female dragons that you let yourself be taken in by the first one who walks into your home?” one of the frost dragons sneered. Some of the dragons laughed, others were throwing Az-Zhara accusatory looks.

  Az-Zhara’s expression hardened. “No, Eth-Leos. I’m just saying that we should listen to her story before Wigar-Dan kills her. Besides, there isn’t much use in killing her.” He turned around to face the brown dragon. “Because you won’t be punishing the real perpetrator.”

  Wigar-Dan squinted at Lilith. “You lured me into a trap.”

  “I honestly didn’t know that I was being used for that,” Lilith said in a high-pitched voice. “Kasimirh must have done something to me, so that I couldn’t see or hear you.”

  Az-Zhara was staring at the floor when he said: “Lilith is not like the other dragon people. She never had a choice, the sorcerer chose her. He controlled her.”

  Suddenly, Wigar-Dan let go of her. Lilith slid down the wall and crashed onto the floor. She moaned as she sat up. Wigar-Dan shook his head in contempt. “Is that your excuse? Someone else made you do it? You could at least have tried to come up with a better story!”