Born in Light

by Kim ten Tusscher

  “I’m just telling you the truth.”

  “You’re a dragon! Just about the strongest creature in the world! And you want us to believe that someone else controlled you?” Wigar-Dan shook his head. “You entered into an alliance with a human sorcerer, and therefore you’re just as much to blame for everything that’s happened.”

  “Kasimirh controlled me all the time. Especially when I was a dragon. There were so many ways in which he made sure that I did what he wanted.”

  Ari-Hagnè look at Az-Zhara and then at Hluth-Anner. “Can Lilith be telling the truth?” she asked the latter.

  “Ever since Thibauld, we have been afraid of what the human sorcerers could do. Maybe Lilith is proof that we were right.”

  “Did you choose Kasimirh?” Ari-Hagnè asked Lilith.

  She shook her head. “Az-Zhara told me that a dragon chooses a sorcerer. I never knew that. I was seventeen days old when Seraph took me and I was eight when I changed for the first time. I didn’t even know what Kasimirh wanted from me all those times that he took me with him. When I succeeded in changing the first time, I had to ask Seraph what I was. I had never even heard about dragons.”

  “You already had your shapeshifting dream when you were eight?” Az-Zhara asked.

  Lilith looked puzzled. “Dream?”

  “Yes, every shapeshifter dreams about shifting when they are ready for it. It normally happens around your sixteenth birthday.” He looked at her. “But that’s not how it happened with you,” he concluded.

  Lilith shook her head.

  “What do you think about all this, Hluth-Anner?” Ari-Hagnè asked.

  “I know how it works between me and Az-Zhara. I sense him sometimes, but only when he wants me to. Our bond could be stronger if we both wanted it. How far does Kasimirh’s power over you go, Lilith? Can he literally control the things you do, or does he merely influence you?”

  Lilith thought for a moment. “I had no choice but to do what he wanted, but that feeling came from within myself. He could also do other things to me. At first, he was the only one who could make me change. Later, he taught me the incantation as well. But he can still make me change if he wants to. Even from a distance.”

  Hluth-Anner squinted at her. Then he looked at Az-Zhara, who was shaking his head, as if he was scared that the sea dragon was going to try to make him change as well.

  “I’m sure that I could not do that to him,” Hluth-Anner said.

  “Is it possible that you gave him permission?” Ari-Hagnè asked. “Perhaps involuntarily?”

  Lilith shrugged. “I don’t know how it all works. It’s possible that I did.”

  Everyone started talking at once. Lilith realized that this wasn’t the first time they had talked about her. Some of the dragons, Wigar-Dan included, shouted that they had to end her life immediately. “Why wait any longer?”

  Some of the other dragons were clearly curious about her story. Lilith tried to calculate her chances, but it wasn’t clear whether the majority was for or against her death. Nor did she know how the dragons were going to come to a decision. Was it a majority vote or did rank and seniority weigh in as well? One thing was clear though: sooner or later, she was going to be punished.

  She looked at Az-Zhara. Now and again he said something, but his voice wasn't loud enough to be heard in the present discussion. If rank and seniority weighed in, he wasn’t going to be of much help to her. It didn’t look like he had much of a say.

  Wigar-Dan came to stand in front of her and lowered his head. Lilith had to take a step back. Everyone went quiet. “I challenge you to a fight, dragon to dragon. Change!”

  So, this was it. All of a sudden judgment was pronounced on her. Lilith shook her head. “I can’t,”

  “You insult me with you cowardice. Last time you let the servi fight. Now it’s your turn.”

  “If you think you should kill me, then so be it. But I’m not being difficult. I can’t fight you in dragon form.” Nevertheless, Lilith was glad that she didn’t have to fight.

  “Why?” Ari-Hagnè asked.

  “I don’t have an amulet. But even if I had one, I still couldn’t change. If I do, Kasimirh will know where I am. That wouldn’t only jeopardize my safety, but lord Az-Zhara’s as well.”

  Ari-Hagnè looked at Hluth-Anner. He shook his head. “Only dragons can come here. There’s no danger.”

  “Then make her change,” Wigar-Dan commanded.

  Hluth-Anner did as he was asked. Lilith became bigger. Now Wigar-Dan had to take a step back. Scales were pushing through her skin. For a short moment, Lilith was scared. That always happened when she changed. When she felt her claws gripping around the edges of the tiles, she raised her head.

  Wigar-Dan was scrutinizing her with his one eye. “That battered mongrel doesn’t even deserve to be called a dragon,” he said.

  Lilith growled. She compared herself to the other dragons and saw that he was right. Even compared to Wigar-Dan there was a huge contrast: all her scales were damaged and torn at the edges. Wigar-Dan’s scales gleamed and the membrane on his undamaged wing was in perfect condition, whereas Lilith’s membranes had lots of tiny holes. That didn’t give Wigar-Dan the right to insult her, though.

  Lilith shook her head. She tasted sulphur in her mouth. If he hurt her, she was going to attack him.

  Then she spotted a shadow. Someone was walking around the back of the dragons until he reached Wigar-Dan. The figure slowly came forwards, into the light. Lilith cowered. “Kasimirh? What are you doing here?” she stammered.

  Kasimirh grinned at her, his face illuminated. “Thank You, Jakob, for bringing us together here, like You promised.”

  Lilith clenched her claws and growled. This wasn’t what I meant when I asked for Your protection.

  “You don’t belong here,” Ari-Hagnè hissed.

  “Oh yes, I do. This dragon is bound to me. If you don’t want me here, you shouldn’t have made her change.”

  He raised his hands. Strings twisted and turned their way from the palms of his hands towards Lilith. For a brief moment she glowed. Struck by pain, Lilith grabbed for her temples. She felt the tips of the strings touch her. She tried to pull them off, but she couldn’t. They were fused to her head. Growling savagely, she breathed fire.

  Kasimirh tugged at the strings. Lilith braced herself and shook her head again. The sorcerer almost fell over, but he didn’t let it show as he spoke: “I’ve been waiting for you. I thought that Seraph had found you.”

  Az-Zhara rose to his hind legs and launched himself at Kasimirh. A tremor went through the temple. Kasimirh was still standing in the middle of the circle, unharmed. He clacked his tongue derisively, before he turned back to Lilith.

  Kasimirh slowly grew as he drew her towards him. Lilith couldn’t resist any more, her legs obeyed him. When she stood before him, he was as big as she was. He held out his hand and caressed her cheek. She curled her lip and hissed, but couldn’t turn away. Kasimirh’s fingers briefly touched the place where she was connected to him. The electric pulses were unbearable.

  “I don’t like the state that I’ve found you in. Why don’t you understand that you’re mine?”

  “Not any more!” Lilith said.

  “You’re wrong. You are mine. Now, even more than ever.”

  His fingers moved along her neck. He grabbed her throat and put his other hand on her forehead.

  “What are you doing?” Lilith wanted to push him away, but she could hardly move her front legs.

  “Ferhdessar inspired me. He has always been my role model.” Kasimirh sneered. “I made preparations for our reunion. You’re still valuable to me, but you’ve become too opinionated. I can’t have that. Now I know for sure that you will obey me next time.”

  Lilith felt she was losing control over her body. Help! She had meant to scream, but it was impossible to utter any words.

  “Don’t say anything, Lilith,” Kasimirh said laughing. “Words are no longer necessary.”
/>   What Kasimirh was doing to her felt the same as when she cut herself, only he did it somewhere inside her head. The pain wasn’t too bad, but the fear was, because she knew what he was doing.

  “We’re starting all over again,” Kasimirh said.

  Lilith’s legs gave out and she bowed her head to the ground. “Master.” Her self-loathing was only vocalized by a tiny, almost inaudible, voice in the back of her head. Kasimirh had not only taken control of her body, but also of her mind. A cold darkness was all that remained. She shivered.

  Kasimirh stroked her head. “Well done. Now, who are we going to start with?”

  There was a loud crack. The sea dragons had broken through Kasimirh’s protective shield. The sorcerer was briefly distracted. Lilith remained lying motionless.

  “She has lured us into a trap again!” Wigar-Dan called out. “She brought him here and she’ll kill us all!”

  “I guess we’ll be starting with him. Lilith, go ahead.” Kasimirh pointed at the brown dragon. Lilith darted forwards. Wigar-Dan flexed his muscles, ready to fight back.

  Az-Zhara flew forwards and pushed Lilith away from the brown dragon. From the corner of her eye she saw Wigar-Dan and a green dragon attacking Kasimirh. The sorcerer launched a fireball. The green dragon roared. Wigar-Dan hit Kasimirh with his tail, launching the sorcerer into a pillar. Kasimirh crawled back up and raised his hands. The strings that tied Lilith to him started to glow again.

  “Break free, Lilith. Come help me!”

  Az-Zhara struggled to hold her. She scratched him and knocked away his paws. He let out a soft growl.

  Kasimirh beckoned her. She had taken three steps when Az-Zhara threw himself onto her. She tried to drive her teeth into the white dragon. He pushed her onto the ground, making it impossible for her to move or breathe. Her anger flared.

  “Lilith, use your fire!”

  She shook her head and opened her mouth.

  Az-Zhara’s eyes went wide. “Don’t do it,” he whispered.

  Eth-Leos appeared out of nowhere. Just in time, he placed his paw on her head, and averted the fire so that it nearly hit Kasimirh. The sorcerer jumped aside.

  “Lilith, you’re stronger than he is. Kill him!” Kasimirh’s voice trembled. Lilith felt his fear. She transformed it into anger.

  She wrestled her legs free and closed her claw around Az-Zhara’s neck. She squeezed as Az-Zhara tried to push her paws away. At the same time, Eth-Leos fought against her. Her rage surged and she squeezed Az-Zhara’s neck even harder. Veins in his eyes popped, and his resistance became weaker. His mouth was wide open as he tried to inhale as much oxygen as he could.

  Someone pulled her back. Her grip slackened. Az-Zhara crawled away as she knocked Eth-Leos to the ground. She saw that the other dragons were engaging Kasimirh and jumped back on top of Az-Zhara to throttle him again.

  “She is mine!” Kasimirh yelled. “And if you try to keep her away from me, she’ll kill you one by one.”

  “Not if it’s up to me!” Ari-Hagnè yelled. “Hluth-Anner, keep him away from Lilith.”

  The sea dragon threw himself onto Kasimirh and curled his body around the sorcerer. There was a blue glow surrounding them both. Ari-Hagnè shook her feathers. The smell of something burning filled the room. The string on the right of Lilith’s head was burned through. It swished back and forth like a whip. Lilith managed to loosen her grip on Az-Zhara’s neck. Kasimirh said something that made the string grow again. Just before it reattached itself to Lilith, she fell to the ground in her human form. At the same time, Kasimirh disappeared.

  “Is she dead?” Wigar-Dan asked.

  Eth-Leos pushed against her body. “Seems to be.” He looked at Az-Zhara. “She tried to kill you,” he said embittered.

  Only now did Lilith realize what she had almost done. Az-Zhara was standing next to Eth-Leos, rubbing his neck. He remained silent.

  Wigar-Dan also pushed against Lilith’s body. She rolled over, but couldn’t stop it.

  “Fools,” she heard Ari-Hagnè say. “It wasn’t Lilith who fought, it was Kasimirh.”

  She was turned onto her back again. The feathered dragon looked at her for a few seconds. “She isn’t dead.”

  “What a shame,” said Wigar-Dan.

  Eth-Leos pushed Az-Zhara forwards. “Finish it. You’ve earned the right.”

  “Stop!” Hluth-Anner came floating into Lilith’s vision. “Ari-Hagnè is right. Kasimirh used powerful magic that Lilith couldn’t defend herself from.”

  “This was the proof,” Az-Zhara whispered.

  Ari-Hagnè nodded. Then she turned towards Hluth-Anner: “We need to talk about how we’re going to disconnect her from Kasimirh.”

  The wind rose up again and the temple disappeared.

  Almor called her name. Lilith turned her head in his direction. At least, it felt like she did. Nevertheless, she still saw the white ceiling. She tried to sit up, but her body didn’t respond. Almor! Lilith’s breathing quickened as she realized what was going on.

  Seraph laughed. “The dragons truly are wise. Lilith has been punished for everything she has done,” he said.

  Almor called her name again. Then he screamed: “Untie me, Az-Zhara!”

  Lilith moved her eyes to look around. She caught a glimpse of Az-Zhara, but he just as quickly disappeared from her sight.

  “Now you don’t have anyone any more, either,” said Seraph. “The dragons have killed your daughter.”

  Everything became quiet until Almor suddenly turned up beside her. Tears were streaming down his face. He looked at her and heaved a sigh of relief. “You’re still alive.”

  He reached out his hands to her. Lilith wanted to curl up against him. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” Almor shook her by the shoulders. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Kasimirh showed up,” Az-Zhara said. “And he mentioned you, Seraph.”

  Almor pulled Lilith up and took her in his arms. Now she could see Seraph. Az-Zhara was standing next to him, with his paw on the chest of the Purified man.

  “I was also his slave,” Seraph moaned. “All I could do was obey his orders.”

  “Lies,” said Almor. “What will it take for you to tell the truth?” His hand moved towards Lilith’s head and he held her against him. She saw it, but didn’t feel it. Almor pressed his face against her neck. “Tell me what’s wrong with you.” He shook her. “Say something! Move!”

  Az-Zhara pushed Seraph aside, making him glide across the icy floor until he hit the wall and came to a stop. Then Az-Zhara walked up to Almor. He pensively stared down at Lilith as he told Almor what had happened.

  Az-Zhara disappeared from her view again. Almor lifted her up and carried her to a pile of animal hides. He covered her up and sat down next to her. He sighed. “I’ve failed again. Once more I wasn’t able to protect you. I’m sorry, Lilith.” He bent over and kissed her forehead. “I’m so sorry. I even swore to you that I’d protect you.”

  Lilith wanted to shake her head. It wasn’t Almor’s fault.

  Why did You betray me, Jakob?

  She had thought she was safe, because they were at the Fountain of Origin. Kasimirh, however, had been clear; it had been Jakob’s will.

  I hate You! I equally hate You both.

  12

  Kasimirh staggered backwards as his connection with Lilith was broken. He fell against a column and dragged some dead climbing plants with him. The noise attracted Mitan’s attention. She was working in the gardens surrounding the temple. She stared at Kasimirh for a short while before she hurried towards him and knelt down beside him.

  “Are you all right, lord?” She helped him up and led him to a column lying a bit further away. “Can I help you?”

  Kasimirh shook his head. He sat down and bent over. Now that he had experienced again what it felt like to hold power over Lilith, he ached for more.

  “You’re mine,” he whispered.

  “What did you say?” Mitan asked.

  Kasimirh regarded the
dark-skinned woman from head to toe. She humbly cast down her eyes. “Jakob gave you to me!” Kasimirh called out.

  “That’s right, lord.” Mitan curtsied. Her hands were clenching the fabric of her skirt. She trembled.

  “Hand me my staff.”

  Mitan ran to the place where Kasimirh had fallen. She brought him his staff, and helped him up. “Let go of me!” he snapped.

  Mitan darted back. “I’m sorry, lord.”

  Kasimirh stretched his back and took a few steps. He looked at Mitan’s hands. “That dirt under your nails is a disgrace.”

  Mitan looked at her hands and quickly hid them behind her back.

  Kasimirh brusquely shoved her aside and forgot all about her as he walked across the broken tiles. Now that he knew how beautiful the temple had once been, it hurt even more to see the ruined state it was in. Only two columns remained standing. There wasn’t even a fragment left of the dome.

  Kasimirh stopped at the Fountain. The water glistened in the sun as it seeped over the edge of the stone column. He immersed his hand in the water and closed his eyes. This was the only place where he felt Jakob’s presence the way it had felt when God had come to him to teach him. On the other rock pillars he felt ill.

  Today, however, there was an important reason to leave the temple and go to the palace. Yvar was going to be entombed in the crypt.

  Kasimirh scooped up some water and drank it. Then he turned around and walked through the neglected garden to the narrow bridge that connected this rock pillar with the city. Here and there wild roses grew among the weeds.

  His bodyguard escorted him across the bridge to a carriage. Kasimirh climbed onto the step. Before he sat down on the comfortable upholstery of the seats, he looked over his shoulder at the temple garden that he was leaving behind.

  Gaia’s priest was waiting for him in the carriage. When Kasimirh looked at him, he humbly bowed his head.

  “Good afternoon, lord Kasimirh,” he said kindly. His eyes, however, were ablaze with anger.

  Kasimirh smiled. Magic made it seem as if the man had joined the Jakobinians. During their ride through the city, many Merzians would see them together and draw their own conclusions.