Friends Without Benefits

by Dena Blake

  “What the hell is going on with you, Grace?” She twisted sideways and pulled her leg onto the couch between them. “Aren’t you happy with Brent?”

  Grace dropped her head against the couch and stared at the ceiling. “I am happy for the most part. But I miss hanging out with you.”

  “So you want to sleep with me and fuck up your life?”

  “No.” Grace shook her head. “I didn’t say that, but I really have thought about you.” She sighed. “If it were only possible to have your personality in Brent’s body.”

  Dex threw a hand up in front of her. “Stop. Now.” She bolted from the couch and crossed the room. “There will be no more of this kind of talk.” She went into the kitchen, took a beer out of the refrigerator, eyed it, put it back, and grabbed a soda. No alcohol tonight, not after that bombshell conversation. This was not at all the way she’d seen this night going. It was supposed to be the exact opposite. She busied herself in the kitchen making a salad and trying to settle her thoughts back to normal. The doorbell rang, and she thanked God that he’d created pizza-delivery guys. When the evening had started, Dex hadn’t expected anything like this, not in a long shot.

  * * *

  When Grace got home, Brent was on the couch, filthy feet on the coffee table, watching the game. Forget the fact that she’d asked him a gazillion times not to do it. She ignored him and went upstairs. Other thoughts were circling in her head at the moment that she had to deal with.

  She undressed, put on her nightshirt, and crawled into bed. Maybe Emma was right. Maybe she was fucked up. She had definitely stepped over the line tonight by purposely making Dex think she’d fantasized of her in ways other than friendship, that there might be something more between them, but there couldn’t be. The shock on Dex’s face was unmistakable. Her stomach churned. The whole conversation had undermined her relationship with Brent and her friendship with Dex. She blew out a breath. She didn’t understand her own actions and apparently couldn’t control them either.

  Emma. The name rang in her head. Why did Grace dislike her so much? She was, in fact, a great match for Dex. But Grace just couldn’t buy into the whole relationship between the two of them. She remembered the first time she’d seen Dex gazing at Emma the way she used to gaze at her. It had hurt more than she’d thought it possibly could. It was at the Christmas market. Brent was off doing his own thing as usual, and when she’d turned to talk to Dex, she’d spotted the electricity between them. Grace had suddenly felt like an outsider, which sent an inexplicable bolt of anger through her.

  She’d thought Emma was gone for good after the ice-skating incident, but when she and Dex had both shown up at Emilio’s Christmas party, Emma had taken center stage again. At the time Grace hadn’t wanted to analyze why. She’d just known she needed Dex’s attention. So she’d immediately captured it from Emma by leaning in and whispering in Dex’s ear, showing some cleavage as she always did. She’d gotten the response she’d wanted. Dex had closed her eyes momentarily and taken in a breath. But then Dex had focused her attention on Emma, not Grace. From that point on Emma had become the enemy, and Grace couldn’t stop the wrath she’d rained upon her.

  She’d been so nervous tonight with Dex, and with good reason. Even though she’d known her practically since the beginning of time, she’d never led her to believe they were anything but friends before now. Tonight she had done just that. It was selfish, but she’d pushed Dex to tell her if she’d ever thought about her sexually, an intimate question to which she already knew the answer. Normal conversation had ceased at that point, and the whole evening became a gigantic pile of awkward.

  Grace was going to have to apologize for being such an ass and make it right, or things between them would never be the same again. Dex knew how insecure Grace was, didn’t she? She’d understand why she’d acted the way she had. Wouldn’t she? “Fuck,” she whispered. She’d made a huge mess of everything.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  To keep her mind off Dex, Emma had been throwing herself into her work for the past few days. It seemed to help for a while, but then her mind would get tired and wander back to Dex. She’d been drinking excessive amounts of coffee to keep going, because sleeping only brought reality full force into her dreams. She gazed out the window at downtown Chicago. It was a beautiful city when the sky was clear. And it was even more gorgeous during the holiday season with all the hues of reds, blues, and greens streaming from designs on the tall buildings.

  Lights immediately brought her thoughts to Dex again and all the feelings for her she couldn’t suppress. Emma had never been able to master the art of compartmentalizing her emotions. Trying to figure out how to make her heart stop aching for the second time in her life was going to be a challenge. The first had been with Amy, her last substantial relationship. It had taken Emma the better part of a year to get over her. Until recently, she’d still avoided certain restaurants and parts of town because she didn’t want to chance running into her. Now there would be new places she wouldn’t frequent in the future because of Dex.

  A light knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts. “Hey, what’s going on with you?” She heard Brent’s voice and spun around in her chair. By that time, he’d already crossed the room and taken a seat in the chair in front of her desk.

  She flipped her glasses from her head to her nose and straightened a few documents before setting them in a neat pile to the right of the phone on her desk. “Nothing. I’m good.” Brent had been her sounding board since they’d started working together. He wasn’t always right, but he’d given her some sage advice in the past when she’d had relationship issues. She didn’t know how he’d react to this particular problem.

  “Come on. I can tell something’s wrong. You haven’t come out of your office in three days, except to get coffee.”

  She blew out a breath and rolled her lips in. “I know I’m really fucking bad at love, but I thought this time was different.”

  He pushed forward in the chair. “What? I thought things were good with Dex.” Apparently Grace hadn’t relayed the news yet.

  She plucked off her glasses and dropped them onto the desk. “No. Not at all. I can’t believe I did this again. When I saw her at your wedding, I should’ve known better. What’s wrong with me?” She dropped her head to her desk. “Fuck me.”

  “What are you talking about? Don’t go all crazy on me.”

  She shook her head. “How do I always pick the wrong girls?”

  “I picked Dex.”

  “Grace didn’t have anything to do with it?” she asked.

  “No. She didn’t want to put the two of you together. But I could tell that you and Dex would be perfect for each other.”

  The whole situation made sense now. She bolted out of her chair and paced the office. “This is your fault.” She stopped and pointed at Brent. “You knew what happened with Amy, and you still set me up with Dex.”

  “What the fuck, Em? Amy was in love with her best friend.”

  “So is Dex.” She was so riled up, the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

  Brent pulled his brows together. “But Grace is her best friend, and she’s straight.” The poor guy honestly seemed confused. He had no idea.

  “You are so fucking blind. They’re always together.” She continued to pace. “Grace is like a drug that Dex can’t purge from her system.”

  “I know they spend a lot of time together and they talk all the time, but…” He hesitated, seeming to be lost in thought, and then he appeared to absorb what she was saying. “You don’t think they’re…”

  Emma rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know. Anything’s possible.” She shrugged. “All I know is that Grace is in the middle of my relationship with Dex.” She went behind her desk and dropped into her chair. “Grace keeps Dex on a leash. Whenever she gets a little distance, Grace injects her with her pathetic neediness, hits the recoil button, and snaps her back.”

  Brent launched out of
the chair. “I take exception to that. She’s not needy at all with me.”

  “Because she has Dex to take care of everything for her!” The sentence came out louder than Emma had intended, but Brent really needed to answer this wake-up call.

  Brent raked a hand across the back of his neck. “Do you really think something’s going on between them?”

  “I hope not, but I honestly don’t know.”

  Brent left her office in a rush, and Emma knew where he was going. She shouldn’t have said the things she had to him. But Emma genuinely didn’t know why Grace had such control over Dex, why she needed to have such an influence in Dex’s life, which Emma was now a part of whether she wanted to be or not. All she knew was that she couldn’t be happy the way things were, and she still had a glimmer of hope that Brent could fix it from his end.

  * * *

  Dex retrieved the lights from the shelf in Grace’s garage where she’d placed them after she’d taken them down last year. She wasn’t looking forward to going back out into the frigidly cold temperature. Her feet had just begun to thaw from trudging through the snow on the previous job she’d completed. This was her last house of the day, and she would be inside eating a nice warm dinner soon. Grace’s usual payment. She wiped the sweat from her forehead, a remnant of the sauna she’d created in her SUV on the way over, she thought. She shook off the chill that ran down her spine and plodded to the front yard. She was definitely clammy. It wasn’t a huge job, but she needed to get moving. The sun would be down soon, and once it was gone the temperature would plummet.

  She and Grace had engaged in minimal conversation when she’d arrived. Grace had actually seemed surprised to see her. But she’d already had Grace on her schedule for today and wasn’t about to cancel, especially after what had happened last week.

  Grace had sent her a text apologizing for the whole weirded-out conversation, said she’d been having issues with Brent. But Dex still wasn’t happy with the way they’d left things. She hadn’t actually had a chance to talk to her about Emma. Considering last week and after mulling it over the past few days, Dex was unsure as to whether she should discuss any of her private feelings for Emma with Grace.

  All the lights were laid out in the snow below each area where Dex planned to hang them. She’d just taken the ladder off the SUV and propped it against the house at her starting point when Grace hurried out the front door carrying a travel mug. She raised the mug and stood at the end of the walkway, waiting for Dex to come to her. She’d managed to put on her jacket, but her feet were covered only in fluffy pink slippers. Dex did as expected and slogged through the snow to see her.

  “It’s hot chocolate.” She handed it to her. “I thought you might need something warm.” She smiled like everything was normal between them. Maybe it was, in her mind. “You’re staying for dinner, right? I have a chicken in the oven roasting. I’m getting pretty good at this cooking thing.”

  “I’m not sure. It’s been a long day, and I’m not feeling so hot.”

  “All the more reason why you should stay.”

  “I’ll see. When I’m done here, I may just go home and crash.” Dex coughed.

  “Then I’ll fix you a plate to go.”

  “Sure. That’d be nice.” She glanced at Grace’s feet. “Now get back inside before your feet freeze.”

  Dex had turned to go back to the ladder when she heard Grace call her name. She turned around to catch a solemn smile on Grace’s face. “You’re the best,” she said before disappearing into the house.

  Business as usual.

  * * *

  Grace had already put the chicken in the oven to roast, and the potatoes were cooking on the stove. She really wasn’t all that bad at this domestic stuff. When she heard the door open, she rushed into the living room to see Brent and tell him all about it, but he didn’t give her the chance.

  “What the hell is Dex doing out there putting up our lights?” He took off his wool coat. “I told you I’d do it this weekend.” His voice was firm.

  Grace’s heart pounded, and she came to a complete stop. “She offered, so I thought it would help you out.”

  “It’s twenty degrees outside.” He slid his coat on a hanger and slammed the closet door. “Fucking freezing.”

  “It doesn’t look that cold. The sun’s shining.”

  “You take way too much advantage of her.”

  “She just showed up like she does every year.” She didn’t want to tell him about their last awkward conversation.

  “She just showed up?”

  “Yeah. She comes by all the time and helps me out with things around the house.”

  “Things you should be asking me to do?” He headed into the hallway toward the bedroom.

  “I like spending time with her.”

  He stopped and turned around. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were in love with her, not me.”

  Grace was stunned. Why would he even think that? Had Dex said something to Emma?

  “Are you?” He tilted his head. “In love? With Dex?” He said the words individually, making them sound all the worse.

  Grace hesitated, not knowing quite how to explain what she had with Dex. It was definitely love, but a different kind of love than she had for Brent.

  “Oh, shit. You are?”

  “No. I’m not in love with her.” She shook her head. “Well, maybe I am in a way.” The expression on Brent’s face told her she had to clarify what she’d just said. “I’m in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life as your wife. The love I feel for Dex is different, but it’s just as strong.” She dropped down onto the couch. “I mean, I don’t want to sleep with her or anything like that, but she’s been in my life since we were kids. We have a connection that I just can’t break. I don’t want to.”

  “You need to start making some choices, Grace.”

  “Why do I have to make a choice?”

  “Emma told me what you’ve been doing to Dex.”

  “Emma needs to mind her own business.”

  “It is her business. She’s in love with Dex.”

  “She couldn’t possibly be in love with her. They haven’t known each other long enough.” She spun around. “Besides, Dex isn’t in love with her.”

  “How do you know that? Have you even asked her?”

  “No, but she would tell me if she was.”

  “You’re so self-absorbed you can’t even see it.”

  “I am not self-absorbed.”

  “Yes, you are. Always have been.” He went into the bedroom and pulled some clothes from the dresser. “Look at the poor girl out there hanging lights for you when she’s sick. And she’s doing it for free.”

  “You said I had to cut back on spending.”

  “I also said I’d do the lights.”

  “Christmas is only twelve days away, and you haven’t done them yet.”

  “I was waiting for a warmer day.” He took off his suit and tugged on his jeans and a long-sleeved, waffled Henley shirt.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going out to help her.”

  “Then you might get sick.”

  He stopped and stared at her. “The exact thought you should’ve had when Dex showed up here today.” He pulled a Chicago Bulls hoodie over his head. “Emma is my friend, and Dex is yours. You’re messing with all our lives, and if you keep it up, it’s not going to turn out well.” He rushed down the hallway, yanked open the closet door, and plucked a beanie from the top shelf.

  “You’re like a pimple on her ass, Grace. Leave her alone.” He went out the door and pulled it closed behind him.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The constant buzzing of the phone brought Dex out of her cold-medicine-induced sleep. She checked the screen—four missed calls from Grace. She’d called John, her crew supervisor, last night and told him she’d be out today and then put her phone on silent when she’d gone to bed. The congestion in her sinuses was so thick, her head f
elt like it was about to explode. She plugged in her unlock code and hit the button for Grace, who answered immediately.

  “Hey,” she said, her voice gravelly.

  “Thank God you finally called me back. You had me so worried. I was just getting ready to come over there.” Grace rattled the sentences off so quickly, Dex’s head hurt worse than it already did.

  “I’m fine, just trying to get some rest. I’ve got a head cold.”

  “I’m so sorry about yesterday. I didn’t realize you were sick. You shouldn’t have been out in the weather like that putting up lights.”

  “It’s okay. We got them done.” Dex coughed.

  “Are you okay? Can I bring you something?”

  “No. I’m just going to take a day and sleep. I have to whip this fast. My schedule this year is full, and I can’t afford to miss another day.”

  “Can’t your crew handle it without you?”

  “They probably can, but I need to be there. The customers made the contract with me. Plus, it gets done a lot faster with more hands.” She coughed again. “I’m going back to sleep. Talk to you later.”

  When Dex woke up later that afternoon, Grace was sitting on the side of the bed watching her.

  “I brought you a cup of tea.”

  Dex glanced at the nightstand to see a whole pharmacy of drugs.

  “And some ibuprofen, decongestant, and cough medicine.” Grace picked up each bottle and set it down again as she named them. “I didn’t know what you had.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Dex let out a laugh that quickly morphed into a cough. She launched out of bed and went into the bathroom.

  Grace followed her to the door. “Are you okay?”

  “I’ve been better, but I have to pee.” She blew her nose before she came out of the bathroom, which didn’t help the ringing in her ears one bit. When she got back to the bed, Grace had doses of all the medications ready for her. She really was acting like her mom.