My Favorite Sin

by Lina Langley

  He’s moving his hand faster now, jacking me off quickly as he puts his mouth next to my ear. “Because you’re a slut, aren’t you?”

  I groan in response. I look for his face and kiss him on the lips. He kisses me hungrily, but then he pulls away from me and exhales heavily. “Answer me,” he says.

  I close my mouth and swallow. “Answer what?”

  He stops moving his hand. “You’re a slut,” he says into my ear. “And you want me inside you.”

  “Yes,” I say. “I want you inside of me.”

  “Good,” he replies. “Take your clothes off. Now.”

  He moves away from me. I search for him with my face, but he has moved further away now, and there’s no way for my mouth to reach him. There’s nothing I can do but sigh as he gets off the bed and stands up,. Looking down at me when he does. “Do it,” he says. He threads his fingers through my hair and jerks my head up. “Or I’m going to stop touching you. Do you want me to stop touching you?”

  “No,” I say. I immediately start taking my clothes off, caring very little about where they’re landing, about tearing buttons off my shirt. Montgomery has moved away from me and is watching me, his mouth half-open.

  “You should spend more time like this,” he says. “I like it when you’re naked.”

  He looks at my chest, at my stomach, at my cock, which is throbbing and covered in precum. He gets closer to me, puts his fingertips under the waistband of my underwear and starts to slide it down my leg. “I would have normally made you do this,” he says as he looks into my eyes. “But I don’t think I can stop myself from touching you.”

  He leans forward to kiss me once he has taken my boxers off, his tongue deep in my mouth. His kisses are passionate and the stubble on his face feels like it’s going to burn my skin. “I’ve wanted to fuck you for so long,” he says. He traces his hand down my cock and toward my balls, inching closer to my hole with every stroke. “Get on your hands and knees. I want to see your ass.”

  I swallow as he moves away from me. Even though my body feels weak, I manage to do as I’m told and get on my hands and knees for him. Even though he’s not saying anything, I can feel him watching me, getting ready to fuck me.

  I turn around to look at him. He takes his clothes off slowly, his gaze locked on mine. I know he’s doing it to torture me and by the time he’s done, I feel like I could come just from looking at him. He leans down and kisses up my legs, from my feet, which surprises me, to my calves. He grabs a pillow and puts it under my stomach, and then he keeps kissing up my body until he gets to my ass.

  He kisses around my hole and then spreads me open. He breathes hard on me, sending a shiver down my spine. “How long has it been?”

  “A while,” I say between sharp breaths.

  “Good,” he replies. “All mine.”

  He kisses the skin around my hole, then sticks his tongue inside of me. He does it slowly at first, but then speeds up until I’m left gasping and moving my hips back and forth on his tongue, practically fucking myself with him as he tongues my ass. He moves away from me, leaving me gasping for him.

  “Where do you keep the lube?”

  “Nightstand,” I manage to say.

  “Okay,” he says. “Touch yourself while I get it.”

  It’s hard to move like this, but the idea of not doing what he says never crosses my mind. I reach down and start to jack myself off, slowly, softly, because I know that I’m going to come if I commit and I want to do it when he’s inside me.

  I hear him grab the lube from my nightstand. I feel his weight as he gets back on the bed, and then his wet finger as he slowly enters me.

  “Don’t stop,” he says.

  I don’t. I don’t know if I can. He’s now fingering me hard, fingering my prostate and making me scream out with every thrust, making me move my hips back and forth even faster. “Do you want me to fuck you?”

  “Yes,” I say. “Yes.”

  “Beg me,” he says. He’s still inside of me, but he has stopped moving his finger, and when I try to move my hips back to fuck myself with it, he moves his hand back slightly. “Say my name and beg me.”

  “Please fuck me,” I say. “Please, Montgomery, I need you to fuck me.”

  He laughs quietly. “Good,” he says. “I like it when you say my name.”

  He climbs on top of me, grabbing my arm so that I put it under me again. I’m ready for him, but he’s still very slow and deliberate about fucking me, even though I can hear him groaning, even though I can tell he wants this very much.

  He finally pushes forward. He’s practically squatting as he starts to fuck me. He uses an arm to hold himself up and another to put around my throat and chin, moving my face back so he can kiss me. Our mouths aren’t perfectly aligned, but I can taste myself on him and I want him more than I ever have.

  “I want you to come inside me,” I say as he starts thrusting inside me faster and faster, his moans right next to my ears. “Please. I need you to come inside me, Montgomery.”

  He groans as he starts moving faster and faster, his grip on my throat tightening slightly, just enough to intensify how this feels, and I can feel my entire body vibrating with every thrust, with every stroke. He does finish inside of me, I can feel it, I can feel him, and then he stops and groans, moaning into my ear with jumbled words about how hot I am, how great my ass is. I expect him to collapse on top of me when he slowly pulls out, but he doesn’t.

  He takes a deep breath and then moves away. “Turn around,” he says. I do as I’m told, though I have no idea how I can move. My cock is throbbing and soaked in pre-cum. Montgomery looks down at me and smiles, taking my dick in hand. He starts jacking me off, biting his lower lip, and I’m so close that it takes him no time to bring me to orgasm, which I feel on my core and then spreading through to my extremities, to the point where I can’t hear anything, and all that I can feel is electricity going through my body until I look down and see just how much I’ve managed to come all over myself.

  When I manage to catch my breath, I see that Montgomery is smirking at me. He traces his finger down the come on my stomach and then gets his hand close to my face. I open my mouth and lick his finger clean. He moans and then leans forward to gives me a sloppy mouth kiss.

  “Did you forget something?” he asks as he moves away from me.

  I watch him, my heart doing flips in my chest. “Thank you, Montgomery,” I say.

  “You’re welcome,” he replies, then kisses the tip of my nose. “Choirboy.”

  He smiles at me before he rolls over and immediately falls asleep naked, on my bed. I watch him and say nothing, my cheeks red, my breathing still heavy.

  Fuck, I think as I look at his body. What did I just get myself into?

  CONTINUE

  I don’t care that Montgomery is right there, and right now, I don’t care about what has happened between us. I just want to make things okay with Cyrus, and I need to tell him that I’m going to leave. I want to tell him to his face.

  I manage to not wake up Montgomery as I get out of my bed and start cycling toward Cyrus’ house. He needs to know that I've decided to leave, that I can’t stay here, not as long as he's not okay with me.

  I shake my head as I approach his place. I can’t tell him that, because I don’t want to guilt trip him into making me stay or anything like that, I just want him to hear it from me, as soon as possible.

  I knock on his door very loudly; almost certain I’m waking him up. I’m about to start kicking it when he comes to the door.

  He opens it, looking like he hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep. He looks me up and down before he opens it. “You call people before you show up,” he says. “That’s basic manners. Amparo would be so disappointed.”

  I roll my eyes. I didn’t want to guilt trip him, but of course he started this conversation by name dropping my mother.

  “Can we talk?” I ask.

  He rolls his eyes, but he moves away from the door. He’s w
earing nothing but a shirt and these boxers that look like they’re far too big on him. I would normally tease him about it, but right now, it feels unimportant. “Is this necessary?”

  “I need to talk to you,” I say. “Just… I know you’re probably going to be angry, but I need to talk to you.”

  He raises his eyebrows but watches as I step into his place. I close the door behind me. He’s staring at me, his head slightly tilted. He doesn’t look curious, he looks annoyed.

  “Alex…”

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I just didn’t want to tell you this over the phone.”

  “You didn’t want to tell me what over the phone?” he says, looking me up and down.

  I think there might be a chance he might be expecting me to say something else, but even if there was anything else to say, it’s too late for that. Too many things have changed and I’m going to leave. I’m going to be a priest.

  I don’t even sit down as I turn to speak to him. “I’m leaving,” I say. “I’m going to seminary.”

  He stares at me for a second, then drops his gaze to the ground. He clears his throat before he speaks. “Good,” he says. “It’s what you’ve almost wanted to do, right?”

  I swallow. “There’s something else,” I say. “I—Montgomery and I—”

  “Yeah,” he says and scoffs. “I figured.”

  I swallow. “It’s not like that,” I say. “It’s not like it’s something that’s going to last, Cy. I don’t—I don’t want to leave with things being bad between us.”

  He swallows. “So you thought you’d sleep with him?”

  “Honestly,” I say. “Yes. You’re always telling me to live my life. What happened to team Alex?”

  He sucks in his lips and crosses his arms over his chest. “You’re right,” he says, closing his eyes and rubbing his temple. “You are. I’m—”

  “No,” I say. “I owe you an apology.”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “No, you don’t,” he says. “I expected you not to make things awkward and I did a pretty good job of that myself.”

  “It’s okay,” I say, closing my eyes. “I just want things to be the way they were before. Before any of this happened.”

  He laughs quietly. “I don’t,” he says. “Have you ever thought about what I want?”

  I nod. “Of course I have,” I say. “You want to go to LA, make it in the music business. Right?”

  He glares at me, but then he sighs. “Sure, I guess.”

  “Is that not what you want?” I ask.

  He scoffs, his arms now crossed over his chest. “Don’t, okay? Don’t.”

  “Cy…”

  He sucks in his cheek. “You made a decision,” he says. “For the first time in your life, I guess. So you have to live with the consequences.”

  “I’d rather have you,” I say. “Your friendship is the most important thing in the world to me.”

  He exhales through his mouth and then puts his face in his hands. “I can’t do this, Alex,” he says, his voice muffled by his fingers. “I can’t be around you and pretend that everything is normal, that I have no feelings for you, and that I’m okay with you and Montgomery. I know it’s my fault, I know I should have told you, but—”

  I hug him. I can’t stop myself, not when he’s this upset. “I’m sorry,” I say.

  He puts his hand on my shoulder and hugs me back. “Are you going to keep seeing him?” Cyrus asks into my shoulder.

  I swallow. “He’s a fling,” I say. “Someone I can fuck and never think about again after it’s over. You’re family.”

  He holds me tighter then.

  CONTINUE

  When I get home, Montgomery is in the living room, drinking a beer and watching a movie. “Hey,” he says when he sees me, a smile on his face. “Did you go see your boyfriend?”

  I look at him, the knot in my throat growing tighter. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t care,” he says. “I just thought you might want to talk, you know, if things were still bad between the two of you.”

  I grab a beer from the fridge and join him. He turns down the volume and looks at me, his brows raised. “No,” I say. “I think everything is okay.”

  “You think?”

  “He… there are some things we need to deal with,” I say. “I don’t think that we have, but, I don’t know, we seem to be on better terms.”

  “He’s mad we’re boning?”

  “No,” I say. “He’s hurt.”

  He looks me up and down. “He’ll get over it,” he says. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad we’re boning.”

  I laugh, shaking my head. “You’re a romantic, Montgomery.”

  He drapes his arm around me and holds me close. “Aren’t I just?”

  CONTINUE

  I spend the rest of my summer having sex with Montgomery and ignoring the upcoming change in my life. He knows it’s a fling, I know it’s a fling, but it works. I thought it might be complicated, but it isn’t. It just works, and it’s the most sex I’ve probably ever had in my life. Somehow, there’s nothing hotter than being told that I need to walk around naked all day when I wake up in the morning, because otherwise, he won’t fuck me.

  He ends up sneaking up behind me and asking me to beg him when I’m doing the dishes or he starts taking my pants off when I’m reading a book. I’ve never been as exhausted or horny in my life. I’m also aware that we’re probably sleeping together so much so I can avoid the reality of what’s coming. Montgomery is going to remain here and I’m never going to see him again and that’s what I want.

  At least, I think that’s what I want most of the time, but when he falls asleep in my bed and I wake up next to him in the morning, there’s a part of me that thinks maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. When I notice that he buys food he knows I like, even though he doesn’t have to, or that he now always takes two beers out of the fridge instead of one… it makes my heart jump in my chest.

  I want to talk to Cyrus about this, but I’m giving him space. We still hang out, but we don’t talk about Montgomery. Cyrus has asked me a couple of times if I’m still sleeping with him and there’s nothing I can do but nod, because I am and I don’t want to stop. Cyrus just moves the conversation along, but I always worry about having hurt him.

  The time for me to leave is getting close, though. For Cyrus, too. Everything is going to change soon and I need to make absolutely certain that Cyrus and I are okay. I call him when Montgomery is at work and he arrives at my place. He always looks tired lately.

  “Hey,” I say when he sits down on the couch. I hand him a beer, which he takes with a frown.

  “These are yours?”

  “No,” I say. “He doesn’t mind sharing.”

  Cyrus’ eyebrows shoot up, but he says nothing. “That’s good.”

  “When are you leaving?”

  “Officially moving on the twelfth,” he says and takes a sip of his beer. “I’ve got a little apartment I’m renting for the next few months, and if it doesn’t work out, I guess I can just come back.”

  “No, you can’t,” I say, grabbing his hand. “And you won’t, because it’ll work out.”

  He looks at me and smiles, but slowly moves his hand away. “I hope you’re right,” he says. “I mean, I’ve already been for the trial meetings—”

  “And they love you—”

  “And it went well, but nothing is a dead cert,” he says, smiling again. This time, it looks a little more sincere. “What about you? Are you looking forward to seminary?”

  I nod, but I don’t think it’s very convincing. “Yes,” I say. “I am.”

  “Sounds like you are,” he says.

  I shake my head. “I don’t know, Cy,” I reply. “I thought that by now, I’d be more excited. Instead…”

  “Instead, you keep picturing what life would be like if you could just stay with Monty?”

  I swallow. “How—I mean, no, but how did you know that?”
>
  He laughs and shakes his head. “I didn’t,” he says. “Not until now. But now I know.”

  “Cy—”

  He smiles at me. “It’s okay,” he says. “Look, I get it. You’re my friend. I’m happy for you, seriously.”

  “You are?”

  “Yes,” he says. “Look, I get it, I’ve been licking my wounds and honestly I’ve been sort of a dick about it. You didn’t deserve for me to get angry at you for no reason. I am team Alex, babe. I know it might not seem like that, but I am.”

  “I know that,” I say.

  “You should tell him.”

  I bite the inside of my mouth. “He only wants a fling,” I say. “And I’m going to be a priest.”

  He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Alex—”

  “No,” I say. “I mean, I appreciate the support and everything, but I’m going to be a priest. I’m not going to stop it for someone who doesn’t want me.”

  “How do you know he doesn’t want you?” he asks.

  I shrug my shoulders. “He made it very clear that this is a fling,” I say. “And I don’t want to force him into anything. If he doesn’t want me, then he doesn’t want me, and that’s that.”

  “But you haven’t even asked,” he says.

  “I know,” I reply. “And I don’t intend to.”

  He looks at me and opens his mouth to say something, but I hold my hand up before he does.

  “I can’t think about it, Cy,” I say. “I can’t think about it because I know nothing is going to happen between us, nothing of consequence, and I—it kind of breaks my heart a little bit. I mean, I would still dump him for you in a second if that was what you wanted—”

  “No,” he says, reaching out and squeezing my shoulder. “That was selfish. I just want you to be happy.”

  I nod. “Then this is the easiest way,” I say. “Going to seminary is the easiest way. Cy, I wanted to ask you for a favor. How much would you hate driving me to the airport?”

  We stop talking when we hear the door unlock. Montgomery walks in and smiles at me, then sets his gaze on Cyrus and smiles at him. He’s waving at both of us.