The Waiter

by Bradleigh Collins

  “It’s all about the pub crawl,” Katie said. “But it starts with an early dinner. And then we go to the balloon inflation.”

  “And then we drink,” Lucy added. “I was thinking we could have dinner at Carmine’s first.”

  “Oh god, I love the frozen cosmos at Carmine’s,” Katie said. “I’ll be drunk before the Snoopy balloon gets its first pump.”

  I immediately spit orange juice and champagne all over my omelet.

  Lucy laughed. “Katie, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

  “I agree.” I blotted my eggs with a napkin.

  After brunch, I decided to walk the thirteen blocks back up to my apartment. It had warmed up a bit, and I needed to walk off the mimosas. As I approached the Columbia campus, I suddenly missed The Waiter like crazy. I walked past the main gates at 116th Street. Tomorrow, he’d be right here, headed to one of his classes. I thought about how his female classmates must be crazy about him. But he was mine. Even though he was someone else’s before. I knew I was going to have to get over the fact that he’d been married. Part of me wanted to hail a cab and head straight down to the restaurant just so I could see him and tell him I loved him. Then my phone rang.

  “Hey Red,” The Waiter said. “How was brunch?”

  “I had two mimosas and I miss you like crazy.”

  He laughed. “Are you sure you only had two?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Well, the fact that you miss me makes me very happy. You make me very happy.”

  “You make me very happy, too.”

  “I get off at nine babe. Want me to bring you something from the restaurant?”

  “Yes! The fettuccini with basil, please.”

  “You got it.”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you too. I’ll see you at home.”

  I hung up the phone. My stomach fluttered. Home. He hadn’t even moved in yet, but he considered my apartment home because that’s where I was. And that’s where he wanted to be.

  The fact that he was married before suddenly didn’t matter. In six hours and counting, he was coming home. To me.

  CHAPTER 29

  ◆◆◆

  The day before Thanksgiving should have been an official holiday. Nobody was getting any work done. George and Jackie were huddled in her office going over the breakfast menu for tomorrow’s parade watch party while the entire IT department was watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles in the conference room. Their sporadic roars of laughter distracted me from finishing up an article, inspired by Josh, about what to wear with a puffer coat so you won’t look like a tick. But that wasn’t the only thing distracting me.

  This Thanksgiving would be the first one I wasn’t spending with my family in Georgia. The first one without my father. And the first one I hadn’t spent with Dalton in years. It made me a little homesick and a lot of sad. Of course I was looking forward to celebrating tonight with all of my friends, and especially with The Waiter, but I still missed home. I missed my Mom. I missed Dana. She and I always got together with friends from high school the night before Thanksgiving. I’d talked to her this morning, and she told me it wouldn’t be the same without me. I’d also called my Mom. She seemed to be okay with me not being there because she was so excited about meeting The Waiter. He was coming home with me for Christmas.

  Around three o’clock, Jackie told everyone they could leave for the day. I was looking forward to the long weekend. The Waiter was on Thanksgiving recess from Columbia and didn’t have to work until Saturday. We had officially been living together for about two weeks and I would meet his family tomorrow. I was extremely nervous, but he was quick to reassure me. “Trust me. I love you. They’ll love you.”

  I called to tell him I was on my way home. He was studying.

  “We’re meeting everyone at five at Carmine’s.”

  “Okay,” he said. “Hey, if you leave right this second, we’ll have time for me to give you something to really be thankful for.”

  “I’m heading to the subway right now.”

  When I got to the apartment, it was spotless. He had cleaned everything from top-to-bottom and done all the laundry.

  “Okay, this is amazing and you are perfect, but when you said you’d give me something to be thankful for, I assumed it involved you being naked.”

  “Oh, it does. I just figured you’d be even more thankful if the sheets were clean.”

  “I adore you.”

  “I adore you too, Red.” He walked me the short distance from the living room into our pristinely clean bedroom. “Let’s do this Thanksgiving thing.”

  An hour and a half later, we joined the rest of our group at Carmine’s for family-sized portions of Penne Alla Vodka, Chicken Marsala, Manicotti and pitcher after pitcher of frozen cosmos. Afterwards, we were all so stuffed that we welcomed the ten-block walk down to the Museum of Natural History for the balloon inflation. I had watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade every year for as long as I can remember. But being this up close and personal with the giant balloons made it special. I took tons of photos and we all laughed hysterically as Josh narrated the inner monologue of each balloon character in his best “Cartman” from Southpark voice.

  The weather was ridiculously warm for late November. It had been in the mid-60s all day and thankfully I didn’t need a coat to go with my black floral cheongsam dress I’d purchased in Chinatown. I wore it with my black Nine West knee boots. When I got dressed, The Waiter told me I looked like a sexy militant geisha.

  First stop on our post-balloon-inflation-pub-crawl was Vermouth Lounge at 77th & Amsterdam. This was also the site of mine and The Waiter’s first kiss. Katie and Lucy insisted on a re-enactment with Josh playing the role of the M7 bus interrupting us. After martinis at Vermouth, we headed to McAleer’s Pub. By ten-thirty, we had reached our final destination - The Parlour. Jimmy was working the door. I introduced him to The Waiter.

  “Darryl’s inside doing karaoke,” Jimmy said. “My ears are bleeding. Please make him stop.”

  We laughed as we all made our way over to the bar to find Darryl belting out “Sweet Child of Mine” and dancing like Axl Rose.

  “Oh, this is a train wreck,” Josh stated.

  “I like Darryl,” Kyle said. “He’s always drunk, but he’s funny as hell.”

  “Yeah,” Lucy agreed. “He kinda grows on you, doesn’t he?”

  “Like mold,” Katie said.

  We ordered a round of drinks and cheered for Darryl. This was a mistake, because he insisted on singing “Paradise City” next. Darryl was a terrible singer, but he had the entire bar whipped into a frenzy and singing at the top of their lungs.

  When the song was over, we all greeted Darryl with hi-fives and hugs.

  “I have to pee like a Russian racehorse,” The Waiter said. “I’ll be right back.”

  I sat on a barstool next to Lucy. “I just love watching him walk away.”

  “Yeah, he’s got a great ass.” Then she grabbed my arm. “Oh my fuck! Speaking of asses.”

  She motioned towards the door. I looked over. My heart stopped. It was Dalton. He was handing Jimmy his I.D. Then I saw who was with him. It was Rhonda. All the blood in my body suddenly rushed to my face.

  “What the fuck is he doing here?” I said loudly enough for Josh and Katie to take notice.

  “Holy shit,” Josh responded when he saw Dalton. “This is so not good.”

  “Why is he here?” Katie asked. “And who is that?”

  “That’s Rhonda. He fucking brought her up here this weekend because he knew I would be here tonight. I hate him.”

  As Jimmy checked Rhonda’s I.D., Josh and Kyle started taking bets on who was going to win the fight between Dalton and The Waiter.

  “Man, I don’t know,” Josh said. “Dalton’s a black belt, but I’ve seen this guy in the boxing ring.”

  I was starting to panic. “Nobody is fighting because we’re leaving.”

  “Wa
it, why do we have to leave?” Josh said. “This is our place.”

  He was right. This was our place. Dalton had come here specifically just to parade Rhonda around in front of me. And to get a look at The Waiter, I’m sure. I didn’t want to leave, but I knew if we stayed, things were going to get ugly. Fast.

  “If you wanna leave Sam, I’ll go with you,” Lucy said.

  “Me too,” Katie agreed. It was too late, though. Dalton and Rhonda were already right in front of us.

  “Well, this is awkward,” Dalton said. Rhonda couldn’t even make eye contact with me.

  “Dalton, what are you doing here?”

  “It’s a public place, Sam. Happy Thanksgiving. You remember Rhonda, don’t you?”

  I felt like I’d been hit in the face with a sledgehammer. I knew he’d been waiting for this moment. The moment he could slowly twist the knife that was permanently imbedded in my gut. I knew what he was trying to do, yet I couldn’t help myself from responding exactly the way he wanted me to. Like I cared.

  “Yeah Dalton, how could I forget Rhonda? I believe you fucked her right after my dad died and then lied to me about it. Is that right? Or was it one of your other groupies? I really can’t keep up.”

  “Why are you being such a bitch, Sam?” he said.

  Before I could even respond, Darryl stepped in front of me and punched Dalton hard in the face. So hard, in fact, that he fell backwards and hit the ground.

  “Who’s the bitch now?” Darryl said as he stood over him.

  Dalton immediately jumped up and went after Darryl just as Jimmy and one of the other bouncers stepped in between them.

  “What the fuck, Darryl?” Jimmy said.

  “He just called Sammy a bitch.”

  “Let’s go buddy,” Jimmy said to Dalton, grabbing him by the arm and motioning him towards the door.

  “You really are a bitch,” Rhonda said as she followed Dalton out.

  “Good luck, Rhonda. You’re gonna need it.”

  The Waiter came back just as Jimmy was escorting Dalton out of the bar.

  “What just happened?”

  “Darryl knocked Dalton on his ass!” Josh said.

  “That’s Dalton?” The Waiter looked over at him.

  “In the fucking flesh,” I said. He immediately started towards him. I pulled him back. “Please don’t. He’s not worth it.” He turned around and looked at me.

  “Baby, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” He wrapped his arms around me protectively. I looked up to see Dalton staring at me, and then at The Waiter. It was the first time they’d ever seen each other in person. You could feel the level of contempt between them from across the bar. And then Dalton and Rhonda were ushered out the door.

  “My man,” The Waiter turned to Darryl, extending his hand. “Whatever you’re drinking, I’m buying for the rest of the night.”

  “You would have done the same thing.” Darryl shook his hand.

  “I would have killed to be the one to deck that guy.”

  “I never liked him,” Darryl stated.

  “Me neither,” Kyle said.

  I looked at Katie and Lucy.

  “You know how we feel about that jerk,” Lucy said.

  “And on that consensus,” Josh stated, “I think we could all use a round of shots!”

  “Yes!” The Waiter said. “And I’m buying.”

  “Well, Happy Fucking Thanksgiving then!” Josh shouted.

  “Happy Fucking Thanksgiving back!” Katie, Lucy and I all said together laughing. The guys just looked at us.

  “It’s from You’ve Got Mail.”

  “Haven’t seen it,” Josh stated.

  “Me either,” The Waiter said.

  “Sounds like a chick flick,” Kyle added.

  “You guys suck,” Lucy said.

  My hands were still shaking from the sheer shock of seeing Dalton and Rhonda. The Waiter noticed.

  “You wanna get out of here, Red?”

  “Absolutely not. I’m not gonna let him ruin my first Thanksgiving in New York.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  “Okay, is anyone gonna mention the fact that Rhonda looks exactly like the sister on Roseanne?” Lucy asked.

  “Oh my god. She totally does,” Katie said.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. Our shots arrived and Josh started to propose a toast.

  “Wait, let me do it this time,” I said.

  “Go for it cuz.”

  I held up my shot glass. “To the greatest cousin, the greatest group of friends, the greatest boyfriend, and the greatest city in the world. I love all of you so much.”

  “Hear hear!” Josh replied. We all downed our shots.

  “You just made me cry,” Katie said, hugging me.

  “You’re such a wuss,” Lucy said to Katie, joining in the group hug. “I love you too, girl.”

  The Waiter slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me back to him.

  “If you think Thanksgiving is good,” he whispered in my ear, “just wait until Christmas.”

  “Why? What’s happening at Christmas?”

  “I already have your present.”

  “Really?” I said. “Give me a hint.”

  “Okay. It was ridiculously expensive and you’re going to keep it for the rest of your life.”

  For the second time tonight, my heart stopped.

  CHAPTER 30

  ◆◆◆

  I couldn’t stop staring at it. Christmas morning, The Waiter and I had just taken our seats on a flight home to Atlanta. Josh and Katie were sitting across the aisle from us. I was looking down at my gift from The Waiter and smiling so hard it hurt. I couldn’t wait to show it off to everyone at home. He wasn’t lying when he said it was ridiculously expensive. Or that I would keep it forever.

  Last night, we went out to celebrate Christmas Eve and the fact that he finished his graduate program at Columbia on Tuesday. After viewing the windows at Bergdorf’s and ice-skating at Rockefeller Center, The Waiter and I exchanged gifts, sitting underneath the live Christmas tree we’d lugged home from 96th Street weeks ago. I gave him a pair of autographed Muhammad Ali boxing gloves. He gave me a black quilted Chanel Jumbo Flap Bag. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever laid eyes on, aside from The Waiter, of course.

  Apparently, he’d asked George to help him find the perfect gift for me. George suggested the Chanel bag. Then Jackie was able to use her contacts to get him an excellent deal. She probably heard me screaming all the way down at Central Park West when I opened it. I was so happy I cried.

  “I don’t get you women and these bags,” The Waiter said laughing. “But I love seeing you this happy.”

  “I love this bag. And I love you even more for giving me this bag.” I spent the rest of our first Christmas Eve together showing him exactly how much I loved him. We barely got any sleep since we had to get up at six in order to make our nine o’clock flight.

  Josh’s dad picked us up at the airport in his Chevy Suburban, which Josh jokingly referred to as the “redneck limousine.” When he introduced him to Katie, my uncle greeted her with a big hug and lifted her off the ground.

  “Well, aren’t you tiny?” he said with a southern drawl. Katie giggled.

  “Though she be but little,” Josh stated, “she is fierce.”

  “Quoting the bard on Christmas,” I said. “Impressive.”

  I was next for the off-the-ground-bear-hug. “Hey Uncle Lewis. How are you?”

  “Don’t they feed you up north, Sammy?”

  I laughed and introduced him to The Waiter, who was welcomed with a handshake and a typical southern greeting. “Nice to meet you, son. Glad you could join us.”

  Katie and I climbed into the back seat of the Suburban as the guys loaded the luggage.

  “Josh’s dad is so sweet,” she said. “And Josh looks exactly like him.”

  “Wait until you meet my Aunt Cheryl. She’s going to love you. And she’s gonna tell Josh to marry you immedia
tely.” Josh was an only child and my Aunt Cheryl couldn’t wait to be a grandmother.

  “Well, Josh already won over my family. Last night my dad and my Uncle Mark opened up a bottle of scotch they’d been saving for decades and shared it with him.”

  Josh got in the front with his dad and The Waiter sat in the back next to me. We left the airport and soon we were headed west on I20. I was admiring Katie’s new Coach watch that Josh gave her for Christmas.

  “He says I still have one more present coming that was on back order,” Katie said. “But I told him he’d already given me enough.”

  “Oh yeah, I know what that is. I’m the one that told him it would be the perfect Christmas gift for you.”

  “Any hints?”

  “No. Well, only that it’s very you. Very Katie.”

  The guys quickly became immersed in conversation about football.

  “Did you play college ball son?” Uncle Lewis asked, looking at The Waiter in the rear-view mirror. “You’re built like a quarterback.”

  “No sir,” The Waiter replied. “I played hockey at Boston College.”

  “Hockey? Ain’t that just gladiators on ice?”

  The Waiter laughed. “Something like that.”

  “You should have seen him trying to teach me to ice skate last night.”

  “Yeah, I took her out for a little drag around the Rockefeller rink.”

  “Sammy’s about as graceful as her mother. And her mother’s about as graceful as a turkey.”

  “Uncle Lewis, I can’t even imagine what my mom had to deal with growing up with you. Bless her heart.”

  “Bless her heart? I made her tough. I certainly wouldn’t make fun of your mother today. She’d kick my ass.”

  When we got to my house, the rest of our extended family was already there. Aunt Cheryl came running out of the house like Paul Revere screaming, “The New Yorkers are here! The New Yorkers are here!” Both Katie and The Waiter seemed amused.

  Once inside, introductions were made all around and my mom greeted The Waiter with a big smile and an even bigger hug.

  “It was so nice of your family to let us steal you away on Christmas Day.”