The Waiter

by Bradleigh Collins

  “Oh, they’re in Italy for Christmas this year,” he replied.

  “And you came to Douglasville, Georgia instead? Bless your little heart.”

  “Oh, I have to work next week and I wanted to spend the holidays with Sam, anyway.”

  My mom smiled. “Well, aren’t you just the sweetest? Y’all must be starving. Come on and get something to eat.”

  The traditional Christmas Day spread was lined up along the dining room table. Ham, turkey, stuffing, baked beans, macaroni and cheese, cornbread, and every type of pie and cake you could possibly imagine.

  The Waiter, Josh, Katie and I piled some food on our plates and sat down at the kitchen table.

  “You want some iced tea, hon?” My Aunt Gladys - ever the flirt - asked The Waiter, handing him a glass.

  “Thank you,” he replied. She winked at me approvingly.

  “There’s like four cups of sugar in that,” I said to The Waiter. He took a sip.

  “Wow! That’s like drinking maple syrup.”

  “I’ll get you some water. Katie, do you want some water?”

  “No, I’ll take the tea,” she said laughing.

  My sister Leigh grabbed me by the arm as I was getting The Waiter some water and pulled me into the dining room.

  “He is so hot. Oh my god, he’s so hot.”

  “Isn’t he?”

  “And that New York accent,” she said. “I would listen to him to read the phone book. Or the Bible.”

  I laughed. “Hey, how is Mom doing? I was worried about how she would handle the holidays this year without Dad.”

  “She’s been pretty good, actually. I mean, I’m sure she’s a little sad. We all are. But having the family here helps. And she’s been so excited about meeting your new beau.”

  A couple of hours later, we were all packed tightly in the living room opening gifts. Josh was playing Santa Claus and handing out the packages. The Waiter, Katie and I were sitting on the floor, which was covered with wrapping paper, boxes, bows and presents. My mom and Aunt Cheryl made sure that there were plenty of gifts for both The Waiter and Katie.

  “Your family is amazing,” Katie said. “They’re so funny and welcoming.”

  “Welcoming, yes. Welcoming you to the insanity.”

  Katie laughed. Then the phone rang.

  “I’ll get it!” My eight-year-old niece Alexis ran into the kitchen. My mom was in the process of opening a huge box from my sister that contained a new comforter.

  “It’s for you, Aunt Sam,” Alexis said as she came back into the living room.

  “It’s probably Dana.” I started to get up. “She and Simon are coming over later.”

  “No, it’s Uncle Dalton,” Alexis replied loudly.

  Suddenly all the joy was sucked out of the room. Everyone was just sitting there, staring at me, including The Waiter. Dalton had thrown a virtual hand grenade right into the middle of my family’s Christmas celebration. Katie grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.

  “Lexie, go tell him I’m not here.”

  “But that would be lying, Aunt Sam.”

  I felt like a toad. There I was, asking my sweet little niece to lie for me in front of my entire family because my dysfunctional relationship was fucking up our holiday.

  “You’re right, Lexie. I’m sorry.” I started to get up to go answer the phone.

  “Sit down, Sammy.” My mom stood up and walked towards the kitchen. “I’ll handle this.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief as Josh quickly got the festivities back on track. “This present is to Braydon from Grandma!” he said excitedly, handing a large package over to my nephew.

  I leaned into The Waiter. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” he said, planting a kiss on my forehead. “Your mom is so badass. I love her.”

  “She loves you too. Obviously.”

  After all the packages were open, it was time for dessert. And time for the inquisition.

  “So,” Aunt Gladys said. “How long have y’all been dating?”

  “Four months.”

  “Josh, how bout you and Katie?”

  “Same.”

  “We met the same weekend, Aunt Gladys,” I said.

  “Well, you all just make such lovely couples. Is there gonna be a wedding anytime soon?”

  “Actually, yes,” Josh replied. “On Friday.”

  “What?” She was shocked. “Where?”

  “Our friends are getting married in New York on New Year’s Eve,” I said. “We’re all going to the wedding.”

  “Well then, I’m guessing you two are gonna be fightin’ over that bouquet,” she said, pointing at Katie and me.

  “The only person I’m fighting is Wendy, for the last piece of fudge.” Wendy immediately chased me into the kitchen. My mom’s fudge was legendary, and every year Wendy and I fought over who would get the last piece. This year, I prevailed.

  “Mom!” Wendy yelled. “You’re gonna have to start making more fudge.”

  “And miss the two of you fighting over it?”

  “So,” I said, sitting down next to my mom. “What did you say to him?”

  “I said you couldn’t come to the phone. And then I said, ‘Merry Christmas.’ And then I hung up.”

  “And then she unplugged the phone,” Wendy said.

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. I wasn’t about to let him ruin it.”

  “I’d be that happy too if I had this bag,” Wendy said, picking up the Chanel.

  “It’s not the bag,” Mom said. “It’s the boy.”

  The next day, Josh, Katie, The Waiter and I met Dana, Simon, Deb and Sean at El Azteca for dinner.

  “I can’t get over this weather,” Katie said. “I can’t believe we’re sitting outside in December.”

  “Welcome to the south,” Simon said.

  “It’s not gonna be this warm in New York,” I said. Lucy invited Dana and Simon to the wedding. They were flying up on Thursday.

  “I know,” Dana said. “I’m packing appropriately.”

  “Where’s the wedding gonna be?” Deb asked.

  “It’s at the Marriott Marquis. The reception will overlook Times Square and all the New Year’s Eve festivities.”

  “Are her parents rich?” Sean asked.

  “Very. Her dad’s an executive at the Bank of China and her mom’s a prominent artist.”

  “Wow,” Deb said. “That’s gonna be some wedding. Aren’t you guys concerned about the whole Y2K thing though? I mean, being right there in the middle of Times Square?”

  “Not really,” Josh replied. “I figure if the world’s gonna end when the clock strikes midnight, that’s pretty much how I wanna go out.”

  “Well, speaking of signs of the apocalypse,” Deb said, “Bitchy Brenda told me to tell you ‘hello’ and that she hopes you’re doing well.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. She must’ve found Jesus or something. She’s been ridiculously nice to me ever since you left.”

  I thought about the last time I was here at El Azteca and how Dalton and I had taken Brenda home. That was also the night I took Dalton back. It seemed like a lifetime ago. From where we sat on the patio, I could see the Clermont Hotel sign and the water tower on top of my old apartment building. I stared off in the distance.

  “You okay, Red?” The Waiter asked.

  “Yeah. I just miss home.”

  “I can see why. It’s beautiful here.”

  “No, our home,” I said. “I miss New York.”

  CHAPTER 31

  ◆◆◆

  “You have to stop crying!” Lucy said. “You’re going to ruin that perfect makeup I paid for.”

  “I can’t help it! I’m just so happy for you guys!”

  At 6:30 p.m. on New Year’s Eve, Lucy and Kyle said “I do” in front of two-hundred guests in the Marriott Marquis Manhattan Ballroom. The reception was now happening in the adjacent lounge, with floor-to-ceilin
g windows overlooking the absolute insanity of Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I couldn’t stop crying happy tears.

  “She’s already gotten some of that makeup on my tux,” The Waiter said. “She’s been like this all night.”

  “Just don’t get it on that Gucci.” Lucy managed to obtain a long backless Tom Ford number on loan from the Vogue closet for me to wear as my bridesmaid’s dress.

  “Don’t worry. I’ve been treating it like a newborn.”

  “That’s why I couldn’t borrow anything from you,” Katie said to Lucy. “I knew I’d be too worried about it all night. I’ve already spilled champagne on this dress.”

  “Twice,” Josh added. Katie was wearing a black tea-length strapless dress with a beautiful tulle skirt that made her look like a prima ballerina. I’d helped her pick it out at Macy’s.

  “Lucy, this is the most amazing wedding I’ve ever been to in my life,” Dana said. “Thank you so much for inviting us.”

  “I’m so glad you guys came! Now, everybody drink lots of champagne while Kyle and I make the rounds. Then we’re all dancing.”

  I watched them make their way from table-to-table, greeting their guests and graciously receiving envelopes filled with cash, checks, and general well wishes for a lifetime of happiness. Lucy, the ultimate belle of the ball, floated across the room in her custom Vera Wang gown with her handsome forever prince by her side. Once again, I was crying.

  I cried when she walked down the aisle. I cried when they exchanged vows. I cried during their first dance to Billy Joel’s “New York State of Mind.” And now I was crying again. It was New Year’s Eve in New York, and I was surrounded by people I loved. And we were surrounded by thousands of people outside in Times Square, anxiously awaiting a new millennium.

  Inside the reception, a big band was playing and a Sinatraesque singer was cooing, “It Had to Be You.” The six of us - Josh, Katie, Dana, Simon, The Waiter and I - sat down at our table just as dinner was being served.

  “You think I could spot Dick Clark from here?” Simon asked as he leaned over in his chair and looked out the window.

  “I don’t know how you could spot anyone in that sea of people,” Dana replied. “It’s incredible.”

  “They’re all tourists,” Josh said. “Nobody that actually lives in New York crowds into the streets of Times Square on New Year’s. And you know why?”

  “Why?” Simon asked.

  “No alcohol,” The Waiter answered.

  “Exactly,” Josh said. “They stand there for hours in the cold with no alcohol just for the slight chance they might end up on TV. You couldn’t pay me to do that.”

  After dinner, the band took a break and a DJ took over. That’s when we took over the dance floor. The eight of us danced nonstop for at least an hour until the wedding planner notified Lucy it was time for the bouquet toss. All the single girls were asked to gather on the dance floor, eliciting predictable groans from Katie and me.

  “We’ll be at the bar,” Josh said. The Waiter winked at me as he and the other guys disappeared.

  The wedding planner gathered the group of about fifty women and moved us all into position on the dance floor. Of course, she felt the need to put Katie, Dana and me right on the front row.

  “Dana,” Katie said, “This is all you. I can just imagine the look of terror on Josh’s face if I ended up with it.”

  “Yeah,” I replied. “Katie and I are just going to lean to the side and you reach out grab it.”

  Dana laughed. “Oh, I’m sure there are plenty of ladies here that want it.”

  Nobody wanted it. In fact, nobody even attempted to grab it when Lucy threw it over her shoulder. Nobody moved. Rather than let it land on the floor, I reached out and grabbed it at the last minute. Then I immediately tossed it like a hot potato to Katie, who had no choice but to catch it. At that moment, the lights in the reception hall dimmed down to one single spotlight. On Josh. Down on one knee. Directly behind Katie.

  “Turn around, Katie,” I said. She did.

  “Katie,” Josh said, as her eyes welled up with tears. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. I love you more than anything in the world.” Then he popped open the box containing her final Christmas present. “Will you marry me?”

  “Oh my god yes!” she answered. The entire reception crowd cheered. Josh slid the two-carat emerald-cut diamond ring on her finger. Then he stood up and kissed her. By this time, Lucy was standing right next to me and Dana. All three of us were crying.

  “You guys knew about this?” Katie asked, looking over at us.

  “Knew about it?” Lucy replied, wiping tears away. “Hell, we planned it.”

  “I told you I helped pick out your Christmas present,” I said.

  Katie ran over and hugged us.

  The Waiter, Kyle and Simon all swarmed Josh with masculine hi-fives and bro-hugs.

  “Does this mean there will be a karaoke-themed wedding?” Kyle asked.

  “Yes!” Josh said.

  “No!” Katie yelled.

  “Congratulations Josh and Katie,” the DJ announced over the loudspeaker. “Now I’m gonna take a break and we’re gonna get the band back up here. Oh, and they told me to tell you they’re taking requests!”

  The Waiter immediately made a beeline for the stage.

  “How in the world did you guys pull this off?” Katie asked. We sat back down at our table and I took a sip of champagne.

  “Remember that time we had brunch at The Heights,” Lucy said, “and I asked what you would say if Josh asked you to marry him?”

  “Yes. Oh my god! You guys were planning this way back then?”

  “Well, I was pretty sure you’d say yes,” I replied. “But we needed confirmation.”

  “If you’d said no, you would have totally fucked up my wedding,” Lucy said.

  Katie took Lucy by the hand. “Thank you for sharing your special day with me, Lucy.”

  Lucy hugged her. “This just made it even more special.”

  “Stop you guys!” I said. “I swear to god I’ll start crying again.”

  The band began playing “On the Street Where You Live.” I looked up to see The Waiter walking towards me with the cutest grin on his face.

  “They’re playing our song, Red.”

  “I thought ‘Super Freak’ was our song.”

  “Well, you are a very kinky girl.” He extended his hand. “Come on, dance with me, freak.”

  He led me out onto the dance floor and held me close. It was incredibly romantic.

  “You look so handsome in this tux.”

  “And I can’t keep my hands off of you in that dress.”

  “I’m sure Tom Ford would appreciate the stamp of approval.”

  “You know what it reminds me of?”

  “What?”

  “Our first date. You had on that halter top and long skirt. It was so sexy. I kept finding excuses to touch your back.”

  “You didn’t need an excuse. Why do you think I wore it?”

  I couldn’t believe we had come so far from that day. Our very first date. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be in his arms on New Year’s Eve, in the middle of Times Square, in a Gucci dress. It all seemed too good to be true. And it scared the hell out of me.

  “So your plan went off without a hitch,” he said. “Katie had no idea Josh was going to propose.”

  “Nope! Not a clue.”

  “What would you have said if it were you?”

  “I would have said, ‘Josh, I know we’re cousins from Georgia and people expect this of hillbillies, but no I won’t marry you.’”

  “You know what I meant.” I did know what he meant, but I was deflecting because I didn’t want to answer the question.

  “You also know I’m not the marrying type,” I replied.

  “Well,” he said. “I would marry you. If you were the marrying type.”

  “That was a total non-proposal,” I said.
<
br />   “Followed by a total non-acceptance,” he replied.

  I laughed as we continued to dance cheek-to-cheek.

  “Tell you what, Red. If you ever change your mind, you just let me know.”

  “Deal.”

  “Okay, I’m gonna dip you now,” he said.

  “I wouldn’t do that unless you want my boobs to pop out of this dress in front of all these people.”

  “Right. We’ll save that for later. I’ll swing you instead.”

  “Don’t make me puke!” I screamed as he swung me around. “Or pee!”

  He laughed and put me down. Then he kissed me.

  “Get a room,’” Josh said, as he and Katie joined us on the dance floor.

  “We’ve got one,” The Waiter replied.

  “Oh, yeah,” Josh said. “So do we! We’ve all got rooms.”

  “That’s a good thing,” Katie stated. “Because I’m already drunk.”

  “My fiancé’s drunk!” Josh said.

  “I’m a fiancé!” Katie yelled. Seeing her and Josh so happy made me all emotional again.

  “Oh god,” The Waiter said, handing me his handkerchief. “Here come the tears again.”

  “Dammit!” I wiped my eyes. “I can’t be doing this at midnight! They say that whatever you’re doing at midnight on New Year’s Eve is what you’ll be doing the whole year. I don’t wanna be drunk and crying.”

  “Baby,” The Waiter looked at me. “You’ll be kissing me all year.”

  “I can live with that.”

  Around eleven-thirty, the wait-staff began handing out L2K (Lucy-2-Kyle) themed party favors - hats, crowns, horns, glasses, the works. By eleven-forty-five, the champagne was flowing and everyone had gathered at the windows to watch the ball drop. The DJ was playing the longest version of Prince’s “1999” I’d ever heard, and everyone was dancing and singing along.

  “I see Josh will still be doing the white man overbite in 2000,” Kyle said.

  “I do that too!” I screamed. “I’m doing it right now! It’s totally hereditary!”

  Everyone laughed as we continued to dance. To say that the crowd below us in Times Square was packed in like sardines would be an understatement. It was so tight that you couldn’t even make out individual bodies. Just a sea of people pulsating as one gigantic wave. They wore multicolored shaggy wigs and waved long wiener-shaped balloons frantically above their heads.