This Piece of Our Being-Tampa Suns Hockey (Clearing the Ice #3)

by Robyn M Ryan

  “You want to talk about this here? Right now?” Andrew glanced at his watch. “We don’t have much time.”

  Caryn didn’t respond for a moment, her mind flashing back to Kristen’s comments and innuendoes, and of course, the subject of Andrew’s return to hockey. Should I tell him? How she wanted me to prepare him for a career that did not include hockey. Once again, a flicker of guilt pricked her conscience. Finally, she spoke quietly. “She isn’t your friend, Andrew. She was never your friend.”

  “Caryn, we had a professional relationship until that massage I told you about. We were friendly, but I never counted her as one of my friends.” Caryn nodded slowly. How can we ever discuss this, even with a counselor? What explanation can he offer? If he’s truthful and tells me about that kiss?

  Andrew’s eyes pierced hers with intensity. “Are you trying to tell me something, Cary?”

  She hesitated just a beat. “You’re right, Andrew. We don’t have time for this right now. And I don’t want to unravel everything that happened without someone to guide us. I don’t want to take the chance we slip back into the…abyss…I can’t go through that again.” She blinked her eyes quickly to suppress the sudden tears.

  Andrew reached for her hand and held it between both of his. “We won’t let that happen, Cary. We’ll do whatever we need to make our marriage whole. I will not let you walk away again.” His voice was hoarse as he continued. “I’ll get the names of some counselors. If you have the time, we can set up consultations to see if we can agree on the right person.”

  “This…us…is my only priority. I’m available anytime, any day.” She began collecting the remnants of their lunch and placed several items back in the cooler. “Do you want the extra chicken salad in your fridge?”

  “You have to ask?” His smile warmed her more than the sun. He reached for the trash. “I’ll get it, babe.”

  When Andrew returned to Caryn’s side, he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her toward him. “Thank you for preparing such a delicious lunch. I enjoyed our picnic.”

  “So did I…I’m sorry I got angry earlier. I should know by now anger solves nothing.” She closed her eyes with a sigh as Andrew hugged her gently.

  “You have no reason to apologize, Caryn. I know we need complete honesty…and that includes our emotions. I’ll answer any question you ask.”

  She nodded against his chest. “I’m not ready to jump in without professional help.”

  “Then we shall have it.” She felt his lips against the top of her head before he stepped back. “Join me for some visual-spatial activities?”

  “On a full stomach? No, thanks, I still need to drop off the contract-from-hell. I left my phone in your room, and I bet there are at least a dozen voicemails and texts.”

  He grasped her hand as they walked back toward his room. “You have the contract with you?”

  “Of course not,” Caryn said with a laugh. “It’s on my desk. But, it’s signed.”

  “Send it by courier. Use the time to do something for yourself.”

  Caryn cocked her head as she looked up at him. “Too bad the person I want to ‘do something with’ won’t be available for hours.”

  She heard his soft chuckle and then watched his eyes darken. “You trying to get me to play hooky?”

  No, I know you can’t skip these sessions. I’ll find some other way to amuse myself.” She reached to kiss him as they paused while he unlocked the door. “And I will use a courier to deliver the contract. Now, there’s something I can do for myself…and enjoy immensely.”

  18

  Caryn slipped the McRainey contract into an envelope and requested expedited delivery from a company she had engaged in the past. After calling the security gate and advising them of the pickup, she placed the thick envelope outside the front door. She then listened to the various voice messages and read the texts she’d missed.

  She returned Jim Wesley’s call first, relieved he was not available. She left a message with his executive assistant Delia, who assured Caryn she’d let Wesley know the contract was on its way. Taking the easy way out. She blocked her conscience and went to her office to touch base with her hockey clients. She had most of the information and photos required to update everyone’s social media pages. Caryn sent each agent an email, asking if the player(s) represented would consider recording a video blog chronicling days at training camp.

  Wish Cliff Camden was a client. Would love to get his perspective on training camp—through the eyes of a rookie. Caryn drafted a letter to the Suns PR director, requesting approval and assistance in obtaining the videos. Wish I’d thought of that before “Hell Week,” but there’s plenty of time to launch this feature.

  Caryn was unaware of the passing time until the doorbell rang. Glancing at her wrist, she was surprised it was already five o’clock and thought the courier had arrived. She opened the door, smiling when she saw Kelly and Terri. “Perfect timing. I’m completed my to-do list for today. Come on in.”

  “We’ve come to kidnap you,” Terri said.

  “I’ll come willingly. Where are we going?”

  Kelly answered, “You know that complex of boutique shops and restaurants that opened recently? We think it’s a good time to see what they have.”

  “Fun!” Caryn agreed. “Are we going now?”

  “If you can.” Terri laughed as Caryn smoothed her hair. “You look great, as usual. All you need is your wallet and phone.”

  She invited them in and waved toward the kitchen. “Help yourselves. I’ll just be a minute.” Caryn exchanged her yoga shorts and T-shirt for denim shorts and a blue and white seersucker shirt. She quickly washed her face, added a touch of mascara, and pushed her hair back into a high ponytail. Her favorite sandals sat by the door, and she slipped them on before she rejoined her friends.

  “I’ve wanted to stop there since I returned from Toronto. Now that we reached agreement on the McRainey contract, I’m free to enjoy!” Caryn picked up her purse and double-checked she had her wallet, phone, and house keys.

  She frowned when she saw the contract still sitting against the door. She locked the door, then picked it up. “Do you mind if I check with the courier? I thought this had been delivered by now.” She punched the company’s number and requested a status update on her pickup.

  “What’s up?” Kelly asked when Caryn dropped her phone into her purse.

  “The courier’s caught in traffic and running behind schedule.”

  “Shall we deliver it?” Terri suggested.

  “No way,” Caryn said without hesitation. “The courier can leave it with building security. I’d rather shop than sit in traffic. I’ll just call his assistant and tell her it’s in traffic, but on its way.”

  Terri nudged her as she laughed. “Yes, there’s quite a bit of traffic right here.”

  Kelly pulled Terri’s arm. “Let’s get the car while Caryn makes her call.”

  Terri spotted the maternity boutique the instant they’d parked. “I know where we’re going first.” Kelly and Caryn looked in the direction Terri pointed, and then Caryn accused them of setting her up.

  “No, I promise. I never even saw this store until right now. See, it’s tucked in a corner you can’t see from the road,” Kelly answered. “But, won’t it be fun to see what styles they carry?”

  “Why not?” Caryn said with a smile. “I plan to go with leggings and oversized shirts as long as I can.” She paused for a moment. “At least until I tell Drew.”

  “Any thoughts on that?” Terri asked.

  Caryn shrugged. “We agreed today we need a counselor to help us. Andrew wasn’t too thrilled at the thought. Said he doesn’t like talking about personal things with a stranger. I said something snarky, and we were this close to slipping into our old routine.”

  “A counselor will act as a buffer, don’t you think?” Kelly said.

  “I hope so. But, now that I know we’re not going to fix everything quickly…at least not quickly
enough to tell Andrew about the baby before it’s obvious, I feel guilty making the doctor appointment without telling him.”

  “Of course, you’d like him there,” Terri said.

  “More than that…I know he would want to go with me. It feels selfish to keep this a secret much longer.”

  “Andrew’s told you he wants to work things out, right?” Kelly asked.

  “I believe him when he says it,” Caryn replied. “During our ‘almost fight’ he said he’s not letting me walk away again.”

  “You haven’t told him before because you didn’t want him to feel obligated, right?” Kelly paused as Caryn nodded. “It sounds like that worry is off the table now. Things have changed. Especially if you will work with a counselor.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m feeling guilty. But, then I think about Kristen and wonder what really happened. I want to trust Drew completely before we make any commitments.”

  “Just because you tell him about the baby doesn’t make everything go away, Caryn,” Terri suggested. “It would be a way to start being honest with each other.”

  “Lying by omission,” Caryn said softly. “I do need to fix this. Quickly.”

  Kelly opened the door to the maternity boutique, then watched as Caryn’s eyes widened when she saw infant clothing as well as stylish maternity outfits. “I have an idea, Caryn,” she suggested. “Why don’t you pick out a couple of things to try on, then you stay back there and Terri and I will select things we think you’ll enjoy—and make you look like one hot mama-to-be.”

  Caryn laughed. “You guys are going to kill me.” She looked at the dozens of choices. “It’s hard to buy anything before you start showing, then what you do buy probably won’t fit the last months.”

  “Just try some transitional things…jeans, leggings, crop pants, and some cute tops. And we’ll pick out some dresses for you,” Kelly suggested. “When we need to do this again, I’m all in.”

  Caryn thought about Terri’s comment as she relaxed by the pool later in the evening. She stashed the clothes she bought at Kelly’s for the time being. She didn’t want to run into Tom when she entered the house. She had no reason to keep the pregnancy secret any longer and didn’t want to regret not giving Drew a chance to share the pregnancy. Or have him feel he missed out because she didn’t tell him.

  Relieved once she’d made the decision, Caryn knew how she would break the news. The ultrasound photo from the clinic in Toronto…maybe one or both of the pregnancy tests. She’d place everything in a box, wrap it, and a tie a bow on top. She hoped she could snap a photo as he opened the box, then his reaction when he saw the contents. Great photos to share with his parents. Unwanted thoughts intruded. What if he’s upset I didn’t tell him sooner? Or asks for a DNA test or something? What if he’s not thrilled because it’s not a good time to add a baby to our relationship issues?

  Forcing her “what-ifs” to the back of her mind, Caryn walked to her bedroom and placed the items in a small box to wrap later. She got a bottle of water and a small dish of chicken salad in the kitchen, and then sat at the table and glanced at her iPhone. The courier confirmed the time the contract reached McRainey…signed for by Mr. Wesley himself. Out of my hands now. Not going to waste energy worrying about it. She knew Lauren would give the seminars everything she had. If there were any problems with the contract, they won’t come from their side.

  She looked up as Tom slid into the chair opposite hers. “I didn’t hear you coming, Tom. Do you want something to eat?”

  “I sampled your chicken salad before I slept about seven hours. I told Andrew I’d get dinner with him.”

  “Good, he misses seeing you every day.”

  “Yeah, no one to bitch to about the therapists,” Tom replied with a partial smile. “The new PT must push him hard. He almost complained about him. I told him if Glenn frustrates him, he must challenge him. I think he’s just adjusting to not dictating the pace they move forward. That’s just what he needs.”

  “Especially without the distraction of Kristen,” Caryn added as she made a face. “Andrew’s making appointments for us to meet counselors. Thanks for the suggestion.”

  “Glad he's on board with the idea. He didn’t react at all when I mentioned it.”

  “He’s not wild about the idea. But, since we almost got into an argument about working with a counselor, I think he realized we have too many hot buttons to manage ourselves.” Caryn shrugged as she sipped her water.

  “Not telling you what to do, but in the interest of honesty, you may wish to reconsider telling him about Kristen’s manipulations,” Tom said as he stood. “He’s well beyond the point where that could shake his confidence. He may get furious, but he won’t doubt himself.”

  Caryn nodded. “I get it. If I want complete honesty from him, I need to provide him the same. There’s so much built up, I don’t know where or how to begin.”

  Tom squeezed her shoulder as he leaned to kiss her cheek. “Exactly where a counselor guides the process.”

  When Andrew inquired, he learned the Rehab Center had its own set of counselors. He took the list and scanned it as he walked to his room. Conveniently forgot about this service. I’d never need to see a counselor. Famous last words. Still don’t understand why we need to discuss everything with a stranger, but if Caryn thinks we need this, I’m not going to fuck it up. He made appointments with three of the counselors during the break between the morning and afternoon sessions. He sent Caryn a text, listing the dates and time, and then set the phone aside.

  The long evening stretched before him. He’d maxed out on physical activities for the day, so he didn’t have that option. Since training camp began, he didn’t have the interactions with his teammates. No Steve or John to get him out on the boat, take him to the training center to skate, or just go to their homes and chill. Might be awkward now with Caryn back. Maybe not. A way to see her at home? He looked around the room as he leaned against the divider, realizing how much he resented his living situation. I don’t dislike it. I fucking hate it. The sooner I get out of here…

  Tom knocked on the door as he entered, and Andrew pushed the negative thoughts aside for the moment. After greeting his brother, he looked at him carefully.

  “You getting any sleep, Tom?”

  “Seven hours this afternoon at the house.”

  “You look like you could use more.”

  “You look like you need to get out of here,” Tom retorted.

  Andrew knew his laugh sounded forced. “This place is starting to get to me. Maybe I should get an apartment.”

  “You might want to think how that will make Caryn feel,” Tom said quietly.

  “How do you think it will make her feel?”

  Tom shrugged. “Think about the message you’d send…C’mon, let’s get out of here and go out to eat. You feel like trying a seafood restaurant out near Clearwater?”

  “Excellent—the further away from here, the better.”

  Andrew remembered the phone he’d placed on the counter about halfway to Clearwater. “You have your phone, don’t you?”

  Tom nodded toward the console. “Two phones now. Hospital hotline if someone needs to talk with me—or, more likely, get my ass to the ER pronto.”

  “You on call tonight?”

  “Not officially. But, if there’s a major accident—no matter what kind—it’s all report immediately.” Tom glanced at his brother. “Not much different from being an intern. Anyway, you need a phone?”

  “Not really. Just left mine on the counter. Odd feeling to be disconnected. More short-term memory issues?” Andrew asked.

  “Most likely distraction. Don’t worry about it. You can use mine if you need to make a call.” Andrew caught the smirk on his brother expression. “Don’t freak Caryn out by sexting her.”

  Andrew laughed. “Don’t worry. We’re not close to ‘that’ being an issue.”

  19

  Caryn arrived at the Rehab Center early the next morning, h
er carefully wrapped box tucked inside her purse. Now that she had decided to share the news with Andrew, her anticipation level heightened, and she entered the building with a smile on her face. She checked the food court in case he was eating breakfast, and her stomach rumbled, reminding her that in her haste to deliver the gift, she’d forgotten the toast she’d prepared. For a brief moment, she considered grabbing something from the food court, but the anticipation of seeing Andrew chased that thought from her mind. She’d get something before yoga.

  The excitement bubbled within her. Feels like Christmas morning when you’re waiting for someone to open ‘that’ gift—the one you know will eclipse all the other gifts under the tree. Hope he feels that way when he opens the box. She bit her lip as she exited the elevator, consciously shoving the negativity from her thoughts. Drew’s probable reaction? Surprise. A moment to figure out what it means. Disbelief. Out of his mind happy.

  She repeated the words like a mantra, and she felt the negativity slip away and the anticipation building. She turned the corner and stopped short when she saw Kristen talking with Andrew outside his door. His arms were folded across his chest and she couldn’t see his face. Kristen’s, however, left little doubt. That smile. That laugh. Her hand on his arm. Even though she couldn’t see Kristin’s eyes, she imagined the flirtatious sparkle directed toward Andrew.

  Caryn’s first reaction—turn around and return to her car—slipped away as anger coursed through her. How dare she? Wasn’t Drew requesting a new therapist obvious enough? What does he—or I—have to do to make her understand? He doesn’t want you. Doubt pushed its way into her thoughts, but by then she was too close to them to contain her temper.

  Andrew saw her first, a smile brightening his expression as he reached his hand toward her. “Hi, babe. Early morning?”

  Caryn tucked herself under his arm and pressed against his side. “Looks like an early morning for everyone.” Her eyes locked with Kristen’s. “What are you doing here?”