This Piece of Our Being-Tampa Suns Hockey (Clearing the Ice #3)

by Robyn M Ryan

  “How do I prove a negative, Andrew?” Caryn asked wearily.

  He shrugged. “No idea. When you figure it out, let me know.”

  Caryn took a deep breath. Thinking about it caused her hands to shake. Great, a panic attack. She concentrated on the calm, cleansing breaths she learned from yoga class until relief swept through her. She shoved those memories to the back of her mind and hoped to lock the door.

  Caryn frowned when she looked in the mirror. If Dr. Forster sees me, he’ll revoke the discharge. Way too pale. She ran the water until it was warm and then splashed it on her face several times. Better. She brushed her hair and rummaged through her bag for some lip-gloss.

  When she peeked in the mirror again, she no longer resembled a corpse. Zombie? She nibbled at the cookies Katie had shared earlier, wanting nothing more than to go home and crawl under the covers.

  Although Dr. Forster said she could resume light activities, Caryn learned the minute the three entered the house that she had no say in the matter. Tom directed her to the sofa, with instructions to relax, stay off her feet, and rest.

  “Rest? All I did the past few days is rest.”

  “Humor him,” Andrew said as he carried her bag to the bedroom. Caryn watched with interest when he picked up his bag, taking it to one of the guest rooms. Answers my question. She didn’t know how she felt, but assumed their “time-out” had ended. Probably the wise option. I guess. Tom set a bottle of water within reach, along with crackers, cheese, and fruit.

  “You don’t need to wait on me. I’m not an invalid.” Do I sound as irritated as I feel?

  “I received my ‘marching orders’ from my boss,” Tom said with a smile.

  “What, I have to sit around for another day?” Now I totally am a bitch.

  She heard Andrew’s quiet chuckle as he sat beside her. “Not at all, Cary. Dan did tell you to take it easy the next few days. Taking a few minutes to relax and maybe enjoy a snack should not make you feel like an invalid.” He kissed her temple. “Let’s get everything inside, and then you can walk around, relax by the pool, take a swim…”

  “Okay. Whatever.”

  Andrew didn’t reply, and while they emptied the car, she double-checked her appointments for following week. Monday recheck with Dr. Forster; Tuesday meeting with one of the counselors; Thursday, Dr. Turner, and Friday meet a second counselor. At least she had time to go through her emails and post any player’s video-blog on social media—and offer it to the teams’ PR departments. She thought about going into her office to read mail and prepare her to-do list, but she knew her self-appointed guardians would object. I’ll cooperate today, but tomorrow?

  28

  Caryn tried to ease back into a routine over the weekend, but every time she started something, either Andrew or Tom stepped in and took over. Instead of feeling gratitude, she bit back sarcastic comments. Rather than subject either to her frustration, she often retreated to her office. At least in there neither could say, “I’ll get that, Caryn.”

  By Saturday afternoon, she had cleared her email, updated client accounts, and caught up on Lauren’s projects. She grabbed her phone and walked to the pool deck where Tom and Andrew had just completed swimming laps.

  Andrew rested his arms on the side of the pool. “Join us?” He punctuated the invitation with a gentle splash of water. “It’s nice in the sun. Not too hot.”

  Drew knows I can’t resist his smile and the blue eyes that beckon. “Sure. I’ll change.”

  Andrew jumped out of the pool and swept her into his arms in a second. “You have any electronics on you?”

  She pointed to her phone on the chair. “No, why?”

  Andrew just grinned as he walked around to the deep end of the pool and jumped in holding her. Caryn’s protest ended abruptly when they hit the water, and she wrestled out of his arms and swam to the surface. When Andrew emerged a second later, she splashed water at his face.

  “You know I’ll get you back,” she warned.

  Andrew shrugged. “It’s worth it if you’ll relax and just enjoy the weekend.”

  Caryn held onto his shoulder as she turned her face toward the sun. “This feels like heaven.”

  “You want to swim or get some sun?”

  “Mmm, both.” Caryn ducked under the water and swam several yards away. “I haven’t used the pool all summer,” she confessed.

  “So, do we need to fill it in, convert it to a playground or something?”

  “That’s a nonstarter…at least not until I start to obsess about toddlers falling in.”

  Andrew moved to her side. “I read an article about infant swim lessons. Lots of kids are swimming like fish long before they even walk.”

  Caryn smiled. “So you’ve been reading up on babies?”

  His eyes warmed her soul. “You bet. So much to learn over the next few months. You ever changed a diaper?”

  Caryn shook her head with a small laugh. “Guess we’ll need to find a class or a friend with an infant who can teach us.” She put her arms around his neck. “Let’s go towards the other end so I can stand. I’m tired of treading water.”

  “My feet are planted on the bottom.” A smile spread slowly across his face.

  “And you just happened to forget I’m not quite as tall as you?”

  “I know your exact height.” His blue eyes darkened and Caryn felt the familiar butterflies dancing within. With a grin, she kissed him softly.

  Andrew tightened his arms around Caryn as he welcomed the kiss. He missed the easy familiarity, the light banter, the expressive amber eyes, and the feel of her body against his. He deepened the kiss, causing Caryn to squirm as she returned the kiss and locked her legs around his waist. He ran his hands over her wet clothes, rethinking his impulsive move to get her in the water. Oh, yeah. A bikini much better than shorts and shirt.

  He moved toward the edge of the pool, reluctantly ending the kiss as he lifted her up on the tile. He boosted himself beside her and took her hand. “You have no idea, Cary,” he said as he took in the wet hair tousled about her face, the shirt that left little to the imagination, and the soggy shorts.

  “Oh, yes, I do,” she replied with a smile. She ran her hand across his chest. “I miss this.”

  Andrew nodded as he brushed the wet hair away from her face. “More than you know, Cary.” He pushed to his feet, but motioned for her to stay. He quickly retrieved a large towel and wrapped it around her shoulders.

  “Let’s get some dry clothes,” he suggested.

  Caryn looked up at him, a glint in her eyes. “Poor planning, Andrew. I need to drip dry a bit, first. Sit in the sun with me?”

  “Anything.” He helped her to her feet and Caryn looked around as she settled in a lounge chair.

  “Where’s Tom?”

  He shrugged. “Around here somewhere. Can I get you something to drink or eat?”

  “Some lemonade? Maybe a couple of Kelly’s cookies?”

  Caryn couldn’t take her eyes off Drew as he walked toward the sunroom. Feels so…normal…right now. Why even think about the past? Couldn’t they just forget what happened and go forward together? She lost herself in the possibility and looked up in surprise when Andrew sat beside her.

  “Looks like you’re thinking about some serious stuff,” he said as he handed the glass to her. “Tom’s picking up dinner. Didn’t say where.”

  “Hope we didn’t run him off,” Caryn teased Andrew.

  “He’s got a good sense of…discretion. Unlike some other doctors we know.” His blue eyes gleamed and completely melted Caryn’s defenses.

  “I was just thinking…” her voice trailed off as she broke a piece of a cookie and tasted it.

  “About?” Andrew prompted.

  “I wish we could just forget about everything we did wrong. Just erase it, bury it, and pretend it never happened.” She watched his expression soften as he reached for her hand.

  “If we only had a magic wand or time machine,” Andrew said. “There
are so many things I’d do differently.”

  “Same here. So, not a good idea to pretend nothing happened?”

  Andrew reached for her hand. “I think everything would eventually bubble back to the surface. As much as I hate to admit this, we do need to work through everything, with or without a counselor.”

  “I know. I just want ‘us’ back.”

  “We’re already on the right path, babe. We’ll get there.”

  Caryn sighed. “It’s so hard, Drew. You’re here, but not really home. I miss sleeping with my head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat, waking up to a kiss in the morning. I think about all the ways we’ve shared our love…I want you as my husband in every way.”

  He placed his palm against her cheek and Caryn leaned into it, seeing his eyes darken. “I want all that, too, Cary. Do you know how hard it is to sleep in a different room knowing we’re under the same roof? I had to stop myself from walking into your room and slipping into the bed beside you.”

  “You could blame sleep-walking.” Caryn laughed softly. “There’s no reason why you can’t sleep in our room.” She held her breath as Andrew didn’t reply for several moments.

  “I don’t think my self-control would last very long. Cary, after what I did to you in April—I’m not going to chance that happening again.”

  “I don’t believe you will. Not the other day in your room, and not today. Making love just feels like the right way to heal.”

  She watched his expression as he paused a moment before replying. “Took me a while, but I finally understood how you felt back in April. We made love, and then I asked you for space, to stay away. I get how that hurt you, angel.” He took both her hands. “The other day was…spectacular…but, maybe we should wait until every question is answered, every doubt erased?” His gaze locked on hers, the question in his expression.

  “We have a lot of lost time to make up,” she replied with a small smile. “If you change your mind…”

  He cupped her chin in his hand. “I love you, Cary. I want to make up for those months, and I promise you I will.” A grin spread slowly across his face. “Even though I’m fighting the urge right now to toss you over my shoulder and take you to our room.”

  Two weeks later, Andrew and Caryn had decided on a counselor after each had met privately with several. Andrew thought he’d prefer a male counselor, but quickly discovered Shannon Langley’s demeanor made it easy to discuss his reasons for seeking counseling. He’d seen her around the Rehab Center, but had never met her.

  Caryn stopped by his room before their first joint session, her eyes bright and an infectious smile on her face.

  “Excited?” he questioned as he kissed her and then motioned for her to sit on the couch. He saw the smile fade into uncertainty.

  “I’m pretty nervous actually,” she admitted.

  “Me, too,” he smiled and sat beside her. “So…tell me what put the sparkle in your eyes?”

  Caryn grasped his hand and lifted her shirt. If he looked closely, Andrew could see a small bulge that prevented her from buttoning her skinny jeans.

  “Gaining a little weight, Cary?”

  He watched her eyes narrow…obviously not the response she’d expected. “Let me rephrase—are you showing me our baby bump?”

  “Our baby bump?” Caryn ran her hand against his tight abs. “No bump there.”

  He placed his hand on her abdomen. “So, our little peanuts decided to make themselves known?” He paused a moment, not prepared for the wave of emotion that swept through him. “That’s freaking amazing, Cary.”

  “Isn’t it? First time I couldn’t button these jeans…loose last time I wore them.”

  Andrew pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her. “Time for a new wardrobe?”

  “I have some outfits. Terri and Kelly found this maternity boutique not far from our house. The first of many such shopping trips.”

  Andrew said, “I’m ready to start painting the nursery—after you decide which room you want to use.”

  “One too many decisions for today. Do you have any ideas?”

  “We’ll figure it out. Plenty of choices.” He kissed her forehead. “We probably need to tell our parents before too long.”

  Caryn groaned quietly. “Your parents, of course. Not sure I’m ready for the deluge of suggestions from my parents. The best doctor, the specialist of pregnancy with twins, the best preschools…”

  Andrew laughed as he kissed her. “Let them research the schools…you just enjoy the next few months. Maybe later today?”

  Caryn sighed. “I guess I should call Lisa and see when I can get both of them at the same time. I want a once-and-done with that conversation.”

  29

  Caryn reached for Andrew’s hand when they reached the counselor’s door. “I’m really nervous,” she whispered.

  He squeezed her hand. “Remember why we’re here.” He opened the door and followed Caryn into the reception area. After signing in, he pressed the button as the sign directed. “Water?” Andrew indicated the mini fridge beside the desk.

  “Please.”

  Before they could open the water bottles, the door opened and Shannon welcomed them. “Come in,” she invited, indicating her office.

  They chose the couch, and Shannon sat in a nearby chair. She held a file and a notepad and smiled as she spoke. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to work with you.”

  Caryn felt anxiety and quietly took a calming breath. Why so nervous? This is what I wanted…what I think we need. Worried about what Andrew may say? Or how he’ll react when I tell him about Kristen’s manipulation and lies. She forced her mind to quiet and focus on Shannon’s words.

  “In talking with both of you, I learned you have the same goal. You both stated your priority is to repair your marriage. Not only that, both of you said—in nearly identical words—‘you want what you had before Andrew’s accident.’” She glanced at her notes.

  Caryn looked at Andrew, and he slipped his arm behind her on the sofa. Caryn slowly exhaled the breath she hadn’t realized she’d held. “So that’s positive,” she observed.

  “Very positive, Caryn,” Shannon emphasized as their eyes met. “We will work on each roadblock you both have identified. Again, the roadblocks you mentioned are very similar—trust, guilt, withheld information, anxiety.”

  “So, how does this work?” Andrew asked. “Do you pick a topic each time we meet?”

  The counselor smiled. “You both will set the pace and the agenda. Though, I want to caution you from trying to discuss all these issues at once. Even though the issues overlap, you can’t resolve everything in one session. Or five, maybe ten.”

  Caryn glanced at Andrew. “How do we even know where to start?”

  “You’ve already talked through some of the issues. You may wish to begin there, ensure you both fully understand what you’ve said.”

  “So,” Andrew spoke up. “Can we discuss things outside of our sessions…or do we avoid any potential conflict?”

  “Conflict—not a problem. Avoiding subjects to suppress conflict leads to problems. One caveat—if either of you thinks the conversation crosses your comfort level, ask for a time out and we can discuss it at our next session.” Shannon paused and looked at each of them. “Honest communication always.”

  She set the notepad aside. “Why don’t we start with each of you verbalizing your goal for this process? Tell each other how you visualize your relationship improving.”

  Caryn met Andrew’s eyes, hoping he’d begin the conversation. She saw the warmth in his eyes, and his wink reassured her.

  “Caryn, my goal is simple. I want to regain your trust, show you every day how much I love you, and pray for your forgiveness. I’ll answer any question, try to explain—not condone—what happened last spring.” His blue eyes suddenly filled with emotion, and Caryn reached for his hand as he continued. “I pray we can put the past behind us and then raise our children together in a lov
ing home.”

  Andrew did not release her hand as Caryn nodded and processed his words. He felt the anxiety radiating from her in waves and saw her take several deep breaths before she spoke. Her eyes locked on his when she began to speak.

  “My goal…I want us back…our marriage stronger than ever. My love has never wavered even during the worst moments. I need to share information I’ve kept from you…I hope you will forgive me and remember every decision I made, I made because I love you. I share responsibility for what happened last spring, and I need to own it.” Caryn dropped her gaze as her eyes filled with tears. “I want our children to grow up in a home filled with love, with parents who…” She shook her head as her voice choked. “I love you with my entire being.” She swiped at her eyes as she met his gaze again.

  Andrew slipped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. “I love you, Cary. Have faith in us. Our love will guide us.” He pushed aside questions about her words, her worries about him forgiving her. He only half-listened as Shannon restated their goals and confirmed their next appointment.

  He intertwined his fingers with hers when they walked toward the food court. “Can I buy you a strawberry swirl yogurt or a milkshake?”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Which do you want?”

  Caryn looked up at him, her amber eyes mischievous. “Both?” She tried to suppress a giggle.

  “I forget you’re eating for three.” Andrew pulled a chair back for her at one of the tables. “Be right back,” he said as he released her hand. He had not expected Caryn’s emotional reaction during the counseling session. Her anxiety worried him. Dangerous for her or the babies? For Caryn, anxiety often led to migraines. Not what she needs.

  He filled a tray with their lunch and saw her checking her phone as he walked toward the table. When he set the tray on the table, she looked up at him with a smile.