Heartbreak And Past Mistakes

by Chenell Parker

  “Again, you should have thought about all that when you were fucking me with no protection. And make no mistake about it, I don’t want you either. I could never see myself kissing you again after seeing Lyric’s juices dripping from your lips. No, I can’t force you to be in this baby’s life but you will help me financially. You can do it by choice or force, but it will get done,” Jena stated before she walked out of his office. She had barely closed the door when she heard something crash against it.

  “Fuck!” Spencer roared behind the closed door. He was shouting obscenities and throwing things around his office as Jena rushed to the elevator. She didn’t think Spencer would react the way he did, but he was livid. He was acting like she got herself pregnant and that’s what hurt her the most. Jena knew that being a single parent would be hard but she was prepared for whatever came her way. Unlike Spencer, she was prepared to sleep in the hard bed that she’d made for herself.

  Chapter 18

  “Have you tried talking to him?” Kierra asked as she looked across the table at Zina. They were having an early dinner at China Doll and her cousin used that time to vent about her marriage.

  “That’s all I’ve been doing lately. It’s been a whole month and things don’t seem to be getting any better,” Zina replied.

  “His cousin was wrong for that shit. I don’t care how mad I get at someone, I’ll never reveal something that was told to me in confidence. I’m not even cool with a lot of people that I used to be friends with but their secrets are still safe with me,” Kierra said.

  “Exactly and you know I’m a street bitch from birth. Snitching ain’t never been my style. That bitch told me a lot of shit that I kept to myself. Her nigga would have left her a long time ago if I told him half of what I know,” Zina replied.

  From abortions to cheating with random niggas, Sanai had done it all. Zina knew more of her business than her own family did and she never once told any of her secrets. It wasn’t the first time that she and Sanai had it out, but it was their first time fighting. Zina remembered them going four months without speaking, but she never opened her mouth to anyone about her personal business. For Sanai to do it to her in front of Deuce’s entire family was low. That happened a month ago and Zina’s marriage hadn’t been right since.

  “As messy as his mama is, I know she was eating that shit up,” Kierra said, referring to Deuce’s mother.

  “You know she was. She called our house trying to check me and I let her ass have it. Bitch so pressed behind having a grandchild until it’s ridiculous.” Zina frowned.

  “Maybe you and Deuce need to get away for a while. Just the two of you. Lyric used to go to this resort in Biloxi and it was nice as hell,” Kierra said.

  “Ask her for the info and I’ll get on it ASAP. Maybe some time alone will do us some good. I’m tired of him dividing his time between me and his grandma. Shit can be sweet and he’ll still spend the night over there like he don’t have a wife at home.”

  “I’m not saying that he’s right for doing that, but he was hurt Zina. He was probably embarrassed too since his cousin said the shit in front of everybody,” Kierra pointed out.

  “I know girl. Every time I think about it, I get pissed off all over again. That bitch was wrong for that shit but it’s all good,” Zina replied.

  “Forget her irrelevant ass. Make things right with your man and move forward from there,” Kierra suggested.

  “That’s just it though Kierra, nothing is wrong. At least not right now. He stayed by his grandmother for a few days after the picnic and we talked when he came back home. I haven’t been clubbing and I cook and clean every day. I don’t know what else he wants from me,” Zina sighed.

  “I know this is personal and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But, how is your sex life?” Kierra asked.

  “That’s been good too. I even told him that I’m ready to try for a baby. I’m doing everything that I can think to do but he’s still not satisfied. He’s holding on to the past and punishing me for the mistakes I made.”

  “It was only a month ago Zina. It wasn’t that far in the past,” Kierra pointed out.

  “Yesterday is the past Kierra. If it didn’t happen today, it’s in the past. I don’t believe in holding grudges. Life is too short for all that. I wish I was fertile like my sister. I would have been pregnant by now and all my problems would be solved,” Zina said.

  “Having a baby will not make all your problems go away,” Kierra noted.

  “No, it won’t, but it would definitely help my marriage,” Zina replied as she signaled the waitress over for the bill.

  Kierra disagreed but she only nodded her head without responding. Zina’s way of thinking made no sense to her. She thought that bringing a baby into a failing marriage was okay and Kierra didn’t understand that. As wrong as Deuce’s cousin was, Zina had to take some of the blame too. Years of not giving a damn pushed her husband away. Hopefully, he would see the changes that she made and give their marriage another try.

  “Call me later cousin. I’ll get that info from Lyric and text it to you,” Kierra said as she and Zina hugged and went to their separate cars.

  Zina’s kids were with Deuce by his grandma Mildred and that was where she was headed. Aside from picking her kids up, she was hoping to have a serious conversation with her husband.

  When she pulled up, Zina’s mouth watered when she saw Deuce pushing the lawnmower across his grandmother’s front lawn. He was shirtless and dripping with sweat. Her kids were playing with some kids next door and his grandmother was in her recliner on the porch. Mildred was always the same to Zina and her kids and she loved and appreciated her for that. She was nothing like her daughter and she knew how to mind her own business.

  “Hey Ms. Mildred.” Zina smiled as she walked up on the porch and kissed the older woman.

  “Hey baby. I got your husband out here working up a sweat,” Mildred replied.

  “I see that but you know he doesn’t mind,” Zina said.

  “He never does,” Mildred agreed.

  Zina sat there and talked to her husband’s grandmother for a while until he was done cutting her grass. He never did acknowledge her but, when he walked into the house, Zina got up and followed right behind him.

  “Hey,” she spoke as she watched him wiping sweat from his face and neck with a wet towel.

  “What’s up?” Deuce greeted as he opened a bottle of water.

  “Why didn’t you come home last night?” Zina questioned.

  “Fell asleep,” he replied like it was nothing.

  “Really Deuce? You said the same thing last week and the week before that. You’re a married man. Ain’t no such thing as falling asleep anywhere else other than your own home. I’m tired of you dividing your time up between our house and your grandmother’s. I’m your wife!” Zina snapped angrily.

  “When did you figure that out? You were my wife when you used to be in the club shaking your ass at all hours of the night. You were my wife when I went to bed hungry some nights because you didn’t cook or put food in the house. You were my wife when you decided to make all the decisions about us having a baby without consulting me,” Deuce rambled.

  “I’m sorry, okay? How long are you gonna punish me for my past mistakes? I’m trying Deuce. The least you can do is meet me halfway,” Zina said as the tears fell just like always.

  “You can miss me with the tears my love. You don’t get to play the victim to circumstances that you created. And don’t come at me on no meet you halfway bullshit either. For years, I was doing it full circle by myself. I’m not making no apologies for how I choose to repair what you broke.”

  “I just want us to move forward Deuce. I can’t change what I did in the past and I’m not making excuses for it. You have every right to feel the way you do and I have to respect it. I just want to know where do we go from here to make things right,” Zina said.

  “I honestly don’t know Zina,” Deuce replied truthfully. />
  “What about a vacation with just the two of us? It doesn’t have to be anything big. Kierra is asking her cousin about a resort that she went to in Biloxi. Maybe we can spend a few days there and try to figure this out. I don’t want our marriage to end over this Deuce. I know it’s my fault and I’ll do whatever I have to do to make things right. I know I’ve said this a million times before but I mean it from my heart now,” Zina said as she looked him in the eyes to let him know just how serious she was.

  She could see the uncertainty in her husband’s eyes and he had every right to doubt her. Zina had made similar promises before and they all fell through. Now that she saw how fed up her husband was getting, she was ready to show and prove. It was one thing for her to lose a mate to death. She didn’t know if she could survive if Deuce left her for any other reason.

  “Plan something and let’s go,” Deuce said, making her smile.

  “Yes! Thank you, baby. I can’t wait. I’m going call Kierra to see if she got the info I need. Can you please make sure you come home tonight?” Zina asked in a pleading tone.

  “Yeah, I will. You can leave the kids here. I’ll bring them home with me,” Deuce replied.

  “Okay baby, I’ll see you later,” Zina said as she gave him a quick kiss and hurried out the door.

  Deuce wanted to say no to her request, but the hopeful look in her eyes changed his mind. A few days away by themselves would help him to put a lot of things in perspective. Deuce hated that he wasn’t in love with his wife and he wanted that feeling to come back. Having some alone time with her might be just what he needed to see if the way he felt would change. If not, he knew that he had some serious decisions to make and walking away from his marriage might be one of them.

  ***

  Lyric laid in the bed with the heating pad on her stomach and a bottle of Advil on her night stand. As usual, the menstrual cramps were kicking her ass and it felt like she was dying from the inside out. She was on her first day and she left work as soon as she was done with what Mr. Malone needed her to do. Bronx called to take her out to lunch but she was already at home by then. He stopped and got her some Chinese food and was now lying in the bed right next to her.

  “You get this shit every month, right?” Bronx questioned as he flipped though the channels on her tv.

  “What? My monthly cycle?” Lyric asked.

  “Whatever you call it,” he replied.

  “Yeah. Why do you ask?” she inquired.

  “I’m just trying to see if this is how you act every month. I mean, you know the shit is coming but you act like you be dying. I thought last month was just a rough time, but I see it’s the same thing this month,” Bronx replied.

  “You can get your insensitive ass out. You wouldn’t know nothing about how I feel so shut up,” Lyric snapped.

  “Does it make you have a fucked up attitude too?” Bronx asked.

  “Why are you even here Bronx? Thanks for the food and the chocolate but you’re starting to annoy me. Let me walk you out,” Lyric said as she sat up and removed the cover from her body.

  “You must really be in pain if you think I’m going somewhere. I came here to check on your ungrateful ass,” he replied.

  “Well, leave me alone and let these pills do their job.” Lyric frowned.

  “Is this our first argument as a couple? If so, I like it,” Bronx said.

  “You are so weird,” Lyric laughed as she fell back into the bed.

  “You know what else is weird?” Bronx asked as he got under the covers and snuggled up with her.

  “What’s that?” Lyric countered.

  “It’s weird how much I’m feeling your sexy ass and I ain’t even hit it yet,” Bronx replied.

  “So, you have to hit it in order to be feeling me? Help me understand that,” Lyric said.

  “No but, if I’m feeling you this much now, just imagine how it’ll be once you give it up. You been holding the pussy hostage but it’s all good. I know it’ll be worth the wait.”

  “You really need a filter on your mouth. Some of the shit you say just ain’t normal,” Lyric complained.

  “I can try but I can’t make no promises,” Bronx said.

  “Try very hard,” Lyric replied.

  “How long are you gonna be down?” Bronx asked her.

  “Stop talking like I’m about to check out or something,” Lyric fussed.

  “Well, stop acting like it then. I don’t want to be inside all day. I want us to go somewhere,” Bronx replied.

  “Give me a few minutes boo. I need to let these Advil kick in,” Lyric said.

  She usually didn’t like nobody to be all up under her when it was her time, but Bronx wasn’t trying to hear that. He alternated between rubbing her stomach and her back while they talked. After about an hour of lying down talking, Lyric was feeling better and ready to do something. She took a shower and got dressed right before they left the house.

  “Where are we going?” Lyric asked as he drove.

  “It don’t matter to me,” Bronx replied as he grabbed her hand and held it in his.

  “It’s Thursday, we can do poetry night,” Lyric suggested.

  “Hell no, Lyric. That shit almost put me to sleep last time. Never mind, I’ll find somewhere to go,” Bronx replied.

  “I don’t want to go back to that hole in the wall bar that you took me to either,” Lyric fussed.

  “You talking all that shit now but you were killing them wings,” Bronx said.

  “They were good as hell too,” Lyric laughed.

  “I’m trying to spend some time with you now since I’m supposed to help your pops move some stuff this weekend,” Bronx replied.

  “Yeah, I know. I have to help my mama pack. I can’t believe that she really made my daddy buy her a new house,” Lyric chuckled.

  “And you act just like her too. I can already see what I’ll be dealing with in the future,” Bronx replied.

  They talked about a little of everything, as he drove them from her home in Gentilly until he pulled up to a building in the CBD. Lyric only smiled as he pulled into the parking garage and killed his engine.

  “What’s up? You down for a few games?” Bronx asked as he looked over at her.

  “Always,” Lyric replied as they hopped out of the car like two big ass kids and prepared to go into Dave and Buster’s.

  Chapter 19

  “Bitch, that’s been the talk of the entire building. She’s keeping the baby but Spencer wants her to get rid of it,” Nova said as she and Lyric stood in the break room and talked.

  It was Martha’s last day and they threw her a little gathering to thank her for her years of service with the firm. Now that it was over, Lyric and Nova had to put everything away and make the office look nice and neat again. Mr. Malone left right after the celebration to go home. He and his family were leaving for a cruise the following morning and he had to be prepared. Lyric and Javier were running the office in his absence, but she wasn’t looking forward to it. Between hiring a new receptionist and helping her mother pack, she’d had an exhausting week. She was thankful to see another Friday and she didn’t have any plans for the weekend.

  “That’s fucked up but she asked for it. She was trying so hard to hurt me but she ended up doing me a favor. Spencer is sad as fuck,” Lyric replied.

  “Now he’s parading his new bitch in her face like it ain’t nothing. She be looking so sad and pitiful,” Nova said, shaking her head.

  “Yeah, she really does. But again, she did that to herself. Spencer can ignore her all he wants to but child support is gon’ tear that ass up. If I was Jena, I would quit working and live off of his dime. That nigga makes good money and she’s entitled to some of it,” Lyric pointed out.

  “His long neck ass makes me sick. He’s trying to do her dirty, but Javier be snapping on him and he don’t say shit,” Nova commented.

  “Spencer knows shit from sugar. He can’t fuck with Javier in the court room and he’s intimidated by him.
Both of them make me sick.” Lyric frowned.

  “I think Javier has a crush on you,” Nova said.

  “Why do you think that?” Lyric questioned.

  “I don’t know. I might be wrong but he’s always staring at you when he thinks no one is paying attention. The way he looks at you is just different. I can’t explain it but I think he likes you,” Nova rambled.

  “Girl, this week has really kicked my ass. Between helping my mama and daddy move and planning for Martha’s party, I am drained,” Lyric said, quickly changing the subject.

  She didn’t want to talk about Javier and she was happy that he’d finally stopped bothering her. He called her a few times from the work cell since it was unblocked but Lyric always hung up on him. She knew just what Nova was talking about because she often caught him staring at her too. She filled in for Mr. Malone for a meeting that week but she left before it was even over with. She didn’t want Javier trying to get her alone once everyone was gone.

  “I saw their new house and it’s beautiful. They sold their other house fast as hell. My auntie know that real estate business like the back of her hand,” Nova replied.

  “I’m just happy that it’s over with. I got me two bottles of wine and I’m going get in my hot tub until my skin gets wrinkle,” Lyric said.

  “I know that’s right cousin. Me and Jared are going to the waterpark in Biloxi this weekend,” Nova replied with a blush.

  “Look at you turning all red in the face. I’m happy that y’all finally made things official. I think y’all are good for each other.”

  “My mama and daddy like him and I’m supposed to meet his people tonight at dinner,” Nova said.

  “Aww, that’s so sweet. Let’s get the hell out of here girl. It’s after five,” Lyric said once she and Nova were done.

  They had the office looking like it did before the party and it was time to go home. Most of the other employees had already left and a few more walked out with them. Lyric was happy that there was no traffic and she made it home in no time. She stripped out of her work clothes, leaving only her lace boy cuts and bra on. She connected her phone to her Beats pill and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge. Once she got outside to the patio, she turned her hot tub on and wasted no time climbing inside.