That Girl: Bre

by Amber Monroe

  39. Bre

  Boyz II Men’s "It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday" was playing in the background of the church. I was dressed in all black with oversized black shades on. The church was beyond packed with people coming to pay their respects. There were family, friends, people from the neighborhood, and some who remembered him because they crossed paths at some point in life. This day felt so surreal, and it didn’t seem real at all. It had been almost two weeks since I’ve gotten that dreadful call, but surprisingly I was fine for the most part. Yeah, there were times when I cried, but most of the tears came from the pain my daughter will feel once she learned that her father was no longer here, and barely knew him.

  “At this time, we will have Bre Allen, the mother of Jemar’s beautiful baby girl, Jenelle, come sing a song requested by Chasity.” The pastor announced. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I placed my hand on the back of the pew that was in front of me and breathed. I felt a hand on top of my mine and saw Chasity smile at me. She was encouraging me with her eyes. I know how much this meant to her because she asked once we started making Jemar’s funeral arrangements. While Jenelle and I were visiting her, she heard me singing Jenelle to sleep and said I had the perfect voice to sing at the funeral. I wanted to object, but it was hard because I didn’t want to tell her no. She had just lost her son, and the only thing she had left was a granddaughter that she was estranged from. She knew she couldn’t replace Jemar with Jenelle, or get back whatever time she lost with him through her either. That motivated me to get up, knowing everybody in the church was watching me and probably already making assumptions about who they thought I was and how I was feeling. I was fine. I swear, I am.

  “I’m going to keep my shades if y’all don’t mind,” I said once I grabbed the microphone up at the front of the church. Chasity spared no expenses to give Jemar a beautiful and memorable homegoing. I can’t lie, it was beautiful, and Jemar’s glossy white casket was top of the line with silver handles. Jemar looked so peaceful in his all-white suit laying on top of a white velvet cushion. His line up was clean and fresh, as well as his goatee. His casket was now closed, and I didn’t walk up to view the body because I couldn’t see him like that up close. However, my seat was on the second pew, and although I tried not to look at him, I saw him before they closed it. Chasity placed photos of his family and pictures of him and Nelle, around his casket, and some all-white flower arrangements. I couldn’t believe this was my last time seeing him and seeing him like this. This shit hurt, but I was still strong. I stood in front of the band she hired, and I had a chance to rehearse with them, so they knew how to play accordingly. I was singing the instrumental of a track, but they would adlib some sounds with their instruments. I nodded my head to the funeral director to start the music. Madison Ryann Ward’s “Mirror” started to play. It’s funny how Chasity picked a song that matched so well with my vocals. I lowkey sounded like the artist, but I definitely had my own sound. I sang the first verse for effortlessly, but the second verse, sent tears running down my face, and I didn’t even care. I continued to sing, and I could tell the crowd was really feeling it.

  Now we both know

  But we act so unaware

  It just goes to show

  Our love isn’t fair

  Tomorrow’s never promised

  Only yesterday’s a guarantee

  And if I’m being honest, yeah baby

  That’s the only thing that carries me

  We’re out of time

  We gotta find peace of mind

  And understand that

  Maybe we never can

  So keep me in your mirror

  But don’t take your eyes off the road

  Holding on won’t get us any nearer

  ‘Cause we got a long way to go

  Sometimes it’s hard to see

  That some things just won’t be

  I finished with a few adlibs then ended the songs. The entire church clapped, and Chasity actually got up from her seat with tears in her eyes.

  “Thank you,” I said then made my way back to my seat. Chasity stopped me and came close to hug me. I hugged her back because I knew she needed it. I need it too. After I sat back down in my seat, I felt a hand on my shoulder. He squeezed my shoulder, but I couldn’t turn around to face him.

  ∞∞∞

  “Did you ever find out what happened to him?" Keisha asked as we sat at a table.

  “Not really, it’s still an open investigation. I told his mother that he told me that he had a move to make, but he didn’t tell me any specifics. Somewhere from the time he got off the phone with me to when it got to his destination, something happened that left him killed.” I started to tear up just thinking about what Chasity told me about Jemar’s murder. Wherever he went, there had to be some kind of altercation that left him shot multiple times in the chest. The people who did it was courteous to take him to the hospital but dropped his body off before entering the hospital’s grounds. Jemar sadly bled to death and could’ve possibly been saved if the medics would’ve been aware that he was on their grounds.

  “You okay?” Keisha asked me. I asked her to come with me since I didn’t want my family to attend, and they didn’t want me to go alone. I didn’t bring Jenelle because I didn’t want her to see her dad like that. I knew she was too young to understand what was going on or probably won’t remember, but I just didn’t want her here.

  “I’m good. Thanks for coming with me.” I said to her. We were now at the repast waiting for folks to come back from the burial. I didn’t want to go and see them lower the casket into the ground. It was already hard attending the funeral. I changed my mind several times, but Keisha encouraged me to come for Jenelle. While we waited, those, who didn’t go to the burial either approached me with their condolences or complimented my singing.

  “I cried like a baby when you sang that song. I’m glad I didn’t wear any makeup.”

  “Girl, me too. It was a beautiful song that Chasity wanted me to sing.”

  “Yeah, it was.” She said as she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. She could see that I was still emotional.

  “When Jenelle gets older and starts to ask about her dad, can you talk to her since you can relate,” I said looking into her eyes. My shades were off now, and I didn’t care if people saw my red and puffy eyes.

  “Ummmm….sure.” She seemed hesitant.

  “You don’t have to, I just thought maybe you could better explain things than me.”

  “No, I get it. It’s just not easy for me to talk about my dad still to this day. However, hopefully, by the time Jenelle starts to ask, I will be more than ready and prepared to talk to her.” She half-smiled.

  “How was Atlanta?” I asked her since she’s lived there before.

  “It was beautiful, motivating, and felt like home during the time I was there.”

  “Could you see yourself staying there longterm or starting a new life there?”

  “Yeah. I did plan to stay, but you know, things changed.” I knew what she was talking about and just nodded. “Any place can really be a new life for you. You thinking about moving?”

  “Yeah. I did make plans to move, but with everything that just happened within a week or so, I don’t know if now is the time to go. My family will probably be worried about me, and they’ll feel like I won’t have anybody to lean on for support.”

  “You have me.”

  “I know, but-”

  “Hey.” A deep voice interrupted us. I looked up and saw Dre walking closer to me. I got up to give him a hug.

  “Hey, Dre. I didn’t expect to see you here. I forgot you knew Jemar too.”

  “Yeah, I came to pay my respect and give my condolences on behalf of my family.” He said as he hugged me tightly. “Whatever you and your daughter need, don’t hesitate to ask. I got you.”

  “Thanks, Dre. We’re good, I promise.” I said as we ended our embrace. He looked over to Keisha, who made it obvious that she was avoid
ing eye-contact with him.

  “Can we talk, Keshia?” He asked as he put his hands in his pockets. I know a lot has transpired between them, but I could still see that the feelings and love were still there. I smirked because Keisha was trying her hardest to avoid eye contact, but her body language was saying something different. It was attentive.

  “I don’t want to leave Bre right now.” She said nonchalantly.

  “I’m fine. Go talk.” I threw out, and even pushed her up from the chair. She looked like she wanted to smack my head off and probably would’ve if all these people weren’t around. Once she got up, she walked away first towards the foyer of the banquet we were in. Dre followed behind, but winked and smirked at me before he walked away. I just nodded, but gave him a look that said: “make it right.” He knew what I meant and just nodded back.

  Now it was just me at the table, so I used this time to check on Jenelle by texting my dad since she was with him. He said she was fine and watching Mickey Mouse ClubHouse. I told him I would be home after I ate and would bring him a plate as well. I placed my phone down on the table and saw Chasity, somewhat exchanging words with a girl who looked familiar. Jemar’s uncles, who I recently met, walked up then escorted the girl out of the building. What was that about? I asked myself. I guess Chasity felt my eyes burning a hole in her head and looked directly at me. Her hardened face softened, and she somewhat smiled. She finished talking to Jemar’s uncles, took an envelope from them then walked over to me.

  “Hey.” She said as she approached the table.

  “Hey.” I placed my hands in my lap and suddenly got nervous.

  “Thanks for being here and singing for me.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, I’m here for Jenelle,” I said.

  “I know, and I appreciate that. I know you and Jemar didn’t have the best relationship, but you never kept Nelle from him even though he wasn’t around much. May I sit?” She asked and gestured to the chair that was next to me. I nodded. She smiled.

  “I know I wasn’t even around Jenelle much like I said I would, but I really want a relationship with her. I know it won’t make up for anything, and I don’t want that to be my intention. However, she is the only piece I have left of my son.”

  “I know, and you’re free to see her as much as you want. I just ask that you be consistent in your relationship with her. I said the same thing to Jemar before-” I stopped myself because I realized that was our last conversation.

  “I know, and I will pick up where he left off and didn’t get a chance to work on. Look, Bre, now is not the time, but I want you to know that I feel your pain. I have experienced your pain by the hands of my own son. I know what he was capable of, and I tried my best to correct him, but he pushed away and resented me. He got it from his father, but when his father left me, he continued the abuse.” She teared up. I grabbed her hand. “The day when we came to the hospital, I saw that pain in your eyes and familiar resentment on your face. I would really like to sit down and talk to you one day. I want to get to know you and hope we can build a relationship besides our relation to Jenelle.”

  “I would like that,” I said as I wiped a tear from my face.

  “Me too.”

  “I know you’re probably not going to accept this, but Jemar’s family on his father’s side wanted you to have this.” She handed me the envelope. I already knew what it was before she even placed it in my hands, and she damn sure was right that I wasn’t accepting that. Look, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know what Jemar’s father’s side did for a living. I wasn’t accepting possible dirty money.

  “Take it for Jenelle.” She said.

  “She’s good. Trust me, I made sure she was.” I said and meant. Remember how I kept telling y’all I was sticking around for my child’s future? I hope y’all don’t think I meant raising her in a two-parent home. Jemar was right that someone skimmed money from his stash; however, it wasn’t Ricardo. It was me, yeah, I know, and I’ll answer to God for that one day, but I was making sure Jenelle’s saving account was secured before she even turned one. Jemar thought I was naive and not street smart, but one thing my daddy taught me was that you always make sure you get yours before a nigga thinks twice to change his mind. I was able to skim $2,000 through time, and that day I went to move out, I took about a $500. I can’t tell y’all my secrets and say how I got away with it, but I was okay. Since working, Jenelle had about $3,000 in her savings account. And $5,000 in her college fund account. I wanted her to have about $20,000 by the time she turned sixteen and $50,000 by the time she went to college if that’s the route she took. Either way, she would be good.

  “Trust me, take it,” Chasity affirmed. I took the envelope and peeked inside. There were a lot of hundred dollar bills. “That’s just from two of his uncles, just wait until the rest of his father’s side pass you their envelopes. Jenelle will be more than good. You don’t have to like what they do to obtain that money, but do it for Jenelle’s future.” I didn’t say anything but put the envelope in my purse and just nodded my head.

  “Thanks, now if you’ll excuse me. I see Jemar’s uncle Tino and his spoiled brat cousin, Tiffany. You can accept any money from that family but except from him. He never has good intentions.” She said as she got up. I looked in the direction that she was looking in. Tino and Tiffany were looking at us. Tiffany looked like she was already looking down on me, and her father seemed so sneaky. A chill ran over me as his eyes scanned over my body.

  “Hey, before you go!” I grabbed her hand before she walked away. “Are you okay? Like with everything that has happened, are you okay?” I asked and genuinely wanted to know. She took a minute to think about it, then smiled.

  “I’m fine. What about you?”

  “Same. I’m fine.” I smiled.

  “Good.” She said then walked away. I saw as she approached the evil people and moved off to the side to talk to them. I noticed Keisha was still gone and wondered what she and Dre were talking about.

  “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.” I heard a familiar voice say. My body shivered, but in a good way.

  “Ricardo,” I said as he sat down next to me without waiting for a invitation.

  “Ambrelle, answer my question.” He said. He looked so cute. He had a beard now and was rocking that sponge twist look. I mean, I already knew this because he was just here about a couple of weeks ago, but I wasn’t looking at him in the way of lust. He was Nelle’s godfather, and he was my friend.

  “Sounded more like a statement than a question,” I said. He smiled and nodded.

  “You’re right. How about this….have you been avoiding me?”

  “Yes, I have. The past two weeks have been a lot for me. I’ve been trying to be strong in front of Nelle. She’s only one and can already tell when something is wrong with me. I was just focusing on her and being there for Jemar’s mother.”

  “And who was there for you?” He asked. I didn’t say anything because I knew where this was headed.

  “How’s Atlanta?” I changed subjects.

  “It’s good, starting to get a little crowded with folks moving in, but it’s cool. A lot moves to be made down there. Why?”

  “I think Jenelle and I will finally come down to visit you. We need a break from DC and need some new scenery.” I said.

  “I can make that happen, but you gotta do something for me.”

  “What’s that?” I raised my eyebrow.

  ∞∞∞

  “I’ve never done this before. I’m nervous.” I told Ricky.

  “That’s fine. Just take your time. Sing it like you’re telling a story.” He said through the intercom.

  “My story, right.” I adjusted my headphones on my head and got as comfortable as I could on the stool.

  “Your story, right.” He said then pressed play on the switchboard. I let the beat come in, closed my eyes, and opened my mouth to let the words flow out.

  Bre will be returning in 2021…..

&nbs
p; Other Titles By Me

  (Keisha's Story)

  (E-book Only)

  Coming soon….

  Want to know what Dre wanted to talk to Keisha about? What was taking them so long to come back? And what secret is Kourtnee hiding from Keisha? Find out in.....

  Keisha's Part 2

  Spotify Playlist