A Distant Hope

by Ellin Carsta

  “What is it?”

  “We will pay you your share of the firm’s total value less your portion of the outstanding debts. On top of that, you will receive payment for one third of the villa.”

  “The villa?”

  “Yes. We can’t let you keep on living there. Accept our offer, Georg. Otherwise we turn off the flow of money at the spigot, and you’ll be insolvent in less than two months.”

  “The business is just recovering. If I leave now, I’ll barely have enough to live on for a year, even with the villa thrown in.”

  “Then it’s time you started working on finding a new income.”

  “How? There’ll be gossip all over Hamburg. I won’t stand a chance here.”

  “Perhaps you ought to think about leaving Hamburg.” Robert shrugged.

  “I need time to think this over.”

  “No.” Karl contradicted him firmly. “The instant we leave this room, we’re going straight to Palm and making arrangements. And he will get either instructions from us to calculate our current value including debts or else news that Robert and I are leaving the firm, which will result in the business defaulting on the debt. Say how you want it.”

  “You two are thugs!”

  “Think whatever you like. So? We need a decision.”

  “Elisabeth won’t want to move out of the villa.”

  “Believe me, Karl and I couldn’t care less what Elisabeth does or does not want. You wanted that woman, and now you’ve got her.”

  “But we’re brothers. Let’s talk this over.”

  Robert stood up. “Let’s go, Karl. There’s nothing more to say. It seems he doesn’t want to accept our offer.”

  Karl followed him toward the door.

  “Fine,” Georg shouted as they reached the doorway.

  Robert turned and looked straight at him. “We’ll have the papers drawn up. We’ll be here tomorrow with the notary.”

  With that they left the office and didn’t see Georg collapse in his chair in tears.

  It took five days to have the contracts signed and the villa and the business transferred to only the two brothers. Robert was surprised how relentless and calm his brother Karl was during the negotiations. Apparently Georg’s deceitfulness vis-à-vis Robert had hit him harder than Robert had thought.

  “I shall not move out of here,” Elisabeth announced emphatically. “And no one can force me to.” She shook her head vigorously.

  “You will, believe me,” Robert responded in a calm voice.

  “I am still your wife.”

  “I’ll see to that part later,” Robert announced. “I’m sure I can find a judge who will find your attachment to other family members repulsive enough to grant me a divorce. The question of guilt has plainly been laid to rest, and you know it. Consider yourself lucky that I’m putting divorce aside for now and sparing you, for the time being at least, the humiliation associated with it.”

  “And if I do not leave?”

  “You don’t think I can find a way to encourage you to move out immediately? Perhaps I should have a word in confidence with a few good friends in Hamburg society? You obviously don’t know me very well.”

  “You wouldn’t dare!”

  “I would,” Karl butted in, which flustered her.

  “Please, Elisabeth,” Georg pleaded, “let’s pack and go. They’re right. The villa’s theirs now.”

  “Because you gave in,” she scolded. She held her head up stiffly. “If my daughters will be living here, I have an equal right to stay.”

  “You know, Elisabeth, there were times when I appreciated your ability to come up with new ideas, even admired it. But those times are gone.”

  Still furious she suddenly changed her expression. “Where am I to go?”

  “I’ve found something that will do for a while until we get back on our feet,” Georg said in a feeble voice.

  “I shall not live in some wretched hole in the wall!”

  “Now I’ve had enough!” Robert took a step toward her. “You have one hour to pack and get out. Otherwise, I hereby swear, Karl and I will push you out the door ourselves. Do you understand?”

  Elisabeth said nothing, just stared at Robert.

  “Aha, you’ve understood,” Robert said. “Karl and I are going up to the study and will wait there. One hour and no more. By that time you’ll both be out of the house. Let’s go, Karl.”

  “And don’t think about taking the silver, it’s included in the villa’s evaluation,” was Karl’s parting shot.

  Georg tried to take Elisabeth by the arm.

  “Don’t touch me!” she hissed.

  Karl and Robert couldn’t hear anything else because they’d closed the door behind them. They had a few glasses of Danziger Goldwasser and a cigar. They went downstairs exactly one hour later.

  There was no sign of Elisabeth or Georg—and the silver was gone as well.

  Cameroon, December 1889

  Luise stared at the letter from Vienna in disbelief. It couldn’t be! It mustn’t be! She had to read her father’s words five times to understand what had happened in Hamburg. The events seemed monstrous, and at the same time, Luise didn’t want to accept that they meant she would have to leave Cameroon.

  Her sixteenth birthday had passed recently, and nobody had given it a thought, including Malambuku and Hamza, of course. She didn’t hold it against them. Celebrating birthdays was not a custom in their culture, and Malambuku had certainly forgotten that it was a year since her family had sent her the rabbits. She admitted to herself that she was sad not to have received good wishes from a single person on that day.

  Several days after the letter arrived, Christmas was upon them. Impossible for her father to be back by then. What was she to do? Go to church? Sundays she had to run a gauntlet now since everybody kept asking when her father would return and expressed their concern that she was alone on the plantation with all those Africans. On the other hand, she couldn’t stay away from church at Christmastime. It was a dilemma. Worse than the uncertainty about her father’s return was that it would immediately end their life in Cameroon. The very thought brought acid into her throat. What could she do to avoid going back to Hamburg?

  In her desperation she’d read Hamza the letter right away. Since then the feeling between them was one of foreboding. Hamza was disappointed that Luise couldn’t keep her promise to stay in Cameroon all her life. But what could she do? She was sixteen but couldn’t possibly go against her father’s will. Her despair drove her to contemplate momentarily having an affair with Raimund Leffers. If he were to take over the plantation, she could use that to try to stay in Cameroon. But her father would never permit it, aside from the fact that Luise didn’t want to give herself to any man but Hamza. The price was too high. But it was urgent to come up with something if she didn’t want to lose him and her life there. But what?

  She’d cried so much the last several nights that she was too tired to watch the sunrise with Hamza. She did her daily chores listlessly and without smiling; at night she cried herself to sleep. After not seeing her at the tree for four consecutive days, Hamza came at sunrise on the fifth day into Luise’s room. She was asleep in bed and didn’t wake up.

  “Luise.” He touched her shoulder gently. “Luise, the sun is coming up.”

  “I’m too tired.”

  “Soon you will be gone. Then we will have only memories.”

  Luise blinked at him. “I’m so tired. I’ve no energy. I can’t get up.”

  Hamza thought for a minute before lifting the sheet and crawling into bed with Luise.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I would like to be with you and hold you as long as it is possible.”

  At first she didn’t know how to feel, but soon she snuggled up to him. They both went to sleep, and Hamza didn’t tiptoe out of Luise’s room until just before he had to go to work.

  The next day Luise invited Raimund Leffers over, and he accepted. Luise summarized for him what
her father had written.

  “So I would be in your father’s service?”

  “I suppose so.” Luise shrugged.

  “Why do you want to leave Cameroon?”

  “I don’t want to leave,” she protested. “Most definitely not. But there were changes in the Hamburg office that require my father’s personal attention.”

  She liked Raimund, but she didn’t want to tell him the truth about the awful mess her family was in.

  “I understand. And he thinks I’m up to the task?”

  “Well, I’ve managed it for the few weeks he’s been gone. Mostly without Malambuku.”

  “And Hamza?”

  “Yes, and Hamza.”

  “May I ask you something, Luise?”

  “Please do.”

  “Are you in love with Hamza?”

  Luise blushed instantly. “What are you talking about?”

  “Nothing. Forget it.”

  “What made you say something like that, Raimund? I thought we were friends.”

  “I oughtn’t to have asked. Please, forget it.”

  His question annoyed her. Was he trying to provoke a reaction? And if so, why?

  “Maybe it’s better if you left. You can consider my father’s offer.”

  Raimund got to his feet. “I will. Please forgive me if I offended you. That wasn’t my intention.”

  “Why did you ask? To accuse me of something?”

  Raimund shook his head. He wavered, wrestling with himself, and finally said, “Because I am in love with a girl from here and had hoped to talk about it openly with you. I thought you had feelings for Hamza and might understand me for that reason.”

  Luise looked at him, taken aback.

  “I urgently request that you not tell my father. He’d probably give me a whipping.”

  “Raimund, please, sit down?” Luise asked, regretting her reaction. “I misunderstood you, please excuse me.”

  “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “Raimund.” She pointed to his chair. “Please.”

  He sat down again reluctantly.

  “I reacted that way because it’s true, and I felt vulnerable,” Luise explained.

  A smile flickered across Raimund’s face. “I’m relieved, Luise, really. I’ve suspected you were fond of him. But you objected so strongly I thought you found the mere idea of loving an African repugnant, so you couldn’t understand my feelings.”

  “I understand them. Too well.” She sighed. “I can’t imagine a day without Hamza. But my father will force me to give up everything here. And I’ll never see Hamza again.”

  “What if you didn’t go?”

  “You know yourself, I have no choice. I’m sixteen and a woman. No German father would permit his daughter to live in Africa by herself.”

  “Have you ever thought about escaping?”

  “What do mean ‘escaping’?”

  “Simply running away when your father comes back. You can leave him a note saying you’re all right but will stay away until you’re old enough to make decisions about your life on your own.”

  Luise gave a hollow laugh. “You’ve got to be joking!”

  “No, not at all. I’m thinking about it myself.”

  “Really?” Luise’s pulse quickened. Was it possible that Raimund had a way out for her?

  “Yes. There are villages in the British colonies where white immigrants live with Africans. That’s where I’d like to go with Suna.”

  “Your girlfriend’s name is Suna?”

  “Yes. She isn’t actually my girlfriend. Not yet. She feels the way I do. But she’ll soon be given in marriage to a man from her tribe.”

  “The way that Hamza’s supposed to marry Jala.”

  “It’s remarkable how similar our stories are.”

  “Those villages in the British colonies, nobody cares?”

  “It definitely won’t be easy there. But it’s different from the way it is here. I must get away from my father above all if I don’t want to get beaten to death.”

  “Is it far from here?”

  “Well, yes, it’s several days.”

  “You’ve planned to leave for quite some time, haven’t you?”

  “Yes. And that’s why I can’t accept your father’s offer.”

  “Doesn’t matter. He’ll find somebody else. But that village . . . I mean, what do I do if I want to go there with Hamza, too?”

  “So you’re thinking about it?”

  “Yes. But it would have to be fast. Father’s coming back soon.”

  “It will work even when he’s here. We’d leave at night. But you mustn’t say a word about this to anyone except Hamza, do you hear?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Here’s the plan. I’ll let you know when I’ve got everything ready. If your father returns in the meantime, send me word. I’ll let you know the next possible time, and then the four of us will leave.”

  Luise’s heart beat wildly. “Yes. Let’s do it, Raimund.”

  “Don’t you want to talk to Hamza first?”

  “I’m sure he’ll agree.”

  Raimund stood up. “Good. Then let’s do it. You’ll hear from me in the next few days.”

  “Or you from me.”

  Luise didn’t sleep a wink that night. When first light finally broke, she hurried to Hamza’s room to take him to the tree. He was happy, if somewhat surprised, to see her cheerful for the first time in so long.

  As soon as they got to the tree, she shared what Raimund had told her. But Hamza’s reaction was not what she’d expected.

  “You’re saying no?”

  Hamza looked at his hands. “I can’t abandon my village and my tribe, Luise.”

  “You mean you don’t want to!”

  “No, I mean I cannot. My family is dependent on my support. What would happen to my brothers and sisters if my father got sick and couldn’t work anymore? Who will take care of them?”

  Luise didn’t know how to respond. She was sad and furious at the same time. “You’d rather accept that we’ll never see each other again?”

  Hamza looked at the ground and took her by the hand. “I don’t want to lose you, Luise.”

  “But that’s exactly what will happen if we don’t go.” Her voice cracked. “When my father comes back, he’ll arrange everything in a few days and then take me back to Hamburg. It won’t be hard to find one of the Germans here to be a steward on the plantation.”

  “So we’ll get a new master?”

  “Yes, presumably. I don’t think my father will turn over all the responsibility to your father.”

  “Then that is how it will be.”

  Luise began to cry. “Please, Hamza, let’s go to the British colony.”

  “And what kind of life will we have?”

  “I don’t know. But at least we’ll be together.” She snuggled up to him. “Don’t you want to be with me?”

  “You know I want to.”

  She pressed against him more closely, kissed his cheek, then his neck. Hamza turned to face her. Their lips met. They clutched each other like drowning people. Their kisses became more demanding. They held each other tighter and tighter, kissing and caressing, slipping off the tree trunk down into the grass. Hamza’s hand slid under Luise’s bathrobe, and she opened his fly. Hamza pulled her nightgown up, let his hand play over her breasts. Luise felt everything spinning around her. They’d never touched like this, never felt such passion. Luise tugged his pants down, and Hamza took them the rest of the way off. Then Luise stroked his thigh until she touched his erection. She didn’t have any idea what to expect, how it would feel, hadn’t given it any thought until then. Touching him there now excited her to the core. Hamza stroked between her legs, and Luise sighed, gasped for air. She exhaled loudly and spread her legs. Hamza braced and placed himself on top of her, and penetrated her. It hurt briefly, but then it was wonderful, beautiful. Luise’s heart raced, she arched up against him. Hamza lifted himself up, and short
ly afterward his movements died away. Gasping, he laid his head on her breast, to slow his breathing.

  He raised himself up on his elbows and looked into her eyes. “You’re crying?”

  “No.” She smiled at him. “They’re tears of joy.”

  He kissed her mouth, rolled off her, and lay holding her on the grass for a long while. Neither of them said another word; there were too many feelings for them to speak. They parted in front of Luise’s room with a tender kiss. Then Luise sank down onto the bed. Though her heart was still beating rapidly, she was asleep in a second.

  It was Christmas Day, and Luise went to church with the rest of the Germans. She smirked because the hymns were exactly the same and in the same order as last year. When they came to “Silent Night,” Luise was grateful. She hadn’t been able to concentrate on what the pastor was saying and just as little on the carol. After the service some of the congregation asked her to come celebrate with them instead of being on the plantation by herself. Luise had refused with thanks and was about to leave when Raimund came up beside her.

  “Everything’s ready,” he said.

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. I’ll tell Hamza and send you word. I’d like to go after my father comes so I can see him one last time.”

  “But don’t give it away. You know what that would mean for all of us.”

  She shook her head. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”

  It was December 30, 1889, when the Erna Woermann anchored off the coast and Robert Hansen returned to Cameroon.

  While she was working, Luise smiled at the memory of the previous night, which she’d spent by Hamza’s side just like the preceding ones, blissful through and through. They didn’t go to the tree anymore; he came directly to her room long before sunrise, and they would make love. How wonderful it was! Downright intoxicating! She raised her head when she heard him running up behind her.

  “Your father,” Hamza shouted up to her. “He’s back.”

  They exchanged glances. They knew that the time had come for them to leave. Luise nodded at Hamza, and they ran to the plantation together.

  The Duala crowded around Robert, welcoming him back.

  “Father!” She ran up to him.

  “Luise!” He spread his arms and hugged her. “My Luise, oh, how I missed you!” He held her as if he would never let her go.