A Distant Hope

by Ellin Carsta

  “Were you able to get everything settled?” she asked.

  “Yes. Come and sit down. I’ve so much to tell you.” He looked around. “I see everything’s the same. I admit I’m not surprised. I knew you’d keep everything in good order.”

  “Good day, Herr Hansen.” Hamza bowed shallowly. “It is nice to see you again, and well.”

  “Hamza.” Robert shook his hand and clapped him on the shoulder. “Your German has improved. You speak like an educated young German man.”

  “Thank you very much, Herr Hansen. That’s kind of you to say.”

  Luise took her father’s arm and went to the veranda along with Malambuku.

  “It’s good to be back,” Robert said, stretching his legs.

  “I’m happy you are, too. You look exhausted.”

  “That I am,” Robert confessed. “The last few weeks were difficult.”

  “What’s happened since your last letter?”

  Malambuku came with drinks, and Robert took a big gulp.

  “Thank you, Malambuku.”

  “Good you’re back again, sango.”

  “I’m glad to be back, too.”

  After Malambuku had left, Robert said, “Your mother’s no longer living in the villa; neither is your uncle Georg.”

  Luise nodded and kept silent.

  “Vera, Martha, and Frederike are delighted you’re coming home, and we’ll all be living there together. Your uncle Karl and your new aunt Therese came for Christmas. Therese is pregnant, by the way. She’s a charming woman—you’ll like her. They’ll have gone back home long before we arrive, but there’ll be time for you to get to know her.”

  Luise faced him squarely. “Please tell me why we must leave Cameroon.”

  “You know why. I’ll be running the Hamburg office from now on, and Karl will work out of Vienna.”

  “But I love living here!”

  “I know, Luise. But there’s no other way right now. Maybe one day. But not now.” He took another drink. “Did you speak to Raimund Leffers?”

  “Yes. He has other plans,” she said curtly.

  “Too bad. But I’ll be able to find somebody.”

  “I could stay, of course.” Luise smiled wanly, knowing her suggestion wouldn’t be taken seriously but wanting to have at least said it.

  “Oh, my dear Luise.” He shook his head. “No, I certainly can’t leave you here. But I appreciate your offer.”

  “Will you and Mother divorce?”

  “I don’t know. A procedure like that isn’t simple, though I’m sure any court in the land would determine that to prolong the marriage would be unreasonable. But it’s not a priority at the moment. What’s important now is that we head for calmer waters. Grandfather’s death threw everything off track. But the fog’s slowly lifting, and I’m confident we’ll be able to lead a normal, respectable life in a matter of months.”

  Luise wanted to say that life in Cameroon was normal, too, and beyond that, it was magnificent, and she enjoyed every minute of it. But she knew she couldn’t change his mind.

  “When do we leave?”

  “In three days.”

  “So soon?” Luise was wide-eyed. It was all coming so fast now. In just three days, she’d leave her life completely behind. The thought scared her.

  They had a light meal together, and Robert went to lie down after his long voyage. Luise went to her room and wrote to Raimund to let him know they’d have to leave the night of January 1 at the latest. She gave it to a Duala man to deliver and watched him leave, letter in hand. Luise felt she was a traitor to her own father.

  The first of January, 1890, arrived—the day Luise Hansen was to turn her back once and for all on the life she’d led. She’d spoken with Hamza that afternoon. They agreed to meet at the tree and go from there together to meet Raimund and Suna. Luise had noticed how quiet and withdrawn, even despairing, he was. She’d asked him why, but he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. She was afraid for a moment that he wouldn’t come. But no. Hamza would never do that to her.

  The ship that was to take Robert and Luise to Hamburg had been at anchor for a day. Robert had seen that the beans had been loaded onto carts and, along with their personal luggage, were already on board. Luise was sorry that she could only take a few things to the colony, but she couldn’t risk arousing her father’s suspicions if she didn’t bring all that she owned on board. So she resigned herself to taking little more to the British colony than what she carried on her. It pained her most that her father had the rabbits sent on board so they wouldn’t have to carry additional baggage with them the next morning. It was terribly difficult for her to say goodbye to them, but she couldn’t have taken them with her, anyway.

  Robert told the ship’s captain that he would be pleased if the ship left as early as possible. That was fine by the captain since the cargo was already on board. It allowed Robert to say farewell to Hamza and the rest of the Duala at the end of the previous workday. He’d see Malambuku the next morning since he’d slept in the farmhouse that night so he’d be on hand for their early departure.

  Luise and her father said farewell to the natives she’d known for more than a year, who’d increasingly occupied a place in her heart each day. She smiled at Hamza and squeezed his hands while saying farewell. He lowered his eyes and looked at the ground. Suddenly Luise felt anxious. Would her lover not come? Or was he just sad to have to leave his people behind? She attempted to drive away those dark thoughts, put on a happy smile, and promise the Duala she’d be back. One day, she said, they would see one another again.

  Evening came, night fell, and then finally the first light of day broke through the clouds. Luise hadn’t slept. She’d been sitting in bed, completely dressed, and waiting. At first light she rose, picked up the small bundle containing her diary and portfolio, and tiptoed down the hallway and stairs to the front door. She looked around for the last time. She’d probably never see that place again. Tears welled up in her eyes.

  “Forgive me, Father,” she whispered.

  She walked across the plain to the fallen tree, her tree, where she’d sat almost every morning for more than a year to greet the sun. How terribly she’d miss it! But she hoped that in the British colony, there’d be steppes and landscapes and that she’d discover a good view for enjoying the sunrise. The main thing was that she’d be there with Hamza, the man she loved with all her heart. Yes, it was the right decision.

  She took out her diary and read some passages about her feelings when they’d first arrived in Cameroon and what motivated her to write them down: a deep longing paired with the sentiment that everything that had happened since then felt incredibly right.

  The sky was slowly turning brighter pink. Luise looked around, smiling. Hamza wasn’t there yet, but he would be at any minute. She looked again at Mount Cameroon before her: a huge black shadow rising above the surrounding landscape. She dwelled on it for a while, then gazed up at the sky. Pink still dominated, but gradually distant tints of orange appeared. She turned to look behind her once more. Hamza was late, much later than usual. What was keeping him? It was almost time to set out and begin their new life. Was he slow taking his leave of his brothers and sisters, maybe looking at them once again as they slept, for one last time?

  She stared at the mountain for a few seconds longer before turning around—she didn’t want to miss seeing Hamza emerge from the brush. Suddenly a strange feeling crept over her. Could it be that he wasn’t coming? Never, she concluded. Never. He’d never do that to her. She’d given herself to him. They’d vowed their love for each other. It couldn’t be—he wouldn’t hurt her that way. Even if he found it difficult to bid farewell to his family and friends in the village, he’d told her, promised her, that he’d chosen her and a life with her.

  The pink in the sky disappeared, the orange grew stronger and stronger until it turned into a warm yellow. Luise turned around again, looking at the mountain as tears ran down her cheeks. She didn’t know how long she sat
there. It must have been hours. Hours during which the realization that he wasn’t coming had permeated her body like a cancer. Then she heard familiar footsteps but didn’t turn around.

  “There you are. I was getting worried. Are you saying goodbye?”

  She nodded without looking at her father. “I’ll probably never be here again.”

  Robert put a hand on her shoulder. “Oh, Luise, who knows what will happen over the years?” He bent over to kiss her hair. “Let’s go. There’s still time if we want to get something to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Neither am I, to be honest, and Malambuku has packed us enough so we won’t starve.” He touched her arm. “Well now, let’s go.”

  They walked back to the house. Luise didn’t want to go inside but to leave at once. As she and Hamza should have done. She choked up at the thought.

  She went over to Malambuku and gave him a hug. “I’ll never forget you, Malambuku. Never, as long as I live.”

  “Malambuku hopes to see nyango someday again.”

  “No, Malambuku. I don’t think I’ll ever come back. Farewell!”

  She raised her head and looked once again into his warm, familiar eyes. They were Hamza’s eyes, too. She smiled, turned, and walked over to her horse. Robert and Malambuku exchanged a few more words before her father came to her; they took their leave.

  He tried several times to strike up a conversation, but her responses were curt. So he left his daughter in peace and gave her time to put Cameroon behind her.

  Reaching the beach, they found less commotion than there would be later in the day. That was fine by her. They thanked the men who helped them into the boats. They boarded the ship that would bring them to Hamburg.

  Luise stood at the rail, which offered a fine view of Mount Cameroon. She would miss everything here. But after what Hamza had done, it was no longer the place she wanted to live. He had broken her heart terribly.

  It wasn’t long until the captain gave the order to weigh anchor, and the engines hummed to life. Slowly and sedately the ship slid out of the bay. Luise looked toward the beach again, scanning it back and forth. Then she turned away from the rail, went to the saloon and its comfortable armchairs, and turned her back on Cameroon for good.

  So she missed seeing, at that moment, a young man who limped onto the beach, wildly waving his arms, and then collapsed, weeping, onto the sand as the ship sounded its horn in farewell.

  About the Author

  Ellin Carsta is a pseudonym for Petra Mattfeldt, the German author of thrillers, crime novels, and books for young adults; she also writes historical fiction under the name Caren Benedikt. Her many novels include the bestseller The Secret Healer and its equally popular sequel, The Master of Medicine, as well as The Draper’s Daughter. Her historical novel Grapes of Gold made the short list for the 2017 Skoutz Award.

  She lives with her husband and their three children near Bremen. More information about the author can be found at www.petra-mattfeldt.de and www.instagram.com/ellin_carsta.

  About the Translator

  Photo © 2019 Nina Chapple

  Gerald Chapple is an award-winning translator of German literature. He received his doctorate from Harvard University and taught German and comparative literature at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario. He has been translating contemporary German-language fiction, poetry, and nonfiction for more than forty years. Among his seven translations for AmazonCrossing are four novels of suspense by the Swiss-Canadian author and journalist Bernadette Calonego: The Zurich Conspiracy, Under Dark Waters, Stormy Cove, and The Stranger on the Ice. He lives in Dundas, Ontario, with his wife, Nina, and can often be found studying birds, butterflies, and dragonflies; reading; listening to classical music; or enjoying his children and grandchildren in New York.