Wanted by Her Lost Love

by Maya Banks

  When Ryan knocked softly at her door, she roused herself from the weight of her thoughts, cursing that it was already morning and she’d done little better than catnap.

  She struggled out of bed and hauled her robe around her body then staggered to the door to open it.

  Ryan stood outside, dressed in slacks and a dress shirt. He had impending business written all over him.

  “I’ve left breakfast on the bar for you. I have to run out to the construction site for a few hours. Will you be all right alone?”

  She nodded, relieved that she wouldn’t immediately have to face him. She needed time to regain her composure. Time to mentally reconstruct her defenses.

  “Yes, of course. When will you be back?”

  He checked his watch. “It’s eight now. I shouldn’t be later than noon. We can have lunch in the hotel restaurant and then go for a walk on the beach if you like. Take it easy while I’m gone. I’ll worry if I know you’re on the beach by yourself.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I think I’m capable of leaving the hotel room alone.”

  “I know you are,” he said quietly. “I just worry and I’d prefer to be with you.”

  There wasn’t much she could say to that, so she nodded. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

  He lifted his hand in a wave and then walked away. For a moment she stared after him and then she closed the door, leaning against it.

  Day one of attempting to forget the past and forge ahead.

  “How’s that working out for you?” she muttered as she traipsed into the bathroom.

  Though she had every intention of at least taking in the portion of the beach right outside the patio of her suite, she still wanted a long, hot bath. Even if it meant she’d still have to shower when she came in with sand in all her nooks and crannies.

  After drawing a tub full of steaming water, she sank up to her ears and sighed in complete bliss. She hadn’t made the water too hot, and she wouldn’t stay long. Then she’d go bake in the sun for a bit.

  After twenty minutes, regretfully, she toed the lever for the drain and then hauled herself out of the tub. Her stomach growled and she hurriedly went through the motions of dressing and putting on enough makeup to look presentable in public.

  She devoured the bagel, the cinnamon roll and the fruit Ryan had left for her. She ate every crumb and licked her fingers, feeling like a pig, but a very satisfied pig. It had been a while since she’d had a hearty appetite and it had been weeks since anything had actually tasted good to her.

  After downing an entire glass of juice, she smacked her lips in pleasure and went in search of a beach towel she could spread out on the sand.

  She’d seen umbrellas dotting the private section of the beach reserved for the hotel guests and she planned to make good use of one while she waited for Ryan to return.

  After months of being on her feet for hours on end, working a thankless job for paltry wages, a day lounging on the beach sounded about as decadent as it got. She was going to enjoy every minute.

  She didn’t bother with sandals since she wasn’t going far. The sand felt luxurious beneath her feet. So warm and soft. She sighed in contentment as she headed for one of the nearby umbrellas.

  The sound of the ocean filled her ears, beautiful and so peaceful. Here was a place where she could forget the pain of her past. It was a place made for being soothed. A vacation for the soul.

  It sounded ridiculous and a little corny but she liked it and quickly adopted it as her motto for this trip.

  She spread the towel out over the sand, positioned the umbrella just so and then sank down, drawing her knees up as she stared over the rolling waves.

  Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply and enjoyed the breeze dancing across her face. Her sleepless night quickly caught up to her as tight muscles relaxed and the tension she’d held for so long gradually fell away.

  Soon it was hard to keep her eyes open, so she stretched out on the towel and turned on her side to face the ocean. The umbrella provided plenty of shade. A nap was too tempting to pass up. She’d simply wait for Ryan here.

  Shortly after noon, Ryan let himself into the room and looked around for Kelly. He called out to her but got no answer. He checked the bedroom in case she was napping, but found that the maid service had already come through to make the beds.

  He sighed, knowing she hadn’t paid the least bit of attention to his concern over her going onto the beach without him. It wasn’t as if he thought anything would happen to her or that she was incapable of being alone, but her medical condition concerned him. And yeah, he was probably being a little overprotective, but he found with Kelly—just as he always had—he tended to overreact.

  He stepped out onto the patio and scanned the beach, looking for any sign of her. When he didn’t immediately spot her, he began walking toward the umbrellas that dotted the sand.

  When he got to the third, he saw her lying on her side, eyes closed and looking so damn beautiful—and vulnerable—that it made his chest ache.

  He watched the soft rise and fall of her chest. The mound of her belly moved in a ripple across the floral sarong she wore. Her feet were bare and he could still detect signs of swelling around her ankles.

  It wasn’t as bad as it had been, but it still concerned him a great deal.

  He eased down onto the towel beside her and stroked his hand through her silky blond hair. He slid his fingers down her arm, over the curve of her hip and then down to the tight ball of her belly.

  She sighed in her sleep and shifted closer to his hand. The urge to pull her into his arms was so strong that he jerked his hand away so he wouldn’t do just that.

  If only he could erase the past six months and have things back the way they were. But now he had to deal with not only Kelly’s betrayal, but the fact that she carried his child. Whether she admitted it or not he felt strongly that she carried his baby. He wouldn’t allow himself to think otherwise.

  Reaching out, he shook her, not wanting her to be exposed to the midday rays of sun, umbrella or not. She came awake slowly and blinked sleepily at him. Her soft smile of pleasure warmed him to his toes.

  “When did you get back?” she asked in a groggy, sleep filled voice.

  “A few minutes ago,” he said, smiling at her. “Are you ready to go eat?”

  She nodded and pushed herself up. He reached down to help her up, and she slid her fingers into his, allowing him to pull her to her feet. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he guided her back to the suite, enjoying the few moments of intimacy afforded him.

  While she showered and changed, he called Devon to give him an update on the construction schedule. The two men talked for a few minutes and Dev didn’t mention Kelly once. Something Ryan was glad for.

  No matter that his friends and his family thought he was crazy, this was something he simply had to do. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Kelly in the months since their relationship had ended. He might be the biggest fool in the world, but he was determined to figure this out between them. Even if it meant eventually going their separate ways.

  When Kelly reemerged from her room, there was a lightness to her eyes that had been absent ever since he’d found her in the café in Houston. She looked a lot like the old Kelly. The Kelly he’d been crazy about. The one who always had a ready smile, was quick to laugh and who offered her affection freely.

  The reserved, angry Kelly was someone he didn’t know.

  She seemed a little nervous and unsure as she came to stand by the bar, and he hated that there was a tangible barrier between them. Before she wouldn’t have hesitated to launch herself into his arms and give him one of her big, squeezing hugs.

  Now? He ached to get close enough to her that she didn’t withdraw.

  “You ready?” he asked, forcing a casual note into his voice.

  She nodded. He put his hand to her back, noting the expanse of flesh bared by the sundress. Jansen had done well. The dress fit her like a dream, mol
ding in all the right places. The bodice was held up by ends tied at the nape of her neck; but her flesh was bare all the way down to the small of her back.

  Where his palm rested, he itched to caress and stroke until she responded to him, until he proved that the attraction between them hadn’t died.

  They walked down to the restaurant that overlooked the ocean and were seated in a private alcove that had a huge glass window, giving them an unobstructed view of the beach.

  As they looked over their menus, Ryan stole a glance at Kelly. Seeming to sense his perusal, she looked up and offered a tentative smile. He smiled back, captivated by the sparkle in her blue eyes.

  She was…beautiful. And this time when she looked at him, he didn’t see the dark anger that had sparked so often since their reunion.

  The moment came to a shrieking halt a second later.

  “Ryan! What are you doing here?”

  The feminine voice rang out over the secluded area, making him wince and Kelly jump in surprise. He glanced up to see Roberta Maxwell bearing down on their table and he muttered an appropriate expletive under his breath.

  As she approached the table, he rose to return her greeting. He brushed a polite kiss over her cheek when she presented it to him and tried to extricate his hand from hers when she grabbed on to it.

  “I’m here on business. The question is, what are you doing here?”

  Her laughter tinkled out like fine china. “Oh, this is one of my favorite places to visit. The food is just divine, and the accommodations can’t be beat.” She turned to Kelly who was eyeing Roberta warily. “Who is this, Ryan?”

  Like hell she didn’t know who Kelly was and like hell she just happened to be here. He’d lay odds that Roberta Maxwell had never been to St. Angelo in her life. She was shockingly transparent and didn’t seem to give a damn. That could only mean she was here to cause trouble. His mother’s name was written all over this and he was so furious he wanted to strangle Roberta’s skinny neck. And then move on to his mother. He never should have informed his mother that he’d be out of town and he damn sure shouldn’t have told her where he was going. He’d hoped… Well, it didn’t really matter what he’d hoped. Roberta was here and it was apparent it wasn’t some damn coincidence.

  “Roberta, meet Kelly Christian. Kelly, this is an acquaintance of mine, Roberta Maxwell.”

  Roberta’s smile was dazzling and she playfully fluttered her fingers at Ryan. “Oh la, darling. Surely I rate higher than an acquaintance.”

  Kelly’s eyes narrowed and Ryan decided that politeness was overrated.

  “We’re having a private dinner, Roberta. If you’ll excuse us, please?”

  Undaunted, Roberta entwined her arm in his and her voice dropped to a low purr. “We must get together while you are here. Perhaps have dinner ourselves. I was so sorry to have missed you the last time I had dinner with your mother. I do love her so.”

  He extricated himself from her grasp and stepped back a few paces from her. “I’m afraid my time here is spoken for,” he said. “Perhaps when we return to New York, Kelly and I can have you over for dinner.” He said the last pointedly, not that he really expected it to deter Roberta. It wasn’t his fault she was as thick as a brick.

  Roberta’s eyes flashed with annoyance and her finely painted lips formed a full pout. “Really, darling, when did you decide to take back the little cheater?”

  Kelly’s face blanched and she threw down her napkin. Ryan’s hand shot up to silence Roberta. “You know, I’ve had about enough. It’s time you left. Give my regards to my mother, and while you’re at it, tell her to stay the hell out of my affairs. Advice you’d be well advised to take as well.”

  She twisted her pouty lips and ran a well-manicured set of nails down the lapel of his suit. “No need to get huffy, darling. I know you have to be polite to her since you don’t know whose baby she carries.”

  With a careless wave, she walked gracefully away, leaving Ryan so furious that he wanted to hurl his chair across the room. But his anger had nothing on the fury flashing in Kelly’s eyes when he turned to see her standing in front of her seat, her fists clenched and pressed to the top of the table.

  Seven

  Ryan gripped the back of his seat with one hand and ran a hand through his hair with the other. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’ve lost my appetite,” she stated flatly as she pushed away from her seat.

  “Kelly, don’t,” he protested. “You have to eat. Don’t let that cat ruin our dinner.”

  Her lips tightened in fury. “That cat seems to know an awful lot about our situation, wouldn’t you agree?”

  She turned from the table and stalked toward the entrance of the restaurant. As soon as she hit the lobby, she turned down the long corridor leading to their suite. Angrily, she jammed the card into the lock, swearing when the light didn’t immediately flash green. She slammed the card in again and yanked at the handle when the telltale whir sounded.

  Once inside, she bolted the door behind her and went into her bedroom. She perched on the edge of the bed, and in the distance she heard knocking and then Ryan’s angry voice through the door.

  She was too angry to give a damn that he’d have to walk all the way around to the patio glass doors to gain entrance.

  She’d had enough of this farcical…hell, she didn’t even know what to call it this time around. Whatever it was, she wanted out.

  It was enough that she’d been humiliated by Ryan and his brother, but now she had to put up with some brainless airhead piling on as well? They could all go to hell.

  Her head came up when her bedroom door flew open, revealing a livid Ryan. Yeah, well he wasn’t the only one, and she wasn’t backing down. She got to her feet and faced him head-on.

  “What the hell is wrong with you, Kelly? It isn’t like you to go to such extremes. What do you hope to accomplish by locking me out? Ignoring our problems isn’t going to make them go away.”

  “How would you know what isn’t like me?” she retorted. “It would seem you never knew me at all.”

  His eyes flashed and he nodded. “That much is certainly true.”

  Pissed at the innuendo in his response, she fixed him with a cold stare. “I want out of here. I want the first flight out I can get. This is ridiculous. It’s a waste of time. It’s never going to work between us, Ryan.”

  He swore and moved to stand just in front of her, his hands gripping her shoulders. “We had an agreement. One week together and we forget the past.”

  She gaped at him incredulously. “Did you not witness that debacle in the restaurant? How on earth would she know so much about me and our relationship unless you told her? How the hell are we supposed to forget the past when your little floozy is busy throwing it in my face? I don’t appreciate being made a fool of. And I certainly don’t appreciate being bandied about in conversation like yesterday’s garbage.”

  “I never discussed you with her,” he said emphatically.

  “Amazing then that she knew so much.”

  “Why is it you have so little faith in me, Kelly? I didn’t betray you.”

  She flinched. It always came back to this. No matter what, it always came back to the fact that he believed she had betrayed him and refused to entertain any other possibility.

  She turned away from him, trying to control the tide of rage boiling over her. Shaking with her attempts to tamp down her angry shouts, she clenched her hands and closed her eyes tightly.

  Suddenly she was spun around to face him again and he crushed his lips to hers, cupping her face in his hands. She brought her hands up between them to push against his chest, but his arms went tightly around her back, pulling her even closer to him.

  She moaned low in her throat as his kiss gentled and became exploratory. He moved her to the edge of the bed and lowered her onto the mattress, never ceasing his slow movement over her lips. “Damn it, Kelly, just don’t say anything for a while. No words. We can’t seem to have a conversation w
ithout hurting each other, so for just a little while let’s communicate without talking.”

  She gazed into his eyes as he drew away from her and studied his expression. How could she want him so much after all the mistrust and hurt? His fingertips caressed her cheek and she closed her eyes, arching further into his hand.

  What if she let him make love to her? Would it be so bad? Or would it just confirm his low opinion of her.

  Like a bucket of ice water, that thought quashed any desire she had to surrender to his lovemaking. He must have sensed her withdrawal because he drew away, looking at her in confusion.

  “I can’t do this,” she said, scrambling to sit up on the bed. “Not knowing what you think of me.”

  The words caught and raggedly slipped from her lips. Drawing protective arms around her chest, she sat on the rumpled covers watching him warily.

  “Don’t stare at me like you expect me to pounce,” he said in disgust. “I am not into unwilling women.”

  He left the room, slamming the door solidly behind him.

  Feeling more alone than she had when she left him the first time, she edged off the bed and walked into the bathroom to splash cool water on her flushed face.

  She stared back at her reflection and saw the utter misery in her eyes. Tears welled. Her chest hurt. Her heart hurt. This was no way to live.

  She wouldn’t beg him to believe her. She’d already done that. On her knees no less. What was left? He didn’t believe her. She wasn’t going to beg him again. There was nowhere for this relationship to go but straight to hell in a handbasket.

  Turning the water off, she put her elbows on the countertop and buried her face in her hands as sobs billowed from her throat.

  She hadn’t been happy in six long months but now her misery was even more pronounced. Her circumstances hadn’t been the best in Houston, but she hadn’t had to look at the man she loved and know that he thought the worst of her.

  Tears still sliding down her face, she went blindly back into the bedroom and curled into a ball on the bed. Her shoulders shook and the tears that she’d held back for so long streamed down her cheeks in steady trails.

  After a few minutes, the bed dipped and Ryan put a hand to her cheek. “I’m sorry, Kell,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”

  Gently he lifted her into his arms and cradled her to his chest. She clung to him and buried her face in his neck as her tears soaked into his shirt.

  “I’m sorry. This isn’t how I wanted things to go. I never meant to upset you or make you feel worthless. I swear it.”

  His voice was thick with regret and it trembled with emotion as he stroked his hand over her hair.

  “You have to know that Roberta was here for the sole reason of causing trouble between us.”

  She went still against him, knowing that what she was about to say would probably only piss him off more, but she was through pulling her punches.

  “Are you ready to admit that your mother hates me and would do anything to get rid of me? If you didn’t talk to Roberta about us, then who the hell do you think did?”

  “I know,” he said quietly. “It won’t work, though. As soon as we return home, I’ll put an end to this. I promise. She won’t be allowed to hurt you like this.”

  She sagged against him. She wanted so desperately to believe him this time. His eyes were slowly being opened. Did this mean he would eventually accept her version of what happened six months ago?

  He pressed his lips to the top of her head and whispered softly. “Stay with me, Kelly. We have so much to work out. God knows we’ve been through a lot together. But in order to do that I need you here with me. Not a thousand miles away in some godforsaken hellhole where I can’t take care of you and our baby.”

  He pulled her carefully away and wiped at the trails of wetness on her cheeks with his thumbs. His gaze was haunted, intense and dark with emotion. Honest to God, he looked like he was hurting every bit as much as she was.

  It had been on the tip of her tongue to deny that he was the father yet again, but this time she didn’t. It was pointless to argue with him, and besides, he was the father.

  He too was obviously expecting her to deny it because when she remained silent his eyes lit with hope.

  “Give us a chance, Kell. Let me take care of you and the baby. Whatever is wrong between us, we can fix it.”

  “I wish I had your optimism,” she murmured. How to explain that their problems were insurmountable in the face of his lack of trust in her?

  He lowered his lips to hers, kissing her so lovingly that she felt a resurgence of tears. She broke away and then laid her cheek against his chest. It felt so good to be back in his arms, for just a moment to let go of all the pain and resentment.

  He put a hand to her hair, his touch tentative.

  “Kell, we need to talk about the baby. But first we have to settle this matter between us.”

  She closed her eyes, feeling dread settle in the pit of her stomach. “If I tell you the baby is yours, will you believe me?”