Wanted by Her Lost Love

by Maya Banks

  For a long moment she simply stared at his outstretched hand. She should refuse, but something in his voice made her comply and she slipped her hand into his much larger one. He pulled her up from the bed and led her into the living room.

  Sitting on the couch, he pulled her down beside him. He ran an agitated hand through his hair. “I’ve been an ass and I’m sorry. You’re in no condition to bear this stress and pressure and I’ve only added to your burden.”

  She opened her mouth to speak and he placed a finger over her lips. “Let me finish. I’ve been in the office all morning and I’ve got some problems arising with an extremely important project that my partners are unable to attend to. Problems that require my immediate attention and presence. I want you to come with me.”

  She stared blankly at him. Why? She didn’t get it. Why torture themselves? Why was he so persistent in flogging the dead horse that was their relationship? He’d been the one to end it. He had rendered judgment and tossed her aside like she’d never meant anything to him.

  She opened her mouth to ask him just that, but again, he silenced her with his finger.

  “Let me take care of you, Kelly. Let’s forget for the time being all the problems in the past and just concentrate on the present.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “I’m very serious. I’ve never been more serious in my life. We have a lot to work out. We can’t do that if we aren’t willing to spend the time together and talk.”

  She’d never wanted to break down and cry more in her entire life. If only he’d been willing to listen before. If only he’d been willing to talk, to understand then. The one person she should have been able to count on above all others had coldly looked through her and called her a liar. And now he wanted to kiss and make up?

  He touched her face with his fingers, and she was surprised that they trembled against her skin. His eyes were imploring her and she wavered on the edge of indecision. God, was she actually contemplating this farce? Even as she posed the question to herself she was shaking her head in automatic refusal.

  He stopped the negative sway of her head by cupping her cheek and stroking his thumb lightly over her lips.

  “No pressure, no promises, no obligations. Just you and me and a restful week on the beach. It’s a start. It’s all I’m asking for. I’ll only ask for what you’re willing to give.”

  “But the baby—”

  “I would never do anything to endanger the baby,” he said quietly. “Or you. You’ll have to see the doctor here and get his okay to travel. It’s the only way I would consider taking you on this trip.”

  Her eyes dropped to her hands knotted in her lap. It was tempting, so very tempting. He was asking, not demanding, and for a moment she was transported back to their time together—to the wonderfully tender and caring Ryan she had been engaged to. Could she leave him again after spending a week with him? Because she had no future with a man who could so coldly discard their relationship over the word of another.

  The silence stretched out between them as she grappled with the decision. Yes, she would do it. She wasn’t sure why. Nothing could come of it, but she wanted this time with him before she left to get on with her life. She nodded her assent and relief was stark in Ryan’s eyes. It was so easy to pretend he cared when he put on such a good act. But clearly he didn’t. If he had, they would still be together, married, awaiting the birth of their first child.

  “We have to get you to the doctor this afternoon for a checkup. If he gives the thumbs-up we’ll fly out tomorrow, so it’s important you get plenty of rest today and tonight. Once we get there, the most strenuous thing you’ll have to do is walk from the hotel room to the beach.”

  “I want separate rooms,” she said.

  “I’ve reserved us a suite.”

  She frowned but didn’t argue.

  “You won’t regret this, Kell,” he said, reverting to his pet name for her. She had the strangest urge to weep. How had they gotten so far away from the plans they had made just months earlier?

  “We can do this. We can work it out.”

  She closed her eyes. The thing was, it was easy to be seduced by the intensity in those words. But going forward would be impossible until they’d addressed their past. And she never ever wanted to go back to that horrible day when her world had been so brutally upended.

  The doctor was very approving of a week of rest and relaxation for Kelly and cautioned her to seek medical attention if the swelling got worse or she developed other symptoms.

  Ryan had hung on to every word the doctor said and had acted just like a concerned husband and father. Instead of making her feel good, it depressed the hell out of her because it drew attention to the fact that their situation was hopeless.

  When they arrived back at the apartment there were several department store bags stacked just inside the door. She eyed them curiously because they were decidedly feminine-looking, and if she wasn’t mistaken, there was even a bag from a well-known lingerie store.

  She glanced at Ryan, one eyebrow arched in question.

  “Oh good, Jansen’s been by,” Ryan said as he walked over to the assortment of bags. “They’re for you. For our trip.” He gathered the handles and brought everything over to the couch, gesturing for her to have a look.

  A little befuddled, she opened the packages, finding several maternity sundresses and sleek designer outfits, as well as beach attire all the way to a pair of sandals. As suspected, there were even all the girlie accoutrements in the lingerie bag.

  “You shouldn’t have done this,” she murmured. How quickly they had fallen back into their old routine, and her discomfort level was off the charts. “I didn’t,” he replied. “Jansen went shopping for me.”

  Despite herself, she smiled at the image of Ryan’s hunky assistant traipsing through the maternity department in search of clothes and—even more hilarious—going into the lingerie store to buy panties and bras.

  “How is Jansen?”

  “Fine,” Ryan replied. “Same as ever.”

  “Thank you for this,” she added, swallowing her all-important pride for the moment.

  His smile was genuine. “You’re quite welcome. Why don’t you go lie down for a while and I’ll pack our suitcases. Then we can have dinner. We’ll call it an early night since we’re leaving tomorrow morning.”

  She left the clothes on the couch and slowly rose. It was stupid of her to soften toward him. It was stupid to wish even for a moment that things were back to the way they’d been before.

  But being stupid didn’t stop the yearning deep inside her aching heart. Sadness overwhelmed her, and she hurriedly left the living room so he wouldn’t see her tears.

  The next morning Ryan gently shook her awake and she stretched languidly before getting up. After her shower, he fixed them breakfast. When they were done eating, he gathered their luggage to take down to the car.

  On the drive to the airport Kelly was quiet. A part of her felt a tingle of excitement at the prospect of a week in paradise with Ryan, while the other part dreaded the forced intimacy. She had focused so much on her anger and hatred that it had come as a shock to her that she was still deeply in love with Ryan. And that frustrated her more than anything. Was she a masochist?

  First of all to love a man who quite obviously did not love her in return, but to love him even after his most cutting betrayal? Pathetic.

  To her surprise, they weren’t taking a commercial flight. Ryan had chartered a private jet to take them nonstop to the island.

  The flight was just a few hours, but halfway through she began fidgeting in her seat. She was nervous, edgy, and she was suffering a major case of cold feet.

  “Why don’t you recline your seat,” he said, reaching over to help her.

  When she was tilted back he nudged her over. “Turn on your side and I’ll rub your back.”

  Too uncomfortable to turn down his touch, she faced the window and settled on her side.


  Strong, tender fingers began a slow exploration of her back, rubbing and kneading. She sighed in contentment and relief as the tension faded in her muscles. Yawning widely, she snuggled deeper into the seat, enjoying the delicious sensations his touch was bringing.

  For just a little while, she forced the past from her mind. She forced thoughts of the future away as well. All she focused on was the fact that she was with Ryan and he was acting as tender and loving as he had when they’d been together.

  She went to sleep with a smile on her face.

  As they prepared to land, Ryan shook her awake and raised her seat back up. She was so relaxed and lethargic that she sat there quietly while the plane touched down.

  Fifteen minutes later, Ryan wrapped a protective arm around her as they exited the plane. He seated her in the waiting car while he saw that the luggage was loaded and then they drove away.

  They checked into the lavish hotel that was situated directly on the beach, and Ryan jokingly informed her that when his partnership’s resort was built, it would make the one they were staying in look like a two-star hotel instead of the five stars it boasted.

  Kelly found that hard to believe when they were ushered into a sprawling suite that was many times bigger than her apartment in Houston.

  She sank into the couch, that looked out the sliding patio doors to the private expanse of beach beyond. Ryan put away their luggage and then knelt in front of her, slipping her shoes off to inspect her feet for swelling. He began massaging the souls, moving up to the instep and arch. A moan of absolute pleasure escaped her lips.

  “Feel good?”

  “Oh my God, does it.”

  He continued his ministrations, watching her silently. Her hand crept to her rounded belly and she smiled as the baby rolled beneath her fingers.

  “Is the baby moving?” Ryan asked.

  She nodded and he stopped rubbing her feet.

  “Can I feel?”

  She brought his hand to her stomach and placed it over the spot where her hand had been. He jerked in surprise as her stomach bumped beneath his palm, and his expression was akin to awe.

  “That’s incredible. Doesn’t it hurt?”

  Chuckling, she said, “No. It isn’t always comfortable, but it’s certainly not painful.”

  He kept his hand there a few more moments and then rose, a regretful glint in his eyes. “Would you like to have dinner on the patio or do you want to go eat in the restaurant?”

  “Here, please,” she replied. “I like our view and it’s private.”

  He nodded his agreement and went to phone in their room service order.

  Thirty minutes later the meal was wheeled in on a serving cart and the attendant set the table out on the patio. The two ate in silence, enjoying the setting sun and the sound of the waves crashing in the distance.

  As they finished, Ryan suggested she go to bed; but she wasn’t tired. She was quite rested actually and felt an eagerness to explore their secluded cove. When she expressed the desire to take a walk along the beach, Ryan hesitated at first, but agreed to accompany her when she was adamant about going.

  Kelly breathed deeply of the salty air as the ocean breeze whipped at her long hair, lifting it from her waist. She slipped her sandals off and bent awkwardly to pick them up. Ryan quickly gathered them for her and tucked them under his arm. Digging her toes into the damp sand, she ventured into the bubbling surf, letting the foam wash over her feet.

  Ryan removed his shoes and joined her after he rolled up the cuffs of his jeans. He slipped an arm around her as they made their way down the beach, but she resisted the urge to move closer to his side.

  “We shouldn’t go far,” he cautioned. “You aren’t supposed to be on your feet for this long. I promised the doctor this would be a restful trip for you.”

  “This is a lot more restful than being on my feet twelve hours a day,” she said lightly.

  He frowned and his hand tightened around her waist. “That won’t happen again.”

  She didn’t respond, but turned back toward their suite. Ryan’s hand slipped from her waist as she walked ahead of him. When they walked back inside the patio doors, Kelly sank onto the plush couch.

  “Would you like something to drink?” he asked.

  “Juice, if you have it.”

  He rummaged in the well-stocked fridge and came back with a glass of orange juice a moment later.

  “You should go on to bed,” he said gently. “There’ll be plenty of time to explore the beach after you’ve had a good night’s rest.”

  Even though she was tired, the day had been so…perfect…that she hated to bring it to an end. Spending the time with Ryan had been bittersweet, a throwback to happier times when things had been…

  She sighed. She had to stop with the endless string of memories. She had a week with Ryan. One week when the past wasn’t supposed to matter. If he could forget then she would try to as well. And when it came to an end, maybe her memories of him wouldn’t be quite so bitter.

  She struggled to get out of the ultrasoft couch and laughed when she realized she was well and truly stuck. Ryan reached down to help her to her feet and she finally managed to stand.

  For a long moment she stood in front of him, her gaze stroking softly over the chiseled lines of his face. It was the first time she’d allowed herself to stare unguardedly at him.

  “Good night, Ryan,” she whispered softly.

  He looked as though he wanted to kiss her and for a moment she wondered how she would react if he did. But finally he said, “Good night, Kelly. Sleep well.”

  She turned to go into her bedroom, little twinges of regret nagging her the entire way.

  Six

  Kelly didn’t sleep that night. Not that it should have come as any surprise to her. She lay awake in her bed, reliving the past. The first time she met Ryan. How he’d swept her off her feet and into a passionate and all-consuming relation ship.

  From the day he first asked her out, they hadn’t spent a single day apart for several weeks. By the end of the first month, she’d moved into his apartment, and by the end of the second month of their whirlwind courtship, his ring was on her finger.

  She had never been quite sure why he’d chosen her. It wasn’t as if she thought she was inferior, but Ryan Beardsley was an extremely wealthy man. He could have his pick of women. Why Kelly?

  She didn’t have family connections. She didn’t have money or prestige. She was a simple college student eking out a living on a waitress’s salary.

  Until Ryan.

  Everything had changed for her, and maybe she’d been too caught up in the fairy tale that was her relationship with Ryan to ever question the important things. Like whether he loved and trusted her.

  How would he react now if once again she tried to tell him what had really happened the day he’d tossed her out of his life? He hadn’t believed her then. Why would now be any different?

  Tears blurred her vision as her thoughts drifted back to that day.

  Kelly stared at the pregnancy test, a mixture of joy and worry bubbling through her chest. She quickly hid the stick and then smiled as she imagined telling Ryan the news. She didn’t think he’d be upset. They were planning to marry soon and they’d often talked of their desire to start a family.

  She couldn’t wait to tell him. She searched her memory for what he had going on at the office today. He didn’t have any important meetings and he was supposed to be in his office for the entirety of the afternoon. That meant she could pop in and surprise him.

  She hugged herself in excitement, nearly dancing across the floor of their bedroom as she imagined his reaction.

  A noise from the living room halted her. Then she smiled. Oh, this would be perfect. Ryan was home. He sometimes surprised her by dropping in for lunch. Today his timing was impeccable.

  She started to call out to him when Jarrod, appeared in the doorway to the bedroom.

  She was momentarily speechless. While Jarrod po
pped in frequently, he always did so when Ryan was at home. He had to know Ryan was working today.

  “Jarrod, what are you doing here? Ryan’s at work. I don’t expect him home until later.”

  “I came to talk to you,” Jarrod said.

  She cocked her head to the side. “Okay. What’s up? Let’s go into the living room.”

  He ignored her and took another step into the bedroom. Unease prickled down her spine. Something was definitely off with him.

  “How much would it take for you to walk away from Ryan?”

  Her eyes widened in shock. She couldn’t have heard him correctly. “Excuse me?”

  “Don’t play dumb. You’re a smart girl. How much would it take for you to dump Ryan and take off?”

  “You’re offering me money? Did your mother put you up to this? You’re both out of your minds. I love Ryan. He loves me. We’re getting married.”

  Something that looked like genuine regret flickered across Jarrod’s face. He fidgeted nervously and then pinned her with his stare. “I’d hoped you’d make this easy. It’s not a small amount of money we’re offering.”

  The “we” in that statement confirmed Kelly’s suspicions that Ryan’s mother was indeed the mastermind of this operation. She was about to tell Jarrod exactly where he and his mother could get off when he took another step toward her. The look in his eyes had her hastily backing away.

  “I think you should go now,” she said even as she reached for the phone.

  Jarrod lunged across the bed, knocking the phone from her hand. She was so stunned by the sudden attack that for a moment she didn’t—couldn’t—defend herself.

  He shoved her down on the bed, his hands moving roughly over her body, pushing at her shirt, pulling at her pants. She drew her knee up, trying to catch him in the groin, but he dodged and then rolled her underneath him.

  She cried out in pain at the rough mauling. She was furious and terrified. He fully intended to rape her in Ryan’s bed. Had he lost his mind? Ryan would kill him for this.

  His hands moved over her skin with bruising force. Knowing if she wasn’t able to fight him off that he’d assault her in her own home, she began struggling with renewed force.

  She finally managed to land a blow between his legs, which had him doubling over, clutching at himself. She rolled, falling to the floor, her hands desperately grabbing at her clothing.

  She got to her feet, her hand clutching her bruised throat. “He’ll kill you for this,” she gasped. “How did you think you’d get away with it? My God, you’re his brother! You bastard.”

  She started for the door, her only thought to get to Ryan, but Jarrod’s words gave her pause.

  “He’ll never believe you.”

  “You’re insane,” she choked out even as she ran for the door.

  But Jarrod had been right. Ryan hadn’t believed her. Jarrod had called his brother from Ryan’s own apartment before she could arrive at Ryan’s office. He’d given Ryan his own accounting of what happened, and the genius of his story was that he told Ryan exactly what Kelly would tell him. Only Jarrod told Ryan that Kelly had been the instigator and that when Jarrod told her he was going to tell Ryan that Kelly had cheated on him, Kelly concocted a smug story that Jarrod had assaulted her.

  Jarrod played his part to the hilt. That he was the victim of Kelly’s lies and manipulations. So when Kelly ran to Ryan’s office and related the exact story that Jarrod warned Ryan she would tell, Ryan had been coldly furious.

  He’d written her that damn check and he’d thrown her out of his life.

  Kelly lay in her bed, numbed by the painful memories. And now, here on this island, she was supposed to forget the past. Put it behind her. Move forward and pick up where she and Ryan had left off.

  Forgetting that she’d been horribly betrayed by people she trusted.