Sherlock Holmes Great War Parodies and Pastiches II

by Bill Peschel

  [Back] Fleet river: The largest of London’s subterranean rivers that runs from two streams on Hampstead Heath and empties into the Thames beneath Blackfriars Bridge. Fleet Street takes its name from the river.

  [Back] Railway sandwich: A staple of British humor. Before comedians joked about airplane food, they had railway sandwiches, which were kept under glass domes in refreshment rooms until they curled up like what one historian called “a well-thumbed paperback.” As far back as 1869, novelist Anthony Trollope identified the sandwich as the “real disgrace of England … A whited sepulchre, fair enough outside, but so meagre, poor, and spiritless within, such a thing of shreds and parings, such a dab of food, telling us that the poor bone whence it was scraped had been made utterly bare before it was sent into the kitchen for the soup pot.”

  [Back] No clue to its pronunciation: How the British spell and pronounce their names is a distinguishing characteristic of their Norman French influence. I don’t mean the minor differences, such as pronouncing lieutenant as left-tenant. There’s the city of Worcester, for example, which is pronounced “Wooster,” just as Leicester is called “Less-ster” and Bicester “Bester.” But they have nothing on Cholmondeley, both a parish in Cheshire and an aristocratic family name, which is pronounced “Chum-lee.”

  [Back] Chubb lock: A brand name for a lock company founded in 1804 by ironmonger Charles Chubb. The company patented several locks and grew to become the sole supplier of locks to the General Post Office. It designed the display case for the Koh-i-Noor diamond for the Great Exhibition of 1851.

  [Back] Royal Society: The Royal Society of London for Improving Natural Knowledge. What began in 1660 as a way for physicians and natural philosophers to meet and share information grew to become a significant authority on scientific matters.

  [Back] Virchow’s Archiv: A medical journal focusing on pathology, meaning the study of disease. Founded in 1847 by Dr. Rudolf Virchow (1821-1902) and named for him after his death. It was adopted by the European Society of Pathology as its official journal in 1999.

  [Back] Montgomery-and-Stone: American vaudevillians David Montgomery (1870-1917) and Fred Stone (1873-1959) performed together for 22 years until Montgomery’s death. One of their most famous performances was the smash-hit staging of The Wizard of Oz (1902), in which Stone played the Scarecrow and Montgomery the Tin Woodman. Judging by a recording of “Gay Paree” found on YouTube, they had tenor voices with a distinctive comic twang.

  [Back] Pelion on Ossa: The idiom meaning to make a difficult task harder to accomplish comes from Greek mythology. They are mountains in Greece, and when two giants wanted the goddesses Artemis and Hera for wives, they planned, according to Homer’s Odyssey, “to pile Ossa on Olympus, and on Ossa Pelion that there might be a pathway to the sky.”

  [Back] Weariness of the flesh: Quoted from Ecclesiastes 12:12, a book that a first-time reader will discover contains many familiar phrases, including “there is nothing new under the sun.”

  [Back] Written a book: Quoted from Job 31:35, in which Job appeals to God to describe what he had done to merit the disasters that had befallen him. Jones is treating “book” literally, whereas Job says that if there was an indictment against him, he would defend himself against it.

  [Back] Sedentary life: A soldier’s typical ironic comment on war. It was not a coincidence that the more common definition, “interminable boredom punctuated by moments of terror,” originated during WWI.

  [Back] Rough-rider: A moustache popularized by Theodore Roosevelt when he led the “Rough Riders,” the 1st U.S. Volunteer Cavalry, in the Spanish-American War (1898).

  [Back] Respirators: A device worn over the nose and mouth to keep the wearer from inhaling poison gas. The word was used interchangeably with gas mask.

  [Back] Southend: A seaside town in Essex, England.

  [Back] Acquittance roll: The payroll of a company, troop or battery.

  [Back] Brown study: In a state of deep thought. The phrase appears in a 1532 book, A Manifest Detection of the Most Vile and Detestable Use of Diceplay, and other Practices Like the Same: “Lack of company will soon lead a man into a brown study.”

  [Back] Fire trench: A front-line trench from which soldiers could fire on the enemy. Trenches near the water table would become flooded, requiring sump pumps to drain them.

  [Back] Pocket book: A comprehensive handbook issued to officers and non-commissioned officers containing the rules and regulations governing the British and Indian armies.

  [Back] Cholera belt: Back when it was thought that being cold and damp caused cholera, you were supposed to keep the torso warm by wearing a flannel or silk waistband, usually red. Despite the discovery that cholera was caused by bacteria, the belief persisted into the 1940s.

  [Back] At a venture: To strike at random.

  [Back] Pocket torch: Switching on the red light made it easier for the eyes to adjust back to night vision when it was turned off.

  [Back] Silk-woven cards: During the war, about 10 million silk-woven postcards were manufactured and sold, usually to soldiers to send home to their wives and sweethearts. They consisted of a picture, either printed or woven into the silk, sometimes hand-embroidered, and mounted on a postcard and surrounded by a matte. Some would have perfume added. The subject matter ranged widely and included flowers, banners, flags, unit designations, holiday greetings, and patriotic themes.

  [Back] AAA: Indicating the end of a sentence was reached. Using “AAA” was easier to see in battlefield conditions than a period and reduced the chance of misunderstanding an order.

  [Back] Formed fours: A drill formation in which two rows of soldiers shift into four rows by having every other soldier in each line take a step back, then a step to the right. Teaching a unit to perform this task quickly under the sergeant-major’s eyes can be as amusing to onlookers as terrifying to the recruits.

  [Back] Philidor: Francois-Andre Philidor (1726-1795) was a French composer and champion chess player. His book analyzing chess openings went through 70 editions and was translated into several languages. The Philidor Defense is named for him, as is a technique to draw a game using a rook and pawn versus a rook.

  [Back] New under the heavens: Quoted from Ecclesiastes 1:9: “The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.”

  [Back] Colonel: Holmes was inaccurate. The Army Medical Service, established in 1873, did not bestow military ranks on surgeons, but assigned relative ranks. Watson was new to the service, so he would have been an assistant surgeon, equivalent to a lieutenant. After six years as an A.S., he would have been ranked a Captain. Above that was Surgeon (ranked as Major) and Surgeon-Major (Lieutenant-Colonel). This awkward system was dropped in 1898 when the Royal Army Medical Corps was formed and surgeons received ranks. Note that in the BBC Sherlock series, set in the present day, Watson’s rank was captain.

  [Back] Staunton: A leading figure in chess, Howard Staunton (1810-1874) was the unofficial world chess champion (1843-1851), as far as players in Britain, Europe, and the United States were concerned. His simplified design of the chess pieces, named after him, is still used in competitive chess.

  [Back] Following diagram: The problem calls for White to make the first move and force Black to checkmate him in two moves.

  [Back] Bidding for: Watson used a contract bridge reference; when a player wins a bid to play a hand, only to discover he might not have the cards to win it.

  [Back] Benedict: A newly married man, especially one who had ridiculed marriage or was considered a confirmed bachelor. Named for the character in Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing who vowed he would never marry:

  The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull’s horns and set them in my forehead, and let me be vilely painted, and in such great letters as they write “Here is good horse to hire,” let them signify under my sign “Here you may see Benedick the married man.”<
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  [Back] Ante-man: Literally “before man,” it was the idea developed in response to evolutionary theory that a proto-man existed from which God created Adam and Eve.

  [Back] Poetically in old Hellas: A reference to ancient Greece could not be found, but the Torah warns against speaking negatively about a person (loshon hara) and teaches that the teeth and lips serve as gates to regulate our speech.

  [Back] Torpid liver: A medical term for a failed liver. Symptoms include lassitude, numbness in the limbs, loss of appetite, whitish stools, flatulence, muddy-tinted skin, and a dingy white of the eye.

  [Back] Pioneer: A soldier trained in engineering and construction. They were tasked to build field fortifications, bridges, roads and camps. Pioneer came from the Old French pionnier which meant “foot soldier.”

  [Back] R.A.M.C.: Royal Army Medical Corps.

  [Back] Typers: The town of Ypres, after it was Anglicized by British soldiers. It is located in West Flanders, Belgium, near the border with France.

  [Back] Pairs one: This was a satire of the standard way equipment was described.

  [Back] Crump-hole: A crater caused by an exploding shell. Crumps is an Old English word meaning a hard blow or hit.

  [Back] Bellewarde Bec: The only water bearing the name Bellewarde (Bellewaerde today) is a pond in a water park that was built on Bellewaerde Ridge. “Bec” was imported from England and is from the Old Norse bekkr for brook or creek. So the Bellewarde Bec was probably a nearby stream that took its name from the ridge.

  [Back] Vermoral sprayer: A handheld tank with a pump and hose, used to neutralize trenches and dugouts contaminated by chlorine gas.

  [Back] Fell Hire Corner: The penetration of British troops into the German lines created a narrow salient. A stretch of open road east of Ypres that led into the salient crossed a railroad line at one point that was perfect for German gunners and their spotters. Because the Germans would shell anything that moved there, it quickly acquired the nickname “Hellfire Corner.” Units were ordered to pass through the area at top speed. The shelling grew so intense that canvas was stretched along the road in an attempt to hide the movement of vehicles and soldiers.

  [Back] Boss-eyed: There are multiple definitions. It could refer to a person with one eye or an injured eye, or a cross-eyed person.

  [Back] Denin Gate: This is probably a misspelling. There is a Menin Gate which cut through the remains of the 17th-century ramparts and moat on the east side of Ypres. These fortifications were mostly gone by the start of the war, and the gate was destroyed by the end. After the war, it was rebuilt as the Menin Gate Memorial to the Missing to honor the soldiers killed in the Ypres Salient and their bodies never recovered.

  [Back] Humps: To march quickly. Originally Australian slang from the 1850s.

  [Back] Whizzbangs and air-crumps: Seasoned soldiers quickly learned to identify incoming shells by size, effects, or sounds. Whizzbangs were fired by high-velocity guns that came in before you had time to take cover. The word was also used to describe hastily written official postcards. Crump is an Old English word meaning a hard blow or hit.

  [Back] S.O.S. signal: A flare fired into the sky as a pre-arranged signal to summon assistance, such as troop reinforcements or an artillery barrage.

  [Back] Purler: A headlong or spectacular fall, Australian slang of unknown origin.

  [Back] Duckboard: A platform made of wooden slats that rests on top of the mud to create a dry path. Commonly used in trenches, they were also laid at ground-level in the Ypres Salient, where the mud was so deep that soldiers weighed down by their equipment risked drowning if they fell off the path.

  [Back] Silent Percy: Slang for a gun that was fired so far away it couldn’t be heard until it was too late to take cover.

  [Back] Bond Street: Soldiers assigned street names to parts of the trenches, both to help find their way around and as a reminder of home. London street names were frequently used, such as Old and New Bond Street, Fleet Street, and The Strand, but more imaginative names were also concocted, such as Doleful Post, Cyanide Trench, and Gangrene Alley.

  [Back] Estaminet: The French word for a small café that sells alcoholic drinks.

  [Back] Blightie: Britain or England, used particularly by expat Brits yearning for the homeland. Despite the chagrin of cultural-appropriation finger-shakers, English is all about mugging languages in dark alleys and stealing anything useful. Take Blighty (which is the correct spelling). It sounds like a homemade word, but it’s from the Urdu—Pakistan’s official language—meaning “foreign” (vilayati). British soldiers brought it home from India in Victoria’s time, but it wasn’t until the war that it became popular. It also inspired a variant phrase, “blighty wound,” meaning an injury severe enough to send you home.

  [Back] Liquid fire attack: An early model of the flamethrower was developed by German scientist Richard Fiedler and used during the war. It was a single-use weapon capable of throwing a jet of fire about 20 yards. Liquid fire attacks were used with mixed success at Hooge on 30-31 July 1915.

  [Back] Crystal Pal-his: A play on “Sally in Our Alley” by songwriter, poet, and dramatist Henry Carey (c. 1687-1743). The first verse runs: “Of all the girls that are so smart / There’s none like pretty Sally; / She is the darling of my heart / And lives in our alley.” Crystal Palace: A massive exhibition hall built in London for the Great Exhibition of 1851. Made of wood, glass, and iron, the structure took advantage of the latest developments in modular construction and mass production that enabled it to be built in under a year and at a relatively low cost. It was destroyed by fire in 1936.

  [Back] Yiddle on your fiddle: A reference to the ethnic novelty song “Yiddle, On Your Fiddle, Play Some Ragtime” (1909) by Irving Berlin (1888-1989).

  [Back] Petrol shortage: There were shortages of coal and gas worldwide during the last few years of the war, caused by increased industry demand and a shortage of laborers to create and transport energy supplies.

  [Back] Cloridy Lyme: Chloride of lime was a powdered mix of lime and calcium chloride. It was used as a disinfectant in the trenches and in a solution to wash the gas off anything that it had touched, including skin and guns.

  [Back] Quality Street: A reference to the romantic comedy play written by J.M. Barrie (1901). The play proved so popular that when its stars, Seymour Hicks and his wife, Elialine Terriss, moved to Surrey, their street was renamed “Quality Street.” Hicks also co-wrote the Sherlockian parody play Under the Clock (1893).

  [Back] Vermoral sprayer: A handheld tank with a pump and hose, used to treat trenches and dugouts contaminated by chlorine gas.

  [Back] Do Us Any Harm: A song from The Bing Boys are Here, a popular revue that year in London’s West End. Subtitled “A Picture of London Life,” it follows the adventures of two boys from Binghamton in the big city. It was light, inconsequential fare and the perfect antidote for war-weary civilians and soldiers home on leave.

  [Back] Estaminet: The French word for a small café that sells alcoholic drinks.

  [Back] No compris: French for “I don’t understand.”

  [Back] A frame: A type of trench built by linking wooden frames that looked like an upside-down “A” only with a flat top. Boards connected the legs of the frames to hold back the earthen walls, and a boardwalk was built atop the crosspiece.

  [Back] Crump hole: A crater caused by an exploding shell. Crump is an Old English word meaning a hard blow or hit.

  [Back] Old Fosse: Probably a local landmark, as fosse means a long narrow trench. From the Latin fossa for ditch.

  [Back] Hooge: A small village about four miles east of Ypres. Three years of fighting destroyed the village, which has since been rebuilt.

  [Back] Gum boots thigh: Rubber boots issued to keep the feet dry and free of trench foot, in which feet exposed to cold and damp conditions turn black and the skin dies.

  [Back] Five-nine: A German howitzer that fired a shell with a diameter of 5.9 inches. Mounted on a two-wheel carriage, it could be m
oved close to the front line to fire a devastating barrage.

  [Back] Very Lights: Signal flares fired from a specially made pistol. Named for its U.S. inventor, Edward Very (1847-1910). Sentries used them at night to light up the battlefield. The horror of being caught in the open under one was expressed in a trench song sung to “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling”:

  When Very lights are shining,

  Sure they’re like the morning light

  And when the guns begin to thunder

  You can hear the angels shite.

  [Back] Tear gas: Rum is British slang for strange, odd or suspect, making them very rum jars indeed.

  [Back] Archied aeroplane: Anti-aircraft fire, inspired by a popular London show in which a girl sang “Not now, Archie” whenever her boyfriend tried to kiss her. Pilots began saying that when their planes came under fire, so an archied plane had been “kissed” by the gunners on the ground.

  [Back] Elvarston Castle: A stately home in Derbyshire, north-central England. Actually a manor home, it was built in 1633 and extended several times.