Sherlock Holmes Great War Parodies and Pastiches II

by Bill Peschel

  [Back] G.S. Wagon: General Services wagon. These horse-drawn wagons were used to transport supplies to the front line.

  [Back] Whizz-banged: Seasoned soldiers quickly learned to identify shells by size, effects, or sounds. Whizz-bangs were fired by high-velocity guns that came in before you had time to take cover. The word was also used to described hastily written official postcards.

  [Back] Pioneer: A soldier trained in engineering and construction. They were tasked to build field fortifications, bridges, roads, and camps. Pioneer came from the Old French pionnier which meant “foot soldier.”

  [Back] Bapaume: A district in northern France near the Belgian border, about 66 miles south of Ypres. During the Somme offensive earlier in 1916, more than 57,000 British soldiers were killed or wounded attempting to recapture Bapaume, the highest one-day casualty rate in the army’s history. By the time this issue was printed, the British had recaptured Bapaume three weeks before.

  [Back] Abstruce: Difficult to follow, obscure.

  [Back] Rapid consumption: Also called galloping or quick consumption, this was an archaic name for tuberculosis, an infectious disease caused by a strain of bacteria. While the sufferer may live for years, depending upon the quality of medical care, there was a fast-moving form of the disease that could run its course from under six weeks to three months before death.

  [Back] What’s that: Men who registered for conscription were assigned to a group according to their age and marital status (i.e., Group 1 for single 18-year-olds; Group 2 for single 19-year-olds, etc.). Group 46 was for married 40-year-olds. Until they were called up to serve, they were issued a grey armband with a red crown on it to indicate to the public that they had registered. This was particularly important so as to avoid well-meaning patriotic women who handed out white feathers to “cowards” unwilling to serve.

  [Back] Derby group business: The conscription scheme was designed by Director General of Recruiting Edward Stanley, a.k.a. Lord Derby (1865-1948). Conscripted men were nicknamed “Derby scheme men.”

  [Back] Phantom Army: An 1898 alternative history novel by Max Pemberton (1863-1950). Set in 1890 Spain, a “modern Napoleon” by the name of Lorenzo de la Cruz ignites a revolt among the disaffected inside many European countries to build a “phantom army” that attempts to conquer Europe.

  [Back] Half a platoon: A platoon is a subunit of a battalion, which was the basic tactical unit of infantry. A battalion consisted of 1,007 men, including 30 officers. This was broken down into four companies, and each company into four platoons. So half a platoon was about 24 soldiers.

  [Back] Permanent way: The bed on which a railroad track is laid.

  [Back] Piccadilly Magazine: The Strand magazine, of course.

  [Back] Ingersoll: A brand of watch sold by the Ingersoll Watch Co. in New York. The company was founded in 1896 by Robert Ingersoll (1859-1928), who introduced a pocket watch that sold for only a dollar.

  [Back] Phillyloo Bird: One of Hicks’ fellow students. The name is a variation of the filly-loo bird, a comic mythical bird who flies backwards to see where he’s been.

  [Back] Hohenzollern: The House of Hohenzollern was an aristocratic dynasty whose members at one time or another ruled Prussia, the German Empire, Romania, Brandenburg, and Hohenzoller.

  [Back] Bryan: William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) was a popular speaker and politician who served in the U.S. House from Nebraska (1891-1895, 1913-1915) and twice ran unsuccessfully for president. His pacifist beliefs led him to resign in the middle of his second term over the U.S. entry into World War I. He rose to fame upon his “Cross of Gold” speech in 1896, in which he attacked the use of the gold standard, causing deflation at the time, in favor of “free silver” which would cause inflation. He concluded his speech with “you shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold.” The speech drew nationwide attention and led to his nomination for president.

  [Back] Chautauqua Circuit: The TED talks of its time, Chautauqua was an adult education movement that spread throughout rural America until the mid-1920s. It began when a minister used the summer school format to train Sunday school teachers at Chautauqua Lake, New York. The gatherings grew so popular that in 1874 the Chautauqua Assembly was organized. The idea was copied throughout the country, and a “Circuit Chautauqua” traveled from town to town (William Jennings Bryan was one of its most popular speakers). Several Chautauquas still exist today.

  [Back] Gumshoe Bill: William “Gumshoe” Stone (1848-1918) was a politician who earned his nickname for his association with sometimes corrupt special interests and his behind-the-scenes political skills. He represented Missouri in the House of Representatives (1885-1891), as governor (1893-1897), and in the Senate (1903-1918). As a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, he opposed President Wilson’s European policy before the U.S. entered World War I. He was one of six senators to vote against the declaration of war against Germany, although once the resolution passed he became a strong supporter of the war effort.

  [Back] O’Gorman: James Aloysius O’Gorman Sr. (1860-1943) served only one term as U.S. Senator from New York.

  [Back] Hully Gee: A corruption of “Holy Jesus,” it is said as an expression of surprise or delight. It also allows the speaker to swear without taking the Lord’s name in vain.

  [Back] Bruite Villa: The spelling of brute is archaic. Pancho Villa (1878-1923) was a Mexican revolutionary who helped oust President Victoriano Huerta in 1914 before being defeated at Celaya the next year. In 1916, he raided Columbus, New Mexico. Gen. John Pershing led an unsuccessful nine-month incursion into Mexico that was halted when the U.S. entered the war. He agreed to cease fighting in 1920 in return for a hacienda, but when he involved himself in politics in 1923 he was assassinated. A man who understood the value of publicity, he gave interviews to foreign journalists and even starred as himself in Hollywood movies.

  [Back] Potsd-n: Potsdam, a city in the eastern section of Germany and the residence of Prussian kings and the Kaiser until 1918.

  [Back] Carranza: Jose Carranza (1859-1920) was the president of Mexico (1917-1920) who rejected the German offer of an alliance expressed in the Zimmerman telegram. He did it not out of affection for America, but to keep the U.S. out of his country.

  [Back] Cylinder-watches: A mechanism in a watch called an escapement that regulates the back-and-forth movement of the escape wheel that creates its characteristic ticking. There are many ways for a watch to count out the seconds; this design uses a thin cylinder that has been cut away, resulting in a thinner watch. However, because the escape wheel’s teeth knocks against the cylinder, the friction creates more wear requiring frequent cleanings.

  [Back] Our little band: The members consist of Holmes and Watson, plus these detectives:

  * Dupin: C. Auguste Dupin was the hero of three classic short stories by Edgar Allan Poe. Dupin shares many characteristics with Holmes, such as his deductive skills and his sidekick-narrator. Despite Holmes’ sneer at Dupin in A Study in Scarlet, Conan Doyle admitted freely borrowing from Poe.

  * Lupin: Arsene Lupin is the master thief created by Maurice Leblanc (1864-1941). Leblanc wrote several stories pitting Lupin against Holmes; one excerpt, “Holmlock Shears Opens Hostilities,” appears in the 1905-1909 edition.

  * Lecoq: Émile Gaboriau (1832-1873) created amateur detective Monsieur Lecoq, a character based on the thief-turned-detective Eugène Francois Vidocq (1775-1857). Conan Doyle admitted using bits of Lecoq in creating Holmes.

  * The Thinking Machine: Professor Augustus S.F.X. Van Dusen, a.k.a. “The Thinking Machine” was an attempt to create an American Holmes by newspaper reporter Jacques Futrelle (1875-1912). A Futrelle-penned pastiche appears in the 1905-1909 edition.

  * Mr. Gryce: Detective Ebenezer Gryce of the New York Metropolitan Police Force was the hero in several novels by Anna Katharine Green (1846-1935). Her best-selling The Leavenworth Case (1878) was admired by Wilkie Collins and was a particular influence on Agatha Christie.

  * Cr
aig Kennedy: The scientist-detective created by Arthur B. Reeve (1880-1936). “Holmes” reviews a Craig Kennedy book in “Sherlock Holmes Solves a Problem in Publishing” in the 1915 chapter.

  [Back] Whatnot: A piece of furniture seen in a drawing room, consisting of a series of shelves supported by pillars or uprights, and used for displaying knick-knacks or “what nots.”

  [Back] Cherchez la femme: “Look for the woman,” meaning that when a man acts out of character or in an unusual fashion, a woman is the cause. First published in The Mohicans of Paris, by the elder Alexandre Dumas (1802-1870).

  [Back] When We Were Twenty-One: A song by Frank Leo written in 1901.

  [Back] The Black Crook: A musical from 1866 that is considered to be the first in which the songs and dance help advance the story.

  [Back] I smelled suds on you: Monday was traditionally laundry day.

  [Back] A.D.T.: American District Telegraph.

  [Back] Three-for-five: As in three cigars that were sold for five cents. Adding imported cigar bands was akin to a bar pouring common whiskey into luxury-brand bottles. Their quality might best be judged by comparing it to a sentiment that had been recorded as far back as 1875 that “what this country really needs is a good five-cent cigar.”

  [Back] Piker: There are numerous definitions, none of them praiseful. It is Midwestern slang for a lazy man, and in California as a cautious gambler or stingy person (inspired by migrants from Pike County, Missouri). In Australia, it means “someone who holds back,” particularly a mild drinker.

  [Back] Double-barreled: A watch with more than one mainspring and barrel. The more barrels and mainsprings a watch has, the more power it has in reserve to power the hands and dials. A watch can have a double, triple, even a four-barrel movement.

  [Back] Pawnbrokers numbers: Numbers used to record loans that were scratched on the inside back cover that hides the watch’s inner workings. Watchmakers would also scratch their marks there to keep track of when they repaired or cleaned it. Knowing this, police who find a body with such a watch would circulate the numbers in hopes a pawnbroker could supply the identification.

  [Back] Cerise rose: A deep reddish color, such as that found on a cherry (which is what the word means in French).

  [Back] Plein air: French for “open air,” it refers to the act of painting outdoors in the available natural light. This is in contrast to studio painting, where a subject may be artificially posed and lit.

  [Back] Raddle: Reddish. A red pigment made from ochre, an earthy pigment containing clay and ferric oxide.

  [Back] Futurist artist: A member of an artistic and social movement that was launched in Italy in the early 20th century with the intention of breaking with the past. The idea spread to include music, literature, painting, politics, and architecture.

  [Back] Pantomime dame: Pantomimes are family friendly musical comedies staged during the Christmas holidays, based on popular stories such as “Aladdin” and “Ali Baba.” Widow Twankey and Mrs. Ali Baba are the mothers of the heroes.

  [Back] Watteau: Jean-Antoine Watteau (1684-1721) was a French painter whose name was attached to fabrics and styles that appeared in his paintings. A brocade is a richly decorated fabric made of silk and sometimes gold and silver threads.

  [Back] Vampire woman: A movie trope popularized at the time by actresses such as Theda Bara (1885-1955) who portrayed women as dark and mysterious creatures who lure men to their destruction.

  [Back] Und Klufthugel: These are nonsense sentences composed by jamming German words together. Very loosely translated, it reads, “Upon my soul. Sir Pain-candlewick and Hill-gap.”

  [Back] Summer scale: A scale in this case means a list of clothing a soldier was required to have. The British army had a summer scale and a winter scale and adjusted clothing allotments accordingly. This caused problems in countries such as India, where they were issued summer clothing but ordered to march into the hills where it was cold and snowy.

  [Back] Landsturmer: The Landsturm was Germany’s reserve force, generally consisting of able-bodied males, 17-45, who were not part of the standing army. They were issued uniforms and used for light duties such as policing rear-areas and guarding prisoners. Some of the story’s humor is derived from Phones being called to Germany to investigate the murder of an enemy soldier.

  [Back] National Grounds: Meaning he was performing work vital to the national interest.

  [Back] B road: A secondary road; not the main highway.

  [Back] Very lights: Signal flares fired from a special pistol. Named for its U.S. inventor, Edward Very (1847-1910). Sentries used them to light up the battlefield to see if the enemy was approaching. The horror of being caught in the open under one was expressed in a trench song sung to “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling”:

  When Very lights are shining,

  Sure they’re like the morning light

  And when the guns begin to thunder

  You can hear the angels shite.

  [Back] Puttees: A leg wrap consisting of a long strip of fabric that is wound from the knee to the ankle. Puttees support the leg and protect it from weather and underbrush. They were adopted from tribal leggings seen in the Himalayas, and the word comes from the Hindi patti for bandage and the Sanskrit patta for strip of cloth.

  [Back] Gott straf: “God punish—.” A reference to a popular slogan in the German army, Gott strafe England, or “May God punish England.” Germany condemned England for starting the war by defending Belgium when the Germans invaded it. The phrase was created by Ernst Lissauer (1882-1937) who wrote Hassgesang gegen England, translated as “Hate Song Against England,” but better known as “Hymn of Hate.”

  [Back] R.A.M.C.: Royal Army Medical Corps.

  [Back] W.A.A.C.: Women’s Army Auxiliary Corps, formed in 1917 to perform cooking, mechanical labor, clerical, and other jobs. About 80,000 women enlisted and 9,000 of them served in France.

  [Back] Estaminet: French word for a small café that sells alcoholic drinks.

  [Back] Sugar card: The war caused shortages in several categories, including sugar, that required them to be rationed. The card kept track of how much its owner could purchase at any one time.

  [Back] Banker, pontoon: Variations of blackjack. Banker is a variation of vingt-et-un (French for 21) in which splitting cards is not allowed, the ace counts only as eleven, and two aces gives you blackjack. In Pontoon, players say “twist” instead of “hit” (to ask for another card) and “stick” instead of “stand” to stop. Players can also “buy”—double the bet—but with the variations of doing so anytime (instead of just after the first two cards) and asking for another card after the Buy.

  [Back] Vermoral sprayer: A handheld tank with a pump and hose, used to neutralize trenches and dugouts contaminated by chlorine gas.

  [Back] Bully: Salt-cured beef, also called corned beef. Called bully beef from the French word for boiled, bouilli, which allowed it to be canned.

  [Back] Duckboards: A platform made of wooden slats that rests on top of mud to create a dry path.

  [Back] Drying room: Keeping the soldiers’ feet dry against the muddy conditions in the trenches was vital. Drying rooms were spaces set aside where wet socks and soaked boots were taken for cleaning and repair. This is to prevent trench foot, in which feet that are exposed to cold and damp for too long turn black and the surface skin dies.

  [Back] AAA: Indicating the end of a sentence was reached. Using “AAA” was easier to see in battlefield conditions than a period and reduced the chance of misunderstanding an order.

  [Back] 3 bars: Wunpip has an astonishing array of awards, even for a fictional character. V.C. is the Victoria Cross, awarded for valor in battle. If you win the V.C. twice, you receive a bar to put on the original award. Only three soldiers have won the V.C. twice—two of them during the Great War—and none three or four times. D.S.O. is the Distinguished Service Order for meritorious or distinguished service during wartime. M.C. is the Military Cross, awarded for an act of gallantry
in battle. “Wunpip” is also a pun on “one pip.” A pip is a decoration worn on the shoulder to indicate rank. A single pip indicates a second lieutenant, the lowest officer rank.

  [Back] Dull as a Blue-book: An almanac or other compendium of statistics and information.

  [Back] Covent Garden: A district on the eastern edge of the West End. A market grew up there in the 17th century and in the 1830s a market hall was built. The name comes from the 13th century, when the land was owned by Westminster Abbey and was called the “garden of the Abbey and Convent.”

  [Back] K.C.: King’s Counsel, a status granted by the king—during Elizabeth II’s reign they’re known as Q.C.s—in which lawyers, among other privileges, are permitted to wear silk gowns indicating they’re senior members of the profession. This award is known as “taking silk.”

  [Back] In a fog: The romantic London fog, through which one can imagine Jack the Ripper or Sherlock Holmes striding, was in reality a foul mixture of water vapor, smoke, and soot, fed by the pervasive use of coal for heat and cooking, and manufacturing. The fog weakened lungs and caused fatal traffic collisions. Rollo Russell in London Fogs (1880) described it as “brown, reddish-yellow, or greenish, darkens more than a white fog, has a smoky, or sulphurous smell, is often somewhat dryer than a country fog, and produces, when thick, a choking sensation.”