Relics- The Chronicles of Solomon Drake

by Robert York

  So close now.

  So very close.

  Her other hand cupped my right buttocks as she pressed her body into mine. It was a glorious sensation. I couldn’t take it any longer. I wanted her here and I wanted her now. Up until this point I held her gently. I was afraid that I’d hurt her. It was insanity talking that I thought I could hurt her in anyway. It was more than a little likely that Adrianna could injure me if she chose. Not listening to reason, my arms pulled her into a desperate longing embrace. This was going to happen, I wanted it to happen. My need for her was great and the opportunity was now. Just as I thought I was going to taste her delicious lips, she pinched my ass.

  Hard.

  Which was a startling turn of events as you might imagine, I rubbed at the spot on my behind as she walked by me. I hoped there wouldn’t be a bruise. She had pinched me with the force of a pair of vice grips and may have possibly used her nails.

  “I’m sorry Sol, but we don’t have time for anything else at the moment,” she said amused; however I detected a subtle hint of longing disappointment in her tone.

  She turned to face me and then she said.

  “You have my attention Solomon Drake. I hope I have yours,”

  I nodded pathetically.

  “Yes, you do,” I said. “But did you have to mistreat my tush,”

  Her lips curled up into a satisfied smile.

  “Consider my behavior with you a promise of things yet to come,” she said turning on her heels heading for the door next to the bathroom.

  Chapter 15

  We arrived back at the magic shop by portal an hour later than expected. Adrianna took a fair amount of time picking the right winter wear for our excursion to Bialek’s compound. Being the time of year that it was - winter - it’d be fairly cold there now. Adrianna wanted her outfit to be functional yet stylish.

  She ultimately settled upon an all white form fitting ski suit ensemble, the hood trimmed with gray fur. A slender white belt accented with what looked like a brushed nickel buckle and studs rode low on her hips. Her shoes, I kid you not, she wore a pair of five inch heeled winter boots that hugged her calves. They were also trimmed to the ankles with the same gray fur as her coat. Her hair was done up in a long stylish ponytail with a few well-placed strands of hair to give her that alluring appearance. A pair of black and red metallic Bobster Fuel ski goggles rode on her forehead. She looked like a statuesque Bond Girl; of course I’d never seen a Bond Girl as gorgeous as Adrianna.

  Bart on the other hand went for functional. His attire consisted of a black and red ski suit with matching boots. Even though he was Adrianna’s bodyguard, he apparently would be doubling as a pack mule for this excursion. Slung over his right shoulder was a heavy backpack that matched the color and style of Adrianna’s getup. Given his expression that looked somewhere between eating a lemon and being constipated, I didn’t think he approved of his Mistress’s choice of outfits. I must also mention that Adrianna generously provided Race with some winter gear as well. It just goes to show that even though there was bad blood between Vampires and Werewolves a common interest helped dull the bad feeling if only for a short time. Barnabas and I still had to gather our winter gear before we headed out. Which was the only reason we came back to the shop. Adrianna’s eyes drifted around appraising her surroundings.

  “What a charming place you have here Barnabas,”

  “Thank you. It’s not much but we like it,” Barnabas said grinning placing a hand on my shoulder.

  The portal closed behind us and it felt good being home. I was still tired from this morning’s excitement and the intense spell casting didn’t help matters either. I spied our backpacks, snowshoes and other snow related gear resting neatly on the front counter. I then heard the clopping of Tilly’s heavy soled shoes on the hardwood floor as he hurried up to us.

  “Master,” he said in unbridled exuberance. “You’ve returned! I have your backpack all packed and have laid out your winter...”

  Tilly’s words trailed off as he caught sight of Adrianna and Bartholomew. Without a word or even a warning Tilly raised his right hand. Power swirling around it, he sent shards of ice hurdling toward them. I lifted my battle staff slicing the air in an up and down motion casting a fire shield spell.

  “Incendia Contego,” I yelled in a loud hurried tone.

  A swirling disk of red orange fire roared into existence a foot in front of Adrianna and Bart. The ice shards struck my shield with a hiss evaporating on contact. I whirled to face Tilly.

  “Tilly,” I yelled. “These are our guests and you will treat them with respect!”

  Barnabas shook his head in obvious disapproval, yet he remained silent. I knew by the working of his closed lips he was doing his best not to level a severe admonishment to Tilly for his actions. He appeared to be satisfied that I was handling the situation as well as it could’ve been handled so he headed for the stairs to the apartment. I snapped my fingers and the fire shield disappeared as quickly as I had summoned it. Tilly just stared at me simply stunned.

  “But Master,” Tilly said in a - just between you and me sort of tone - “They are Vampires...”

  “Vampires,” exclaimed a tiny muffled surprised voice. Or at least that’s what I thought I heard. It sounded more like. “Mampires!” The voice came from the direction of the backpacks.

  Just then Earl, our rotund Guarding Gnome’s head popped out of a pocket flap on my back pack. A strip of Teriyaki Beef Jerky clutched in each of his hands, Earl’s cheeks were filled to bursting with what I could only imagine was the same snack food. He looked like a chipmunk that just found a full tin of assorted nuts. His attention was divided between finishing his culinary conquest and doing battle with a dangerous foe. Ultimately he made his decision, which could plainly be seen in his expression. He regarded the beef jerky affectionately for a moment, gently placing both strips down on my pack before he drew his maced club then hurled himself at Bartholomew with the ferocity of a shopper at a Walmart Black Friday Sale.

  Bart’s eyes grew wide in an - OH SHIT - sort of expression right before Earl’s mace connected with his forehead. The shop echoed with an ear splitting metal on bone sound that would’ve made your skin crawl if you heard it. Bart’s hands flew up to his face in pain. Earl’s momentum nearly carried his bulk over Bart’s shoulder, but the little Gnome reached out a big right hand grabbing the hood of Bart’s coat staggering the Vampire with the movement. Earl clambered up onto Bart’s left shoulder grasping his mace in both hands, he wound up into a textbook batter’s stance then cracked Bart on the back of the head with a swing that would’ve made Pete Rose proud.

  “Argh,” Bart exclaimed in surprise or perhaps pain, I couldn’t be sure.

  Race by this point had dropped his pack and was laughing uncontrollably. He sounded like a mule jonesing for an apple. While all this nonsense was happening, the regal Adrianna looked on with quiet grace. Much the same way I’m sure Queen Elizabeth might react if her prized Corgi took a dump on a two-hundred year old rug at Buckingham Palace directly in front of the French Ambassador during a gathering of state. Shock followed by mortification, laced with a well-masked hint of satisfaction and humor.

  I’ll admit that I was slow to react because the whole scene was comical and absurd. When I finally made it into motion Bart had Earl clutched in both hands attempting to wring the life out of him. Earl, never one to be taken so easily, clamped his jaws down on the fleshy part of Bart’s right hand between the thumb and forefinger. After another exclamation of pain a higher octave than the last, Bart in a fit of rage hurled the Gnome at one of the heavy wooden ingredient cases behind the counter. Earl smacked into the side of the case with a loud thud. He lingered there for a moment before slowly peeling down off the wood falling to the floor like a limp noodle. I looked on with a stunned expression hanging on my face.

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” I finally said to Bart. “Now he’s going to take it personally.”

  I crane
d my neck inching closer to the counter hoping Earl was all right. Tilly let out a concerned gasp hurrying around behind the counter to check on Earl’s condition. Two seconds hadn’t ticked off the clock before Tilly tore up the hardwood floor scurrying in the opposite direction from where Earl had landed. We waited a moment in quiet anticipation. The silence was broken a second or two later by a triumphant resounding “Ah. Ha!” Then the head of my other Louisville Slugger baseball bat appeared above the level of the counter. The bat moved erratically, bobbing and swaying like a caber being carried by a six inch Scotsman. - Did I mention that Guarding Gnomes have the same strength and lifting capacity as a full-grown human being? Food for thought if any of you were thinking of making fun of their diminutive size –

  Earl rounded the counter, his feet padding heavily under a full head of steam. The bat grasped firmly in both hands leaning against his right shoulder, a look of vengeful resolve on his face. Bart backed away unsure of what to do, ultimately he raised his hands defensively awaiting the attack. I moved in between them, once Earl got started it was difficult to get him calmed down. I braced myself for the knock on the head I was about to receive, when Mari walked out from between the bookshelves on our left. An edition entitled “Magic and You - A Normal’s Guide to Coping with Mystical Power” clutched in her hand. She grabbed the end of the bat with her free hand - without looking up from the page - lifting it and Earl off the floor, his chubby little Gnome legs still pumping. Mari held the bat so that Earl was hovering a few inches above the surface of the counter. I heard muffled titters coming from Race and Adrianna as I moved over trying to placate Earl.

  “Hey,” I said in a loud sharp yell. “Calm down!”

  In answer Earl let out a growl redoubling his efforts to get to Bart, even though his feet weren’t making contact with anything.

  “If you want him to calm down you have to get his mind off his anger,” Mari said in a “we’ve been down this road before” sort of tone.

  Thinking quickly I reached over to my backpack picking up the two discarded strips of beef jerky. I waved them before his eyes.

  “Hey Earl, want some jerky?” I asked. “Yum.”

  Earl’s eyes began to lose their focus on Bart. A hypnotic rhythm settled into the movement of his head. His eyes and head tracked the magically floating jerky, the way a cobra sways to the music of a snake charmer. Earl’s eyes hooded, a blissful smile formed on his face. His grip faltered, slipping off the bat. Earl landed on the counter with a plop raising his arms lunging greedily toward the strips of jerky. I moved the strips out of his reach placing an index finger on his chest halting his progress. A look of disappointment appeared on his face, he vacantly stared between my finger and the jerky.

  “Ah. Ah. Ah,” I said. “You can’t have the jerky until you promise to be good and not try to kill our guests.”

  Earl rolled his eyes pushing my finger away from his chest. He then crossed his arms in disgust turning his body partly away from me.

  “Come on now. Do it for me,”

  He turned a little more away showing me more of his back.

  “Tell you what, I’ll throw in another strip of jerky.”

  He turned back a fraction of an inch quirking an eyebrow in obvious interest.

  “Four strips,” I said finally. “That’s my final offer.”

  He faced me arms still folded considering, then he nodded once. Earl glared in Bart’s direction as I fished out two more pieces of jerky from my pack. Earl lifted his hand extending his middle and index finger gesturing them at his eyes then turning his hand around pointing one chubby digit directly at Bart in a universal “I’m watching you” gesture. I presented four pieces of jerky to Earl, our agreed upon price which he roughly yanked out of my hand biting a nice big chunk from one of the strips. He stalked petulantly to the edge of the counter, hopping off, disappearing from sight.

  “You and Barnabas have some amusing friends and acquaintances,” Adrianna said finally through a wide smile.

  “Yes. Very,” Bart retorted in a haughty tone.

  I smiled apologetically, not knowing exactly how to respond. I nodded a few times then shrugged. Shakespeare, eat your heart out.

  “Come on boy,” Barnabas said yelling from the stairwell to the apartments. “Stop trying to impress Adrianna, get yourself up here and get ready!”

  My shoulders tightened and my cheek’s flushed with color. I want you all to read back a few paragraphs making your own determination, was I trying to impress Adrianna or was I trying to keep Earl from kicking Bart’s ass? I knew full well that I wasn’t trying to catch her eye. Is she gorgeous and would I love to get into her pants? Yes and yes. The reason however that was stopping me from even attempting to make a fool out of myself over her was the fact that she was a Vampire. I was more interested in her sucking something else instead of my blood. I stood there, head dropping into a sulk. There was no way that I was not going to be teased about this moment. I could already see Race’s mental gears turning stockpiling insults and one-liners.

  “Go on upstairs,” Mari said as she laid her book and the Louisville Slugger down on the counter. “I’ll take care of things down here.”

  “Thanks,” I said half-heartedly.

  Mari walked around the counter making her way over to Adrianna and Bart. She first held out her hand to Bart, a caring friendly smile showing on her lovely face.

  “My name is Mari I’m a friend of Barnabas and you are,” she asked, milk and honey in her voice.

  Taken aback by Mari’s forward manner, Bart tried to plaster something on his face that almost resembled a smile.

  “You will forgive me, but I do not shake hands,” Bart said as he casually clasp his hands behind his back. “As for who I am, Bartholomew is my name and I am Ms. Thorne’s personal assistant and bodyguard,”

  “It’s true,” I said. “Bart’s a secretary,”

  The look he gave me could’ve melted an iceberg. Too bad he wasn’t on the deck of the Titanic the night it sank. Mari unfazed by the lack of Bart’s manners smiled curtly moving over to Adrianna extending her hand once again. Adrianna took it without hesitation.

  “I must apologize for Bart,” she began. “He takes my safety a bit too seriously at times… I’m Adrianna Thorne. Pleasure to meet you, Mari was it?” Adrianna asked.

  Mari fixed her caramel colored eyes on Adrianna.

  “Yours is a lonely heart, but still good deep down, your darker half hasn’t completely taken over,” Mari said finally after a long pause.

  “What are you some kind of gypsy fortune teller?” I asked.

  I’ve always believed that Mari had some sort of gift or power. She’s good at reading people, telling the good from the bad. If she hadn’t decided to become a nun in her youth, I believe she would have made an excellent cop. Mari turned to me.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready? Go!”

  She turned back to Adrianna. Exasperated, I made my way upstairs.

  “No wonder Solomon likes you,” Mari said conspiratorially to Adrianna.

  I groaned loud enough for all to hear.

  “I love your snowsuit,” I heard Mari say.

  “Thank you,” replied Adrianna.

  “I’m curious though, did you realize the tight fitting coat would make your breasts appear larger or were you going for a more promiscuous look when you bought it? I personally would have chosen something a little more practical,” asked Mari.

  My shoulder muscles tensed into a tight ball as the last few words passed through my ears. Between Barnabas and Mari I didn’t know whom I wanted to kill first. The sad thing was that I didn’t have a shovel or bag of lye after I’d finished the deed. Had I been a Boy Scout I’d have been prepared for instances such as this. I sighed; I needed to get a place of my own.

  I was able to put my clothes on faster than Superman took his off when there was a phone booth nearby. Tilly’s organizational skills were incredible. Everything had been laid out and ready for
me. I did make a few changes to my wardrobe however. Tilly’s intuition for picking out the things he thought I would need was impressive. He had no idea however regarding what weapons or gear I wanted to take along, which was fine. After a little thought about where we were going and what I’d be wearing, I opted for my battle staff in lieu of my wand. It would’ve been impractical to keep fishing the darn thing out of a pocket and my wrist rig would be useless because of gloves and the Velcro sleeves on my coat. I decided - after much deliberation - on a drop leg holster for one of my Colts along with four magazines of ammo. I’d loved to bring along both pistols, but I had to economize. I also decided to wear my bracelet, placing it on my left wrist and as an afterthought I wore my titanium chainmail shirt under my winter coat. The mail wouldn’t stop bullets or arrows, but it would protect me against claws and blades, which were more of a concern given that the Ashari were on the prowl. After finishing getting dressed I examined my appearance in a full-length mirror that hung on the backside of my door. I looked quite ruggedly dashing. My attire not to far removed from what Han Solo wore in the movie, The Empire Strikes Back. A comparison I hoped anyone that caught sight of me might make, though I looked nothing like Harrison Ford in real life.

  Satisfied with my appearance I made sure to check around two or three more times just in case I forgot anything. I looked through my bookshelf grabbing three books to read not really knowing how long we’d be gone, then I made my way downstairs to the others.

  Nearly everyone was assembled around the counter. Adrianna and Mari were still talking - I guess Mari’s comment about Adrianna’s attire wasn’t taken as an insult - Bart stood off to the side by the front door brooding. Race and Barnabas were engaged in a conversation about employment opportunities for Werewolves and Tilly hovered beside Mari. I noticed he was dressed in a green calf length coat trimmed with white fur. A pack bursting at the seams rode on his back and he carried a slender wood staff a little shorter than he was. Everyone turned in my direction when I entered.