by Amy Watkins
“Mom, I really like this girl. I don’t think her intentions are bad. She lent me the money to hire my attorney and has been supportive of me through this whole mess. I think you are wrong.”
“Ethan, I know women. You better believe me when I say there is something up with her.”
Ethan shook his head, “I disagree. Don’t you think I’d see the signs if there was anything crazy going on? From her, I mean, not those damned messages.”
Naomi raised her voice, “Boy, you have too much going on to pick up on anything!”
Caroline chimed in, “You sounding real dumb right now, Ethan.”
I didn’t realize I was on speaker phone and I didn’t realize that Caroline was listening in on the very personal conversation I was trying to have with my mother.
“You need to take heed to what your mama saying. Don’t sit there believing some dumb ass girl over your mama. That’s the same shit you did with Tracy and that’s why you in this situation now,” Caroline snapped.
Caroline could be cutthroat with her words. She didn’t hold back when she got upset and didn’t care if she hurt your feelings. I had seen Caroline viciously scold a few ex-boyfriends and a couple of bill collectors, and now she was doing it to me.
My mom was frustrated, Caroline was frustrated, and I was trying hard to stay calm as I responded, “What are you talking about? I didn’t call anyone a liar. I just think you guys don’t know Angela. She doesn’t seem like the type to scheme against me.”
“Well, she is and you being dumb,” Caroline was adamant.
Chapter 10 – Angela
I was heartbroken when Ethan first told me about Trinity. I felt betrayed and my first reaction was to break up with him. My life had already had its share of drama and I didn’t want to take on anymore. But I knew I loved him and I was reminded of the promise I made to God. When Ethan broke down crying and asked me not to leave him, I couldn’t resist and decided to let him stay. He promised me that there was no continuing affair with Caroline. He also assured me that he wanted to be with me and was planning to stay in Virginia. Yes, he intended to visit Trinity periodically and that he would be financially responsible for her, but he knew he wanted to live with me in Virginia. I believed him…mostly. A little part of me still had my guard up. However, he did not waiver from his statements, so I started to grow more secure with the situation.
I had a dream one night. I was holding a little baby girl on my chest that looked just like Ethan. She had his eyes and big curly hair and I was rocking her while she slept. I loved her. I looked over and Ethan was looking at me proudly and smiling. As I was waking up, God said, “That’s your baby, too.” There was a way for me to be involved with this new life and my new man.
After Caroline had Trinity, I asked Ethan to give her my number so we could talk. I wanted to verify Ethan’s story that there was nothing still going on between them. I also figured, I had a great relationship with Erica, I could develop a good relationship with Caroline, too. That dream? It was real to me.
My first impression of Caroline was positive. They were planning a baby shower and she invited me, which made me feel special and welcomed. She assured me that her affair with Ethan was brief and unexpected, and that she had no interest in being with him. She just wanted Ethan to take care of his child and I assured her I was in complete agreement. I planned to help her out just like I did with my other stepkids. I planned to make room in my heart for this baby just like I had done for Jasmine and Jordan.
When I got off the phone with Caroline the first time, I told Ethan, “Caroline’s cool.” He was happy to see that we got along and that there could be peace between the mother of his child and his significant other, meaning both Ethan and I could be a part of Trinity’s life.
Caroline and Naomi requested to be friends on Facebook and I happily accepted. I hoped that they would look through my posts and see all the pictures of me with my kids and stepkids as well as my involvement in various activities at church. I had hoped following my profile would reassure them about any doubts they may have had about me. But that hope was soon dashed.
Things were cool, at first. They sent me pictures of the baby, updates about how she was doing, and what kind of stuff she needed. Caroline and I talked periodically and during one of the conversations she brought up what happened the night that she got pregnant.
Ethan had been drinking heavily, wallowing in his pain over his breakup with Tracy and Caroline was there for him. One thing led to another and that’s how Trinity came to be. I was glad to hear that Caroline’s story lined up with Ethan’s. It made me feel like I could trust him, so I felt more secure in the relationship and in the situation.
But as she was telling me her story, I couldn’t help but focus fact that Ethan was drunk but Caroline was not. Women have to put up with a lot of double standards. If a man sleeps around, he’s “the man”. Let a woman do it and she’s a ho. Listening to her story, I realized men have to deal with double standards, too. If Caroline had been drinking and Ethan slept with her, he’d be arrested for rape the next day. Caroline took advantage of him when he was drunk and, because she’s a woman, but Ethan was at fault for her getting pregnant? It didn’t seem fair, but I was not going to rock that boat. I just kept my mouth shut and listened. The details of how Trinity came to be was not my main concern at that moment, she was here and needed to be taken care of. I planned on helping to provide in any way I could. I knew Ethan couldn’t yet, so I wanted to contribute until he got back on his feet.
Then Caroline and Naomi started asking questions about me and Ethan. They repeatedly asked if I was pregnant. Naomi kept on saying that she had a dream about a fish and that meant someone was pregnant, so she figured it was me. I adamantly denied it, but her continued accusations made me nervous. I was on birth control; but I knew birth control was not a hundred percent effective.
They told Ethan that they had received a text message from Tracy saying I was telling former coworkers I was pregnant by Ethan. They also said they had received a picture from Tracy of me pregnant and rubbing my stomach. And when Ethan confronted me, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I never said or did anything like that.
I asked him to send me the picture they received, but he did not have it—Caroline did. She confronted me about the situation, too. She texted me, saying Ethan would always choose her over me and that he would never choose me over his mom. She told me I was nothing and nobody, that my feelings and desires did not matter.
I felt like she was trying to compete with me. To me, this was not a competition. I wanted to be her friend. I wanted to be Trinity’s second mom and love her like I did my other steps. I tried to respond to Caroline with love and understanding; but I also wanted her to know that Ethan and I loved each other and that my feelings mattered.
Me: I’m not sure where this came from, but I plan on being in Ethan’s life for the long haul. We love each other and I will continue to treat your daughter with the love and respect that she deserves, no matter what you say to me.
Caroline: You and Ethan won’t be together much longer.
It hurt. I confronted Ethan about the texts and, after some in depth talking, we concluded that Caroline and Naomi must be getting misinformation from Tracy. Ethan promised he would get to the bottom of it and straighten everything out with his family.
He asked me to try to be nice and cordial. “Love, I know it’s hard but please, just be nice to them. If they say something mean, just stay silent. I’m your man, right? Tell me about it and let me and deal with them. That’s what I’m supposed to do as your man.”
I was being nice and cordial. I bit my tongue even when I had so many couldas, wouldas, and shouldas to say back to Naomi and Caroline. Instead of arguing, I doubled down and promised to try harder. But on my birthday, everything changed, and not for the better.
I knew my kids were planning something special for me that evening. They kept acting silly and smili
ng while giving me clues they were going to do something nice for me. So, I went to work happy, knowing that I would have fun that afternoon with my family and Ethan. It was a normal workday. My coworkers wished me a happy birthday and we shared some cake.
As I was leaving work, my phone started pinging repeatedly in my purse. When finally dug it out of my bag, I had received back-to-back text messages. When I picked my phone up, I saw the messages were from Naomi.
- You are a horrible person.
-You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
-You tryna trap my son.
-You will never be a part of this family.
-And if you are pregnant, I will make sure you get an abortion.
-I will pay for the abortion myself
- I will make sure my son takes you to the clinic to get it done.
I remember thinking “What the fuck” and wondering why she would write something so mean. I called her. My intentions were peaceful. I didn’t know why she was saying this, but I hoped that, no matter what set her off, we could work things out.
“Hello,” she answered sharply.
“Hi Ms. Conner, this is Angela. What’s going on?”
“I know who this is, and what is going on is that you are sleeping with my married son. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are no woman of God. You are nothing. My son does not want to be with you. He never will be with you, I guarantee that. I know you’re trying to trap my son and I’ll see to it you never have a child by him.”
“I’m not sure where this is coming from but, I have three kids and two stepkids who I love very much. Trust me, I’m not looking to have any more kids and I am not trying to trap your son. I love him.”
“Love? Love? You can’t love him. He’s married. And he doesn’t love you. Ethan will never love you. You’re just another girl that he is using. He is not going to stay with you. Ethan will come back to Kentucky and live here.”
“He never once said anything like that to me.”
“Oh, what—you thought he was going to stay up there with you. Oh, sweetie, you really didn’t think you guys were going to be together together, now, did you? You know God don’t bless no mess.”
“Yes, yes I did.”
“My son can’t be with you and he won’t. Time to wake up, honey.”
I was on the verge of crying. I was so upset and hurt, but I didn’t want to be disrespectful, so I merely said, “Oh, okay, I understand. I apologize.” And I got off the phone. Then the tears poured down my face. I just prayed, “God, why? Why is this happening?” I was so emotional and distracted I almost got into a car accident driving home.
I knew my kids were looking forward to my arrival so they could reveal their birthday surprises for me, and there I was bawling uncontrollably and I didn’t want them to see me like that. Then I heard God say, “Take the long way home and pull yourself together.” I did, but as soon as I turned the corner to take the longer way home, I saw Ethan walking and talking on the phone.
I pulled over and unlocked the door so he could get in. When he saw me, he got off the phone and jumped in the car. He hugged me and then looked at me closely.
“You okay?” he asked.
“No!” I sobbed. I handed Ethan my phone so he could read Naomi’s text messages “Why would she say such things?”
“I don’t know, honey. Something’s going on.”
“Are you going to Kentucky? That’s what your mom said. That you were moving back to Kentucky.”
“No, I haven’t agreed to anything like that.”
I continued to cry.
“Calm down honey, calm down.” Ethan said, stroking my back. “Come on, babe. Wipe those tears away. Your kids have planned something special and you don’t want them to see you like this.”
I agreed and tried to wipe the tears from my face and hide the evidence of my pain.
I walked into my house. The kids had it all decorated. “Surprise!” they yelled, jumped about, and gave me hugs and kisses.
I barely managed a smile, “Oh look at this; it’s so nice. Thank you, guys.”
They knew something was wrong but played off like they didn’t. “Mommy, mommy open my gift.” Abigail said.
“No, mine first,” chanted Aaron.
“Okay, okay,” I agreed as I opened homemade cards and trinkets from Aaron. David used his allowance money to buy me a pretty necklace and Abigail used hers to get me the matching earrings and bracelet. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was happy that my kids were so thoughtful. I showed my appreciation of each and every gift, but I was hurting and doing my best to hold back tears.
I didn’t feel like going out to dinner like Ethan had planned, so we all ate leftovers and watched movies until it was time to go to bed. Ethan kept going outside to talk to Naomi and Caroline. He tried not to look upset when he came back inside, but I could tell he was.
After tucking in the kids, Ethan handed me his phone. “Here, my family wants to talk to you.” I looked at him skeptically and he motioned for me to take the phone, so I did. Ethan walked away.
“Hello?” I was nervous.
“Angela!” said Naomi.
“Yes.”
“Look, I am not going to stand by and watch you try to trap my son. You must be crazy or just plain stupid. I know what you are trying to do and I won’t let you get away with it. I’ll make sure of that. Caroline is here, too. She and Ethan have a child together and he is coming down to raise his child with her. Are you pregnant?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“See that sounds suspicious. You are a grown woman. You should know if you are pregnant or not. I don’t like your answer. You sleeping around unprotected like a whore? Imma make sure you never have a child by my son. You are not going to get away with trying to trap my son.”
I heard Caroline in the background, egging Naomi on.
“Well, I don’t think I’m pregnant.” I didn’t think it was her business that I usually don’t get my period because of the type of birth control I used. “I’m on a good birth control but you are all making me nervous talking about this pregnancy thing. Caroline, you really think I’m trying to trap Ethan?”
“Yep. You sleeping with him.”
“What? If I was trying to trap Ethan, I would have done it already. We’ve been sleeping together for the last six months.”
There was a moment of silence, letting me know I hit a nerve. Then Caroline broke the silence, “Well that’s not what Ethan told us. He denied you. He said he may have slept with you once or twice and that’s it. He said you were nothing to him but a friend. He said that he didn’t want to be with you and I have the messages to prove it. He’s not up there because he loves you. He’s up there because he needed a place to stay since the cops were looking for him down here. He just using you. But me? Ethan and I have a child together. I will always be in his life. He will always choose me over you. I didn’t get pregnant. Ethan got me pregnant. He’s older than me, so he shoulda known better. He was trying to get me pregnant. He tried to lie and say he didn’t cum in me when he knew he did. And he was excited when he found out I was pregnant. You know what he said when he found out? Do you?”
“No, what?”
“He said, ‘Oh, I bet it’s a girl.’ He is the one who pressed me not to get an abortion. He got me pregnant on purpose.”
I was tired of hearing Caroline’s playing how she was an innocent bystander in this and how this was all Ethan’s fault, so I set the record straight. Ethan was drunk and she was sober. How can she blame it all on him?
“He was drunk.” I defended Ethan.
“Oh, no ma’am,” Naomi chimed in quickly.
“Look, I am not trying to trap Ethan. If anyone was trying to trap Ethan, it’s you,” I explained.
“Me?” Caroline sounded surprised, “How am I trying to trap him?”
“You slept with him without protection, without birth control. You work in the
medical field; you knew better. You know about the morning after pill but did you take it? No. You know you were ovulating and slept with him anyway. You decided to have the baby and to not get an abortion. And now you are trying to make Ethan do something that he does not want to do.”
“Angela, Ethan wants to come to Kentucky.” Caroline said.
“No, he doesn’t. He wants to stay in Virginia.”
“Oh, really? Well, go on—ask him.” I could hear the confidence in her voice, but I was confident too. I knew I wasn’t lying. Ethan and I often talked about our hopes and dreams. I knew the love between Ethan and I was real. I was also confident that he would be honest. So, equally confident I responded, “Alright, fine. I will.”
I walked into Ethan’s room while they were still on the phone and asked him, “Ethan, do you want to go to Kentucky?”
“Yes, I want to be in Kentucky to raise my daughter.” he said, much to my surprise. This whole time he’d been telling me that he wanted to be in Virginia with me and he was denying it now that his mom and baby mama was on the phone.
“Okay,” I drew out the word. Maybe he didn’t understand what I was asking. “You are saying you want to be in Kentucky?”
“Yes, to raise my daughter.”
“Okay, so what have you been telling me for the last six months?”
“That I want to be in Kentucky to raise my daughter.” He talked slowly, like I suddenly caught a case of the stupids.
“Um, what is it that you have been telling me?” I tried to be clearer.
“That I want to be in Kentucky,” he said defensively.
I couldn’t believe he had the gall to sit there, in my house, and lie to me in front of Naomi and Caroline. This whole time, I had believed him and believed in him. I just defended him to his own family, and he bald-faced lied, denying what I knew was true. I was furious. I ended the call and looked at him sideways. Then I slapped him, hard. He looked at me knowing that he had hurt me. I slapped him again. And again. He grabbed my hand. The phone rang and I picked up, rejecting the call. I knew it was Naomi and Caroline. I played keep-away with the phone and kicked him when he tried to grab my hand.