200 Letters

by Amy Watkins

  “What?” I barked.

  “I apologize for what I said. I realize that you didn’t deserve that and I’m sorry. Okay?”

  It wasn’t okay, I accepted the apology with a tense, “Fine.”

  “Better now?” Ethan asked after Caroline got off the phone but I didn’t say a word. I just gave him a mean look, shook my head, and walked away. We didn’t sleep in the same bed that night. And early in the morning I got a text message from Naomi.

  You are no longer invited to the baby shower next week. I know Caroline invited you but I don’t want you in my home. Matter of fact, you will never be welcomed here.

  I didn’t want to be around them, and I didn’t want to go to that damned baby shower. So, I didn’t reply; but I did let Ethan know what the message said. He gave me a hug and apologized to me. I cried in his arms. He called his mom and I could hear her yelling at him through the phone.

  “She don’t have no place here. She is not welcome. The baby shower is for family and she is not family. She will not be around my grandbaby and she will not be around me.”

  “Well if she ain’t coming, I’m not coming.” Ethan retorted.

  Naomi got louder and angrier. I didn’t want or need any more strife in my life, so I mouthed to him that I didn’t want to go.

  He nodded his head in understanding. “Okay. Okay, mom.” Ethan interjected, but she kept on yelling at him. I got sick of it and left the room.

  A few minutes he came out, “I’m sorry,” he said to me again. We hugged and held each other again.

  “I don’t know why my mom is acting like this. She may be celibate now but I remember when she was cheating on my dad. Why is she judging me so harshly when she done made worse mistakes? But Angela, I promise you, under all this she is a good woman. She goes to church every Sunday and has done so my entire life. I think she just upset about how horrible Tracy has been. Tracy got everyone on edge.”

  “I don’t know your mom like you know her, but I do know that there are a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing at church.” I responded.

  Ethan looked hurt, “You saying my mom’s a wolf?”

  “No, I’m just saying that I haven’t seen any of this good side you keep mentioning. Every encounter I have had with Naomi has been a horrible one.” I wanted to tell him that I thought Naomi was a manipulative bitch, but I knew he loved, respected, and trusted his mom.

  A few days later, he packed to go to Kentucky for Caroline’s baby shower. I hugged and kissed him and wished him well. I trusted that he would be faithful to me, but I was still worried.

  He called several times a day while he was there. He told me how much he missed me and loved me. Caroline sent me pictures of the cake and the decorations and all the presents they had received. I responded nicely, “Ohh that’s nice…oh, pretty…wow, you guys really did it up.” Even though I was hurt, I tried to be nice.

  I decided to get my mind off things and treat my kids to a day out at the pumpkin patch. We went on hayrides, saw and petted the farm animals, and picked up three large pumpkins. On the way home I received a text.

  Ethan: I can’t be with you anymore.

  My heart sank.

  Me: What? Why not?

  Ethan: I’m in love with Caroline.

  Me: What the hell?

  The night before he told me that he loved me, wanted to marry me, and wanted to have a baby with me.

  Ethan: I’m in love with you both. I can’t keep stringing you along.

  I was hurt but my kids were in the car with me, so I pretended like nothing was wrong. Abigail could see it in my face, though. My face burned and tears welled up in my eyes.

  “What’s wrong, mom?” Abigail asked.

  “Nothing,” I cleared my throat and tried to smile, but she knew I was lying.

  I tried to call Ethan. I wanted to hear it from his mouth. It went to voicemail, so I called again. No Answer. I texted.

  Me: Why aren’t you answering?

  Ethan: U driving?

  Me: Yes

  Ethan: Then stop trying to call me and drive.

  I was hurt that he could be so cold. So, I called Caroline.

  She answered nonchalantly. “Hello.”

  “Hey, Caroline, this is Angela. Did something happen with you and Ethan last night?”

  “No, why do you ask?”

  “Ethan’s been texting me telling me that he is in love with you.”

  “Oh, well I don’t know nothing about that. Maybe he is in love with me, but he just never told me.”

  “Is he there?”

  “No, he went to the store.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  I tried to call Ethan again but there was no answer. Again. So, I texted him I never wanted to see him or hear from him again. I blocked his number, Caroline’s number, and Naomi’s number, and then I deleted Ethan’s number from my phone so that I would not be tempted to get in touch with Ethan ever again. I sent the kids to their rooms when we got home and told them I just needed a nap. Then I went to my room and cried the rest of the day.

  Chapter 11 – Ethan

  There was something wrong with my phone. I could see that Angela had called several times, but when I tried to answer, I couldn’t. Then when I tried to call her it went straight to an automatic message saying she wasn’t receiving calls. She blocked me but I didn’t know why.

  I asked Caroline and Naomi what was going on.

  Caroline responded, “Angela called here about an hour ago. She sounded upset. She said that you texted her and told her you were in love with me.”

  “What? I never texted her anything like that. You serious?”

  “Yeah, but if you didn’t text it to her, who did?”

  Naomi chimed in, “Maybe it was Tracy. Remember, she hacked into your phone before. Maybe she did it again.”

  “Maybe,” I responded.

  I immediately took my phone to the store where they identified malware that had been installed on my phone and removed it.

  I tried to call Angela over and over, but I was still blocked. I tried to call her from Caroline and Naomi’s phone, but she had blocked them too. So, I decided to call her son, David. He answered.

  “David, where’s your mom?”

  “She’s in the room taking a nap.”

  “Can you get her please?”

  I could hear David walking to Angela’s room and knocking on the door.

  “Go away!” I heard Angela yell.

  “She doesn’t want to be bothered,” David said to me.

  “Okay, can you please tell her I love her, I need to talk to her, and please ask her to call me back.”

  He agreed.

  The next day, Angela called me from David’s phone. I could hear the hurt in her voice.

  “Angela, that wasn’t me. My phone was hacked.”

  “Really, who hacked it,” she replied, unconvinced.

  “Tracy!” I responded, “She hacked my phone to get a rise out of you and to get information and you gave her that.”

  “What?! Well, I didn’t give her any information. Well not a lot anyway. Are you sure she hacked your phone and you are not really in love with Caroline?” Angela started to sound more trusting.

  “No, baby, I’m in love with you and only you. There is nothing going on with me and Caroline. I took my phone to the store and they found a program on my phone. I had them remove it. It had to be Tracy because it sure as shit wasn’t me. Now can I come back home to you? I wanted to come home today.”

  “Fine,” she said. I could tell she was still hurt and upset but she was reassured.

  “And can you unblock me?”

  “Fine.” I huffed.

  I told Naomi that I was going back up to Virginia. I gave her six-hundred dollars to put towards Trinity’s medical bills. She was happy to receive the money but she was worried about me leaving. She sat me down and told me Angela had been saying horrible things about my
children and about Caroline. She said that Angela was not who I thought she was and was making a fool out of me. I was at my wits’ end. I felt like I was destined to be associated with crooked people. I was tired and felt my prayers were going unanswered. I didn’t know what to believe. I always thought Naomi was a good, honest, God-fearing woman and that I had no reason not to believe her. But Angela was also good, honest, and God-fearing. The love I felt for her and thought she felt for me was genuine. I just couldn’t see her doing or saying the horrible things that Naomi and Caroline claimed.

  “Well, mom, I guess I’m going to have to go back up to Virginia and figure these things out for myself,” I responded.

  My mom looked disappointed and that hurt me, but something drew me to Angela. Like we were meant to be. I couldn’t ignore that feeling and be okay.

  About forty-five minutes into my drive home, my car started to shake and sputter. I pulled over to the side of the road. I called a tow truck then called Naomi’s house. Caroline answered.

  “Hello,” she said sounding abnormally chipper.

  “You won’t believe this; my car broke down.”

  “Oh shit, where are you?”

  “About fifty miles away.”

  “Stay put. Naomi and I will come get you.”

  “Don’t bother, I’m waiting on a tow truck, now.”

  “Oh, okay, well call me when you get to the repair shop.”

  At the shop, they told me that it was an eight-hundred-dollar repair. If I had the money, they’d get me back on the road that day but I didn’t have fifty dollars, let alone eight hundred. And I was so tired of Angela bailing me out.

  I called Caroline and asked me if she would spot me the money. She said she’d pay half if Angela paid the other half. I called Angela who obviously was tired of bailing me out. She said she’d already given me all she could afford. I was pissed. I was stuck. And I did not want to go back to Kentucky, but I didn’t see any other choice.

  Then, my cousin Heaven, called me. I hadn’t talked to Heaven or any of my aunts and uncles in over a year. Naomi warned me to stay away from them, so I did. I ignored their calls and emails. But I was in a jam, so I answered when I saw Heaven’s number pop up in my phone.

  “Hey cousin! I heard you were in town. Why didn’t you visit me?”

  “Been so busy, there just wasn’t time.”

  “So where are you now? You still in town?”

  “Well yes and no. I was on the road but my car broke down.”

  “Where are you? You know my husband is a mechanic.”

  I told her where I was and both she and her husband came to my rescue. It felt good seeing my cousin after such a long time. She looked good. She looked happy. And she never mentioned any kind of breakup in the family that occurred after my grandmother’s death. It obviously hadn’t affected her very much.

  They looked at my car and her husband offered to fix it for fifty dollars, which I happened to have in my wallet. He had me back on the road in an hour. I called Naomi and Caroline to let them know it was all good. They were happy to hear it and I was happy that God had worked things out so that I could go back home to Virginia.

  Angela was happy to see me. She had to work the next day but thought it would be a good idea for us to go out on a date. We hadn’t had time to ourselves in a while. Our lives were consumed with the kids and all of Tracy’s shenanigans. Neither of us had a lot of money so we were going to meet at a park and go for a stroll after she got off work.

  On the way to the park, I glanced in my rearview mirror and noticed a white truck was tailgating. I changed lanes to let him pass but he got behind me again. Then he sped around me, cut me off, and skidded to a stop. I slammed on my breaks to avoid hitting him.

  Two men got out. Both wore bandanas across their face. One had a bat and the other a gun. They yelled, “Get the fuck out of Virginia. I ever see you around these parts with my girl, Angela, I will kill you and your family.”

  I was too shocked to respond. Who was this, and what did they want with me? Before I could process what was going on, they got back into the truck and sped off. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I called Caroline and Naomi.

  They figured it must have been Tracy hiring people to warn me off. They advised me to take the warning seriously. I didn’t want to leave but these people seemed dangerous. I went back to the house and started packing. I put all my stuff in my car and drove away. Then it dawned on me—what if it wasn’t Tracy who had sent those guys to threaten me. What if it was some of Angela’s people?

  I checked my phone; Angela had left me multiple voicemails.

  “I’m at the park, waiting on you. Where are you?” Then, “What’s going on? I’m still here waiting.” And finally, “Abigail told me that you went home and got all of your stuff and left. What the hell is going on?”

  I called her back. “I’m leaving.” I blurted when she answered.

  “What do you mean you are leaving?”

  “Some dudes tried to run me off the road. Do you know anything about that?”

  She sounded shocked. “What? What dudes? When? What happened?”

  I told her what happened, and she asked if I called the police. I had not. She said that she was coming home immediately. I told her not to bother because I had already left. She begged me to come home so we could figure it out together and I reluctantly agreed.

  “Are you sure they weren’t your people, Angela?”

  She looked at me and laughed, “Please, if they were my people there would be no talking, they’d just kill you.”

  I was appalled. “Angela, why would you know people like that.”

  She laughed again and just shook her head. Then she got serious. “You forget where I grew up. Look, there are three types of people in this world. There are sheep, wolves, and guard dogs. I know I am a sheep, but I know a lot of guard dogs who love me and are very willing to protect me from all those wolves out there. It sounds like you got some wolves after you. Tracy is a wolf, and this got Tracy written all over it. You need to file a police report.”

  I was reluctant but she was adamant. She pulled up the website and helped me file one. I got a call from a detective who was concerned about the severity of the threat and he took my statement. He assured me that it would be investigated, but there were no leads. After several weeks and no other threats, the case was dropped.

  Things were piling up on me. I felt like I was being buried alive.

  My court date was days away and I was having mixed feelings. I was worried. I was trying to pay child support and I had all my records showing that I was paying all that I could. But I didn’t make enough to cover everything. I had managed to get a part time, minimum wage job. It was all I could find after Tracy ruined my reputation. That job and my retirement check had both been garnished for child and spousal support, leaving me with almost nothing to live on. I gave Caroline and Naomi as much as I could out of what was left but they never let me forget it was not enough.

  Then, there was Angela. She was a comfort to be around, but what if she was linked to Tracy? What if Jonathan was more to her than she let on? What would I do if all everything I heard about her was true? I loved her and, even if all the rumors were true, I knew I would stay. She was my heart and we could work through whatever crap she was caught up in. Maybe I could be her beacon, her knight in shining armor. I could rescue her from whatever mess she was in with these guys and Tracy, this Wilx secret society.

  I wanted to show Angela how much I loved her and how dedicated I was to her, so I frequently dropped hints. “You know, Angela, even if you’re in a secret society, I’ll still be here for you. I’ll help you out.” I told her stories about my uncle who once dated a girl in an open relationship with someone else. I told her if that was the case with her, I’d stay as long as she put that life behind her. She often rolled her eyes and looked annoyed; other times she’d just laugh, which I didn’t like one bit.

&n
bsp; To prove how dedicated and committed I was, I decided to give her a promise ring. I saw the good in Angela. It didn’t matter if the things I was being told about her were true or not, I wanted to be with her. I knew was being put through the ringer with all the crap Tracy, Naomi, and Caroline pulled. I could see it taking its toll on her. Hell, it was taking a toll on both of us. I resolved to do my best and remain strong for her, and the ring was a symbol of that.

  I went to seven different stores before I found the perfect ring. It was sterling silver with a blue topaz in the shape of a butterfly. Our relationship may be an ugly caterpillar right now, but I knew one day it would change into something beautiful and free. I planned on taking her to dinner and then giving her the ring.

  Then I received several messages from Naomi claiming that Angela was sleeping with another guy. Apparently, this guy visited during lunch breaks and she sometimes left early to be with him. My mom told me she found all this out when she called Angela’s job to try to make amends. She wasn’t there and one of Angela’s coworkers spilled the beans.

  I was furious. I wanted these rumors to be lies. But why would my mom lie to me? She was the only person in my life who loved me unconditionally. I knew my mom had my best interest at heart and was only looking out for me. “Rumors are meant to be informative,” is what my grandmother always said.

  I called my mom and asked why she believed Angela would do such a thing. She said she thought Angela was in one of those NXIVM sex cults like she’d seen on tv. She also said she thought she might be in some secret society because she and Caroline got texts warning that Angela belonged to a very powerful man and that’s why I got run off the road. She told me to check my email. After I read it, we went back and forth:

  Naomi: Maybe that’s who she go off with, one of them cult people. I think those were the people who ran you off the road, not Tracy. Or maybe Tracy in it too. That would explain why she is able to get everything she wants in court. Caroline got some messages from Tracy bragging that Judge Wilcox will do anything she wanted because she got him pussy whipped. Maybe Judge Wilcox is this powerful man that they are talking about. You need to stay away from her before you get into more mess than you already in.