She unclipped the buckles holding his car seat and shook a few crumbs out of it. “There...now we won’t mess up Patrick’s car.” Then she put the seat back in its place. Walking around the car, she climbed into the backseat, picking Levi up and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
Levi smiled, patting her face. “Do ’gain.”
Rhiann laughed. “You want more kisses? My little kissy monster!” She gave him several kisses on his face, exaggerating the sounds. “Mwah! Mwah!”
A shiny black sedan pulled into the empty spot next to them. Rhiann knew without being able to see through the tinted windows that it was Patrick. No one else would be pulling in to this complex in a late-model luxury sedan.
She stepped out of her old clunker with Levi in her arms just as Patrick was getting out of his car.
“Hi. Thanks for this,” she said awkwardly.
“You need a better car.”
Wrapping Levi in a tight hug—the kind of hug she wished someone would give her at the moment—Rhiann responded tightly, “Yeah, well, I need a lot of things. But you know...priorities.” Her words held a note of hurt she hoped wouldn’t be audible to him, but from his wince she knew it had been.
“That didn’t come out as I intended,” he offered, his tone apologetic.
“Whatever.” Rhiann pointed across the car. “His car seat is just sitting there on the seat. Can you put it in your car? Or would you rather hold him while I do it?”
Patrick glanced toward the seat. “I think it would be faster, and probably safer, if I take him and you put the seat in properly. I’m sure I can do it, but it will take me longer than it would you, for sure. And we’re going to be pushing it to make our scheduled appointment time as it is.”
He held his hands out to Levi.
“Hey, buddy. Do you remember me? Wanna come hang with me while Mommy gets your seat in my car?”
Levi dove toward Patrick’s outstretched arms.
“I’m gonna take that as a yes,” Patrick said with a laugh. “How are you this morning? I’m going to look at your heart today—did you know?”
When Patrick bent down to kiss the top of her son’s head Rhiann couldn’t help her sharp intake of breath. And as their eyes met over Levi’s head Patrick smiled at her. Not just any smile—the smile. The one that had made many a girl swoon.
Rhiann learned she was far from immune herself as her heart fluttered in major awareness. She’d always found Patrick attractive. She was straight and had perfect vision, after all. And they had tentatively flirted with the idea of dating once upon a time. But they hadn’t wanted to ruin their friendship. She hadn’t wanted to ruin their friendship.
Then Patrick had gone away to medical school. By the time he’d finished he’d met Mallory and Rhiann had met Pete. Their friendship had continued, but any hopes of more had been firmly shelved since they’d both been married to other people.
Those days felt like a lifetime ago.
Now the very thought of anything else between them seemed impossible.
Even if her heart was shouting out It’s possible! with each and every beat.
Patrick raised a single dark eyebrow and she noticed the mischievous interest in his eyes. His smile widened, and Rhiann’s heart stumbled to a stop before jerking into a crazy rhythm that would have made the cardiologist currently in front of her concerned if he’d had her hooked up to an EKG.
“You okay there, Rhiann?” he asked, his low voice rumbling and doing things to her that a simple conversation shouldn’t do.
“Fine.” She jumped into action, installing the car seat quickly, listening to the one-sided conversation Patrick was having with Levi.
She couldn’t help but smile at the tender way Patrick spoke to her son. He paused after his questions to give Levi a chance to answer, even used simple language to help the little one understand him.
The man was born to be a father.
CHAPTER FIVE
Patrick
HAVING RHIANN IN the car so close—close enough to touch—made thoughts run through Patrick’s head. And those thoughts troubled him, given his history with Rhiann. But his anger from a few days ago had mellowed into an edgy awareness of her presence. Instead of wanting to ignore her and push her away, he wanted to pull her close and inhale the soft scent that surrounded her.
Merging onto the interstate, he brought the car up to speed quickly.
Rhiann made an appreciative noise from the passenger seat.
“Man, this car is a thing of beauty!” she said, with a wistful-sounding sigh. She ran a hand along the dashboard. “It’s so much nicer than my plastic-covered non-starter.”
Patrick chuckled. “It cost a fair bit more too.”
She leaned back into the leather. “I don’t think I’ve ever ridden in anything this fancy. It puts Ol’ Betsy to shame.”
When he’d turned sixteen Patrick’s parents had bought him a base model sedan with absolutely zero frills, but good gas mileage and safety ratings. Rhiann had affectionately named the boring gray sedan Ol’ Betsy, and the name had stuck.
“Ah, but remember the times we used to have in that old car? All the trouble we got into? Ol’ Betsy was a solid companion for me all through high school, college, and med school.” He changed lanes. “She was a good car. She had over three hundred thousand miles on her when I sold her off.”
“If only my clunker was as reliable.” She sighed again, and this time the sound was filled with worry, if he wasn’t mistaken.
“You used to have a Mustang,” he said. “You kept that candy-apple-red shining like a light. What happened to that?”
“Babies with broken hearts are expensive.” She shrugged.
“Does your car break down often?”
She huffed out what sounded like an annoyed breath. “More than I care to admit to a man driving a car worth more than I make in a year.”
Patrick let the conversation trail off for a moment while he tried to think of a response that wouldn’t get her back up. Finally he decided to just change the subject.
“They put Levi’s shunt in during a cath, right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay—so you’re familiar with the procedure, then.”
“Somewhat. I know they’ll put him to sleep and you’ll go in through a vein or an artery in his groin. Last time he was so bruised that he didn’t hardly move for days.”
“Knowing he bruises easily, I’ll do my best to be gentle.”
“Okay.”
Rhiann grew quiet and stared out the window as cars and the south side of the city flew past. Patrick didn’t mind. He let the silence fill the car and drew in a few deep, calming breaths.
He had to get his mind straight for this procedure and not let himself be distracted by his patient’s mother. Pushing Rhiann into that role would help him get the mental clarity he needed to treat Levi appropriately.
He pulled into the parking garage at the hospital and parked in the staff parking lot. When Rhiann mentioned being glad he was there so they could walk in together, Patrick realized he needed a little more space between them. He had to get this procedure right.
When they reached the sidewalk, he waved a hand toward the main entrance. “If you and Levi go through those doors, then continue down the hall to the second set of elevators. Take them up to the fifth floor and just follow the signs to the Children’s Cardiology Admission Unit. They’ll get him checked in and get him prepped.”
“You aren’t coming in with us?” Rhiann asked, nibbling on her lower lip like she did when she was nervous.
Patrick indicated the staff entrance. “I’ll meet you up there. I gotta go this way and get my stuff prepped.”
She looked a little teary-eyed for a moment, before squaring her shoulders and nodding at him. Taking Levi from him, she said, “We got this. Right, little guy?”
Unlike the naïve child in her arms, Patrick remained unconvinced. He wavered for a moment about going in with her, but in the end he kept his distance.
He stood on the sidewalk and watched them walk away. Distance, he reminded himself.
With a determined attitude, he strode toward the staff entrance and headed up to the CCAU to get prepped for Levi’s procedure.
It didn’t take him long to change into fresh scrubs and double-check the procedure room. His favorite anesthesiologist was working with him. He nodded at the older man, who was checking his own prep.
Satisfied that everything was to his liking, Patrick made his way out to the holding area, where Rhiann would be waiting with Levi.
She smiled when he walked in, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The fear in them cut him deep and he had to force his emotions down again, become the Ice Castle, as the nurses referred to him.
“Has the anesthetist been out to talk to you?” he asked.
“Yes, a little while ago. Are you going to start soon?”
He nodded. “Just waiting on them to get him sedated, then we’ll bring him in. I’ll come out to talk to you when he’s being moved to Recovery.”
He turned to walk away, and had almost made a clean getaway when he heard her whisper, “Take care of him, please, Patrick.”
He released a ragged breath and kept walking. If he turned around—if he saw the emotion her voice held portrayed on her face—he wasn’t sure he would be able to do this procedure and Levi needed him.
The walls he’d built around his heart cracked. Ice shards as big as daggers stabbed into his chest.
A small voice inside his head whispered that Levi’s mommy needed him too.
Walking into the scrub room, he leaned against the wall for a moment. Since Rhiann’s return to his life his icy walls of self-protection had started melting away. Powerless to stop the avalanche of painful memories and the emotions they uncovered, Patrick buried his face in his hands.
He shouldn’t care about Rhiann, or her emotional state. He shouldn’t care how this was affecting her or anything outside of taking care of his patient. Because he’d sworn to hate Rhiann with every ounce of breath in him for the rest of his life.
Rhiann had always been a brilliant paramedic. The skill level she’d shown had often amazed him. He had seen her make saves that he wasn’t sure a lot of doctors could have made. And that was why he had found her inaction when Mallory and Everly had needed her so unfathomable.
He could never forgive her for letting them die.
“You okay, there, Dr. Scott?” one of the scrub nurses asked.
He shook himself hard. “Is my patient ready?” he snapped, forcing himself to be the emotionless robot he’d been ever since he’d lost his family.
The hint of concern in the nurse’s voice disappeared. “Wheeling him in now.”
“I’ll get scrubbed and be right in.”
Rhiann
Despite knowing the procedure would take at least thirty minutes, at the fifteen-minute mark Rhiann could no longer sit in the stiff uncomfortable chair. She paced the small waiting room from one end to the other and back.
After she’d nearly worn a hole through the flooring, an older woman at one end smiled at her sadly. “First big procedure?”
“Unfortunately, no.”
“Ah... I’d say it gets easier, but mine is fourteen, and this is his fourth, and it really doesn’t.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
The door opened and Rhiann spun around.
“Patrick!” She rushed over to him, nearly losing her balance when she reached him. She grabbed the door frame to right herself. “Is Levi okay? How did it go? Did you get all the info you needed for his surgery? When can I see him?”
He held up a hand to slow the flood of questions. “Levi’s in Recovery. If you’ll just breathe for me, I’ll try to answer you.”
Rhiann forced herself to take a few deep breaths. Her voice was far calmer when she spoke again. “Okay—first, when can I see him?”
“Now, if you stay calm.”
His gaze was questioning, but firm. Rhiann knew he’d never let her near his patient if she was going to upset him—even if said patient was her son.
She nodded.
“This way.”
Patrick stepped back and motioned her into the hall. He directed her with his hand at the small of his back, like he’d done a thousand times before. His strength radiated out, and like a sponge she soaked up every bit that came her way.
Since her divorce Rhiann hadn’t cared to date. She’d been asked out a few times, but her focus had always been entirely on Levi. She was determined never to rely on another man after losing the two she’d counted on within such a short space of time. Between Pete’s total apathy and abandonment, and Patrick’s animosity and anger, she’d decided men weren’t worth the trouble. She couldn’t count on them being there for her when she needed them. So she refused to need another man, period.
Now, maybe the loneliness was finally getting to her, but her body found being this close to Patrick something she was extremely aware of. And, while maybe she didn’t need a man, she was certainly finding that parts of her might want Patrick. From her hands that itched to reach for him to the nape of her neck that desperately wanted his kiss, and all the way down to her toes that wanted him to make them curl.
“Let me swipe us through this door and we can save a few hundred steps,” Patrick said, stopping at a set of double doors marked Do Not Enter: Staff Only.
He leaned across her to swipe his ID badge on the sensor. Her quick intake of breath caught his attention and his eyes focused on hers. She worried at her lower lip with her teeth and his gaze dropped to linger on her mouth.
The doors opened slowly and closed just as slowly. Neither of them moved.
Patrick leaned closer and she let her eyes flutter closed, thinking he might kiss her.
The doors creaked opened again, the mechanical sound jarring the intimacy from the moment. He murmured an apology as she opened her eyes.
He led her into a curtained area where Levi lay on a hospital bed, still asleep. A nurse sat on a wheeled stool at the computer next to the monitors at his head. She smiled, then turned her gaze back to the screen.
Rhiann sat gently on the edge of the bed and brushed Levi’s hair back. The oxygen he was on had helped ease the blue tint of his lips and hands, but he still looked pale and so very small, lying there in that bed.
“I love you, sweet boy. Mommy’s here when you’re ready to wake up.”
Patrick put a hand on her shoulder. “He should be awake soon. The anesthesia usually wears off in about half an hour, but sometimes it can take a little longer. We’ll want him to stay here until he’s fully awake and we’ve seen him drink clear liquids and keep them down.”
“So everything went okay?”
“Perfectly. No issues with the procedure at all. I got all the images I needed and he did beautifully. Between the data we got today, and the results of his echo, I was able to confirm a diagnosis of Tetralogy of Fallot and get a better game plan in play for when we do surgery.”
“What is that, exactly?”
“Did none of his previous doctors mention Tetralogy of Fallot?”
“No...” She racked her brain, replaying all the conversations she had with doctors, but she was sure she’d have remembered such a term.
“It’s one of the most common cyanotic congenital heart diseases, but it’s still pretty rare. In the simplest terms, it’s four heart defects present at the same time.”
“Oh, my—” She broke off, her eyes filling with tears. “Is it...? Can you fix it?”
“Surgery is a definite. That shunt they placed over at St. Thomas was just a stop-gap measure that’s not doing nearly enough.”
“And ther
e’s no chance of it self-correcting? Murmurs can self-correct, right?”
He shook his head at her, his expression softening. “No. It’s far more serious than a murmur. Rhiann, he has four separate heart abnormalities. He has pulmonary valve stenosis that’s reducing blood flow to his lungs. He has a ventricular septal defect reducing how much oxygenated blood his body’s receiving. And his aorta is shifted. Those three are making his heart work overtime and thickening his right ventricle. I have to go in and do an intracardiac repair. We’re looking at patching the hole between the ventricles and repairing the pulmonary valve, possibly replacing the valve.”
Her throat felt tight. It took all she had to choke out a single word. “Prognosis?”
“If he makes it through surgery—excellent. But given Levi’s precarious health situation surgery is risky.” He squeezed her shoulder, as if to reassure her. “I’m afraid surgery isn’t optional, though. If he doesn’t have surgery his prognosis is not good at all. So I’ll get my office manager to put the surgery approval request in to your insurance company and we’ll get it scheduled from there.”
“Okay...”
“Do you have any more questions about today or his upcoming surgery?”
She turned slightly, so that she could make eye contact with him. His hand dropped from her shoulder with the movement, making her wish she could rewind and keep the comfort of his touch.
“No. I think knowing all of the details will make it harder on me. I’ll agonize over the minutiae and think of every single way something might go wrong and then drive us both crazy about it.”
Patrick snorted and an impish grin lit his face. “Like homecoming sophomore year, when you psyched yourself out so badly that you left poor what’s-his-face standing on your porch until I got there to calm you down? And then he wanted to fight me for stealing his girl and you punched him in the nose?”
“Shut up.”
He laughed. “He told everyone I blacked his eye. Too ashamed to admit that you’d done it, I think.”
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