When he returned to the car with the large bag of food she gave him a pained look. “Patrick—”
“I don’t want to eat alone,” he interrupted when he saw her pride stepping up to refuse the meal, playing it like she would be doing him a favor by eating with him.
It wasn’t a total lie. He’d eaten alone for most of the last three years, and even though his determination was to keep people at arm’s length he still got tired of his own company.
“Do you ever just miss having someone to sit across the table with while you eat? Or to sit on the other end of the couch while you watch TV?”
“Yes...” Again, her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Me too. Let me eat dinner with you and Levi tonight. Please?”
From the silence in the car, he worried she might still refuse him, but finally she nodded and he released a cautiously held breath. Somehow getting a good meal inside her had become vital to his existence.
That realization disturbed him, though, and he spent the remainder of the drive to her apartment complex contemplating how he could care so much for her well-being when he was still determined never to forgive her.
A few minutes later, he pulled the car into the space where her car had sat that morning and turned the engine off. “If you want to take Levi, I think I can handle all the food,” he suggested. “Then we only have to make the one trip.”
“You would literally dislocate every bone in your arms before you’d make a second trip with groceries, wouldn’t you?” she asked with the hint of a smile.
He winked at her, exaggerating the facial movement. “I’d have to turn in my man card if I didn’t.”
A small chuckle escaped her. “Fine. I suppose I’ll carry my son—even though he has clearly decided that you are way cooler than I am.”
“Well, we established years ago that I am, in fact, the coolest and you are just chopped liver.” He grabbed up her groceries in one hand and the takeout he’d purchased in the other. “Now, lead the way before my arms actually fall off. I’m a surgeon, woman, I need these hands.”
He followed her up a set of metal stairs in a breezeway that had more than a few patches of rust. With his gaze soaking up the general unkempt nature of the building he almost walked into her when she stopped at the top of the first flight to unlock a door.
“This is us.”
Something in her tone told him to tread carefully.
She stepped inside and put Levi down in a playpen that sat along the back wall. “Home sweet home.”
“It’s...cozy.”
Other words to describe the rundown apartment that wouldn’t come across as an insult were few. Cozy had been the best he could come up with.
She wrapped her arms around herself and he could see her hackles rising in defense of the home she’d made since being on her own.
“It’s warm and dry, and it provides everything we need.”
“Did Pete take everything in the divorce?”
The question slipped past his lips before he could censor it. Emphasis on the everything.
He eyed the threadbare couch next to him. Besides that and a tiny television mounted on a small stand the living room was bare. In the small dining area a rickety-looking table was pushed back against the wall, with two mismatched chairs and a highchair off to one side. Only a few pictures of Levi in cheap frames decorated the beige blandness of the walls.
“He took all the things his family had bought us, and well...” Her words trailed off and she waved a hand around the apartment. “There wasn’t a lot left.”
“He got everything and you got Levi?”
A slight nod was her only answer. “You can put the food down on the table. I have to put the groceries away. Do you want plates or do you just want to eat out of the containers?”
“Containers is fine with me. No use in dirtying up extra dishes.”
She put the meat and veggies she’d bought in the fridge while he watched over her shoulder. The kitchen held only a few cabinets, and he wondered if they were as sparsely filled as that refrigerator.
Her lips turned up in a shy, embarrassed sort of grimace that he thought was meant to be a smile.
“I’m afraid all I can offer you as far as drinks go is water or coffee. I wasn’t prepared for guests.”
She wasn’t prepared for guests?
If he hadn’t thought she’d boot him out the door, he’d argue that she wasn’t prepared for life right now.
“Water’s fine,” was what he said instead.
She poured two glasses from a pitcher she pulled from the fridge. “No ice maker, but this has been in the fridge all day so it should be nice and cold.”
“Thanks.” He took one of the glasses. “I got ribs, a steak, and some chicken tenders. Your choice.”
Shaking her head, she argued, “You paid—your choice.”
He raised an eyebrow at her and waited.
Finally she huffed, “Fine. If you don’t mind, I’d really like the steak.”
He pushed the container with the steak in her direction and took the ribs for himself, thinking the chicken tenders would reheat better for her the next day.
She put Levi in his highchair next to the table and gave him some of the mashed potatoes from her meal, along with a jar of diced chicken baby food that she’d warmed for him. The child picked at the food, barely eating.
Rhiann, however, devoured hers. She polished off the steak and both sides before Patrick had even eaten a third of his. He put some of his ribs and a baked sweet potato he had yet to touch onto her makeshift plate.
“I can’t eat yours too,” she argued, eyeing the ribs with interest.
“Please, go ahead. I’m not going to finish them,” he lied, knowing he’d have to get himself something else later, or make a sandwich when he got home.
“If you’re sure...” She picked up a rib and moaned at the first bite. “These are so good. How can you not want to eat them all?”
She had a smear of sauce next to her lip, and without thinking Patrick leaned forward to wipe it away. Her quick intake of breath and the way her eyes darted to his, sparkling with interest, told him everything he hadn’t known he needed to know.
If he could get over the past he could finally get out of the friend zone with Rhiann.
Rhiann
Rhiann’s heart pounded as Patrick rubbed his thumb along the corner of her mouth. For a moment she was transported back more than a decade, to a time when Patrick Scott had been her everything. It hadn’t always been easy, but their friendship had been the most stable relationship she’d ever had in her life.
She’d told Patrick for years that she wasn’t interested in dating him, but it had been a lie. It hadn’t been a lack of interest. It had been the fear that she’d lose him. So she’d hidden her feelings behind jokes and even pushed him toward other girls—because having him as a friend was better than losing him if things went sideways.
But now every speck of interest she’d suppressed throughout the years was returning full-force. And while she knew she should look away, she seemed physically incapable of the task.
Levi slapped a hand in his mashed potatoes and white mush went everywhere. His peals of giggles and the now cold potatoes clinging to her nose jarred Rhiann out of her trance.
Rhiann moved away from Patrick’s touch and grabbed a kitchen towel to wipe the potatoes from her face and then from Levi’s fingers. “You think that’s funny, do you?” she teased, wiping his little hands clean of the mess from his food experiment.
Levi had saved them from making a mistake. Even if she wanted Patrick to kiss her with every ounce of her being, she needed him to forgive her before they could consider any sort of relationship going forward. They were barely friends at the moment, and their platform was not stable enough to build any sort of future on.
/>
“So...should I go?” Patrick tossed his empty takeout container in the trash before sticking the meal they hadn’t touched in the fridge.
She smiled at him, glancing up at him through her lashes. Once she’d have boldly claimed the rest of his evening, but now an invisible hand squeezed her windpipe and her voice squeaked when she answered.
“I’d like it if you stayed. I’ve really missed my friend.”
He shifted back a step, immediately throwing those walls back up between them. One step forward, two steps back. He visibly drew back into himself, like a turtle going into its shell.
Suddenly her heart began to race. Was she moving too far, too fast? She’d only just gotten Patrick back into her life, and their brief moments of contact highlighted how much her life had gone downhill since their falling out.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to stay,” she added quickly. Not wanting to push. Not wanting to be rejected again.
She chewed her lower lip and hugged herself uncertainly. So her life hadn’t gone exactly as she’d planned? Losing Patrick had certainly fractured her future plans, but she’d survived. Pete’s leaving had been another blow. But she was a survivor. She didn’t need Patrick in her life. Still, if she could prompt a reconciliation by taking things slow then she’d become a snail—because she missed him, and she really did want him in her life.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “No, I think I’d like to stay a while. Can I...?”
Waving a hand, he indicated that he wanted to get Levi out of his highchair.
“Go ahead. You can take him in to play and I’ll get this cleaned up.”
Rhiann took her time cleaning up the remnants of their meal, listening to Patrick’s one-sided conversation with Levi. His light-hearted tone made her wistful for long-ago memories.
Leaning a hip against the counter, she smiled as she watched them simply enjoying each other’s presence. Levi needed the attention as much as Patrick seemed to need to give it to him. That nurse today had called Patrick “Ice Castle”, but there was not even a hint of the coldness it would take to earn such a nickname now, as he played with Levi.
Knowing how far he had shut down pulled the smile from her face. Her heart hurt at the realization that his grief had taken the loving, caring man she’d once known and turned him into a man whose coworkers found him emotionless. Patrick had always had the biggest heart. His capacity for love and compassion had never been surpassed by any other man she knew.
Things had got quiet in the apartment.
Heat flooded her face when she realized Patrick was staring at her.
“Lost in thought?” he teased, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth. “You’ve been staring a hole straight through the side of my head for the last ten minutes.”
Her cheeks burned. “Sorry.”
“Why don’t you come hang out with us?” He tickled Levi and they both laughed. “I think this little guy might be getting tired of looking at me and would rather look at his pretty mama.”
“I don’t think he knows I exist when you’re around.” She moved to sit on the couch next to him and her words just tumbled out, almost by themselves. “Do you think he’s getting too attached to you? I don’t want him to get hurt when you’re out of our lives again.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Patrick
“I’D NEVER HURT LEVI.” Patrick bristled at her words. How could she think he’d ever hurt an innocent child?
She reached a hand out and touched his bare arm. The thought that he’d like her to touch more than his arm rose up from deep within him. But he squashed that down to focus on the more pressing concern that she thought he’d hurt Levi.
“I know you’d never intentionally hurt him.” She let her hand trail down over his wrist to grasp his hand. Squeezing his fingers tightly, she continued, “Think about how he clings to you already. How do you think he’s going to feel when you’re gone from his life with no warning?”
“Why would I...? Oh.”
She was going with the assumption that once he’d operated on Levi they would go back to never speaking again. He couldn’t blame her for thinking that—not with how he’d treated her the last three years. And, honestly, he hadn’t let himself think about what the future might hold for them.
He couldn’t—wouldn’t—look toward hopes and dreams anymore. Not after learning how badly it hurt to hit the bottom when those plans were yanked away in a moment.
“Who said I’m going anywhere?”
“Have you forgiven me, then?”
The hope in her eyes nearly did him in, and he saw it dashed when he didn’t answer her immediately. An apology tugged at his lips but he refused to voice it. Even as they sat there, side by side, hands clasped, forgiveness wasn’t something he was ready to consider.
“I see,” she whispered, freeing her hand from his.
She stood and picked Levi up.
“It’s getting late. I should put him to bed. And I think you should go.”
“Rhiann, wait.” He tugged her and Levi down next to him on the couch. “I don’t want to go back to us not speaking. I don’t want the hate that has been festering between us to return. I just—”
“You just still can’t forgive me.”
The smallness of her voice cut clear down to his soul.
“I’d say I understand, but I don’t. Patrick, you’re a doctor. You know that not everyone can be saved.”
“Can we talk about something else?”
Anything else. Anything that didn’t make him feel like a complete jerk for not being ready to forgive her. But Rhiann had been in the wrong. He was going above and beyond by even being here this evening and giving her a second chance at being in his life after her actions had cost him his wife and daughter.
“Someday we’re going to have to talk about it. And we can’t move forward until we do. Talk about losing Mallory and Everly.”
“I can’t talk about them with you. If you’d gotten them to the hospital faster they might have survived—or at least one of them might have survived.” He blinked away what felt suspiciously like angry tears. “I just can’t. Not now.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched and she visibly tensed, waiting for his next words. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and he didn’t open them until he was calmer.
“Please, let’s change the subject. I’m not ready for that discussion. But I promise you I won’t just disappear from Levi’s life, okay?”
“Okay.”
She stayed on the couch next to him, Levi in her arms. He knew not talking about Mallory and Everly was surely a bullet that they dodged today only to find that tomorrow’s ricochet held twice the velocity, but he just wasn’t ready to talk about them. Not to her.
“What do you want to talk about, then?”
He could hear the distance in her voice as she pushed him away, probably subconsciously. But if she could bring up the tough subjects, then so could he.
In for a penny...
“How long have you been struggling financially?”
“That’s hardly your business.” She glared at him, the glisten of tears bright behind the angry front. “We get by just fine.”
An eyebrow raised. “Really?” He tapped the arm of the shabby couch. “We had a nicer couch in college. This tattered thing is worn out and probably older than we are.”
She shrugged. “It was twenty bucks at a yard sale and better than having no couch.”
“Pete really doesn’t help you at all?”
Her gaze focused on a loose thread on the couch cushion, her slim fingers following to rub over the piece of string like it might answer for her.
“He signed over his parental rights and our settlement freed him of all obligations to Levi—financial or otherwise.”
Every muscle in his body stiffened at her words.
>
“What?” Anger rumbled in his voice.
“You heard me.” She gave him a sad little smile. “While he said he was on board with IVF, and then using a sperm donor, when it came down to it he really wasn’t okay with the idea of raising a child that wasn’t biologically his. He wanted a clean break from both of us, and I didn’t have the energy for two fights. I chose the fight for my son and that meant letting Pete walk away.”
With his fist balled up, Patrick brought his hand to his forehead. If Pete Blackwell had been in the room, he’d have rammed his fist down the loser’s throat.
Anger coursed through his entire body.
He’d wanted nothing more than to be a father. Nothing. That opportunity had been stolen from him—ripped away in the space of minutes—and Rhiann’s ex had thrown his child away like a used tissue.
“We sold the house. There was almost no equity, because we hadn’t owned it long enough. I got Levi, my car, and the sadly low balance in our savings account. He got everything else.”
“Doesn’t sound fair.”
She shook her head. “No, a baby with a messed-up heart isn’t fair. Losing the most important person in my life because of factors out of my control—that’s not fair either. Everything else is just reality. I grew up with nothing. We have what we need. I know how to survive on very little.”
“Can you tell me what you ever saw in Pete?” He leaned back and studied her face. “I never understood. Was it the whole singer thing?”
Rhiann laughed a little, and looked lost in thought for a moment. When she finally answered her words were measured and the answer seemed practiced, as if she’d justified her choice before.
“We had fun together once. The day I met him was the day after I found out my mom had stage four cancer. You were busy with med school and I was so stressed I could barely take a breath. My work partner at the time insisted I go out with her and some of her friends. We went to a bar where Pete and his band were playing. After his set, he seemed to make it his mission to put a smile on my face.” She blinked away tears. “He made me laugh at a time when I desperately needed to.”
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