Forever Burn

by Trinity Lemm

  I shook my head as I crossed my arms, trying to conserve any warmth that I could. “I’m not going in without you.”

  He took another drag. He could tell I was shivering, freezing. “Tate, please go back inside. You’re in a dress. It’s too cold out here.”

  “No. I’m not going in without you,” I repeated.

  Axe’s eyes glimpsed at the cigarette, then at me. He sighed, dropping the newly lit cigarette to the ground and stepping on it. He wrapped an arm around me, hugging me to his side. “So stubborn,” he smirked, shaking his head as he led me back inside, trying to warm me up.

  “Why are you pissed?” I quietly asked as we made our way up the stairs.

  “Well,” he said, rubbing my arm, “for starters, my own frat brother just tried to get with you. And I might be having a kid that isn’t yours, so that doesn’t really help.” We stopped outside the apartment door.

  “Fuck Joey,” I said, shaking my head. “He’s an irrelevant, drunken ass.” Axe laughed, looking at the ground. He bit his lip as he looked back up at me. “But when it comes to Brooke… I’m scared,” I admitted.

  He cupped my face in his hands. “I’m scared too. I’m so fucking afraid that that kid’s gonna be mine. But the one thing I’m more afraid of is losing you.”

  I eyed him, searching his eyes for any hint of a lie, but I couldn’t find one. Before meeting Axel, I was used to being lied to. The only times Connor ever said anything like that to me were the times that I was about to walk out the door. Any time I ever tried to leave, he either talked me out of it or made me feel guilty enough to come back. He always knew exactly what I wanted to hear. Always knew exactly how to con me into doing what he wanted.

  “You won’t,” I said, unsure of myself.

  “Let’s not even talk about this for the rest of the night, okay? It’s your birthday. I don’t want it to be ruined.”

  I gave a small nod, and we went back inside, determined to finish the night off in a good mood.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The Little Things

  Axel had driven me back to my apartment early the next afternoon, and I spent the rest of the day doing basically nothing, too tired and hungover to do anything.

  “You wanna go get dessert?” Penelope asked from her desk. I rolled over in my bed, taking a deep breath as I checked the time on my phone. It was almost seven at night.

  “I still haven’t even eaten dinner,” I chuckled to myself.

  “Well we can go to the dining center and you can get dinner and I’ll get dessert?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Penelope looked up at me and smiled. “Okay, cool. I’m gonna go see if Gianna and Claire wanna come.”

  “Okay,” I sat up, “I’ll get dressed while you do.”

  I climbed out of bed, slipping on leggings and a sweater, then throwing my hair up into a messy bun. I scanned my desk for my keys, but didn’t see them. I moved things around, slightly panicking when they still didn’t show.

  “Ready?” Penelope asked, peeking her head through the door.

  “Yeah, um, have you seen my keys though? My Western lanyard that has my school ID, room key, and Axel’s apartment key on it?”

  “Nope.”

  “Damnit,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “Maybe I left them at Axel’s. If they’re not there, then I must’ve lost them. And if so, then I’m fucked.”

  “I’m sure they’ll turn up. Maybe try going over to the apartment after dinner to look?”

  “I should, but I still feel like shit. I don’t wanna drive.” I gave her a worried glance.

  “Gianna has a lot of homework to do, so she’s not coming. But you could probably ask Claire to run you over to the apartment when we’re done eating so that you could look.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’m gonna have to,” I reluctantly said, already dreading the fact that I would be a passenger rather than the driver. I grabbed my jacket, following Penelope out the door.

  I forced some food down, still a little groggy from my tiny hangover. Claire drove me over to the apartment, but we couldn’t find my keys there either. I would have to pay for a new ID, room key, and get a new key to the apartment. Thank God Axel wasn’t mad about it, though. He had offered to pay for all three, but I refused. He spoiled me enough already.

  On the bright side, I was excited about all the nice things everyone had gotten me for my birthday. I didn’t expect anyone to bring me any gifts, considering the fact that we were all broke ass college kids, so it was kind that some people got me anything.

  I slept the rest of my hangover off, forcing myself to get up in the morning for class. But as the next few days went on, focusing became harder and harder. Each day that passed felt like ten. My anxiety was rising, counting down the days until we would get the results for Brooke’s prenatal paternity test.

  Axel had been trying to keep his cool about the situation, but I could tell he was secretly panicking just as much as I was. I loved him, but I didn’t know if I would be able to handle it if that baby was his. The idea of sticking around to watch Axel raise a child that wasn’t mine was unsettling. And every day, every time I would be around that baby, it would just be a reminder of the morning I walked in to hear the moans of Brooke, the image of Axel’s hands on her. It sounded like a nightmare.

  A few days after I got a new set of keys, I tucked my red long sleeve into my jean skirt and slipped on my black heeled booties. I put some hairspray into my curls and double checked my outfit in the mirror. Lastly, I threw on my necklace and some lip gloss before there was a knock on the door.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, beautiful,” Axel said, pulling a large bouquet of roses out from behind his back.

  I smiled wide. “Thank you,” I said, taking the bouquet from him and setting it on my desk. “I’ll put them in a vase when we get back.”

  “Where’s Penelope?” he asked, walking inside.

  “Out to dinner with Lucas, I think.”

  “Weird couple.”

  “I know,” I laughed, throwing my purse over my shoulder. Axe wrapped his arms around me from behind as I stood in front of the mirror. I gladly accepting a kiss on the cheek from him. “Where are we going to eat?”

  “You’ll see,” he smirked.

  “Are you taking me to the same restaurant we went to on our first date?”

  He lightly chuckled. “Absolutely not,” he said, knowing that I was referring to the restaurant that Brooke worked at. A slow smile crept onto his face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You just called that night a date.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I take it back.”

  He frowned. “You know it was a date.”

  “Nope,” I said, giving him a quick kiss.

  He inspected my lips as I pulled away. “No red lips? Shocker.”

  “Decided to mix it up. I like to keep you guessing.”

  His dimples lightly appeared. “Ready to go?”

  I nodded, following Axe out the door. The second we got into the car, Axel held up a bandana.

  “What’s that for?” I asked, pulling my brows together.

  “I’m gonna blindfold you.”

  My eyes widened. “Hell no!”

  “Uh, hell yeah!” he said with a smile. I pushed my mouth to the side, unsatisfied. He tilted his head and sighed. “C’mon, just let me do it. You can’t know where we’re going. It’s a surprise.”

  “Do I have to?”

  “Yes,” he said. I scrunched my face together. “This isn’t a horror movie, Tate,” he chuckled. “I’m not gonna blindfold you and take you somewhere to kill you. I’m your boyfriend, not Leatherface,” he laughed.

  “Tell that to Sidney from Scream,” I said.

  His green eyes peered into me as he grinned, dimples never disappearing. “C’mon.”

  I dropped my head back as I rolled my eyes. “Okay, fine.”

  I moved my hair over to one side, allowing Axel to securely blindfold me. “That took wa
y longer than it should have. So goddamn stubborn,” he laughed.

  We drove for less than ten minutes, causing me to become confused by which restaurant we would be attending. Most of the nice ones were at least fifteen minutes away.

  The car came to a sudden stop.

  “I’ll help you get out of the car,” Axel said. I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear him open his door.

  “Why can’t I take it off yet?”

  “Because you can’t see it yet.”

  He opened my door and helped me out of the Mustang. Axe led me by the hand as we walked, then all of the sudden, he picked me up.

  “Axe, what the—”

  “It’s okay, don’t worry. I’ve got you.”

  “Are we going up stairs right now?” I asked.

  “Maybe, maybe not.”

  The suspense was killing me. I wanted to know why it was such a big surprise that I had to be blindfolded.

  Axe set me down on my feet. A doorknob jiggled and he led me by the hand again a few more steps.

  “Okay, stop right here,” he said. I stood, still having absolutely no idea where we were. “You can take it off now.”

  I slowly lifted the blindfold up and over my head, immediately smiling to the sight of lit candles and roses covering the entire apartment. There were rose petals scattered across the small kitchen table, two wine glasses set upon it as well.

  “Axe,” I beamed, “you didn’t have to do all this.”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “As if the giant bouquet you already got me wasn’t enough?”

  He smiled, amused by my reaction. “One bouquet was definitely not enough.”

  I shook my head, taking another look around. “Thank you. I love it.”

  He kissed my forehead, closing his eyes for a second. “Anything for you.”

  I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world, wondering what I did to deserve all of this. But maybe the world was just building me up strong before it was planning on tearing me apart. Fear of losing Axel was beginning to set in, but I pushed it away. I wasn’t going to let it ruin our night.

  “So, what are we having for dinner?” I asked, taking a seat.

  “Well,” he said, standing against the counter, “I figured since this was our first Valentine’s Day together, it should be sentimental. So, the handsome chef is preparing chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and hash-browns.” He raised an eyebrow, smirking.

  I covered my mouth as I giggled, unable to keep it in. “You’re such a dork.”

  “Well I’m your dork, so.”

  I rolled my eyes, grinning. I couldn’t stop looking around at everything. The dim lighting was perfect, the candles illuminating the romantic setting. I had no idea where he had gotten so many roses either, but knowing that Axe spent all this time and money preparing for it made me feel special.

  “Is Ash here?” I asked, knowing that he would be with Gianna at some point tonight, but I didn’t know when.

  “Hell nah,” Axe said pouring the pancake batter onto the pan. “I kicked him out for the whole night,” he winked.

  Butterflies.

  “So, you’re saying you lit all these candles and then left them unattended when you went to go pick me up?”

  Axe scratched his head. “Technically, yeah.”

  I widened my eyes. “Axe! What if a fire started?”

  “That was a risk I was willing to take,” he blabbered dramatically.

  Once all the food was ready, we sat at the table and ate. I expected wine to be gross with pancakes, bacon, and hash-browns, but surprisingly, it wasn’t that bad.

  I sat across from Axel, unable to look away from him. I studied his prominent jawline, the way it was sharp enough to cut a diamond. His brown curls were settled perfectly on top of his head, making me want to run my fingers through them. His flawless smile shone brightly even in the dim lighting, dimples sinking into his cheeks. There was no question as to why so many girls had slept with him, thrown themselves at him. Axel was truly the most handsome man on campus, maybe even in the entire world. And studying him now just made me doubt myself more. Why would Axel settle for me?

  “Axe?” I asked, while he took another bite.

  “Yeah?” he said after swallowing.

  “Why me?”

  He furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

  “Like,” I paused, “out of all the girls across campus, you could’ve had any single one. So, why me?”

  He was taken off guard by my question, looking confused. “It wasn’t anything specific about you. It was everything about you. It was just you,” he shrugged.

  I still didn’t know exactly what he meant. I had spent the past four years believing that I wasn’t good enough for anyone.

  Connor’s constant remarks made me doubt myself and compare myself to everyone around me. He took away my self-worth, my confidence, my sanity, and my identity. And slowly, Axe had helped me start to build it all back.

  Axe focused on me. “The real question is, why me?”

  “Now what do YOU mean?” I joked, curious as to how he could be confused by such a silly question.

  “Tate,” he said, dropping his chin, “I’m not good enough for you. That’s not a secret.”

  “Are you kidding? You spoil the living hell out of me and treat me like some European princess,” I gestured around to the room.

  “That’s because you are one,” he laughed. I tilted my head at him, eyeing him with a smirk still resting on my face. Axe stood, helped me out of my seat, and led me over to the living room. He picked up his guitar and sat next to me on the couch, clearing his throat. “I know he hurt you really badly, but I’m not going to do that to you. I’m in love with you and I’m going to be, no matter what.”

  Before I could respond, he was already strumming his guitar. I instantly recognized the melody as “Little Things” by One Direction.

  I wanted to stay in the moment forever, to cherish it, live it. And instead of feeling completely happy, I started to feel almost helpless. Because things like this didn’t last long for me. People that I loved always left me. I didn’t want to set myself into a panic, but I couldn’t help it. Right now, sitting with Axel was amazing, a fantasy come to life, but it made me think about the ending to come. The terrible reality that I didn’t have good enough luck to make this last forever.

  Axel’s mouth on mine was what snapped me out of my thoughts. He kissed me deeply, working his lips against mine. His hands scooped me up and carried me into his room, lowering me down onto the bed. Axe’s hands slid up my jean skirt, softly gripping my thigh before resting on my thong. Within a few minutes, all our clothes were off. I sighed as our lips parted, my body longing for his as I ran my hand over his dragonfly tattoo.

  “I fucking love you. And I’m never going to leave you. I hope you know that,” he said.

  “I love you,” I responded, crashing my lips back onto his, but not being able to fully believe all of his words.

  I typed away at my computer while sitting at my desk, listening to Claire go on and on about both Owen and Jason. After my birthday party, she had asked for Owen’s number, so I gladly got it from Axel and sent it her way. She deserved to have someone great, someone who didn’t have any violent tendencies or any personality traits of Connor’s.

  “So, you really think I should hang out with Owen?” she asked, pacing the floor.

  “Yeah, definitely,” I said, keeping my answers short while I finished my work. I did want to help Claire figure her shit out, but I needed to do all my homework first. And on top of that, I still had shit of my own to figure out too.

  “I think I’m gonna,” she said, putting her hands on her hips.

  “I support it.”

  “You know what? I think I’m gonna go call him right now and tell him that I would love to hang out with him this weekend.”

  “Do it,” I nodded, still staring at my computer.

  My phone buzzed against the desktop. My
face brightened seeing Axel’s name on the screen.

  “Hi,” I answered with a smile.

  “Hey,” Axel said, sounding flustered. “They’re here.”

  My smile dropped. “What is?”

  “The results.”

  I immediately stopped what I was doing and looked at Claire, my heart skipping a beat. By the tone of Axel’s voice, it didn’t sound like good news.

  “Well… what are they?” I swallowed the lump in my throat, my hands shaking while I held the phone. Claire watched me, holding her hands up to her mouth. I could tell she was hoping for the best.

  “I haven’t opened it yet. I want you here with me when I do.”

  “Okay… okay, yeah, I’ll come now,” I said, hanging up the phone.

  Claire shook her head. “Good luck,” she said, giving me a hug. “Jesus, Tate, you’re shaking like crazy.”

  I looked at her with terror in my eyes, absolutely panicking to find out and face the truth. “I’m freaking the fuck out,” I admitted.

  “Just breathe,” she said. “And call me directly after you find out.”

  I bit the inside of my lip and nodded. I grabbed my new set of keys and threw on my jacket, then set off for the apartment. The six-minute car ride felt like hours. All the different possibilities ran through my head. What would happen if this baby was his? Would we be able to stick together through it or would we break under the pressure? And what would happen if this baby wasn’t his? Would things go back to how they were before, or would we fall apart from the memory of the stress it caused?

  I rushed up the stairs and used my key to unlock the door with a shaking hand. Axe stood in the kitchen, staring at the sealed envelope that would determine our fate. His eyes met mine, fear and powerlessness spread across his face.

  “Open it,” I said weakly.

  He took a deep breath as he tore open the envelope, slipping out the piece of paper that was inside. His hands shook as he unfolded the paper and brought it up to his face, eyes skimming the words. My heart was about to physically burst out of my chest, anxiety racing through my bloodstream. I needed him to read it faster. I couldn’t wait any longer.