Deceitfully Damaged

by Abigail Cole

∞∞∞

  A weight settles onto me, straddling my hips and stroking my chest with featherlight touches. A lazy smile grows on my face, my body squirming slightly as the fingertips graze my sides. Through my closed eyelids, the dream I’d been having continues while my hair is being stroked. Avery and I huddle beneath thick blankets in some weird igloo structure, but I’m not complaining, sharing our body heat and sweet kisses. Lips brush mine and a stubbled jaw scrapes across my cheek towards my ear. Wait, Avery doesn’t have-

  “Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.” Garrett half-shouts directly into my ear drum. Jolting my hips sideways and shoving his chest hard, he falls to the floor laughing like a maniac. Rearranging my unwelcome erection into my waistband, I grab my phone and stomp into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Switching on my workout playlist, I place the device beside the sink, reminding myself I need to get back to exercising regularly soon or I’ll struggle when returning to the basketball court. At least it’s past ten now so I don’t feel as rough as before, switching the shower onto cold and shedding my boxers.

  Without giving myself time to back out, I dive into the spray. An involuntary noise escapes me, the water skating over my body. My abs start to cramp from being tensed so I squirt a heavy dose of shower gel directly onto my chest and rush to rub it all over. Leaving my hair for another time, I turn the dial and hop from the cubicle.

  Securing a towel around my waist, I stand watching the horizon through a massive window whilst brushing my teeth. After running a comb through my hair as much as I can, I sneak a look out of the door to see my room is empty. Exhaling, my shoulders relax as I pad over to the chest of drawers I tucked my clothes into. Dressing in comfy tracksuit pants and a white tee, I leave my room in hunt of food. Trotting down the stairs, I find the odd view of Avery hunched over a plate of food on the dining table.

  “No, no, no, no!” She shouts at Garrett who is advancing on her.

  “Come on, please! I’m so hungry! He clearly isn’t coming.” Cocking my eyebrow, I lean against the sofa to watch Avery attempt to keep food away from Garrett – even if it is my meal in question, it’ll be hilarious.

  “You’ve already had two servings!” She squeals as he dives for her, moving to stand between him and the table with her arms firmly crossed.

  “But that one smells so good,” he sulks like a child, stamping his foot. Spotting me, Avery points to the chair and orders me to eat in her best stern voice, which is completely adorable. The plate of waffles has been topped with a colourful range of berries, the way she would have known I liked it. Leaving me to enter the sitting room, Avery sits between Meg and Axel, who look gloomy on the large sofa. Garrett hovers in the threshold while I eat, waiting to see if I leave any scraps. Not one to pass up such a golden opportunity, I plunge the fork into the fruit mountain as I wrap my lips around the mouthful with sensual slowness.

  “Okay, that’s it. I can’t stand here for another second. Let’s do something,” Garrett says loudly, drawing everyone’s attention to his jittery body.

  “Go have a swim in the sea,” I say around my food.

  “I already did that,” he whines. “Besides, they all look as bored as I feel.” Glancing over at the trio, I have to admit he’s right. Placing the cutlery onto my now empty plate, I carry it over to the sink, mentally promising to return and wash it up later.

  “Oh, I know!” Garrett starts jumping up and down excitedly. “Hide and seek.” His smile shifts into one much more menacing, his hazel eyes drifting to Avery’s widened ones. “One…”

  We all scramble in opposite directions, his counting sounding from behind. Realising too late I didn’t put sneakers on, I rush out of the back door and circle the building. Checking through the front window, Garrett has turned to hide his face in the corner of the room. I smile to myself, picturing a tall pointed dunce hat upon his head and dash into the forest. Heading for the first tree with a thick trunk and low enough branch to reach, I launch my body into the air and grab a hold. Pulling myself up, I continue to dodge and climb until I’m high into the greenery near the top.

  I can see far into the distance if I pop my head through the canopy, even if all there is to see are miles of foliage in one direction and the stretching sea in the other. The overhead sun shines down on me, all clouds having rolled on by to leave it completely exposed. Birds swoop and twirl in a dance of flight, singing loudly as they pass by. Resting in the arch of a branch, I lean back and relax, knowing I’ll be here a while. When it comes to being the competitive one in our group, I’ll proudly take the crown.

  A short while later, although nowhere near as long as I thought, the front door bashes open. “Come out, come out wherever you are!” Garrett’s shout travels to me from below. Peering down, I see him pass with his lapdog by his side, Axel prowling like a lion on the hunt. The pair move deeper into the woodlands, so I start descending quickly and quietly. Pausing near the last few branches, I bend low to search for them. Once satisfied they aren’t too close by, I drop from the tree and land on silent feet. Coach had made me practice jumping and landing without a sound as a part of a gruelling detention once, although it’s come in handy now.

  Racing forward the second I’m back on firm ground, I pump my arms and push my calves to carry me back onto the porch. Ducking low, I creep around the corner to see Huxley on the wooden swing, absentmindedly staring towards the sea as he rocks back and forth. Noticing me, I raise my index finger to my lips to keep him quiet, not that I thought he’d rat me out anyway. Slipping inside the kitchen door, I dive straight into the tight cupboard that holds the pantry. Surrounded by shelves on all sides, my biceps are cramped to my sides as I’m plunged into darkness. Stepping backwards, I tread on something soft and squishy.

  “Ow, my foot!” Avery whisper-shouts, making me spin around and reach out to feel for her shoulders.

  “How did he not find you in here? I’m surprised he didn’t use the game as a ruse to get us all out the way so he could eat everything we have left.” Avery giggles, her breath fanning my neck.

  “I moved, like you apparently.” My initial smile drops from my face, realising her body is pushed up against mine in our tiny confines. Running the backs of my fingers down her arms, her sharp inhale tells me she feels the shift in the air too. Energy crackles between us, lust thickening the oxygen as my heart starts to pound heavily. Her hands slip beneath my t-shirt, running them over my muscles and across my chest. Our lack of sight heightens every other sense, each touch bringing goose bumps to the surface as her sweet scent envelopes me. Lowering my head, I catch her cheek with my lips before she shifts to connect her mouth with mine.

  The first press of our kiss breaks an invisible barrier between us. Suddenly needing to be closer, I pull her into me and push my tongue into her mouth. Breathy moans escape her between the attack of our kisses, tongues crashing and teeth nibbling bottom lips. Pressing a hand against her lower back, I hold her firmly in place while I grind my hard on against her. I want her in so many ways, my dick overruling my head currently. Clearly eager for the same, her hand slips beneath my waistband, her nails scraping gently across my tip. My eyes roll back in my head, a groan I can’t hold in leaving my throat.

  The door flies open, the light temporarily burning my eyes. Reluctantly withdrawing from her hold, a large figure with dark hair blocks the exit. Thickly muscled shoulders tense at the sight he’s just found, but it’s not Garrett as I expected - it’s Wyatt. His top lip rears back in disgust, his emerald eyes surrounded by dark patches. I reckon he is much paler than usual but it could be a trick of my adjusting eyesight.

  “What the fuck is wrong with your own rooms?! You have to taint our food supply too?” Slamming the door in my face, I readjust myself for the second time today before reopening it and stepping into the kitchen. Garrett, Axel and Meg are leaning against the counters, their faces filled with amusement. Ignoring their bobbing eyebrows and smirks, I step aside to allow Avery to exit. Her full lips are swollen and a
darker shade of pink as she smooths down her hair and returns their grins.

  “Guess it’s my turn,” she giggles. “One…”

  Wyatt

  Slamming the door shut, I slump against the back of it and fall to the floor. Pushing the heels of my palms into my eyes, I try to erase the image I just saw from my mind. This is never going to work if I can’t get myself out under control. I wish I could disappear, leave and start fresh somewhere else. But I already know ignoring my issues wouldn’t work, only the knowledge I’ve helped Rachel will.

  I miss her. She makes me feel like a young child desperate for the end of the school day to run into his mom’s arms. Something I never had since a nanny would be waiting for me at the gates each day. I thought we’d still be able to call and speak regularly so she could keep me centred, but the lack of signal around here prevents that – another one of my father’s tricks to ruin my life. Instead I feel completely isolated without her to anchor me, each night I drift further away.

  The group downstairs were everything to me up to two months ago, but so much has changed since then. I’m not the same person I was, and I have no idea how to open up to them. They wouldn’t accept me this way even if I were able to, not after the things I’ve done. After Avery and Meg have been delivered to Ray, I’ll be a distant memory, hiding away in Ray’s mansion to live out my days in peace. That’s the best I can hope for anymore.

  My anger has fizzled marginally, so I stretch my legs out and place the back of my head against the wood. Drifting my eyes closed, I inhale and exhale deeply the way a normal person might to relax. Although, I’m so far removed from normal it’s laughable I’d even try. Knocking sounds on the door behind, jolting me forward. Taking another moment to compose myself, I push up onto my feet and twist the handle. Axel is standing on the other side, his amber eyes trailing over my jeans and blue polo top. The concern in his expression has me ready to close the door again. I don’t need his pity.

  “Hey, I thought I should check on you.” He fists his hands, no doubt trying to refrain from pulling me into a hug. Behind him, I see Avery chasing Garrett through the hallway and disappear downstairs as a part of their stupid game, laughter echoing around the corridor. Stepping aside, I allow Axel to enter so I can shut their happiness out. He halts suddenly a few steps inside, so I turn to see my room through his eyes.

  The blackout curtains are still drawn, the sun desperately striving to light the space within from around the edges. Clothes are strewn across the floor, my bed a mess of twisted covers. Evidence of a mini meltdown I had yesterday lies heaped in the corner, broken wooden shelves and a fan that got in my way. I’m just thankful the bathroom door is closed so he can’t see the state of the oval mirror, or now lack thereof. Axel’s eyes narrow on the long pill box Rachel gave me sitting on the pine chest of drawers, todays already popped open and empty. Not wanting to explain, I spin him by the shoulders and give him the damn hug he’d wanted.

  Embracing me tightly, he rests his cheek on my shoulder. After resisting at first, I ease into the support he’s offering, the rest of the world briefly fading away. My life has been flipped upside down, tossed side to side and back again since the last time we spent time together like this. But for a split second, I wonder if Axel might be able to help dust me off when I eventually stop falling and crash into the ground.

  “How did you do it?” I ask softly into his ear, his short hair scraping my neck gently.

  “Do what?”

  “Find yourself again after…” A part of me feels terrible comparing my situation to his. Axel’s been through things I can’t even imagine, but maybe he could offer some advice on how he rebuilt and moved on. He doesn’t answer for a long while, the cogs turning in his mind. Stepping back for his amber eyes to assess me, I’m stunned by the resentment held within.

  “What makes you think I’ve found myself? Look at me Wyatt, I’m a man that can’t survive without affection, who relies on everyone else’s moods to get by. I live through others to avoid the pain that still plagues me. I’m as fucked up as I was almost 7 years ago, you just can’t tell as easily.” Axel steps away from me and leaves the room in a swift movement.

  My eyes focus on the spot he had been standing in long after, trying to understand how to turn his words into something I can use. I don’t know what answer I had been hoping for, one that will magically give me a light to strive for. But instead, all I heard was ‘you’re never coming back from this.’ Throwing my foot against the edge of my bed with a cry of rage, the wood splinters and the end of the mattress dips slightly. If all I was destined to be was a rich couple’s decoy, then I wish I’d never been born at all.

  High pitched laughter beyond my door drags me back from the brink of self-destruction to remember the only reason I came here. Since I can’t easily contact Ray or convince them to return home without Nixon’s say so, I’ll have to do something to assuage my anger for now. Those girls need to pay for the mistreatment I’ve received. My very existence has been used to protect them their whole lives, which will make it all the sweeter when I’m the one to deliver them to their bitter end.

  Crossing my room with powerful stomps, I swing the door open to see Avery and Meg huddled together at the far end of the hall, looking around for whoever is hunting them. I may not be the one they were expecting but, no more games, here I am. Their eyes widen as I bare my teeth at them, feeling every bit the animal I probably look. My clenched fists hang by my sides, no clear plan in mind other than to strap them into chairs and scream in their faces - “why?!” What makes them so special my life had to be used to defend theirs.

  As I begin to advance, the girls rush forward in hopes they can reach their second staircase before I can. Without needing to sprint, I near the stairs first, smirking at the look of horror on their faces when they realise they won’t make it. Relishing in the panic in their faces, I stretch my neck side to side in anticipation of an evening of torment. At the last moment, Meg forcefully shoves Avery into the study and closes the door with a loud bang.

  Grinding my teeth together, I stride along the corridor with my chest heaving. In a futile attempt to escape, they’ve cornered themselves anyway. Prickling races through my body with every step closer which I’ll guess is excitement. Coming level with the door, I kick it open with enough force for the handle to snap off. Stepping over the pieces of splintered wood now decorating the floor, I enter the room to find it empty.

  I freeze momentarily, not enjoying the sinking feeling I’ve been tricked. Needing to be sure, I check behind the door and beneath the table but they’ve both vanished. Bookcases line the left wall and the fake fireplace on the right leaving nowhere to hide. There must be another way out of here but no matter how long I spend looking for a false floorboard or hidden exit, there’s nothing. Growling in frustration, I run a hand through my hair roughly and leave. Next time, I won’t give them the chance to run.

  Deciding against returning to the boredom awaiting in my room, I head downstairs and exit the house through the back door. Huxley is rising from the porch swing, pausing when he sees me. Apparently, I don’t look approachable since he continues to push past, leaving me alone in the descending dusk. Figuring it’s probably for the best, since I don’t need to hide my scowl for a while, I remove my socks and cross the timber terrace.

  Hopping down wooden steps, I walk across the sand until reaching the ideal spot to set myself down, a few feet from the water’s edge. Waves roll lazily, not having the energy to break properly in the setting sunlight. Once in a while, a light breeze carrying mist passes over me, the saltiness filling my senses. Pushing my fingers into the soft sand, I draw the figure of eight on either side of my legs over and over. I also slide my toes into the fluffy white sand in an attempt to feel grounded, not that it works.

  A small, curved shell of brown with white specks moves towards my hand, the murky green legs of a hermit crab poking out from underneath. Lifting the decapod, it shrinks back into its shell slig
htly as I examine it closely. Long red antennas sit beneath beady eyes and hairy legs have bright blue bands around the tips. The bigger claw tries to pinch me wildly so I set it back down, watching the crustacean scurry away as fast as he can move. Even the birds overhead seem to be avoiding me, spinning and flying in the opposite direction when I look up.

  Turning my attention back towards the sea, I catch the last speck of sun peering over the horizon, just as it sinks out of sight. The sky has already gone dark, only a strip of red visible in the distance mourning the loss of light. At least now my surroundings resonate with how I’m feeling and I can wallow in peace, shrouded by the shadows. Shuffling out of my jeans, I toss them aside and walk into the water in my boxers. Icey coldness seeps into my feet, numbness creeping up my legs with every long stride.

  Walking further into the inky depths, the water level rises over my thighs, stealing all sensation on its way. Only stopping once my chest is fully submerged, the material of my top floating around my torso, a sense of calm finally settles over me. My heartbeat slows, the low temperature surrounding me biting at my skin. I stand there for a long while, the numb feeling I was enjoying starting to merge into a sharp sting. The notion of staying right here is almost too tempting, allowing the sea to draw the life from my pores and carry me away. I wonder who would mourn for me, but on second thought – why do I even care?

  Only Rachel’s face in my mind’s eye pulls me back to the beach, my polo top sticking to me like a second skin as I collect my jeans. My skin is starting to burn and my eyes feel itchy, begging for a better sleep tonight if my emotions will allow it. Sometimes I dream of an alternative universe where Avery is hanging off my arm, all smiles and laughter. Other times, I’m standing over her limp body in the same position my birth mom was when I left the cell on that god-awful day. I can’t decide which fantasy I would prefer, not that it matters. Ray decided Avery’s fate long before I knew him, and the only chance I have at a new start is to help him. All I need to do is be patient enough for it all to come together.