Never Enough

by Alexandra Caluen

  Incidentally Niall’s Macduff is in London right now with his lady to help a local company develop the Scottish play complete with that sword fight. I threw them an idea that I think they’re running with (has to do with Lady Macduff). I hear that’s on the boards in October.

  Anyway whether they run with my idea or not I’m going to grab them as soon as they’re in Los Angeles again and stage it my way. If you get a chance to see it I’d love to hear about it. I know N&G will be on tour with Janis by then.

  Victor and I are very excited about hanging the show in London.

  He’ll be in England next July to shoot a movie, my agent is trying to get me something at the same time. If that doesn’t work out I’ll be there anyway. Could go on about this for hours but won’t. If this is a good time to chat feel free to text me.

  Cheers, Andy

  If Reggie wasn’t busy there was a good chance he’d reply quickly, so Andy put his head back and closed his eyes, thinking about Red as Macduff and Mary as his lady, Dana and Rory as naked fairies, Dmitri and Patrick as Kent and Lear. He and Victor had a long list already of other characters - and their friends who might play them - for the project. They hadn’t quite decided on their own. While Andy was working on the Swan Dive, Victor had been sending him completely insane suggestions. The last play Andy read was

  ‘The Merchant of Venice,’ and that gave him what he thought was the best pairing. Maybe he’d spring it on Victor tonight.

  He was almost napping when his phone buzzed. He blinked, remembered

  where he was and what he’d most recently done, and picked up the phone.

  Mr. Martin delighted to hear from you. I’ve seen that swordfight and while I regret that Mr. Phelps won’t be on stage with Mr. Warner, I shall certainly go to see the play. Also very interested in this bit about Lady Macduff. What did you propose? Yrs R. Galant

  Andy put his reading glasses back on and replied: Hi Reggie, call me Andy. I suggested Lady Macduff doesn’t die. If you see Red’s wife you’ll know why. It would take a regiment to put her down. Find ‘Green Darkness’

  videos via Underground Cabaret Dance Theater I will do, the minute you decide you’ve had enough of me. How big a show are you proposing?

  At least fourteen other pairings, a few solos. Some of the pairings may be only a single image, some may be two. Already working on a pairing from Lear, two images. Had to give advance notice on that because my Lear needs to let his hair grow

  Well if that isn’t tantalizing I don’t know what is. Is this one of your dance friends?

  No he’s my accountant but he’s married to a dance friend. Andy took a moment to imagine the reaction.

  I’m quite sure no-one on earth wants a picture of my accountant. Will you and your smashing husband appear in the show? I’ll confess I’ve recently secured a copy of your recent film Yes we’re planning to be in it. Have to get him to sign off on the characters. How did you like the movie?

  Between you and Ms. Vaughn I’ve now taken a deep dive into tango.

  Can’t dance a step but nor can I stop listening. Perishing to paint you, frankly

  Andy wasn’t expecting that. The R. Galant paintings offered through the site were all more or less erotic, but not explicit. The kind of thing, actually, that he’d love to have. They had another offer to paint them, from someone whose work they liked but whose style didn’t bring the heat. What did you have in mind?

  God’s teeth do you mean to say you’d actually contemplate it?

  Andy laughed. What are you doing for Niall & Geoffrey?

  After the wedding scene, in morning coats at the Oxford station. In

  return G is sitting for a nude I like your style. Let me talk to V about that. He always says we don’t have enough pictures of me

  I’d agree with that

  Andy wondered what Victor would say if he suggested sending one of their porn clips to this guy. Or extracting an image, or two. He giggled to himself for a few seconds. Then he forwarded the selfie he’d taken out on the boat, during rehearsal for his cameo.

  The reply made him laugh out loud again. Bollocking hell you might have warned me, a shock like that could kill a man V likes the beard

  Of course he bloody does, who wouldn’t? Is it a fixture?

  Did it for this movie. Based on reactions it will have regular return engagements. The only thing he likes better is, well, find our Mein Herr video from Berlin

  There was a nearly-six-minute delay before the next text from Reggie: Christ on a plank

  Andy cracked up. Molly came around to investigate. “Molly, don’t tell Victor but I’m teasing a pornographer. Oh hell I’ll show him the whole thing later anyway. Oh my God.” He giggled some more. Finally he wrote: Sorry, I had to laugh for a minute

  Gave me time to tidy up

  LOL. Molly stuck her head in between Andy and the phone to see what was happening. He couldn’t stop laughing.

  I don’t suppose you’d consider an interview for the site? I could link out to the movie’s page or anything else you like Will show this to V tonight and if he laughs too I’ll be in touch about interview. We haven’t done much press since the tour My dear man I’ve just found a story regarding your recent loss. Sincere condolences and hope I haven’t offended

  Not in the least, I needed a laugh like that and hey, I started it Well that’s true

  Andy snickered again . My dog wants some attention so I have to go.

  Nice chatting with you

  You as well. Andy disconnected, set the phone down, and sighed. For a few minutes he’d almost forgotten about his father. “Well, Molly. I said you wanted some attention, which is almost always true. So let’s go for a walk, okay?”

  He showed the whole exchange to his husband later, with reassuring results. “Do the interview,” Victor said after handing back the phone. “You haven’t done one since your thing with Sherry, aside from that little bit after your performance.”

  “Well, and a minute outside Pop’s memorial. Anything you want me to keep quiet about?”

  Victor was now on his back on the bed, head and shoulders hanging down off the side, trying to release the tension that always seemed to settle between his shoulder blades. He lifted his head to study Andy for a few seconds. “Maybe don’t mention we made a whole porn movie. A one hundred percent plot-free porn movie.” He put his head back down, listening to Andy laugh.

  “Yeah, ours is one hundred percent porn. I’m going to tell somebody you need a proper massage. And after dinner I’ll work on you a little.”

  “Yeah. Work on me.” Victor’s tone was slightly suggestive.

  Andy gave it right back. “I’d work on you now if they weren’t knocking on the door any minute with our food.”

  “Maybe it’ll be cold food again.” Another laugh. “You want to give me a hand up from here?” A second later Andy was straddling his thighs, linking arms, pulling him up and into a kiss. They stayed there until the knock came.

  “God, I hope that’s cold food.”

  Andy had something else he wanted to run by Victor, but he waited until after dinner, and after working on Victor’s neck for a while. “How’s that, baby.”

  “That’s better. Much better, thanks.” Victor was now face-down on the bed, naked.

  Andy rested a hand on his ass. “You’re still getting a proper massage tomorrow. Short day, right? Back here by four?”

  “Right. And the day after, we’re off to the Catskills.”

  “Can’t wait to see you and Loretta doing some dirty dancing.”

  “You should teach us how to do that lift.” Victor sounded drowsy, which wasn’t actually surprising.

  “I could try.” That was not the first time he’d heard the suggestion. He kept hoping it wasn’t serious. He’d only done the lift himself once, and that was a long time ago. “So before you fall asleep on me, I had a little too much time this afternoon after that whole thing with Reggie and I had some sick ideas and I did some stuff. I promise I
won’t do anything with it unless you say it’s okay. But God it was fun, and that would be why I basically pounced on you and let your food get cold.”

  “I did not mind,” Victor pointed out, somewhat more alert. “I don’t recall objecting at all.” He rolled over. Andy’s hand stayed on him. “Are you going to pounce on me again?”

  “I shouldn’t.” Andy retrieved his hand. “You need some rest. Anyway I went to a few of our episodes and pulled some images. Non-explicit. I kind of want to send them to this guy.”

  Victor was fully awake now. “Why?”

  “Because you’re beautiful. Because I love the way you look when I’m kissing you. Because us kissing set off an explosion, but we both survived, and now every time we kiss for the world to see it’s like this giant ‘fuck you’

  to everybody who thinks we shouldn’t.” That wasn’t everything. What Andy had in mind was a photo essay that could go on the public part of the site.

  Only kisses. But those videos had always been intended to be private, so he wouldn’t take it any further unless Victor said he could.

  After a moment Victor said, “Show me what you did.” Andy went to get the laptop. The videos themselves were behind several layers of security, but the new files were under a single password. He only had three images so far.

  Going through the videos took time. One was from Australia and showed Andy on his back with Victor a millimeter from kissing him. They were framed from the chest up, lying in a patch of late-afternoon sunlight, both in need of a shave. Both smiling, with their eyes open. The second image was from Japan, that very late night after karaoke. Sitting up with Andy in front.

  Framed from the ribs up, showing how Victor was holding him. Both with their eyes closed. Andy’s head tipped back, faces turned toward each other, Victor’s mouth lightly on his. The third image was from their ‘Mein Herr’

  rehearsal, arguably the one that started the whole X-rated project. Andy hadn’t been in makeup, but he’d been wearing the hat because it was a prop

  for the dance. He’d pulled a frame from near the beginning, after Victor had him exposed, before it got to the point where their expressions alone were explicit. They were framed from the waist up. Victor’s head was tipped back in this one because Andy’d had those high heels on, his own head bent for that open-mouthed kiss. “Jesus,” Victor said after a while. “No wonder you pounced on me.” Andy laughed. “Are these so hot because I remember exactly what we were doing?”

  “Well, we could ask Reggie.”

  Now Victor laughed. “Do you want to do a whole photo essay like this, is that what I’m hearing?” Andy nodded. “What would you call it?”

  “Probably ‘Besos,’ don’t you think?” Victor seemed to agree. “So you don’t mind if I run this by him?”

  “No, I don’t mind. These are great.” He stifled a yawn. “Not bored. Only tired.”

  “Get ready for bed, sweetness. I’ll tidy this up.” Andy leaned in for a quick kiss, then got off the bed to organize the room-service stuff. He shut down the laptop before opening the room door.

  Andy spent most of the next day working on the photo essay. It was late in the afternoon before he remembered the Shakespeare idea. They were mostly packed for the next day’s move to the Catskills, and Victor was getting a massage. “So what did you do today,” he said after he was face-up on the table.

  “Worked on those photos for quite a while. Dug around on Open Source Shakespeare in ‘Merchant of Venice.’ I think I may have our characters.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Antonio and Bassanio.” Victor made an interested sound. “There are words of love but there’s also this heavy subtext. Antonio is willing to ruin himself for Bassanio. A lot is implied.”

  “Yeah, it is. You have the line? Or is it more than one?”

  Andy referred to his notes. “A couple jumped right out at me. Bassanio,

  ‘from your love I have a warranty.’ And Antonio, in the same scene, it’s ‘do but say to me what I should do,’ like God, anything for you. Which is basically how I feel about you.” Victor laughed under his breath. The massage therapist did a good job of pretending not to listen. “But there’s also

  Bassanio doing the lady and the tiger thing with Portia, ‘my blood speaks to you in my veins.” Victor made a yummy sound. “Then in the big quality of mercy scene Antonio goes ‘say how I loved you, speak me fair in death.’ I kind of like those better.”

  “I do too. Do you know how you want to stage them?” Victor already had an idea. “If people know the play they’ll be all wait, what? But I think Bassanio making some passionate approach and Antonio kind of oh my God, is this for real, is he talking to me.”

  “In other words, exactly how it was at the beginning.” Andy’s voice was dry. Victor laughed. “Okay, great. I’m sure you can think of some tragic scene for the Antonio line.”

  “We need a third person, someone to be Shylock with the dagger. You with your chest bare. Me kneeling, our hands clasped, this desperate kind of eye contact. Like, if this is our last moment, please see how much I love you.”

  “God, you guys,” said the massage therapist. She sounded so distraught that both men laughed. “You’re making me cry. You need to stop talking about this,” she told Victor. “Till I’m done.”

  “Sorry.” Andy leaned over to kiss him. “I’ll go take Molly out.”

  There were a lot of extras to wrangle for the Catskills part of the shoot, and more than a dozen supporting actors. Victor and Loretta had multiple scenes to shoot together, Jonathan was in the mix, and before long all of them were thinking they would never get done in time. The whole setup was so entertaining they didn’t really care. “If we have to stay another week to wrap this thing, are you going to be able to hang out?” Victor asked, about four days in.

  Andy looked up, surprised. “If I was frowning it wasn’t because I’m ready to go. It was because my Botox is wearing off.” Victor laughed.

  “Reggie is, quote, gagging for it. He wants that photo essay and he wants it now. I told him I’d do the interview as soon as I’m done with that. I’ve been in touch with a bunch of our potential subjects for the Shakespeare thing.

  Tanith is pestering me. I have too much to do right here, once we’re home it’s going to be like we kicked open an anthill.” He swallowed some wine.

  “What’s Tanith pestering you about?”

  “Her big dance concert. She’s been working with Alison on this noir nightclub thing. Everybody is in it. Apparently Tina, the second camera person from the movie?” Victor nodded. “She started drawing this graphic novel and Tanith wrote the script, and a couple of the characters are based on us. Well, the look is based on us. Tanith says this concert is like a staging of musical scenes inspired by the graphic novel, but there might be a movie in it. So she really wants us to see it live on stage if possible.”

  “Well, there’s no way this nonsense will go three extra weeks. Go ahead and get us some tickets to closing night and then you can tell her we’ll be there.” Victor finished his dinner and sat back. “Based on us, huh.”

  “Yeah, but we’re bad guys. Like, really bad guys, and we get killed early on. She said it’s ‘Dick Tracy’ meets ‘From Dusk Till Dawn.’ And the cherry on top is, Vicky kills us.” Victor laughed again. “She’s Santanico Breathless Pandemonium Mahoney. Except of course she will not be singing in the movie.” Victor cracked up. Vicky had many talents, but singing was not among them. Andy finished his wine, grinning. “I cannot fucking wait to see this book.”

  “Jeez, me neither. The one she had out last year was gorgeous. What’s the latest from your mom?”

  “She’s pretty well settled in. A couple of her friends live close by, they get together. She’s meeting people. You think we could go out there for Christmas? And then I could go back in April for her birthday.”

  “Sure, of course.” Victor had a thought.

  Andy read his mind again. “After our Broadway thing.”<
br />
  “It’s about time we decided what we’re going to do for that, isn’t it?”

  “Plenty of time, catnip. Let’s focus on these two dances for the Cabaret, and getting your movie done. When is the big dance scene?”

  “Tuesday. She really, really wants to do the lift.” They had referenced a scene from ‘Dirty Dancing’ (and ‘Mrs. Maisel’) by having Victor and Loretta undercover at a Catskills nightclub, pretending to be performers, and forced into dancing on stage. Victor and Loretta both knew how to dance, so the salsa choreographer hadn’t faced much of a challenge. But if you were doing a scene like that, everyone wanted the lift, and she hadn’t put it in. Something about potential liability. They’d argued with the producer to no avail.

  Andy had always known he would give in if they persisted. “Then I

  guess we’d better get out in the lake tomorrow.” He located his phone and sent Loretta a quick text. A few minutes later the phone buzzed. He picked it up and laughed. “She says why not tonight.”

  “Well, why not tonight?” Andy made a ‘really?’ face. “Yeah, really.”

  “Okay. Put that wine down. No, Victor, you can finish it later. Believe me, you’re going to want it.” He took the glass out of his husband’s hand.

  “Get in your swim trunks.”

  They met Loretta out on the dock twenty minutes later. She was in a boogie-boarding wetsuit, so excited she was bouncing. “Oh my God Andy, I’ve always wanted to do this. Can I do it? Will I kill Victor?”

  “We are going to go slow,” Andy said. “I don’t think you’ll kill Victor.

  You are going to crash a lot. Ready for that?”

  “Yes, Andy.” She stood there with clasped hands, looking very serious.

  “Okay, let’s do the plane first.” Andy put three beach towels down on top of each other, and a yoga mat on top of those, for a cushion. Victor stretched out on his back, and they worked on the flying position until Victor consistently had the hand placement and Loretta consistently held her balance, even when Victor went from bent to straight arms. “That’s so good, you guys. So his hands will be right there all the way. You jump straight up, he’ll carry you the rest of the way, you dive over his head. The hard part is stopping the dive at horizontal. Everybody in the lake.” Once they were all in the water he gave them the same disclaimers they’d already heard about a dozen times, warning them that Loretta would be slippery. “That suit will help a lot but you’re probably not going to get it tonight, okay?”