Christmas by the Lighthouse

by Rebecca Boxall

  ‘Blimey! What else?’ Jude wasn’t sure he could take much more. He threw back the rest of the brandy then replenished his glass from the bottle beside him.

  ‘I found out Seth’s been having an affair with my friend Tilly for the last five years!’

  Jude’s eyes widened. ‘You’re kidding! I thought he was having it off with that woman called Barbara. But why did he want you to go back to him, then? After the break?’

  Summer’s cheeks reddened and Jude realised how angry she must be with the pair of them. ‘Barbara was a decoy. Tilly just made it all up. Apparently, Tilly had told Seth she wouldn’t leave her husband, Angus, for him. He’s loaded and she has a prenup with him so she won’t receive any of his money if she leaves him. But then, when I returned, I think it made her realise how much she wanted Seth after all. So she filed for divorce with Angus. The very next day I told her I was pregnant, that Seth and I had rekindled our relationship. As you can imagine, she was horrified. Seth had obviously kept her in the dark about that. So I left as quickly as I could after I found out about the affair, and fortunately Sylvie said I could use the cottage again.’

  ‘And what about Seth and Tilly now? Are they together?’

  ‘I’ve no idea, though you said Seth had a microwave meal for one, which makes me think Tilly hasn’t quite forgiven him yet.’

  ‘What a betrayal . . . Summer, I’m so sorry. What a mess you’re in. Does Seth know about the baby?’

  ‘Yes, and he’s not interested. But Jude, I haven’t even told you the worst of it yet.’

  ‘There’s more?’ Jude’s mind was in turmoil as he tried to take it all in.

  ‘There is. You know I told you I didn’t ever want any more children? Well, that’s not strictly true. I love kids. I adore babies. I’d have lots more in an ideal world. Especially with you. But I had such a traumatic birth with the twins. I ended up with an emergency C-section and a general anaesthetic so I didn’t even see them being born, and then a blood transfusion. I came this close to losing my life,’ she said, pinching her index finger and thumb together. ‘It’s not just that I’m mentally scarred by what happened. I’ve actually been diagnosed as having a severe phobia. Secondary tokophobia, it’s called. Fear of childbirth.’

  ‘But why on earth didn’t you tell me?’ Jude asked, looking aghast. He couldn’t believe she hadn’t felt able to tell him about the phobia – it would have explained so much and saved them such a lot of pain.

  ‘You didn’t give me a chance – I was about to tell you when you ran away! And I’d wanted to tell you before then, too – as soon as I realised you wanted children. I kept planning on telling you. It’s just such a hard topic for me to discuss. I get into quite a state even thinking about the birth I had with Luke and Levi. And now . . . Oh Jude, I’m absolutely terrified.’

  ‘You don’t need to be. We’ll look into counselling or something. Cat might know where we can get help – we’ll ask her . . . And I’ll be with you throughout, just as you were there for me throughout my illness. I’ll help you through the pregnancy, the birth, everything. I’ll be there, Summer. I know you’ll be worried that I’ll be off again at the first sign of trouble, but I honestly won’t be. I’m so sorry I left you, but I promise you now, I won’t ever leave you again.’

  ‘But Jude, what if the baby’s not yours?’

  ‘It will be mine, whether or not it’s mine genetically. Look, I know this is going to be hard for you, but for me it really is the best news ever. We’re going to have a baby together. And I’ll help you through it, Summer. I promise. Hey, listen, this is a sign.’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘This song. On the radio. “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”. It’s my favourite. It’s the original one too, the Judy Garland one.’

  Summer listened to the soothing tune and the comforting lyrics – she just wished her own troubles could be out of sight by the following year.

  ‘Why’s it your favourite?’ Summer asked, with a watery smile.

  ‘It’s nice and gentle. Not too jingly! Summer, we’ll get through this together. I know we will.’

  The song finished.

  ‘What do you think?’ Jude asked Summer, holding out a hand to her. ‘Do you forgive me? Can we try again . . . as a family this time?’

  Summer nodded. ‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘Let’s do this.’

  Chapter Forty-Three

  JERSEY, JULY

  SUMMER

  The baby was due in August, but in the middle of the night in July – six weeks before her due date – Summer realised something wasn’t right. Her back was aching, the kind of aching she’d only experienced once before, when she’d been in labour with the boys.

  This wasn’t the plan, but Summer had been having one-to-one hypno-birthing lessons with a brilliant midwife recommended by Cat, who’d worked wonders with her phobia and reinstated her faith in the birthing process, and Jude had been incredibly supportive, constantly researching the best ways to deal with tokophobia. So, although she hadn’t been expecting to go into labour so early, she managed to keep a cool head.

  ‘Jude!’ Summer called out in the darkness. ‘Jude, I think I’m in labour!’

  ‘You can’t be!’ he said, turning on his bedside light.

  ‘I’m sure of it.’

  ‘Has it only just started?’

  ‘Yes, but we’d better get to the hospital before too long as it’s so early. I was so hoping for a home birth as well!’

  ‘You can still do everything we planned. We’ll make sure we repeat all your affirmations and we’ll ask for a water birth and to keep the lights dim . . . Let me get everything together – all the aromatherapy and stuff . . .’

  Jude jumped out of bed. He was clearly trying to stay calm for Summer, but he looked a bit panic-stricken as he raced around the cottage throwing things into a bag. Summer concentrated on the breathing techniques she’d learnt and was amazed at how effective they were. She knew fear was her enemy and that she needed to try to keep adrenaline at bay so that the oxytocin could do its work and allow a straightforward and hopefully speedy labour.

  ‘Do you want to have a shower or anything while I let Prinny out and give him some food?’ Jude asked a few minutes later.

  ‘Okay, maybe a bath, actually . . .’ said Summer, and she lay for some time in the warm water, candles flickering as she focused on her breath and listened to the hypno-birthing download she’d been given by the midwife.

  By the time they reached the hospital, it was two hours after it had all begun. Summer continued to focus on her breathing while Jude explained her history to the on-duty midwife, who examined Summer and told her she was sufficiently dilated to get into the water. She went off to get the pool ready while Jude stroked Summer’s back.

  ‘I can’t believe you’re six centimetres dilated,’ Jude murmured. ‘You’re doing amazingly.’

  Summer smiled, enjoying a momentary break from her ‘surges’, as she’d asked Jude and the midwife to call them, instead of ‘contractions’.

  ‘The birthing pool’s all ready,’ the midwife said a few minutes later when she reappeared in the delivery room, and they followed her through. Summer continued to be the picture of calm. She felt like a goddess, despite the power of the surges, but during the next examination she saw a frown on the midwife’s face.

  ‘You haven’t progressed,’ she said. ‘I’m just going to get the doctor to have a look.’

  Summer could feel a slight panic starting to grip her. She took Jude’s hand.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ he reassured her and, unless he’d suddenly become very good at acting, he really did look unruffled. ‘It’s all going to be fine.’

  The doctor told Summer she could have another half an hour in the pool but that if there was no progression in that time they’d have to consider their options.

  ‘Is the baby okay?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes, but we’re concerned baby may start to get distressed if we wait too long. I’
ll be back in half an hour,’ the woman said. She smiled. ‘Good luck!’

  But half an hour later it was clear that nothing had changed and, worryingly, the baby’s heart rate indicated that it did appear to be in some distress.

  ‘I’m afraid you’re going to need an emergency C-section,’ the doctor said, and Summer felt her panic increase as she was reminded of the twins’ birth – the mad rush, the general anaesthetic and the blood transfusion.

  ‘Keep breathing,’ Jude said. ‘You need to keep doing the breathing. It’s going to be okay this time.’ Summer looked at him and felt some of his composure rub off on her. Her hypno-birthing midwife had talked her through this possibility and she knew that staying calm was essential, even if she wasn’t going to get the birth she’d hoped for.

  ‘Can the consultant do one of those women-centred C-sections?’ Summer asked, as she entered the theatre and hugged a cushion while the anaesthetist administered the epidural.

  The doctor smiled. ‘Yes, he can. Your midwife’s just told me your history, but that was a long time ago. This experience will be different, I promise.’

  She was right. Summer was able to see her baby being born as the drapes were lowered and she was immediately given skin-to-skin contact with her baby girl, although not for long as – being premature – she was whisked off to the Special Care Baby Unit almost immediately. But Summer realised as she was being stitched up that, as much as the birth hadn’t been her dream plan, it had actually gone remarkably well. She hadn’t needed a blood transfusion, and this time she’d seen her little baby make her entrance into the world.

  ‘It didn’t quite go according to plan,’ she said to Jude, smiling ruefully.

  ‘But it was still amazing! You were incredible. A goddess.’ Summer smiled because that’s exactly how she’d felt when she’d been in the water. And now, having battled her phobia and given birth, she felt just like a goddess all over again.

  A little time later, Jude wheeled Summer along to the Special Care Baby Unit, where they finally got to meet their baby girl properly. She was in an incubator, all wired up, but looking completely adorable. Jude said she reminded him of a baby hedgehog, not realising Summer’s father had given her the pet name of Hoglet as a newborn baby.

  When Summer looked up at Jude from the incubator she saw him shed a tear and she knew right then that he’d meant it when he’d told her it wouldn’t matter whether the baby was genetically his or not. To have been there when she came into the world was, it seemed, enough for him. He was a father. And as such, it seemed only fair to get his input on names.

  ‘What shall we call her?’ Summer asked him.

  ‘It’s up to you!’ Jude said. ‘You’re her mum.’

  ‘But you’re her dad. And I want to know. If it was up to you, what would you name her?’

  ‘Sabine,’ he said, without hesitating. ‘After my grandmother.’

  Summer smiled. ‘That’s perfect,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t have chosen better.’ She looked at the tiny baby in the incubator, her fluffy dark hair sticking up in tufts. ‘We’ll call her Sabine Vita De Carteret.’

  Chapter Forty-Four

  JERSEY, JULY

  JUDE

  Unfortunately, being six weeks early, the baby was likely to be in the Special Care Baby Unit for some time. Summer sat by her side all day and most of the night with a look of pure longing on her face. She clearly ached to hold the baby to her breast.

  ‘At least I can do this,’ she told Jude, looking on the bright side when the unit gave her a breast pump and she started to express milk for the baby to receive via a feeding tube.

  The first week was intensely stressful, but a couple of weeks on, Sabine was ready to graduate from the incubator to a cot, a huge deal in the world of the Special Care Baby Unit. It was only then that one of the doctors took Summer and Jude to one side to discuss an anomaly.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ the doctor assured them, seeing their concerned faces. ‘It’s not a problem – it’s just to let you know that we don’t think Sabine was quite as premature as we first thought. Her progress has been so good we think she was probably four weeks early, rather than six. It doesn’t make any difference – dating is always tricky. But it’s good news, as it means Sabine is likely to be able to go home a bit earlier than you’d expected. You both look very relieved!’ the doctor chuckled.

  ‘It means more than you can imagine,’ Summer said, smiling, then looking at Jude. The doctor returned her smile then moved on to the family at the neighbouring crib. ‘You know what, Jude? You’re a bloody saint to have taken on little Sabine not knowing whether you’re her father or not, but I think that just about confirms it, don’t you?’

  ‘Two weeks makes a big difference,’ Jude smiled, having done the necessary mental arithmetic. He picked Sabine up from her crib carefully, so that the wires that connected her to the heart monitor didn’t tangle. ‘I was never in any doubt,’ he whispered to the baby in his arms.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  JERSEY, NOVEMBER

  THE NAMING CEREMONY

  ‘And could you tell me again who the guardians are?’ asked Sally, the homely lady conducting the ceremony at the Atlantic Hotel. David and Beryl had made the journey from Australia for the occasion and were very excited, although they were a little disappointed it wasn’t a proper christening. Jude had explained that Summer was the spiritual yet atheist child of hippies and – when it came down to it – she didn’t want to be hypocritical.

  ‘The beautiful Di – over there, sitting in the library tucking into the cream cakes. Jude’s friend Eddie – just over there,’ Summer said, pointing. ‘And Sam, the girl with the peroxide-blonde hair standing next to the fish pond.’

  ‘I will just need their surnames,’ Sally said, and Summer realised she didn’t actually know any of their last names.

  ‘I’ll just check,’ she said, and she turned to Jude, who was chatting to the twins. They seemed – much to Summer’s relief – to be taken with him. She handed Sabine over. ‘Jude, she needs winding – do you mind?’

  ‘Pleasure,’ he said.

  ‘And we need to tell Sally what the guardians’ surnames are.’

  ‘Eddie’s is Thebault,’ Jude confirmed. ‘Not sure about Di or Sam though.’

  ‘I’ll check with Di, could you ask Sam?’

  ‘Will do,’ Jude replied, and he made his way to the indoor fish pond, gently rubbing Sabine’s back as she slumbered on his shoulder.

  ‘Hi, Sam,’ he said, approaching her. She smiled back at him shyly.

  ‘Jude, you’re a natural,’ she said.

  ‘I’m not sure about that, but I love her to bits. Listen, we need your surname for the lady conducting the ceremony. I can’t believe I don’t know it!’

  ‘Sure, it’s Tremblay,’ Sam said, taking a sip of champagne.

  ‘No way! That’s a coincidence – my surgeon in Canada was called Tremblay. Liam Tremblay. Do you know him? No, silly question – is it a really popular surname?’

  ‘Actually, I do know him. He’s my father.’

  Jude looked at Sam, astonished. ‘But . . . I mean – did you know he was the man who operated on me in Canada? What an incredible coincidence!’ he laughed.

  At this point, Daisy joined them. Sam shuffled uncomfortably. ‘Daisy,’ she said softly, ‘I think it’s time to come clean. Jude’s just found out my surname. I’ve explained that my father was the surgeon who operated on him.’

  ‘But what do you need to come clean about?’ asked Jude.

  Daisy looked up at him with a rueful grin. ‘Do you remember saying to me, the day you told me about the brain tumour, that you didn’t want to chase second opinions or drink disgusting juices or anything like that – you just wanted to enjoy the time you had left?’ Daisy asked.

  ‘Well, vaguely, yes. Why?’

  ‘Sam explained to me, after you’d returned to Jersey, about her father’s job. I knew you’d be unlikely to see him if I told you about him, so
Sam told her dad all about you and, meanwhile, I rang your consultant again. Remember, you’d given me his contact details and waived your right to patient confidentiality so he could discuss your case with me? We put the two doctors in contact with each other and they agreed you were a good potential candidate to see Sam’s father, though Mr Vibert said it would depend on the scan you were due to have that August so I was keeping all my fingers and toes crossed until then. I didn’t want you to be scared off about it all so I asked the doctors to feign friendship. In fact, it wasn’t really feigned in the end – they hit it off immediately. So that’s how it all happened.’

  Jude looked shocked. ‘Dais, you’re so naughty and way, way too clever! I can’t believe it. And Sam, how can I ever thank you enough? You saved my life.’

  ‘Nope,’ she said humbly. ‘That was Dad.’

  Chapter Forty-Six

  JERSEY, NOVEMBER

  HILLTOP COTTAGE

  Jude and Summer were still living nearby in Mandla, now with the baby in tow, though Sylvie had told them she’d be back to take up residence again before Christmas so they would soon need to put out feelers to find somewhere to rent, as Jude had long since given up the lease on his flat in town.

  Di had been in wonderful form at the naming ceremony, but by the end of the day she’d looked tired. Sadly, her job as guardian to Sabine was short-lived. The following night, Di passed away in her sleep. Jude and Summer were deeply sad, especially as Prinny’s health had started to decline as well, and, a week later, the vet advised them it was time to let him go.