Everything I Never Wanted

by K. Street

  I laughed and lifted her off my lap. “All right. Hurry up, and I’ll go make you breakfast.”

  “Chocolate chip pancakes?” she asked, hopeful.

  I looked at my watch and raised an eyebrow at her. “Not today, kiddo. You’ll have to settle for a chocolate chip Eggo.”

  “Frozen waffles are a travesty.”

  “You’re too much.” I laughed again. The kid cracked me up. “Come on, enough goofing off. Get dressed. I’m driving you to school today.”

  “When do I start riding the bus?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “And they’ll pick me up from the shop before school and drop me off after, right?”

  “Yes.”

  We’d been over this a dozen times in the last few days, but I knew she was still nervous.

  “Get a move on,” I told her as I walked out of the room.

  Back in the kitchen, I poured coffee into a large to-go mug and dropped a waffle into the toaster. I grabbed Shayne a juice box from the pantry while I waited for her breakfast.

  “How do I look?” Shayne asked from the kitchen doorway. She was wearing a pair of denim shorts with a shirt that read Sassy Pants across it.

  “Beautiful. Let’s go fix your hair.”

  I followed behind her as she led the way to the bathroom.

  She pulled out one of the drawers, withdrew a brush and hair tie, and then gave them to me. “Can you braid it?”

  “We don’t have time, baby.” I ran the brush through her strands before gathering it into a perfect ponytail. It had taken a hell of a lot of practice and patience, but thanks to my mom and a few YouTube videos, I’d figured it out. “All right, brush your teeth and meet me in the kitchen.”

  In less than two minutes, Shayne was back and seated at the table. I put her breakfast in front of her, and she suspiciously eyed it.

  She picked it up to inspect the other side. “Daddy, it’s burned.”

  Burned was an exaggeration. Really brown? Yes, but not burned. We didn’t have time for me to make another one.

  “Hang on.”

  I took it off her plate, reached into the silverware drawer for a butter knife, and then walked over to the sink. The knife scraped against the little squares until fine char-colored crumbs dusted the sink. I held it up. For good measure, I blew across the surface. Perfect.

  I turned back to Shayne. “See? All better.” I wrapped the abused waffle in a paper towel and then gave it to her. “You’ll have to eat in the truck, Bug. We need to go.”

  “All right.”

  It took some maneuvering, but we finally made it outside with everything we needed, including Bug’s backpack and my coffee. Shayne ate her breakfast and talked nonstop on the way to school. I was glad she was excited because it made me leaving her a whole lot easier. When we finally made it in the front of the school, I parked on the grass. There was no way I wasn’t going to walk her to class. I took a drink of my coffee and placed it in the cupholder.

  “Ready, Doodlebug?” I asked, looking at my girl.

  “Let’s do this.”

  I got out of the truck and went around to get her out. Together, we slid on her backpack and made our way to the sidewalk. Shayne’s small hand held firmly to my larger one. As we passed by the front office, she pulled from my grasp.

  “Camryn!” Shayne yelled and made a beeline for her.

  Camryn stood off to the side with a huge smile on her face. Her hair cascaded in waves down her back. Dressed in jeans and a flowy shirt, she was beautiful. When she bent to scoop Shayne into a hug, my chest tightened.

  I closed the space between us. “Hey. How’ve you been?”

  She seemed a little flustered, and it took a minute for her to find her voice. It made me wonder if I was affecting her the same way that I didn’t want to admit she was affecting me.

  “Good.” She cleared her throat and stood. “What about you?”

  “Busy.” It wasn’t an excuse.

  “Are you ready for your first day?” Camryn asked Shayne.

  “I sure am. Daddy’s walking me to class.”

  Shayne looked around at all the kids as they walked past, and I saw the moment the smile slipped from her face. Many of the other children were with both their parents, and in that moment, my heart broke for my little girl.

  “Doodlebug, tell Miss Parker good-bye.”

  “Who’s Miss Parker?”

  “Me, silly,” Camryn told her. “You can call me Camryn when we aren’t at school, but at school, I have to be Miss Parker. Okay?”

  “Okay.” Shayne looked thoughtful. “Camryn? Oops. I mean, Miss Parker. Do you think you could walk with me and my dad to my classroom?”

  “Um …” Camryn looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

  Our eyes met, and I knew she was asking me if it was okay.

  For Shayne, there would always be moments like this. Times when she wanted her mom, needed someone to fill that role for her. Situations when she’d feel left out because her mom was gone. If she wanted Camryn to stand in the gap on the first day of school, I wasn’t going to say no because this wasn’t about me. I gave Camryn a nod of approval.

  “If it’s okay with your daddy,” Camryn agreed.

  Even though she knew my answer, I appreciated that she’d deferred to me anyway.

  Shayne looked up at me with hopeful eyes, ones that were the same color as my own. “Daddy, is it okay?”

  “Sure, Bug. Let’s go.”

  She slipped one small hand into mine and the other into Camryn’s as we joined in with the crowd. I ignored the hurt deep inside my chest. Dani should’ve been here for this, and she wasn’t the only one. There were moments in my life where, even though things felt right, they were all kinds of wrong. This was one of those moments.

  “We’re here,” I said when we arrived outside of Mrs. Jenkins’s classroom.

  I knelt to be eye-level with Shayne. She released Camryn’s hand and wrapped both her arms around my neck.

  She squeezed me tight and whispered against my ear, “I love you so much, Daddy.”

  “I love you, too, Bug,” I whispered back. “More than anything in the world.”

  “Tucker, do you have your phone?” Camryn asked.

  I looked around and noticed the other parents holding up their phones. “Yeah,” I told her and took it out of my pocket.

  “Want me to take it for you?” Camryn offered.

  “That would be great.” I passed her my phone.

  “All right, you two, let me see big smiles.”

  Still in my kneeling position, I tucked Shayne into my side, and we smiled for the picture.

  “Aw, you two look great.” Camryn snapped the photo and then held out the phone to me.

  I stood, but before I could take it from her, Shayne interjected, “Wait. Can we take one of the three of us?”

  It was a horrible idea. Camryn had been dominating my thoughts lately. The last thing I needed was an image of her on my phone.

  I can always delete it later, I rationalized. We’ll take one to appease Shayne, and then I’ll erase it.

  Even as the thought entered my head, I knew it was a lie.

  “Do you mind?” I asked, directing the question to Camryn.

  “Not at all,” she conceded, but from the look on her face, she thought it was as bad of an idea as I did.

  I took the phone from her, and we all squeezed into the frame. Shayne’s smile was full blown and genuine. Camryn’s looked as uncertain as my own.

  When the bell rang, I turned to Shayne. “All right, it’s that time. I’ll pick you up after school.”

  “Okay.” She wrapped her arms around my waist, and I dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

  Mrs. Jenkins stood at the classroom door, reassuring parents as she ushered in their kids.

  Shayne was a bit reluctant, but she detached herself from around me and walked inside the classroom.

  I turned away and headed back the way we had come, so I could
leave. Camryn fell in step beside me.

  “Thank you. For what you did for Shayne.” I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

  “Tucker, it wasn’t a big deal.”

  “It was a very big deal to her.” To me, too, but she didn’t need to know that.

  “Well, you’re welcome.”

  “Have a great first day, Miss Parker,” I said as we approached the corner where we’d found her earlier.

  “See you, Tucker.”

  I offered her a smile before I walked back to my truck and drove to work. When I arrived at the garage, Nash looked up as I walked into the lobby.

  “Good morning,” I addressed the few clients that sat, waiting for their cars.

  “Hey, slacker. Nice of you to show up.” Nash loved nothing more than to give me shit. We’d been friends since we were kids. “Did you enjoy your vacation?”

  “We did.”

  “Shayne get off to school okay?”

  “Yep. She was a little nervous but handled it like a champ.” I walked behind the counter and flipped through the appointment book. We had a computer program to track everything, but the book was easier, and it didn’t crash. “Looks like it’s going to be a busy day.”

  “You can say that again.”

  “All right, I’m going to go change, and I’ll be out there in a few,” I told him as I made my way into my office.

  “Wait up,” Nash called after me.

  I faced him and raised a brow.

  He stepped around me. I knew that look. Without prompting, I closed the door, crossed my arms, and waited for him to speak.

  “Did you hear Holly was back in town?”

  “We ran into each other at the bar last week, but since you’re asking, I assume you know that.”

  “I might’ve heard. You good?”

  “So, what? You want to stand around and talk about feelings and shit now?”

  “Just checkin’, man.” He threw his hands up in surrender.

  Frustrated, I reached up to grip my hair and looked at Nash. “I’m fine, and we aren’t going to talk about it.”

  “Tuck, it’s been years, man. When are you going to let it go?”

  I glared at him. “Really, Nash? You want to go there? I give zero fucks about Holly. I have let it go. I don’t want to talk about her, and I don’t want to see her.”

  “No worries there, my friend. She’s already gone.”

  “Well, thank God for small favors,” I said, relieved.

  “Look, I know—”

  “Nash.” It was a warning, and he damn well knew it.

  “Fine.” He crossed his arms. “How’s that new next-door neighbor of yours?”

  A smile crept over my face before I could stop it.

  “Damn, Tuck.” He smirked. “Macy was right.”

  “Right about what?”

  “Nothing, man.” He dropped his eyes and looked anywhere but at me.

  “Nash, are you forgetting who signs your fucking paycheck?”

  “Not cool, bro. Not at all.”

  My gaze turned hard.

  “Please tell me you don’t think your new neighbor moved into that house by accident.”

  Leave it to Macy to stick her damn nose in my business. “Macy is a pain in my ass.”

  “Mine, too, man.”

  “When the hell are you two going to get your heads out of your asses?”

  His jaw tensed. “Not going there, man.”

  Nash and Macy had been together off and on since we were kids. For some reason, as adults, neither one of them had managed to get their shit together.

  “All right. Then, shut up and get your ass back to work.”

  He raised a hand in mock salute. “Yes, sir, boss.” Nash opened the door and then pulled it shut behind him.

  Asshole. He knew I hated when he called me that.

  After I had taken over the garage, I’d made a few upgrades, including adding a private bathroom with a small shower and a custom armoire, built to resemble an upright toolbox, where I kept extra clothes.

  I changed, made sure the coffee in the lobby was fresh, and went out to help my crew service the cars. We were so busy that I worked straight through lunch. A while later, covered in sweat and grease, it was time to go pick up my girl.

  “Nash, I’m out, but I’ll be back.”

  We still had three brake jobs, a few tire rotations, and a transmission install to finish up before we closed at six.

  “All right, man. See you in a bit.”

  The garage might not be the ideal place for a kid to hang out, but Shayne was used to it.

  When she was younger, on the days my mom couldn’t watch her, she’d hung out at the shop. There was a dedicated corner of my office just for her, though the space had transitioned over the years according to Shayne’s age. With a small television and enough toys and art supplies to keep her busy for an hour or two, Shayne was happy. Being a single parent with a business to run meant I did whatever the hell I needed to make it work. Lucky for me, being the boss had its perks.

  10

  Camryn

  Aside from a few of the younger students who came to the office, complaining of a stomachache that had more to do with separation anxiety than actual illness, the first day of school had been uneventful. That meant I’d had plenty of time to think of Tucker and Shayne.

  This morning, she’d surprised me when she asked if I’d walk with them to her classroom. I was even more shocked when Tucker agreed. But I saw it. That brief second he’d allowed his mask to slip. The raw emotion he worked hard to conceal written all over his face. Unspoken longing for the woman who should’ve been here with them, holding their daughter’s hand and snapping selfies. Sadness gripped my insides. I’d hurt for both of them, and I’d wanted nothing more than to gather Tucker and Shayne into my arms for a hug. To be there for them in the same way Tucker had been for me the other night.

  The dismissal bell rang, effectively pulling me from my thoughts. Since it was the first day of school, I had car duty with the rest of the staff. I stepped out from the designated nurse’s station and made my way toward the front of the school. Children sat crisscross on the sidewalk behind a painted yellow line. As I made my way through the throng of sweaty faces, I was careful not to step on any limbs or fingers that darted beyond the safe zone. I’d been assigned to the kindergarten and first grade section, so I scanned the sea of faces for the little girl who was quickly becoming my favorite person.

  Shayne must have felt my eyes on her because she stopped talking to the boy who sat beside her and looked at me. Her face morphed into the biggest smile, and she thrust her small hand into the air to wave. I returned the gesture, and then she went back to talking with her young friend.

  I focused my attention to the street where cars were lined up, waiting to turn into the school. Mr. Rogers, our principal, stood in the middle of the asphalt semicircle, headset mic in place. The sun was beating down, and wetness pooled on the back of his baby-blue dress shirt, which caused the material to stick to him. Florida in August was comparative to the seventh ring of hell, and hopefully, we’d be able to get the children loaded into their respective vehicles before we all died of heatstroke.

  Card-stock signs bearing children’s names were either hanging from rearview mirrors or pressed against windshields. As Mr. Rogers called off the names of students, he directed parents to the appropriate spot.

  “Shayne Jaxson,” he said into the mic.

  Shayne stood, and I held out a hand to help her step around her classmates. “Did you have a good day?”

  “I did. Mrs. Jenkins is so nice. And I made a friend. Oh, and we have a class pet. I’ll get—”

  “How about you tell me all about it later? Your dad’s here.” I pointed to Tucker’s black truck. As he pulled up to the curb, I opened the rear passenger door.

  “Hey, Doodlebug,” he greeted Shayne. “Hi, Camryn.”

  “Hi, Daddy. We’re still at school, so you have to call h
er Miss Parker, remember?”

  I laughed. “It’s all right, Shayne. Can you buckle in, or do you need help?”

  “I’ve got it, but thank you.”

  “Thanks, Miss Parker.” Tucker smirked.

  And damn if I didn’t find it sensual as hell. I’d heard the expression sex on a stick. Read it at least a dozen times in romance novels. An overused cliché that seemed more fucking ridiculous every time I came across it. That was before Tucker Jaxson. The relaxed way he sat behind the wheel—elbow bent, hand positioned at twelve o’clock, sweaty from manual labor—that phrase was exactly what came to mind. A woman could get off from the arm porn alone. Especially if you took the streak of grease that marked his bicep into consideration.

  “You can shut the door. I’m snug as a bug.” Shayne yanked on her seat belt. “See?”

  Embarrassment painted my cheeks, but somehow, I managed to string words together. “Ah, look at that. Snug as a bug indeed. Have a good night, you two,” I told them without making eye contact and shut the door. Then, I berated myself over the forgotten sunglasses in my car because I desperately wanted something to hide behind.

  It took more than twenty minutes to get the rest of the students loaded up to go home. After a quick chat with the school secretary about how the first day had gone, I gathered my belongings and got ready to head out.

  The first two weeks of school passed rather quickly, and while I saw Shayne here and there on campus, I hadn’t seen Tucker—at least, not at school. We would see each other in passing but didn’t talk much beyond that. It didn’t stop my thoughts from being consumed by him. The attraction I felt was undeniable. It wasn’t something I intended to act on. Tucker offered me friendship, and as far as friends went, I didn’t have many of those. The past several months had been rough, and right now, I could use one.

  Sexual frustration wasn’t something my vibrator or a swim in the ocean couldn’t handle. It had been a bit since my last trip to the beach, and the thought of a hard swim sounded fantastic. Since I didn’t have any other plans, now seemed as good a time as any.

  After I threw a bag together, I slid into the driver’s seat, rolled down my window, and stuck the key in the ignition. When I turned it, Lucille made an awful noise. My head dropped onto the steering wheel.