Everything I Never Wanted

by K. Street

  6

  Camryn

  “Being neighbors doesn’t make us friends.”

  Tucker’s words still echoed in my head three days later. What he’d said was the truth. We were strangers who happened to live next door to each other. Two encounters and awkwardness over brownies hadn’t changed that. But why he’d felt the need to voice the thought out loud, I failed to comprehend.

  I remembered the picture on his refrigerator. My heart hurt for Tucker and his daughter. So much so that I rubbed the ache in my chest. I knew what it was like to lose a parent. How deeply the scars ran when someone who was supposed to love you abandoned you. But I didn’t know a damn thing about grieving the loss of someone you’d shared a life and child with.

  A feeling of melancholy settled over me, and I realized, if I stayed in this house one second longer, I’d end up wasting the entire day. Next week, I’d start my new job at the elementary school, which meant that today was one of my last chances to spend a weekday doing whatever the hell I wanted, and I wanted to go to the beach.

  I drank my coffee and then gathered everything I’d need for a day on the sand and in the sun. After I loaded the car, I went to my room to put on my suit.

  I tied the turquoise bikini top around my neck and contorted my arms to latch the back. Goose bumps rose across my skin from the cool material. I slipped out of my panties, slid on the matching bottoms, and gave myself a once-over in the mirror. The one positive that had come out of the last few months was that I’d lost the fifteen pounds I’d been trying forever to lose. I gathered my hair into a messy bun, threw on a cover-up, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door.

  There wasn’t a cloud in the sky as I made the short drive to the beach. I found a parking spot with ease, and when I opened my car door, salty sea air filled my lungs. The warm sun kissed my skin, and I knew this was exactly what I needed.

  Somehow, I managed to carry all my crap in one trip. My feet sank into the not-quite-scorching sand as I trudged across the beach. I scanned the area for a somewhat empty spot, and when I found it, I staked my claim. After I applied sunblock, I dropped my sunglasses into my bag and made a beeline for the ocean.

  Wet sand gathered between my toes as I made my way through the shallow water. Once I was waist deep, I swam out a little way to where the waves formed. Then, I stood sideways, and when they rolled in, I would bounce up and let them carry me. The sun heated my face, and I relished in the sense of weightlessness the sea gave me.

  I didn’t know how long I’d spent in the water. I’d been carried out a bit, so I had to study the shoreline when I finally made my way back. My arm stretched across my forehead to block the glaring sun. I’d purposely left my sunglasses in the bag, so I wouldn’t risk losing them in the water. Trying to see without them was a bitch. It took a few minutes to locate the patch of sand where I’d dropped my stuff. As I made my way along the water’s edge, I heard my name, but I couldn’t tell where it had come from. I walked a little further, and I heard it again. Closer this time.

  “Camryn, over here.”

  I knew that voice. Shayne was sitting in the sand with an orange bucket, a shovel, and several Matchbox cars. I didn’t see Tucker, but I was certain he was close by.

  I plopped down on the beach next to her. “Hi, sweet girl. Where’s your daddy?”

  “Right here,” came the deep voice from behind me. “I was just grabbing her sunblock.” He squatted down behind Shayne and began to spray her back.

  “Hey, Tucker,” I greeted him and rose to my feet.

  “Hi, Camryn.”

  “How’ve you been?” I asked.

  “Good. And you?”

  “Fine.”

  He didn’t say anything else, so I stood there until I couldn’t handle the awkwardness for another second.

  “Well … have fun, you two.”

  “Wait.” Shayne squinted her big hazel eyes as she looked up at me. “Don’t you want to build a sand castle with us?”

  I’d love nothing more than to drop back to my knees alongside this precious little girl and help her build the best sand castle ever, but I wasn’t sure her father would welcome the intrusion. Since Tucker made no attempt to confirm the invitation, I knew it’d be best to let it be.

  “Maybe next time, sweet pea. You and your daddy have fun. Okay?”

  “Okay.” Shayne pouted her agreement.

  “Bye, Tucker.”

  “Bye.”

  Just let it be, I reminded myself.

  I grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler and downed half of it. After I reapplied sunblock, I reached into my bag and pulled out a towel. I used it to wipe my hands and then placed it over the chair before I dug back into the bag for my sunglasses and my current read. I stretched out on the lounger and opened my book.

  I read a few chapters before I flipped onto my stomach and read a few more. The main character’s name was Brett, and he was downright delicious. Completely lost in the story, I found myself hot and bothered in broad daylight on a public beach. So hot that I decided it was time for another swim.

  I got up, dropped my book and sunglasses back into the bag, and headed toward the water. I searched the shore, hoping to catch a glimpse of Shayne and Tucker. When I failed to spot them, my eyes drifted to where they’d been earlier, but only the remnants of a sand castle remained. I walked closer and noticed the sunlight gleaming off an object. I crouched and plucked a Matchbox car from the sand, one I was pretty sure belonged to Shayne. My fingers wrapped around the toy, and I held it secure in my fist as I headed into the water. I swam for a little bit, making sure never to let go of the little car.

  Before long, I decided I’d had enough sand and sea for one day, so I packed up my things and headed for home.

  7

  Tucker

  Shayne had crashed earlier than normal tonight. The beach had worn her out, and she’d already been asleep for a little over an hour.

  After I started a load of laundry, checked in on my girl one more time, and grabbed a beer from the fridge, I headed to the back porch. With the door left open a crack to keep an ear out, I settled into one of the chairs and took a long pull from the bottle. Then, I tipped my head back, rested it against the cushion, and closed my eyes.

  Visions of Camryn in her bikini swam in my head. The blue-green color was gorgeous against her light-golden skin. She had legs that went on for days. And damn those fucking curves. Staying away from her had taken every bit of resolve I possessed. Camryn was quickly becoming my kryptonite, and it was only a matter of time before desire won out.

  Except for the crickets and bullfrogs, the night was quiet. Or it was until Camryn’s voice drowned out everything else. It wasn’t sweet like it’d been earlier when she sat beside Shayne on the beach.

  “Jared, why are you calling me?” Her words were laced with anger, but just underneath was something else altogether.

  Who the hell is Jared?

  I lifted my head a bit and looked in the direction of her house. She was pacing back and forth on her porch, holding her phone to her ear. Her porch light was on, and it was easy to make her out in the darkness.

  She paused for a minute, and then she spoke again, screeching into the phone, “Are you fucking insane?”

  It was evident she had no idea I was out here. My porch light wasn’t on, and she hadn’t even looked in my direction once.

  “Listen here, you lying, cheating son of a bitch. If you think for a fucking second I’d ever be with you again, you’re more delusional than I thought.”

  There was another pause. Longer this time and then she spoke again. The words were quieter, thicker somehow, as though she was on the verge of tears.

  “Go to hell.”

  I heard a door slam, and I thought she’d gone inside for good until it slammed a second time. She threw herself into a chair.

  “Fucking asshole,” she loudly swore. “I hope his dick falls off.”

  I sat up and cleared my throat. “You okay?”


  “Do you make it a habit to eavesdrop?”

  “It was impossible not to overhear.” I picked up my beer, stood, and walked to the edge of the deck. “You okay?” I asked her again.

  “Fucking peachy.” Her voice was thick.

  I heard how hard she was trying not to cry. Whoever this Jared guy was, I wanted to beat his ass. I might not know Camryn well, but I had the feeling that she wasn’t the type of woman who cried easily.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  “Camryn,” I pushed. I could see her, but I couldn’t make out her features.

  “Tucker, please, just leave me alone.”

  “Look, about the other night, you took me by surprise; that’s all.”

  She didn’t respond. She got up and went inside. I waited a few minutes for her to return, and when she didn’t, I decided it was time to call it a night. Then, I heard her sliding glass door open, and I knew she’d come back out.

  “Tucker?”

  “I’m here.”

  I made out her frame as she walked down her stairs and onto the grass. She stumbled but caught herself.

  “Ow. Shit. Damn gophers.”

  I went over to the door and flicked on the light. Then, I set my beer on the little plastic table Shayne used for her tea parties.

  Camryn stopped near the steps that led to my deck and held something out in her palm.

  I climbed down the stairs and moved to where she was.

  “Here. I found this on the beach where you and Shayne built her castle. I figured it was hers.” She placed a Matchbox car in my hand.

  I stuck the car in the pocket of my basketball shorts. “Thank you.”

  Seeing her vulnerable and sad struck a chord inside me. I wanted to make it better. Erase the hurt that lined her face.

  “Whoever he is, he isn’t worth it.”

  “You’re right; he isn’t.” She dried her face and then turned to leave. “Good night, Tucker.”

  “Camryn?”

  She stopped, but she didn’t face me. “Don’t.” Her breath caught.

  The way she’d said the word tugged at something primal in me. I stepped closer and softly placed a large hand on her shoulder. My fingers gave a light squeeze.

  “Please don’t,” she whispered.

  I felt her body start to shake, and my chest tightened. She was on the verge of breaking down, and I couldn’t force myself to walk away. Instead, I moved in front of her and hauled her into me. For a second, she struggled against my hold.

  “Tucker, let me go.” Her words lacked conviction.

  Everything within me screamed to do as she’d asked. But this wasn’t about me. Or about self-preservation. It was about her.

  “Not yet.”

  Finally, her arms wrapped around my waist as she began to weep. Camryn’s hot tears soaked through my shirt to my skin. Her body was racked with silent sobs. For whatever reason, she needed this. I knew it in the way she clung to me. How she burrowed into my chest and fisted the material covering my back. I didn’t shush her or tell her it was going to be okay because I didn’t know if it would be. I didn’t know her story, and she didn’t know mine.

  This moment was all I’d ever be able to give her. It would have to be enough.

  8

  Camryn

  Engulfed in his arms, I pressed my body into Tucker as close as I could get. Every emotion that I’d refused to acknowledge during the last six months spilled out of me.

  Sadness. Anger. Hurt. Guilt. Loss. And, the most profound, grief.

  The harder I tried to get myself under control, the faster the tears fell. Tucker never wavered. He just let me cry, and I relished his embrace. Minutes, maybe hours, passed by the time I got it together enough to form words.

  When I did speak, they came out breathy and broken. “I-I’m s-sorry.”

  Tucker hooked a finger under my chin and drew it upward. “Don’t apologize.”

  I dropped my arms from his waist and stepped out of his hold. “Th-thank you, Tucker. I don’t think I knew how much I needed that until now.” Wetness coated the palms of my hands as I dried my face.

  “I’m sorry … for whatever you went through.”

  I drew in a shuddered breath. “I’d better let you get back to it.”

  Turning away from him, I took a few steps when he called out to me, “Camryn?”

  “Yeah?”

  “My last name is Jaxson.”

  I walked back toward him, confusion etched on my swollen face. “Jaxson?”

  “As in Jaxson Cove.” He scuffed a hand down his beard and then crossed his arms. “There’s an exhibit down at City Hall.” He smirked. “And the Founder’s Day Parade takes awkward to another level.”

  “Oh my God.” A hand covered my mouth to stifle the laugh.

  “I also own Jaxson’s Garage, which my grandfather opened over fifty years ago.”

  “Wow.” Hands on my hips, shocked expression in place, I said, “Your family is straight outta one of those black-and-white television shows.”

  “Says the women who brought over baked goods the day after she moved in.”

  “Touché.” I crossed my arms and dropped my gaze to the ground before I continued, “Tucker … I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

  My eyes refused to lift until he said my name.

  “Camryn, the reason I told you my last name is because it’s generally something exchanged among friends.”

  The corners of my mouth tugged upward while I waited for him to finish.

  “You were bound to find out, and it was only a matter of time before we ended up with each other’s mail.” He smiled. “Or you heard the old men gossiping down at McGregor’s Coffee Shop.”

  “So, we’re friends now?”

  His voice dropped low. “It seems like you could use one.”

  He had no idea how right he was.

  My smile widened. “Wait. Doesn’t that make this some sort of pity friendship?”

  He chuckled. “Depends on how you look at it.”

  “Thanks for the hug, Tucker.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Have a good night.” I headed back to my place, and before I stepped onto my porch, I called over my shoulder, “Parker.”

  “What?”

  “My last name. It’s Parker.”

  “Well, good night, Camryn Parker.”

  “Good night, Tucker Jaxson.”

  Later, when I climbed into bed after my shower, I lay awake for a long time, lost inside my head. My emotions swung back and forth like a pendulum. Part of me felt ashamed that I’d broken down. That I’d allowed someone else to see me in a moment of weakness. Usually, I didn’t do tears. I handled whatever was thrown my way and tried like hell to move on. Tonight though, it had felt impossible. Jared had said the most awful, abhorrent things to me.

  “You’re not good enough. You never will be.”

  “Your own mother didn’t even want you.”

  I’d tried not to let it eat away at me, but everything had come to a head. The second Tucker’s hand had landed on my shoulder, I had known I was going to break. At first, when he’d tried to pull me into a hug, I’d fought against him because I knew how it would end.

  Me, a sniveling mess of snot and salty tears.

  Exposed. Raw. Vulnerable.

  I’d never expected to find the first semblance of peace I’d had in months in the arms of my sexy neighbor. The man who, just days ago, had seemed annoyed by my presence.

  I snuggled beneath the covers, Tucker’s scent clinging to my unwashed hair, and fell into a deep sleep.

  9

  Tucker

  Having Camryn in my arms had felt so good. Too fucking good, if I was being honest. Visions of her legs wrapped around me as I pounded into her kept me awake at night. That was why I’d been avoiding her for the last few days. Since today was the first
day of school, I didn’t know if it’d be possible. Hopefully, she’d be gone by the time Shayne and I left the house. Then again, there was always a chance we’d run into Camryn on campus.

  My eyes shifted to the digital clock on my nightstand. I had just enough time to get ready for work before I needed to wake Shayne.

  Once I was showered and dressed, I opened Shayne’s bedroom door and stared at my daughter. Some kids looked angelic while they slept. Bug looked more like she’d fought off a pack of rabid dogs. Hair wild, pajama shirt bunched up around her belly, body spread eagle, covers on the floor, and one corner of the sheet undone. She was a hot mess.

  I crept over to the side of her bed, gently pushed her leg out of the way, and sat down. My fingers brushed across her forehead, smoothing out the creases. I planted a kiss on the tip of her nose and whispered, “Doodlebug, it’s time to wake up.”

  Her eyes fluttered open. “Nope. I’m still sleeping,” she said and rolled onto her side.

  “Okay, but you’re going to be late on your first day of school.”

  “School is today?” She shot straight up, wide-eyed, nearly head-butting me in the process.

  “It is.”

  She squealed and scrambled into my lap, her hands planted on my cheeks. “Daddy! This is going to be the best day ever.”

  I pulled her into a hug. “It is, Bug, but you need to get dressed.”

  “I know exactly what I’m going to wear.”

  “One of the new outfits Grammy bought you this weekend?”

  She looked thoughtful. “Yes, but not the one with flowers on it. I’m not about that life.”