Everything I Never Wanted

by K. Street

  “Shayne isn’t baggage.” I hated the context of the word. I’d been someone’s baggage.

  “You know what I mean, and honestly, it’s a lot to ask of someone, but I’ve never met anyone who made me want more.”

  “Is that what you want? A relationship, I mean.” I held my breath, unsure of what I wanted his answer to be.

  He stroked my hair with his free hand. “You make me want to try.”

  Those six little words filled me with hope and scared me shitless.

  “You’re not the only one who’s afraid.” I might have been long over Jared, but the aftershocks of his betrayal still stung. Not only that, but he was also just someone else who didn’t want me.

  “What are you afraid of?” he asked.

  My truth ripped open wounds that ran soul deep, and we weren’t going to talk about that. No longer able to meet his gaze, I looked away. Covering my mouth, I attempted to stifle a yawn.

  Tucker kissed my forehead. “Sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  Glad for the reprieve and completely exhausted, I rolled over and closed my eyes. Tucker draped an arm over my hip, tugging me flush against him, and I drifted off.

  The next morning, I woke to find myself alone, except for Tucker’s scent that clung to the pillow he’d slept on. I scanned the room for a sign, something that told me I was wrong. My eyes paused on the dresser. Tucker’s clothes were gone. Aside from the electrical buzz of the refrigerator and the whir from the air conditioner, the house was utterly silent. He’d left, and I hated how my heart sank at the knowledge.

  I got up, took a shower, brushed my teeth, and threw on a T-shirt and shorts. Then, a thought occurred to me. Maybe his mom had called. I grasped at the straw like a lifeline and let my imagination run wild. Because, if something had come up, it would mean that Tucker had left because he needed to, not because he didn’t want me. Then, my imagination ran a little too far.

  What if something was wrong with Shayne?

  All the moments she and I’d shared began to spin in my head. Cartwheels and round-offs on the lawn. How disappointed she had been to learn I didn’t possess magical powers. Her first day of school—a memory that shouldn’t even belong to me but did. Regardless of what had transpired between me and Tucker, I had to know Shayne was okay. Because, somewhere along the line, my not-quite-six-year-old neighbor had become one of my favorite humans, and as pathetic as it sounded, aside from Grayson, Shayne was probably my best friend.

  Propelled by concern for a child who wasn’t mine, I tore through the house, looking for my purse, which was the last place I remembered having my phone. After I looked for a full five minutes, I found my purse in the living room. While I dug through it, I looked out the window. Tucker’s truck wasn’t in his driveway, and I wasn’t sure if it made me feel better or worse. I was two seconds from dumping the contents of my bag when I finally unearthed my cell, buried at the bottom. I swiped my finger over the black screen, and nothing happened.

  “For fuck’s sake,” I shouted at the shiny rectangle.

  Either I needed a new battery or to at least remember to plug the damn thing in to charge. I headed into the kitchen to connect the phone to one of the four charger ports scattered throughout the house. One might think a person who had so many of them would remember to use them.

  I snapped the hair tie off my wrist and gathered my hair in a topknot.

  Coffee. I needed coffee.

  I’d wait for my phone to charge and then call Tucker. More than likely, everything was completely fine. Hopefully, the coffee would take the edge off the crazy.

  Inhaling a calming breath, I opened the cabinet above the coffee pot and took out the small grinder and the bag of beans. Some people may consider it ridiculous to go to all that trouble for a cup of joe, but I was one of those rare birds who didn’t own a Keurig. There was just something about the scent of freshly ground beans that soothed the soul. How the aroma wafted in the air, bringing memories along with it. At thirteen, when most kids received makeup or gaming systems for their birthdays, my dad had bought me a coffee mug and a Scrabble board game. Both of which I still had. It was one of the best birthdays I’d ever had.

  I just finished adding the grounds to the filter and filling the reservoir with water when the front door swung open. There was only one person it could be, and I gave him my back because I wasn’t ready to turn around just yet. I was a pathetic mess, and I needed to get my shit together.

  He came back. Shayne is fine.

  Tucker’s voice filled the space between us. “You’re awake,” he stated the obvious.

  I pressed the start button on the pot, plastered a smile on my face, and pivoted to face him. Clutched in his hands were two medium-sized white paper bags with a sunflower printed on them. Scrawled in loopy script, it read Crystal Creek Bakery Company.

  “Breakfast?” I quirked a brow. “So, that’s where you were. That’s so sweet.” It would’ve been a hell of a lot sweeter if he’d left my needy ass a note.

  “Where did you think I went?” He was wearing jeans and an olive-green T-shirt that complemented his gorgeous eyes.

  That was a loaded question. The only thing I hadn’t considered was the possibility that he went to get breakfast. When I’d woken up in an empty bed, I’d just known he was gone. Maybe it had been too much for him. Maybe he’d changed his mind and decided he didn’t want to try this after all.

  Without answering, I reached into the cabinet for a mug and put the grinder back. “Do you want a cup?”

  “Sure.” He started unloading the contents of the bag onto the island while I swapped the pot out to fill his mug and repeated the process with mine.

  “Here.” I passed Tucker his coffee cup.

  He took a sip, set it aside, and began opening containers to reveal a continental breakfast spread. Berries, bagels, muffins, granola, yogurt, and a few other things.

  “Isn’t this a lot of food for two people?”

  He shrugged. “I didn’t know what you wanted. Sit. Eat.”

  “Thank you. This is very thoughtful.” I reached for a muffin.

  Tucker raked a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. “Camryn, are you okay? You seem a little … off.”

  “I’m fine,” I said and took a bite of banana nut muffin to conceal my lie. But there wasn’t room in my mouth for both, and the cakey substance grew thick. I picked up my coffee and took a big gulp, which made me start choking.

  Tucker quickly moved into action. He ripped off a paper towel, shoved it into my palm, and began to rub circles between my shoulder blades.

  My eyes stung with tears. “Water,” I stammered.

  He grabbed a bottle from the fridge, twisted off the cap, and gave it to me.

  It took a few minutes for me to calm down, but eventually, I got myself under control.

  “Babe, tell me what’s wrong.”

  “When I woke up, you were gone.”

  “I went to get breakfast.” His brow lifted. “Wait. You thought I’d just left?”

  My silence was all the conformation he needed

  “After last night, you think I, what? Used you for sex?”

  In three seconds, my crazy was coming out to play, and I needed a little bit of space. Without looking up, I walked past him. If he kept pushing, it was all going to come out like word vomit.

  “Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?”

  I set my water on the coffee table and then twisted to face him. “Last night, you said sex was a lot less complicated. What was I supposed to think? You never left a note.” Those abandonment issues I knew I had but swore I didn’t? This was the universe calling bullshit. “And, no, Tucker, I don’t think you’re that much of an asshole. I started to rationalize that maybe your mom had called or Shayne was sick or something had happened. Then, I felt like a crazy person because, if something had happened, it would mean that you hadn’t left by choice. I was going to call you, but per usual, my phone was dead. I plug
ged it in and started a pot of coffee. In all those scenarios, never once did I consider you’d just gone to grab breakfast.”

  And there it was—the crux of all my fears. My hand flew over my mouth, as if I could capture all the words and swallow them back. This was exactly why I tried so hard not to let anyone in. There was your normal run-of-the-mill crazy, but everything I’d just unloaded on Tucker went far beyond that.

  He opened his mouth and then shut it. Then, he opened it again. He looked like a damn guppy.

  21

  Tucker

  I stared at Camryn, dumbfounded expression fixed on my face, and tried to figure out what to say.

  During her little rampage, I’d realized a few things. One, I’d had no idea she was so animated when she lost her shit. It was fucking adorable, but I decided to keep that to myself. Two, her abandonment issues ran deeper than I’d known. And, three, I’d just fallen in love with her.

  “Say something.”

  Words tumbled in my head like change in a dryer. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I wanted to make it better. I knew this wasn’t Camryn being dramatic. Aside from her father, everyone else had tossed her away, and she expected me to do the same.

  “Okay, let me help you,” she said. “Camryn, the sex was amazing, but you’re a whole can of crazy—and not the fun kind.” She held up a finger. “Wait, I’ve got it.” Clearing her throat, she said, “Camryn, on second thought, it really was just sex.”

  That one pissed me off. She didn’t get to say that shit and then put space between us, so I stalked into the living room.

  “Enough.” I took her hand, sat on the couch, and pulled her onto my lap.

  My hands dived into her hair, ridding her of the tie that secured it. Her damp, dark hair fell down her back. I gathered it, wound the strands in my fist, and gently tugged her head.

  Gorgeous eyes stared up at me. A man could get fucking lost in those baby blues.

  “Camryn, the sex was amazing.” Kiss. “There will be a next time.” Kiss. “It was a whole lot of things, baby. But just sex? Not a fucking chance,” I growled that last part.

  I kissed my way along her jaw to her lips. She opened on a moan, and I plunged my tongue inside, waging a war against her mouth. When I was certain she was convinced, I released her hair and placed my hands on her hips.

  Her flattened palms lying against my chest, she picked at the imaginary lint, refusing to look at me. “I’m sorry I kind of freaked out. I’m fine.”

  “Is that how you think this works? That you can tell me you’re fine, and I’m going to believe you? I saw that look on your face. This is me trying, but I can’t be the only one in this, Camryn.”

  I stilled her hands, but her eyes remained fixed on my shirt. This wasn’t easy for her, and as much as I wanted her to look at me, I wanted her words more.

  She blew out a hard breath. “If I’m sleeping, just leave me a note. Or you can wake me up. Shoot me a text. Send a fucking carrier pigeon. Just don’t disappear.”

  Her pain sliced through me, leaving me gutted. I lifted her wrist to my lips, planting a tender kiss to the inside.

  “Okay, baby.”

  “God, that makes me sound so needy, and I hate it.” She dropped her head to my chest and wrapped her arms around my neck.

  “I like you needy,” I told her, trailing my hand over her back.

  Dick hard as a fucking rock, I carried her back to bed. With every stroke of my cock, I intended to erase all her doubts from the inside out.

  22

  Camryn

  Over the next several weeks, Tucker, Shayne, and I began to spend more and more time together. Each day, I fell a little more for him. We took advantage of stolen moments whenever we could. Enjoying dates when Shayne spent the night with Tucker’s mom, whom I’d yet to meet. I knew he was being cautious, and we both had our own issues to overcome. We kept the public displays of affection to a minimum in front of Shayne, though it was only a matter of time before that was no longer possible. The kid was too smart for her own good. I adored her, and she already owned a piece of my heart. That was why, when Tucker sent me a text one Friday afternoon, asking me if I minded picking up Shayne from the garage, I was happy to do it.

  The lobby was empty when I walked inside, except for Nash, who stood behind the high counter. The door chimed, and he looked up.

  “Hey, Nash.”

  “Camryn. Nice to see you again.”

  We’d bumped into Nash and Macy at the park last week, but I hadn’t seen either of them since.

  “Where’s Shayne?”

  “She’s hanging out with Macy at her office. Tuck had to go pick up a part, but he’ll be right back.”

  “Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll go visit with the girls, and we’ll come back in a few,” I told him and turned to go.

  “Camryn, hold up.”

  I stopped and pivoted back to him.

  “Do you have a second?” He folded his arms over his chest.

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  “Tucker is my best friend, and he’s been through hell.”

  I nodded, not entirely certain what he was hinting at.

  “He looks happy. Happier than he has in a long fucking time.”

  “That’s a good thing, right? Seeing your friend happy.”

  “I haven’t decided.”

  “What does that even mean? Nash, if you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

  “What’s your plan?”

  “Excuse me?”

  What the hell is his problem?

  “If you’re just using him to pass time—”

  “Stop right there.” I held a hand up, palm out. “I get that I’m new in town, and we haven’t really had a chance to get to know each other.” My eyes shifted to the cement floor before they lifted to meet his gaze. “You’re just going to have to trust me when I say, that isn’t the kind of person that I am. I’ve grown to care about not only Tucker, but Shayne as well. Whatever this thing is between me and Tucker, it’s exactly that—between me and him.”

  Intense and unyielding, his eyes bored into me. I met his stare and held my ground.

  After a minute that felt more like an hour, Nash spoke, “That might be true, but if this thing between you two goes south, who do you think is going to help him get his shit together again? Not to mention, Shayne seems pretty damn attached.”

  “If you think I hold all the power, that Tucker is the only one at risk of being hurt, then you don’t know a damn thing. Because, if this thing between us goes south”—I used his phrase against him—“he has you. And Shayne and his mom and Macy. I have nobody Nash. Not that it’s your business, but my dad raised me alone. My circumstances might have been different, but I’ve been in Shayne’s shoes. This isn’t a game to me. I care about them both.” My feelings ran deeper that, but I kept it to myself.

  Nash’s hard look softened. “Such a fucking asshole,” he muttered. “I’m such a fucking asshole. Camryn, I’m sorry. You’re the first person he’s let get close since …” His voice trailed off.

  “I understand, and I appreciate that you want to look out for your friend. But Tucker is a big boy, and I don’t plan on going anywhere. Thank you for the apology.”

  “You really do care about them.”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  The door sounded, and Tucker walked inside with a box clutched in his hands. “Hey, beau—” He stopped mid-greeting, eyes flitting back and forth between me and Nash. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” Nash spoke up. “We were just having a chat.”

  “Uh-huh.” Tucker set the package down on the counter, came to stand in front of me, and planted a quick peck on my lips. “Everything all right?” He side-eyed Nash.

  “Yeah. It’s all good.”

  He gave a slight nod, but I knew the conversation wasn’t over.

  “Where’s Bug?”

  As if summoned by the mere mention of her name, Shayne barreled through the door, Macy on her h
eels.

  Tucker took a step back, the action not fazing me in the least. We were taking things very slow in front of Shayne.

  “Camryn,” she squealed. Arms wide open, Shayne threw herself into me.

  “Hi, sweet girl.” I bent to give her a half-hug, her body still clinging to my waist.

  “I missed you.” Her words bloomed a tenderness inside me.

  “I just saw you at school earlier though.”

  “That’s different,” she declared, taking a step back and planting her hands on her hips. “At school, you’re Miss Parker. Not at school, you’re my friend.”

  “You know what?”

  “What?”

  “You’re seriously my favorite human.”

  “You’re mine, too. Well, except for Daddy.”

  Tucker and I both chuckled. I shifted my focus from Shayne to the adults in the room. Macy grinned like a fool while Nash seemed more subdued. I couldn’t fault him for being protective of his best friend.

  “Macy, how are you?” I asked.

  “Great. Are we still on for drinks tomorrow?”

  “Absolutely. The Hideaway at seven, right?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Macy turned her attention to Shayne. “Come give me a hug. I have to get back to the office to close up.”

  Macy bent down for Shayne to wrap her arms around her neck.

  “Love you, Aunt Macy.”

  “Love you, too, Butter Bean.”

  A chorus of good-byes ushered Macy out the door.

  “We should get going, too,” I said to Tucker.

  He nodded. “Nash, I’ll be right back, man. I’m going to help Camryn with the car seat.”

  Nash came out from behind the counter, scooped Shayne up in a hug, and pretended to eat her neck.

  Shayne squirmed and shrieked with giggles. “Uncle Nash, stop it.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “Love you, Monkey,” he said and set her down.

  “Love you, too.” Shayne’s small hand slipped in mine. “Come on, Camryn. Let’s get out of here.”