Cjiena: Beginnings

by Patrice Caraway

  Surprisingly Molog put his hands up to stop them, and for whatever reason, I reached my mind towards his, and just brushed against his mind gently. I didn’t want to know beyond what he was thinking now. “I can’t believe that I’m so close to it. I didn’t think it would be so easy feeding that old man poison. Soon it will all be mine, and then I can finally get rid of my enemy.”

  I doubled over, nauseated. Ulgog bent down to help me up. “Are you alright? “He whispered

  “He poisoned the chief,” I stammered as another wave of nausea passed.

  “Quickly,” he muttered, “get back to the hut.”

  Holding onto my arm, Ulgog and I walked faster to our home and ducked through our doorway. My mother was rushing around the room, gathering items and placing them in a pack. When she saw us enter, she jumped, clutching items close to her chest, fear written upon her face. Even when she realized it was Ulgog, she just stared at him. When he nodded, tears fell from the corner of her eyes, but she quickly went back to her work quietly sobbing as she continued to pack.

  “Ulgog, what’s going on? Why is mother crying and why is she packing? Where are we going?”

  Ulgog began to pace back and forth in front of me, muttering to himself to where I couldn’t understand what he was saying. “Ulgog?”

  He stopped and turned to me. “Cjiena, your life is in grave danger, and we must get you away from here before the chief dies and Molog is announced leader of the tribe.”

  “But why? Molog has only tried to stir up trouble. He’s never outright harmed me.”

  “Listen to me Cjiena. When word came to the chief and I about your birth, Molog turned everyone against you, blaming you for the disease that killed many people including his beloved wife. They needed something to blame and so Molog turned their grief into hatred and fear. The tribe came to the chief and demanded that you be put to death. “

  “Now the chief may not understand everything about the spiritual world, but he always had a respect for it, so he met with me in private to discuss what to do. We both agreed your death was not an option, but the chief wanted a valid reason to deny the people their demand, and to keep his position. “

  “That day, I brought you in front of the tribe and sang in the Ancient Language to put on a show for the people so that they would think the decision being made was an answer from the Mother.”

  “The whole time I questioned if what we did was not betraying the Mother for making the choice for her, but when you pulled on my beard and stared into my eyes, I knew she was telling me the decision I made was right.”

  “After you lived through the night, Molog sought to punish your mother, claiming she had aided you. Even when I reminded him that she had just given birth and had been watched all night by his own guards, he argued with me until the chief stepped in once again. Afterwards, I told him that Molog’s seed of hatred would one day grow and he would plant seeds and help them grow until they would strangle all that was good in our tribe.” Ulgog was becoming more and more worked up.

  “Cjiena, the chief may not have ever defended you directly against anyone, but he’s tried his best through me. In the beginning, I was given the duty of watching over you to ensure that you were not a danger to us. I knew you weren’t a danger, but I continued anyways because I understood why the chief was so concerned. As I watched you grow, my love for you grew as well. I may not have been your father physically, but I never stopped wishing I was.”

  He stopped pacing and began staring off into the distance. When tears fell upon his wrinkled cheeks, I realized whatever he was trying to say hurt him greatly. “Cjiena,” he croaked, “I must ask you to do the hardest thing you have ever been faced with.”

  “Ulgog, what are you telling me?”

  Ulgog locked his eyes onto mine, and my mother quit packing for a moment. “Cjiena, I am asking you to leave the tribe.” Falling to the floor on his knees, he reached out to grasp my leg for support. “They want to kill you, my Cjiena, my daughter. Even if I hadn’t seen, you can see how these horrible events would end.”

  “Every decision Molog has made was in preparation for when he felt his time was right, and he could take his place as leader. Molog knows how much power he will wield as chief, and he can back it up with the will of the people. Even I will no longer have any powers to stop it.”

  “But you are speaker to the Sacred Ones!” I cried, “Will they risk angering them just to destroy me?”

  “Yes! They are so rooted in their anger and hatred that even the possibility of Her turning away from them does not frighten them anymore.”

  “What of you and mother? Am I to leave you here to face their wrath?”

  He pulled my hand and pressed it to his forehead, like he had done the chief’s. “If we leave, they will know that we have gone into hiding, and they will stop at nothing to find us, and you. If we stay here, we can give you a better chance to survive.”

  “And what will happen to you and mother?”

  He smiled meekly, “They will be angry, but their anger will fade over time.”

  My mother then took the opportunity to step forward with a pack full to the brim in one hand, and in the other, she held a fur of silvery gray. Handing the fur to me first, she smiled and said, “Open it.”

  Carefully taking the hide into my hands, I shook it out and stared in awe. My mother’s smile brightened. “It’s the wolf, the one you killed during the Coming of Age Ceremony.”

  I nodded, still unable to speak. My mother had tanned the inner hide tell it was soft and supple. She had then sewed an intricate design around the border of two large towering trees whose branches intertwined, and trunks twisted in an array of browns and greens. Within the foliage, I realized she had stitched some of the ancient symbols of protection. In the center she had sewed a smaller piece of the fur into the shape of a wolf, its head thrown back as it howled at the moon behind the leaves. She had taken small bits of bones, and carved them into beads, which decorated the heavens with stars.

  Tears fell from my eyes as I was overwhelmed by the beauty of my mother’s work. She lifted my chin with her hand and brushed the few strands of hair that clung to my cheeks. “I cannot express to you how proud I am of the woman you’ve become. The tribe has never realized how much of a blessing you truly are. I wish my brother could have for once looked within your heart and gotten to know you, the real you.”

  “I think if he had been younger, he wouldn’t have been so consumed by anger and fear. He used to be able to laugh and tell jokes, he used to love. But...he came home one day and was different. He never spoke of what happened to him. I always thought his wife might be able to change him. She was so sweet, I never imagined what she saw in him. After her death he grew worse. With only his daughter left, he seemed to take on training all the young boys to be better warriors and now that they’ve grown, all the men idolize him.”

  I know you always considered yourself as a lone wolf, and you have cried to the Sacred Ones as the wolf howls at the moon, but like the moon and the stars, those whom we love are always present, even if we can’t see them.

  I don’t know what is to be your life, but I know that your life is no longer here with us no matter how much it breaks my heart to say so. Know that no matter where you are or where you go, I will forever and always be with you in your heart. I will say prayers every day so that you might fulfill your purpose to the Mother.”

  My mother pulled me into an embrace, and we hugged for a long time. Ulgog came up from behind her to hug us both. I lifted my wings and wrapped them around the three of us, shielding us from the world even if only for a moment.

  When we withdrew, Ulgog looked at me and said, “The chief has given you the last gift he is able to offer you. I have promised to end his pain by giving him the death he has yearned for, but he has asked us to plan for your safety before coming to his end. When the drums sound to gather everyone before his hut, I want you to give them time to answer the call. The gathering will giv
e you a few moments to make your escape. You must leave your horse....”

  “But...”

  “No! I know you love her, but you must leave her. Her absence will only draw more attention to your departure, and they will be able to track you far easier. I am sorry, but there is no other way.”

  I felt a lump rise to my throat, but I knew what they said to be true. “Are you ready my daughter?”

  Unable to speak, I simply nodded. Muttering a short prayer, Ulgog left the hut and mother and I sat in silence waiting. When night finally fell, we heard the bull horn being blown and cries of mourning as the drums began their slow beat.

  My mother got to her feet and steadied herself before going to the door. She turned back for a moment and mouthed the words “I love you” before leaving.

  I listened to the footsteps of the tribe as they made their way to the chief’s hut. I wrapped my cloak around me and lifted my pack to my back. I took one last look around before I ducked outside and snuck away into the forest.

  NIGHTMARES

  Thank the Mother, Ulgog’s hut was on the far side of the camp enabling me to disappear unnoticed through the trees. Although it was night the moon shined high overhead. I was able to move deftly, avoiding the few sentries that had been posted to stand watch over the village. I was thankful for the cloak my mother gave me. The temperature of the night seemed to have dropped significantly since the early evening. After a few hours of walking, I finally came to a small clearing in the trees.

  I withdrew my water skin and drank a few gulps and pulled some cured meat from my pack. Too scared to build a fire in case the tribe got a hint of my leaving, I sat down with my back against a large boulder as I munched on a piece of cured meat. As the chill began to seep through my cloak, I wished more than anything I could be home in front of the fire, sharing a meal of stew with Ulgog and mother. I felt sorry for myself, something I seemed to do a lot, and I felt cheated out of a life that could have been happy if the tribe had they only accepted me for being who I was. I felt cheated for the family I could have had, the esteem of the tribe not only as an Ulgog, but also for who I was born to be.

  Emotionally exhausted from all that had happened, I laid my head down on my pack, and pulled my cloak as tightly as I could around myself, drifting off to a fretful sleep.

  ~Thunder crashed overhead as the wolves howled. I was running through the forest with them fast on my heels, I could hear their teeth snap at me and small tugs at my cloak as they were able to almost catch me in my flight. My heart raced, as fear seemed to take control of my body, sweat rolling down. My breath was visible as I tried my hardest to continue to outrun the wolves, but over time I could no longer outrun them. Tripping and falling to the ground, I scraped my hands and knees on the cold hard earth.

  Turning, I saw the pack of wolves growling at me. They began to fan out, cautiously coming towards me. I stared at the one who came at me head on, one I instantly knew to be the leader of the pack. When he was a few feet away from me, I could see his sharp teeth in the moonlight, and the saliva run down its chin. When he went to lunge, I watched in horror as the wolf in midair turned into a man, with the face of my uncle Molog. Holding a knife, he pierced me through the heart. ~

  MOTHER'S FURY

  I woke up with a scream. The sun was just rising in the distance when I opened my eyes. The dream lingered like a fog. I rolled over and reached for the water skin from my pack, letting some water trickle down on my face hoping to wash away the fear of last night’s dream. Taking a few sips, I tied the ends closed and put the skin away. Hungry, I decided to search for some food, hoping that I could distract myself, but to no avail. As soon as I swallowed a few mouthfuls of berries, I immediately vomited them up. My eyes began to play tricks on me. I kept seeing eyes peering out at me from the bushes and trees around me. Shivers ran down my spine.

  I was so confused on every front. I couldn’t stay near my people without leaving behind proof of my presence. Even if I did venture out farther, there was always a chance one of our sister tribes would find and recognize me.

  If word reached Molog, he would stop at nothing to find me and do everything within his power to destroy me. No matter what, he would follow me to the ends of the earth.

  Bitterness rose in my mouth and the feeling of despair coursed through me. It was the truth, and I knew it deep down inside. Molog’s hatred for me consumed him. I needed to figure out a way to outsmart him.

  Could I fake my death? I laughed at the idea. Even if I could find an unlikely body, what would be the chances I find wings large enough to convince him it was me? Maybe I could kill enough birds and leave behind their wing feathers. My only problem would be finding feathers that matched my own. It would still be a few months for the birds pluming to change for winter. There was little chance enough feathers had begun to turn white like mine.

  Besides bird feathers were much smaller than my own. I’m sure Molog could tell the difference with little difficulty. He had always been an avid hunter and tracker.

  I sighed and looked up at the sky, watching the clouds as they drifted by lazily overhead. For a moment I had a memory of my mother, Ulgog and I venturing out into the woods where we had entered a clearing of luscious green and had lain on the carpet of grass and stared up at the clouds. We imagined what they looked like and would share in a friendly competition of who could name the most objects in the clouds.

  Of course, Ulgog always won, for he had the sacred memories to assist him and he would weave the stories into a lesson. My mother and I would pay rapt attention. We knew that there was little chance of us ever hearing these tales again.

  Ulgog held so many memories that he would rarely repeat them more than once. It was only with my persistent begging he would tell me my favorites again.

  My mother had always seemed to be interested in the teaching of the Ulgog’s. She never seemed jealous of my lessons, but sometimes I wondered if she chooses to do much of her work in ear shot with the hopes of picking up everything, he might offer to teach me.

  Sometimes I wondered if Ulgog considered my mother more as his daughter than as his wife. The memory I shared with him, left behind the sadness and pain still felt by him for the love of my grandmother.

  I wondered now if Ulgog would choose her to be his apprentice now that I was no longer there, but I did not think Molog would allow her to be an Ulgog. In truth, I think Molog would kill them both before allowing it to happen.

  A strong wind whipped about me, bringing me from my thoughts, and a shiver ran down my spine. Fear and forebodings poured down upon me.

  What is it that you humans say? Ah yes, I felt as if “someone had walked across my grave” and I knew everything else needed to wait, that the safety and livelihood of my family was more important. Whatever was coming was something big and I felt it begin to build up inside me and the weight of it pressed against my chest.

  Trying my best to push the thoughts away, I tried to focus on all that Ulgog’s stories had told me about the lands far away, as they were all I had to judge the world outside.

  When talking about the north, Ulgog had always explained to me that the people had long ago called them the Undying Lands. Some areas were reported to become so cold during the winter, that many a time someone or something would become trapped in the ice, and never escape. Also, I had been told the people who resided there were vastly different from my own, and it scared me how others might react considering how my own people had treated me.

  I stopped myself. I had no people. I -was a tribe-less nomad. Unwanted and unloved by everyone I had ever known, save Ulgog and my mother. I began to sob loudly, tears streaming down my face. I wanted to scream, but didn’t, fearful that the tribe was near and would be hunting me.

  My sobs finally abated to tears. I knew that the only place I could travel was west. Despite my misgivings about my dreams, it seemed the only valid option. However, I needed to prove to myself regardless if it was just my own imagination or not, I
would go to where the one like me said I could find him, but only when I was ready.

  Strengthened in my decision, I decided once more to rest, knowing that soon I would be making a lengthy and treacherous journey. Despite the phantoms of last night dreams still haunting me, I was soon able to fall back asleep.

  ~ Fire raged while people screamed in terror, women and children running in every direction. Men came at me with weapons. A man lay dying at my feet in his own pool of blood. My mother, my sweet and kindly mother burnt in the fire, while my beloved Ulgog lay dismembered beside her. The village dogs fought over his spilt remains. ~

  Once more I awoke with a start, bathed in sweat, once again shivers running down my spine. But this was different, this was as if I was staring at the face of death. I began to scream into the night, screams of unrelenting rage, of hatred, of fear. I felt my stomach churn and once again vomited as I coughed and choked on my sobs. I couldn’t release the horrible images from my mind.

  I shuddered as I returned to my pack and began running back towards the village. Realizing my cloak hindered me, I removed it and tied it to my pack. I didn’t care about returning quietly. I paid little attention to the branches tugging at my clothing or biting my skin, my feathers ripped from my wings as I tried to make haste. I needed to make it back in time, I needed to save my family. I ran faster as the drumming in my heart pounded in my ears.

  As I drew near, I realized that it wasn’t the sound of my heart, but of the ceremony drums vibrating through the woods. Their beats spoke of danger and betrayal, and worst of all... death. Despite my exhaustion, my mind kept pushing me forward, the mantra of needing them to be alright kept playing over and over in my mind.

  When I reached the village, I hid amongst the horse herd in hopes of being less conspicuous, trying to understand what was happening. The animals shied away in a fearful silence, prancing away from me as their eyes rolled in the back of their heads. Whatever was coming was big enough for the horses to take notice, they were feeding off its energy and I had never seen them so spooked.