CANARY

by Tijan

  “You want to do what?!”

  As part of our agreement to ‘join Roman’ we needed to disappear. One might think we’d go to Hawaii or Turks and Caicos… Nope. We went back to West Virginia, and since it came out that Roman somehow had sunk claws into a certain brother-in-law that was also a local parole officer, Jake brought Tracey around to meet us all.

  He was now exclaiming his disbelief not at me choosing to work for Roman Marakov, but that I was asking Tracey to color my hair blonde once again.

  Tracey was lovely, by the way.

  She had eighties’ hair, with bangs that looked like they had an IV hooked up to an Aquanet bottle, and she was even wearing a tie-dyed shirt. The jeans skirt was modern, looking frayed and very trendy and showing a good amount of her ass, but judging by Tracey’s makeup, I was thinking it was just how she liked it.

  That, and her attitude.

  She waltzed into our house as if it was hers and we needed to get out of the way for her to properly make it her own. She had a meatloaf in the oven within twenty minutes.

  No joke. Twenty minutes.

  Meatloaf.

  I loved her immediately.

  She told Cavers to ‘take a load off’ and myself to sit and eat. She felt I needed to pack on some pounds, or twenty. Her words. Abram was next and without batting an eye, not mentioning one bit how he was a solid two-fifty of straight muscle, she told him he could do a spa treatment on his pores. She also complimented his tremendously long and beautiful eyelashes, sighing with envy, and I had to admit that I understood. His lashes were something to die for. When she started for Raize, the words faltered in her throat and she just threw him a smile and mentioned, “Aren’t you the hottie patottie one, huh?” And then she turned back to me. “Jake mentioned you were a blonde, and unless my eyesight is going a good forty years early, I’m guessing that was a color job?”

  I laughed. “I was a blonde when I was little, but yes. It was a color job.”

  Her hands settled over my shoulder. “I’m a hairstylist, babe. I’m literally your godsend arriving to you. All that said, you want a new dye job or not? You got some frayed ends that need to be trimmed, too. What do you think?”

  I put her right to bringing back my blonde, and once we were done, I gazed into the mirror and felt like I’d come home again.

  It was an odd, but a settling feeling at the same time.

  This.

  This was me now.

  The new me.

  The ‘canary’ me.

  Maybe I should take that name instead?

  Feeling a warmth rush through me, I knew Raize was watching me.

  I glanced over.

  He was leaning against the kitchen wall, his arms crossed over his chest, and those eyes locked on me.

  I liked Tracey a lot.

  I also really liked that my blonde hair color was back.

  I sank down over Raize, gasping as he was thrusting up into me at the same time.

  Seriously.

  This man.

  His touch.

  His body.

  His cock.

  I loved him. All of him.

  I was gasping, feeling the sensations riding through me, threatening.

  I didn’t want to come, not yet.

  I clamped down, my body slick as I tried to hold off.

  He wrapped his arms tighter around me, his head moving and biting my neck. He growled, “Come!”

  I shook my head, too weak to say anything.

  I was almost blind from the pulsations inside of me.

  Oh God.

  I was so close.

  But no, not yet.

  Please not yet.

  I tried to hold off, even though I felt the first roll starting.

  When that first wave began, I knew what was after, and I growled, hoping desperately to hold off, but damn. Damn! I couldn’t.

  My climax ripped through me and I could only hold on. My arms and legs were wrapped around Raize, and he was holding me until my trembles had started to fade. After that, I was flipped over, he sank back in and went to town.

  Gripping my ass tight, he pounded into me, his own growled climax coming not too far away, and damn again.

  I seriously loved this man.

  He collapsed on top of me, but I knew he wouldn’t stay. He never did. I liked to feel his weight, but he always rolled to the side, and he’d pull me into his arms, cradling me as if I were something precious for him to hold. He’d pepper soft kisses over my neck, my shoulders, my face, and wherever else he could kiss.

  I shivered, but the good kind, because damn for the fourteenth time, because I loved how he handled me.

  I was ‘precious cargo’ in his terms.

  Once he deposited us both back on the bed, I rolled to my back and looked over to him. He was starting to lie back down, his arm over me and his head finding my neck and shoulder. I held him off, murmuring, “I love you.” I said it with a bit more oomph than normal.

  He noted this, his head pausing and his eyebrows knitting a bit. He smoothed his hand over my stomach. “I love you, too.”

  More warmth rushed through me.

  Usually that was enough and I could sink back into our happy oblivion, but this time, I held off. A nagging was there, whispering to me and I had to get it out of me. “Am I choosing wrong? Am I doing the wrong thing?”

  He tensed, just slightly, and raised his head a bit higher. He sat up, resting on his arm, but he kept his other over my stomach. “Would you be happy out of this world?”

  I knew the answer, so immediate that it gave me whiplash.

  “No,” I whispered.

  I was torn because that isn’t the answer I should’ve been giving.

  I should’ve wanted to leave. It would’ve been considered a happily ever after to anyone else, but not me. That was the issue here.

  Raize asked again, gently, “If you think about it, if you took Roman’s offer and got out, what would life look like for you? Is that something you’d want now because if it is, we can figure it out. I promise you that. I love you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

  I believed him, and that cemented my gut, pushing my self-doubt out.

  It helped.

  A lot.

  I spoke my truth, feeling like I could in his arms, “I would never be happy, living that life. This way, I’m in. I can do some good. I can’t do anything to stop what my mom did, but maybe others. What Brooke’s boyfriend did to her. Maybe.”

  Or was I just trying to sell myself on this decision? Was something still holding me back?

  “You can try to do some good this way, but,” his hand seemed to rest more heavy on my stomach, “you can’t rely on that if that’s your sole reason for choosing to work for Roman. If you want out, tell me. We will disappear within twelve hours. I’ve done the preparations. We can get to my sister and then we can all be gone, but, you have to make the decision. I will do what you want me to do.”

  There’d been wars started over territory, over vengeance, over women, but Raize—he was someone that Roman would start a war for. Raize was that good. I knew it. Raize knew it. Roman knew it. So did everyone else who came into Raize’s life.

  Could I pull him away? And for what?

  To do what?

  No.

  The answer was solid. It settled in my gut.

  I relaxed back in bed, Raize’s hand returning to soothing over my stomach.

  “I will only stay if I make a difference. If I can’t, if there’s absolutely no indication that Roman will listen to me, then I want out. I want out with you.”

  Raize’s hand paused and he moved, rising above me again. His eyes found me, so dark, so somber, so serious. He said, quietly, before fitting his lips to mine, “Deal.”

  Deal.

  Decision made.

  I was okay with that decision.

  My first day I wore skintight jeans, boots, a black tank top, and a black leather jacket.

  My hair was braided
, and the color was on point.

  I was known as ‘the canary’, but I decided I wanted to keep the name Ash.

  It felt right. It felt like me.

  It was also a nod toward Brooke/Ashley, but I wasn’t Ashley. I was Ash. Only Ash.

  I was ready to get to work.

  Epilogue

  Raize

  I was waiting behind his bathroom door.

  The lights were left off.

  He didn’t know that I remembered when I worked for him. He never had the house cleared before he retired to his bed. All his men on his property, around his home, in his home. He assumed.

  He liked to walk through his room, then his bathroom, getting ready for bed. He always kept the lights off.

  I never knew why. I never asked. Verónica thought it relaxed him, and if he put the lights on, he’d get wired again. He may not sleep as well.

  I always thought it was laziness. He didn’t need to be scared and turn the lights on. Tonight, he kept with the same routine except his walk was more shuffling. He had no girlfriend in bed waiting for him, and I knew he hadn’t married.

  He was in the bedroom.

  He was taking his clothes off. He grabbed—something.

  He was shuffling once again, coming into the bathroom.

  This was when he’d sit on the toilet. The fan would go on. He’d enjoy his privacy.

  He came in. A wine glass was in his hand. He was looking down, his other hand holding his phone. He never looked up. He would’ve seen me. I was behind the door. My shoulder was visible because I couldn’t scoot anymore behind the door.

  Clink.

  He placed the wine glass down.

  He was still focusing on his phone.

  He hit the fan, turning it on. His heel lifted back, hitting the door, swinging it shut.

  I was completely visible now, though I was dressed all in black. Camouflage over my face and neck, around my eyes. Ears.

  He moved to the toilet.

  He went one step and I was on him.

  I shoved him against the bathroom counter, an arm around his neck. My gloved hand over his mouth, one that was thick enough he couldn’t bite me. My leg twisted in between his from behind and I plucked his phone away, checking—he was on his social media. I tossed it to the side and then I jerked him.

  He was struggling, but I had him in a hold he couldn’t fight against.

  He was trying to grab the gun tucked into his pajama pants.

  I took it out, putting it on the counter behind us, and then I moved him so he could see me in the mirror.

  He’d recognize me, and he did, his blood draining from his face.

  That’s when I smelled his fear.

  Marco was my height, and he was strong. He worked out. He had bulked up in the last year, but it didn’t matter. He couldn’t fight me and he knew it.

  When he stopped struggling, I reached behind and took out some rolled-up pictures. I put them on the counter, in the moonlight so he could see what I had. When he did, his entire body seized up, going rigid.

  That was good. That told me he cared.

  I moved my arm up, tightening my hold, and I angled it underneath his neck. I pulled on my grip, and he grunted, feeling the burn on his skin. If I kept applying pressure, I could snap his neck. I wanted him to know that, feel it coming.

  “What do you want?”

  He remembered he could talk. That was funny.

  “You threatened mine. Now I can threaten yours.”

  The picture was of his most current woman and their child.

  Marco didn’t care about women, but he cared about his siblings, and I was guessing that would extend to any child of his.

  I shook him. “Look at the picture.”

  He didn’t, spatting out, “I know who it’s of.”

  “You don’t know where. Look.”

  His eyes flicked back up to mine, and he swallowed, but trying to inspect the first picture again. When he realized where it was taken, I felt him starting to tremble. Just the slightest. It was enough.

  He was scared and he was at my mercy.

  “This is how I felt that day when Ash walked our dog to you.”

  I would never forget that day.

  I’d never get her screams out of my head, or the vision of her on the ground. She had curled up into a ball and let Gus go. He was bounding back to us, then to her, then to us, then to her until we got to her.

  I lost five years of my life that day, in that small moment. Ash was mine. Mine to protect, and I had failed her that day. I would never fail her again.

  I was reminding him of this today.

  “You can’t kill me. You do and sicarios will go after Verónica—”

  “Bullshit.”

  I could do it, now. Tonight. I could end everything. I could end what future war I felt was coming.

  “You will never let some sicario find our sister, kill her, and take over your empire. The day your son was born was the day you called that order off.”

  He slumped, resignation coming over him. I was right.

  He asked, more wary, “What do you want, Raize?”

  “I want you to know how it feels, knowing that I could’ve taken them when I took that picture. I was in the room with them, in their house. Just like tonight. No one knows I’m here. No one. Imagine how easy it is for me, especially when you are making more enemies. You’re making powerful enemies. They enjoy having me as their ally.”

  “You’re lying—”

  “About what? There’s nothing to lie about.”

  “What.” He gritted his teeth, the white flashing in the moonlight. “—do you want?”

  “Just this. I wanted you to know I can get to you, anywhere you go.”

  I couldn’t kill him, though I wanted to. He was still needed. Roman needed him, but Marco was getting more powerful. He was allied with other cartels, whereas Roman was still by himself, but the day would come. It would.

  I just had to wait.

  When it would, when I was given the okay to take him out, I’d do it this way. I wanted him to die alone, within reach of help, but unable to call for it. It felt fitting.

  And I’d given my message.

  I tightened my hold, enough until he went unconscious, and then I eased his body down.

  I grabbed his phone, synced it to the burner one I had with me, and took his gun.

  Then I left, leaving through his blind spots that every estate had.

  It wasn’t easy for others, but it was for me. Ash had her skill. This was mine.

  Epilogue after the Epilogue

  THE CANARY

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Good God, how did this happen?

  Well, all the sex. That’s how it happened, but I collapsed on our bed.

  Raize was being sent out on a mission for Roman, but this happened often over the last couple years. I wasn’t too worried. Roman never sent him on anything too harrying. He was always back within a day and over the last couple years, regarding our world, there wasn’t much I could complain about.

  Roman Marakov was true to his word.

  He didn’t traffic women.

  And if there was killing, I wasn’t in on those talks.

  I’d been called in on mostly legit business meetings, but for Raize, we didn’t talk about what Roman sent him off to do. I thought it was a good balance for us. I was still in the world. He was, too. We were together, but it wasn’t how it was when we first got together.

  In a way, life was almost normal...almost.

  Except for my surprise, which showed up a few days ago, and after I lost it, called Tracey and lost it to her, and then she talked me into getting a doctor test done. I did that, and he called with the results and what was I doing?

  “What?”

  Raize had paused, packing his guns into his bag.

  I said it again, whispering this time, “I’m pregnant.”

  I wanted to cry because who raised a child in this life?


  Raize didn’t have the same mentality.

  He straightened abruptly and a wide smile came over his face. He took two steps, scooped me up from the bed, and then he sat back down with me on his lap. “You serious?” His hand came over my stomach, gently, so tenderly. He was looking down, a mystified and almost wondrous look coming over him. “There’s a little me and you in there?”

  My throat swelled up with so much emotion. I was fast blinking back all the tears.

  My guy, I loved my guy so much.

  I could only hold on tighter because my tears were starting to blind me.

  I said, in a low voice, “You’re not mad?”

  His hand pressed tighter and his voice came out rough. “Fuck no.” He couldn’t keep talking. He choked off and he pressed his forehead into my neck and shoulder. We were both holding on to each other, emotion completely taking over both of us.

  And damn, it was a lot.

  I felt completely wiped out, from good and bad and nerves and happiness and everything in between. I was exhausted and wanting to run a marathon all at the same time. And terrified. I was definitely and completely trying to keep myself from doing a full body tremble in Raize’s arms.

  I just clasped on tighter, but then he was lifting his head and his eyes had their own sheen of unshed tears. “I never thought I’d have a woman I loved, a team behind you and me, a boss who’s not that bad in terms of what a typical boss is like in our world, and now this? A kid? You kidding me?”

  Oh man.

  I couldn’t hold back my tears.

  They were slipping down my face, and some happiness was unfolding in my chest. It was like a flower that grew and rose up and was now ready to open. It needed sunlight and we’d been giving it so much sunlight.

  “We’re having a kid?”

  The tears were just free falling by now. I could do nothing against his whispered wonder.

  I nodded. “We’re having a kid.”

  He touched his lips to mine, then murmured against them, “No matter what, you and the baby are safe. You got me?”