The Inner Self: The Prophecy

by Raqurra Ishmar

  “Today is a huge day, Ren. I was the last in the entire realm to be chosen as a Priestess. Ariese was next in line to become one, but the Ancestors didn’t see it in her journey to give her those responsibilities.” Aunty Ariese pulls a little bit at the mention of her not being chosen as a Priestess, and I make sure not to make a big fuss at her misstep.

  “If it’s in the cards for me to become a Priestess, then that’s what will happen. No amount of pacing and fretting will change that outcome.”

  “Wise words from a wise girl,” Aunty Ariese says.

  “Empty words,” Mom scoffs. “You have no idea how important today is.”

  It’s been almost a month since the Ceremony for the Awakening of the Inner Self, and everyone's still talking about my blue robes. We have not gotten any closer to figuring out why my robes were blue, but I’m trying not to overthink it. The Ancestors will tell me what my purpose is when the time comes. Right now, I’m more focused on strengthening my bond with Shaye and just enjoying the aspect of being with my parents and cousins for centuries to come.

  No one believes my cousins when they tell them that it was me that gave them an Inner Self. Everyone argues that it’s impossible for a mere Blessed to pray hard enough and be granted with that kind of honor. I hate to say it, but I agree with them. Even though Shaye told me that it was because of me that they were Blessed, it’s hard to believe that the Ancestors will listen to me, when I’m sure there are a lot of Blessed that have prayed for their family members to become Blessed, only for them to be Unblessed.

  No matter the reasons behind my cousins being Blessed, I’m just happy that we will have so much time together.

  “You should pay attention to what your mother has to say,” Shaye says.

  “She’s been saying the same thing all day,” I counter.

  “She doesn’t want you to mess up.”

  “There’s not a lot of steps today, so there’s not a lot of chances of me messing up.”

  “Knowing you? I’m sure you’ll find a way,” they joke.

  I chuckle at what they’re saying, because there is a high chance that I’ll find a way to ruin this ceremony.

  “Ren! Can you stop joking around with Shaye for a single second and take this seriously? I understand that you’re happy about having an Inner Self, but I swear, your attention span has gotten a million times worse since you’ve gotten them.”

  “I’m trying, Mother. We don’t have practice like you and Brand. When I’m talking to them, I can only focus on what they’re saying.”

  “Thank the Ancestors that you will begin extensive training once we leave the Sacred Cave,” Mother mutters.

  Oh joy. I can’t imagine how much more extensive my training can be. I already train three hours every day with the Elders, and when I get home, Mom believes that I need even more hours of meditation and combat training. I barely get to see my cousins or do things that we used to do. Even though they’re Blessed as well, they don’t have to go through the rigorous training that I do because their robes weren’t blue.

  “Do you think that we will be done before the suns sets?” I ask hopefully.

  “You better pray that we aren’t,” she snaps. “Haven’t you heard a single word that I’ve been saying? If you are chosen as a Priestess, you will be there until morning.”

  “Doing what?!” I screech.

  She stops her pacing and focuses her eyes on me. Her usual strong, yet gentle, face is set in a look of pure annoyance. And possibly stress. I understand why she’s so stressed. My mother, literally, put all of her eggs in one basket. If having another Priestess was her goal, she should have had more than one child.

  “You know why that wasn’t possible,” Sheya chastises. Yeah, they’re right. Guilt eats at me because it’s my fault that my mother couldn’t have any more children. Giving birth to me almost killed her. I was the first ever child born to a Blessed that actually started draining their mother’s magic. Not only was I a parasite to her, I also destroyed something in her womb.

  Now she’s stuck with me. A blue robed mess up.

  “You’re not a mess up. You’re just having to deal with a lot more than any other Blessed.”

  “Do you think that it’s because of my blue robes or because of who my mother is?” I ask them.

  “It may be a little bit of both,” they say. “I think your mother would still make you train as much as she does, because she needs a successor. The blue robes may just have freaked her out to the point where she’s afraid that you won’t be.”

  My shoulders slump at Shaye’s conclusion, because it sounds too close to the truth to make me feel better.

  “All done!” Aunty Ariese announces. I stand up and walk over to the large, bronze mirror. My bedroom is reflected back to me, but I can’t focus on the large four poster bed covered in green and yellow pillows and a black comforter. Instead, I stare at my reflection. My long black hair is curled and pinned atop my head, with a few tendrils framing my face. My face has been scrubbed painfully bare by my mother’s unyielding hands. I soaked for hours in a tub full of cedar wood, rosemary and peppermint. My spirit is purified, grounded, and open for another awakening.

  I wear a simple floor length white robe, almost like my blue one, though this one is made of the purest silk and it has been resting in the glow of the moon all night. My feet are bare, so that I may be able to feel the realm with no barriers.

  “Are you ready?” Mother asks.

  “As ready as I’d ever be,” I quietly respond.

  “Come, let us find your destiny.”

  I gasp awake, sweat slicking my hair to my face. I’m incredibly warm and there’s a pressure surrounding me, keeping me pinned down.

  “What’s wrong, babe?” Caylen mutters sleepily against the back of my head. Oh, right. The reason why I’m so hot and held down is because I’m between two incredibly strong, sexy men. “Ren?” he asks again.

  “Don’t tell them,” Sheya warns.

  “What? Why not?” I ask.

  “I don’t know. Just don’t.”

  “I can trust them.”

  “Oh for crying… fuck it. Do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t exist for any real purpose or anything.”

  “Fine! I won’t tell them everything!”

  “Whatever.”

  The door between us is slammed shut and I hate the divide I feel between Sheya and I. It hasn’t been this bad since we were on Earth.

  “Nothing. I just had a weird dream,” I finally say.

  “What about?”

  “Uh, my old self, I guess. They’re more like memories than dreams. Or, at least, that’s how they feel.”

  He stiffens up slightly behind me and that causes a little alarm to go through me. It’s almost like Sheya’s paranoia is rubbing off on me.

  “Do you remember what it was about?” he finally asks.

  “No,” I lie. “Just a name.”

  “Who’s?”

  “Mine? Or hers, I guess. It’s a little ironic that her name was Ren. Different worlds, different parents, almost the same exact name.”

  Titus rolls his head so that he can look down at me. I didn’t know that he was awake, but by the alert look in his eyes, he’s been awake for some time now. He’s also frowning so hard, I’m sure he’s going to rip his lips with the pressure.

  “That’s all?” Caylen presses.

  “Yeah. And… and a feeling,” I hedge.

  “What feeling?” Titus asks.

  “I should stay far away from the King while I’m here visiting my family. I don’t know why. I just have to. It won’t bode well for me if I don’t.” A wall falls down to shut off any emotions on Titus’ face as he slips out of my arms and out of the shelter.

  “I, uh, gotta pee,” Caylen mutters as he untangles himself from around me and follows Titus out.

  What the fuck?

  “Told you,” Sheya says smugly.

  “What just happened?”

  “Hell if I
know. What I do know is that they’re not telling you everything. And my bet is that whatever secret they’re keeping, it involves the King.”

  I sit up and wrap my arms around my midsection. I feel incredibly alone now that my two protectors are no longer wrapped around me. I look over the still roaring fire and catch Zavid’s eyes. His face holds no expression, but his eyes are burning as hot as the flames.

  “What?” I quietly ask. Not caring if my voice will carry over the sound of the wood crackling.

  “How long?” he asks.

  I stare at him, not quite understanding what it is he’s asking me.

  “How long have you been having those types of dreams?” he elaborates.

  “Uh, for a few days, I guess.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “Because we don’t sit around campfires talking about our dreams,” I snap. “Why does it fucking matter anyway? We’re here for me to see my family and then I’m going back to Earth where my mom, dad, and Cymone are waiting for me.”

  He stares at me a while longer before standing up. He opens the door to the shelter and peers outside. It’s still dark out, and I wonder how long I was asleep before I woke everyone up. “We leave in thirty,” he says before walking out of the door.

  What? He wants to leave before the suns are even up? A shiver dances along my spine as I think about traipsing through the woods without any light or warmth. Why can’t we wait for the suns to rise?

  “This isn’t sitting right with me, Renee,” Sheya says.

  “Me neither.”

  My enthusiasm has waned considerably since this trip began. From dealing with this long trek, to Zavid’s mood swings, Caylen’s games, and the hot and cold emotions from Titus, I’m already beyond emotionally and physically drained.

  I scoot until my back is against the wall, with me facing the door, and my arms braced on the top of my bent knees. I’m not moving from this spot until they get back and explain why they’re acting so fucking strange. A very faint surge of fury pulse in the back of my mind and I know it’s not mine.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask Sheya.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Why are you so mad?”

  “I’m not mad, I’m annoyed.”

  “Huh? I could’ve sworn I felt anger coming from you.”

  “Nope. You must be losing your mind.”

  No. I’m not losing my mind. I know I felt something, but it was so faint, maybe it was just a figment of my imagination.

  Wait. There it was again.

  “Sheya! It’s not me. What’s wrong? What has you so damn mad?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about? If I was mad, you’d fucking know it without pestering me.”

  “But I feel your anger. You can’t hide it from me.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you, Dipshit. It ain’t me. Must be your other Inner Self,” they say sarcastically.

  If it isn’t Sheya, and it isn’t me, then what the hell am I feeling? The feeling is so faint, it’s almost an echo of actual rage. I huff out a breath as I stare into the dancing flames. My mind wanders and I find myself lost in a trance as the flames call to me.

  “Uh, Renee?” Sheya cautiously ask.

  “Huh?”

  “Check your hands.”

  I glance down, and a small yelp escapes from my lips as I see that my hands are encased in flames. I can’t even feel the heat of my flames as they dance across my closed fists. What’s even stranger is the fact that it’s not burning my jeans.

  “Oh great, you finally realized how to make fire but it doesn’t burn.”

  “I don’t even know how I did this!”

  “Really? I thought you were trying to become the fire,” they say.

  “What makes you think that?” I ask.

  “Well, you were gazing into the fire like a lunatic and you started yearning to become the fire, or something crazy like that. Then BAM, your hands are on fire.”

  “How do I turn it off?” I ask, slowly freaking out as I gaze at my still burning hands. The flames jump a little higher at the spike in my emotions, and it causes me to freak out just a little more. The fire creeps up my arm until it’s at my elbow and, still, it burns nothing.

  “How the hell am I supposed to know? I didn’t even think you could do anything like this.”

  The door to the shelter decides that this is the best time for it to open, and Caylen stops dead in his tracks as he stares at me with wide eyes. I must be a sight to see; face full of panic as my arms are covered in defective flames.

  Great.

  “Uh, Ren? What’s going on?” he hesitantly asks. I shrug my shoulders noncommittally, not really knowing what it is I could say to him. He slowly steps into the shelter, and Titus follows behind him. A flash of surprise echoes in the back of my mind as he stares at me, and my mouth falls open.

  “You don’t think…?” I trail off.

  “Think what?”

  “You didn’t feel that?” I ask instead.

  “No. I only feel my own annoyance and your confusion,” they snap.

  “Never mind then.”

  So Sheya can’t feel the echoes like I can. Maybe I actually am losing my mind. Is this because I’m an outsider to this realm? Is it messing with my mind? The flames dance higher until they’re covering my shoulders, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. I know it’s not going to burn me. What I am concerned about, is the fact that flashes of panic are shooting off in the back of my psyche.

  “Renee? What is going on?” Zavid ask from behind his brother. Titus steps to the side so that Zavid can stand in the middle of the doorway. Now I have all three of the brothers staring at me with varying expressions and I don’t know which one I should focus on the most. Caylen’s eyes are still wide, the flames from the fire and my arms dancing and reflecting back to me in the ocean of his eyes; Zavid with his arms crossed over his broad chest, biceps bulging with strain and a scowl on his face, or Titus, who is looking as if he just saw a ghost. His chest is heaving as he stares at me and his fists are clenching and unclenching.

  I decide that I should just direct my answer to him, because of the three, he seems the most unstable and that may just give me the answers that I seek.

  “Am I losing my mind?” I ask him, staring into his grey eyes.

  “Why do you say that?” he asks instead.

  “Because it feels like I have another Inner Self, only, they’re far away or something.”

  Trepidation echoes through my mind and I find my own emotions mirror the emotion.

  “Shit,” he spits out. He tries to leave again, but Zavid is blocking the only exit and he doesn’t seem inclined to let his brother run out again.

  “What’s going on?” Zavid asks.

  I look to Titus for the answer because clearly he knows exactly what’s going on from his reaction. Zavid stares at me, but when I simply shrug my shoulders, he turns his burning gaze on his brother. Titus is running his hands over his head and I’m feeling a little nervous, because I have never seen the calm guy so frazzled.

  “I didn’t think it could happen. They said that it takes a long time for it to start forming,” he hurriedly says, eyes pleading with Zavid to understand.

  “You didn’t,” he says, eyes wide as his arms fall to his sides. Caylen has gone considerably pale and he’s staring from me to his brother as if he’s watching a car crash.

  “What’s going on?” I ask. My heart rate is picking up and my flames respond to the spike in adrenaline in kind. They ascend until they’re covering my neck, and they fall until they're covering my torso. Now it looks like I’m wearing a turtleneck made of flames.

  All of the boys heads snap back to me as my flames grow. The heat creates a slight breeze that’s picking up the strands of hair that slipped from my ponytail and causing them to blow.

  “Renee,” Zavid says calmly. “Maybe you should extinguish your flames before we continue with this conversation?”

&nbs
p; “Gee, wonder why I didn’t do that already?” I say sarcastically. “Oh, I know why, because I don’t know how to.”

  “Can’t Sheya help you?” he asks.

  “Nope, I have no clue. Anyway, you need to learn how to do things on your own. Leave the nest and all of that.”

  “They said ‘no’.”

  He groans from his place by the door. I notice that none of them have ventured any farther into the shelter while I’m still on fire. I don’t blame them. Who knows when these flames will become harmful.

  “Probably when you want them to,” they say.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. I just feel like they’re not dangerous right now because you don’t want them to be. They are created from you and your magic. It’s safe to say that they follow your command like anything else we’ve done.”

  “Thanks!”

  “For what?” they cautiously ask.

  “For giving me the answer to how to get rid of them.”

  “Dammit!”

  I close my eyes and connect to the little area in my mind that Sheya and I share.

  Go away. Go away. Go away. I chant to the flames while mentally grasping at our shared power.

  “Pretty sure you got to be a little more specific than that,” they say. I crack my eyes and I see that my upper body is still encased in flames. Dammit. I close my eyes and I visualize the flames leaving my body and going back into a chest in my mind. I imagine it flowing into it as if it was water going into a container. Once all of the fire is inside, I close it and lock it with a key. I open my eyes and I can’t help but smile as I see my body, flame free.

  I beam up at the guys, expecting them to give me props for getting rid of the flames as easily as I did. Instead, I’m met with cautious looks and one full of anger. It’s not hard to guess which one is looking at me as if I just slapped his mother.

  “So,” I say into the awkward silence. “What’s going on?”

  “I have a question of my own to ask first,” Zavid says.

  “Ok?”

  “When you and Titus… uh… you know.” I can’t help but chuckle at the look of absolute uncomfortableness on his face. Ok, I’m not feeling too comfortable with the direction this topic has taken, but I refuse to let him know that I feel awkward talking about my sex life with him and Caylen in the room.