Just As Much

by Noelle R. Henry

  “Then let’s do this,” he says getting out of the car.

  Damian is eerily happy coming out of the hospital.

  “You’re downright giddy,” I say looking at him.

  “You trust me,” he says.

  “You think I didn’t?” I say.

  “Ehh…I had my doubts,” he says kissing the side of my head.

  We get into the car and as we get to the exit.

  “So, are we still going to lunch?” he asks.

  “Yep, still are. But it is going to be an unpleasant lunch. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

  “What did they do, Fee?” he says.

  “Hmm?” I say feigning innocence.

  “You see, you think I don’t know when you’re pissed, but I do. I know you. And I know you’re pissed but pretending not to be. I am just glad it isn’t me in the crosshairs. So, what did they do?”

  “Come to lunch, you can hear all about it,” I sigh. I don’t want to go through it all twice.

  Daniel and Mel are already at a table waiting for us.

  “Felicity, I told you eleven thirty, we have been here over fifteen minutes waiting for you and it’s not like we have that long of a lunch. Daniel had to drive from his office, and you know what a hassle that is…”

  I start to apologize but then….I don’t. I don’t want to apologize, nor do I need to.

  “Yea, that sucks for him. Thanks for waiting,” I say kindly and she looks at me.

  “Mel this is Damian. Daniel, Damian,” I say, and Daniel is too busy sitting there already annoyed, looking at his watch.

  “Hi,” Mel says preoccupied with the menu.

  “So how are you guys?” I ask too pleasantly, so much so that they both look up at me shocked. Damian is confused and on the verge of chuckling at me.

  “Fine. Happy birthday!” Mel says smiling at me.

  “Yea, happy birthday,” Daniel says unenthusiastically.

  “Thanks. I had a really interesting morning actually,” I say, but as I do the waiter comes up and he asks for our drink orders.

  “If you don’t mind, we will go ahead and order now too, we are on our lunch,” Mel says, and I laugh to myself.

  “Sure,” he says and Mel and Daniel order. Damian struggles to find something quickly and I don’t even hear what he orders I just tell the waiter I will have the same thing.

  “You hate pickles,” Damian mutters.

  “Without pickles, then,” I say, and the table looks at me funny. I am preoccupied looking at my sister and brother-in-law. I was right when I told Damian that they were supportive at the beginning, but then they just grew tired of me. Bored of taking care of me. Their only redeeming quality was that they cared enough to pay for my medical bills and to support me, and now that I know that it was my parents? Always my parents’ money? I can honestly say that I do not want their support. Not when it comes with strings and anger—not when they have been taking money unnecessarily from my account.

  “So, you’re interesting morning?” Damian asks, looking at me and cocking an eyebrow.

  “Yea, I went to see Mr. Collins at the bank,” I say and both Daniel and Mel look up.

  “You went to see Mr. Collins? Why?” Mel asks, confused.

  “It is my twenty-first birthday, Mel. I get access to my inheritance today,” I say smiling.

  “I thought you only got it after you graduated?” Mel says shocked.

  “Nope, I called and asked last week and made an appointment. So, I got it taken care of.”

  “Oh?” she says.

  “Yep and funny thing,” I say, still keeping a fake voice.

  “You used it to pay for everything. You kept telling me that I was such a hassle, that I was such a burden, but you didn’t pay a cent to take care of me,” I say pointedly, but with a smile.

  “Fee…we can explain, we just wanted you to appreciate the money…” Mel says.

  “I thought you two were paying for me. I felt like it was my fault. That you couldn’t afford IVF because of me,” I say, chuckling and fighting the sob that is threatening in my throat. Damian puts a supportive hand on my thigh and Zeke moves so he is sitting on my feet.

  “Felicity…” she says.

  “I got two jobs to pay for everything. I paid for my books. I paid for my clothes. I paid my rent. Two jobs. When you could have let me have the money at any time,” I say, and the waiter brings our drinks.

  “We taught you the value of money, what do you want from us?” Daniel says looking at me then Mel.

  “You wouldn’t know the value of money if it reached up and bit you on your ass, Daniel,” I sneer.

  Daniel looks at me with an ice-cold stare, and I regret it. I forgot myself and his temper. He reaches up and roughly grabs my chin, not rough enough to raise suspicion, but enough that his grasp hurt.

  “Shut it, Felicity.”

  I pull his hand from my face.

  “I am not fifteen anymore, Daniel. You don’t get to slap me around and send me to my room or kick me out in the cold for a night,” I say and both Mel and Damian freeze. I look at Mel.

  “Felicity?” Mel says looking concerned.

  “It’s okay, Mel. It’s done. I am done,” I say getting up. I should have warned Damian that the pickle situation didn’t really matter.

  Damian follows me and Mel follows both of us.

  She stops us outside.

  “Felicity, Mom and Dad wanted that money to be used to raise you. You can’t be mad at us for using it,” she says.

  “Mom and Dad wanted me to go to college. They wanted the money to be used to help me with my expenses, just as they helped you. I doubt they expected their own daughter to basically use it as rent,” I say.

  “Fee…that is not how it was, every expense was for you. It wasn’t room and board. We paid for your food and all that stuff. We just didn’t pay medical bills and school things. Don’t be so callous,” she says.

  I pull the paper out of my purse.

  “One thousand dollars for a drama camp that Daniel forbade me to go to. Three hundred dollars for back to school clothes that came from my own pocket and babysitting money. You have my college books on here, Melody, and I paid for them with the jobs that you insisted I get. Don’t pretend like it wasn’t room and board or some sort of retribution for all the work I was,” I say.

  She is shocked. She didn’t realize I had access to it all.

  “It’s fine, Mel. I am more than willing to pay you for your services all these years. But I am done, okay?” I say.

  “Felicity don’t,” she says as I start to walk away.

  “Mel, tell me. Did you even consider telling me that I could use the money for school? So that I didn’t have to panic about my financial aid last semester?”

  “I figured you would come home…I missed you,” she says shallowly.

  “Go back to your husband, Melody. You two deserve one another,” I say taking Damian’s hand.

  He pulls me into a side hug.

  “You’re my hero, Baby Girl,” he whispers.

  Damian doesn’t mention what I snapped at Daniel, but I know that it was news to him.

  We both got settled into a routine, but sadly that routine involves barely seeing each other. Damian has incredibly long hours at his internship, going to work at six and not getting back until nearly seven. My classes start at six and get out at nine at night—we see each other for maybe an hour at night before Damian falls asleep.

  I have started getting up in the morning just to see him as he gets ready.

  “It’s cute you know,” he said one morning as he put on his tie.

  “What is?” I said drinking my coffee.

  “You are getting up at the crack of dawn just to have coffee with me,” he said laughing.

  “Well, I figure if I can still do it for Mattie, I can do it for you,” I said smiling.

  “You are meeting each other today?” he asked.

  “It’s Tuesday,” I responde
d, and he rolled his eyes at me.

  “Besides, I like the tie,” I said kissing him before he could leave.

  Opposite Schedules

  Now it has been three weeks since summer started, and this is Damian’s first weekend off. He has had training the last two weekends and I have been looking forward to it all week.

  We didn’t set an alarm, both wanting to sleep in, but we wake up at seven in each other’s arms anyway.

  “Hi,” he says.

  “Is that my long-lost boyfriend? In my bed after seven?” I whisper.

  “Mhm…” he says kissing my neck. He starts to pull me toward him.

  “Dame, I am in desperate need of a shower before this goes any further,” I say.

  “Nope, mine,” he says going back to kissing me and I laugh. I put my feet against him, and he squirms away.

  “No feet. Mercy, mercy,” he says laughing.

  “I really don’t understand how someone who enjoys so many areas of my body hates feet,” I say laughing.

  “I just really don’t like feet. Don’t judge me,” he says pulling me towards him.

  “Shower. Dame,” I say getting up.

  “Shower huh?” he says coming up behind me.

  “Yes.”

  “I can work with that,” he says with an impish grin and I look at him cocking my head.

  He goes and grabs a towel and follows me into the bathroom.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “We are taking a shower,” he says coyly.

  “Damian…no. Zeke needs to be in here and that is just weird.”

  “Zeke is in the bedroom when we do it all the time. Nice try,” he says, and I grimace. There’s a lot of unforgiving light in a bathroom.

  “Come on, I will make it worth your while,” he says looking at me. I really do miss him. We were all over each other the first week we were here and only seeing him an hour a day sucks.

  “What do you have in mind?” I say.

  “We shower. I wash you off, you wash me off and….”

  “Won’t that remind you of all my spells and having to take care of me? That’s not exactly a mood,” I say softy.

  “It will just be taking care of you in a different way,” he says reaching down to lift my chin up and kiss me.

  “Okay,” I say, and he looks at me. He still does this. He makes me say exactly what he is allowed to do, still afraid of going too far with me.

  “Okay?...” he says.

  “Wash me off and have your evil way with me, kitten. I miss you,” I say, and he chuckles at me, but wastes no time.

  He reaches over and takes my t-shirt off, there’s no bra to contend with and he is surprised.

  “I hate sleeping in bras. I was trying to be sexy and…no,” I say laughing and he smiles at me.

  “What?” I say reaching to take off his shirt. I kiss him on the chest a few times, waiting for his response.

  “You. You’re so confident. I don’t even get a blush when I take your shirt off anymore,” he says. My cheeks heat at him pointing it out.

  “I’ve been taking lessons,” I say softly, looking up at him.

  “Aha, there it is!” he says kissing both sides of my face.

  “It’s bound to happen. We normally don’t do this in florescent lighting, Dame,” I say.

  “Hey now. Stop that, you’re beautiful, Fee. And I am totally for the no bra. Easy access to you is always a good thing,” he says laughing.

  I ignore him and reach down and help him take off his boxers…slowly. I like it when I am the one with more clothes on for once—I rarely get to go first so I purposefully toy with him, running my hand up and down him as I stand back up.

  “Holy mother of God, Felicity,” he says instantly aroused. I smile at my handiwork.

  He reaches down and pulls off my shorts and I wince—I didn’t bother with underwear either. I was tired.

  “I think you just needed to do laundry at this point,” he says chuckling as he rubs my inner thigh.

  “Guilty. Didn’t I mention desperately needing a shower, Dame?” I say softly before he gets too comfortable.

  “Right, Right,” he says reaching over and starting the shower. We both step in and he adjusts it so I am under the stream, head back as he is kissing me.

  He is starting so slow, I attempt to pick up the pace, wanting him now that I feel a little cleaner.

  “Uh huh,” he says. Pulling away and I pout at him.

  “I think you need to learn something new today,” he says.

  “And what’s that?” I say.

  “The value of anticipation,” he says with a mischievous grin.

  “That sounds like a boring lesson from the sexpert, think I’ll skip that one,” I say going back to kissing him. He chuckles and pulls away again. I shrug, he will get cold eventually.

  “Far from boring. Turn around, Fee,” he says, and I roll my eyes, but turn anyway. He reaches over and grabs my shampoo. I hear it squeeze out of the bottle and he begins to massage my head—slowly. With every movement I am more turned on. I moan and he chuckles.

  “Oh, this is going to be fun,” he says laughing.

  After thoroughly cleaning what feels like every strand, he turns me around and kisses me while the shampoo washes out. Cupping his hands around our eyes as we both stand under the water.

  He starts to grab the body wash and I stop him.

  “Typically, girls condition,” I say handing him the conditioner and he chuckles.

  “I think you like this,” he says. “I didn’t realize you liked someone playing with your hair this much.”

  I look down.

  “Damian you are turned on by playing with my hair. Always have been, so are you really poking fun at me for enjoying it?”

  “Nope, moving forward,” he says pouring conditioner in his hands and running them through my hair.

  “It doesn’t sud up?” he asks.

  “No, not really,” I laugh, and he takes his fingers and massages my scalp.

  “Okay, anticipation over. You. Now,” I say, and he just grins at me, motioning me to turn around and rinse.

  “Okay, your turn,” I say grabbing the shampoo bottle and he laughs.

  “But I am afraid you are going to have to kneel down. You’re too tall,” I whisper as I kiss his neck.

  I feel his chest move up and down as he silently chuckles.

  “I am creating a monster,” he says.

  “Yep,” I say, and he kneels down, facing me instead of turning around. I block the water, so it doesn’t hit his face.

  “I meant the other way,” I say.

  “Oh, I know, but I think you can reach from here no?” he says, and I start washing his hair.

  I massage his hair making circles with my fingers and he mimics them on me, rubbing me.

  “Dame,” I sigh. I stop massaging his hair and he chuckles.

  “May I rinse now?” he says, and I move so he can, missing him touching me in the process. I start to hand him the body wash, but he stops me.

  “You forgot conditioner,” he accuses.

  “I will combust, you realize this,” I say, and he grins, kneeling in front of me. I put some conditioner on my hand and start massaging his scalp and he starts mimicking my movements again, and I groan.

  “Stop, I want to take care of you too,” I say, and he doesn’t. He just looks up at me.

  “Look me in the eye and say you want me to stop what I am doing now,” he says slipping a finger inside of me.

  I moan.

  “Dame….” I moan and he continues until I have to grip his shoulders for support, coming violently against his hand.

  “My turn,” he says, kissing me and pressing my back against the tile.

  Our shower lasted over an hour and we both get out thoroughly exhausted. Damian reaches for the towel.

  “You only grabbed one?” I say, but he doesn’t respond and reaches over to dry me off. When I am thoroughly dried, he uses the same towel to dr
y him off and we both decide to go back to bed.

  “Dame?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “I am a fan of anticipation,” I say, and he chuckles.

  “I think so,” he says laughing.

  “That was sweet, thank you,” I say.

  “Believe me, thank you,” he says laughing.

  We both decided to start a routine. Every other night, we would spend our hour in the shower—then we would fall into an exhausted sleep. That is until he decided it was time to ask some questions.

  “Fee?” he says. Summer was nearly halfway over. Donna just called to check in and we decided to skip our shower tonight. Preferring to just lounge on the couch. We we’re watching Enough with J-Lo. I sigh when he pauses it.

  “Yes,” I ask.

  “Have you heard from your sister?” he asks.

  “No, I don’t expect to, really,” I say. He has his head on my lap and I have been playing with his hair as we watched the movie.

  “I want to ask, Fee. I know we have been avoiding the subject and you are a master at avoiding talking about you, but…could you help me out here?”

  “Yes?” I say, partially to imitate the way he makes me communicate everything.

  “I asked if he was abusive. You told me he never hit. Was that a lie?” he asks, and I stop playing with his hair and look down.

  “I didn’t lie. I said he doesn’t hit Mel. I wouldn’t call a few slaps abusive, Damian. It happens.”

  “No. It doesn’t just happen. No one should hit you, ever. Period. End of story,” he says sitting up and looking at me.

  “A few times I would smart off and get backhanded. That’s it. It came out worse than what I intended,” I say. As a teenager, Daniel and I would go rounds. A lot. Until I learned to keep my mouth shut. It only took two or three times.

  “I hate him,” he says rubbing my cheek.

  “Are we done?” I say not looking at him and wanting to go back to the movie.

  “No,” he says taking the remote from my hand.

  “He kicked you out?” he asks.

  “A few nights. Yes.”