All The Ugly Things (Love and Lies Duet Book 1)

by Stacey Lynn

  She was right. It was two days, and I was still daydreaming of Hudson and his lips and that firm grip of his hands, tangled in my air. How warm and firm his body had been.

  How I hadn’t seen him since.

  “Sorry.” I shook my head. “Weird weekend.”

  “Ahh…. you had the date with your hottie neighbor. I take it that it went well.”

  It was incredible. The perfect weekend outside of Judith telling me not to return to work. And then… it’d just ended… and I still didn’t know what to make of it.

  “Friday night was great,” I said. I tapped my fingers to the table. Still worried. Still thinking. Still trying to figure out why everything changed so quickly. Maybe I’d been too emotional for him. Maybe he thought he took advantage of me? But I was the one who kissed him… maybe I was reading too much into his reaction after the kiss. Or the fact I hadn’t heard from him since.

  That wasn’t unusual. When I first moved in, he gave me space. Maybe he was doing the same. Taking things slow.

  “It was Sunday when things went weird,” I finally finished, fully aware of Angie’s impatience bubbling from across the table.

  Angie flipped her braids behind her shoulders and plopped her elbow on the table, chin to her fisted hand. “Weird? Explain.”

  “It’s probably nothing. I’m twisting something. Or imagining it, but we kissed and then… everything went weird.”

  “You kissed!?” She squealed, slapped her hands to the table. Immediately my gaze darted around the luncheon but for once, it didn’t seem as if anyone was paying a bit of attention.

  Huh.

  “You didn’t tell me that!”

  “Quiet down,” I hissed. If people weren’t staring at me, I didn’t want to give them reason to.

  “But you didn’t tell me you kissed.”

  “Well, I’m telling you now.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  Her eyes almost bulged out of her sockets. “How was it?”

  I licked my lips. There were no words. Good. Great. Fantastic. Incredible. All paled to the lingering effects it left in my memory and the tops of my thighs.

  “Out of this world,” I admitted. Before she could squeal again, I tried to change the subject. “I go to work there tomorrow, at his company.”

  “He got you a job, too?” Her brows slowly rose on her forehead. “Wow… that’s awesome.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far, but yeah, it’s a good opportunity.”

  “That’s great, Lilly. You deserve great things to happen to you.”

  “Thanks.” My cheeks warmed. Compliments were still awkward. “Are you doing anything tonight?”

  “No, and don’t think you’re getting off easily changing the subject about the kiss, either, although I see what you’re trying to do.”

  “Caught me.” I tossed my hands in the air, palms up and chuckled. “Want to come over later and help me pick an outfit for tomorrow?”

  “Will you tell me more about the kiss?”

  “Will you stop asking if I don’t?”

  She flashed me a look that said all I needed to know.

  “Fine. I accept your terms.”

  “Deal. Now eat up so we’re not late for the fun world of accounting.”

  I really liked this girl, but she needed a new idea of fun. Immediately.

  “It sounds like you’re getting settled then,” Ellen said, through the phone.

  I forgot I hadn’t called her about the new job or told her about Judith’s letting me go after the weekend. Luckily, I remembered to call her before she heard from Judith.

  I scanned the clothes I laid out on my couch. Angie would be here any moment to help pick out outfits. I probably could have figured it out myself, but Angie was fun to be around. And since I was trying not to live without regret anymore, I figured it’d be good to spend more time with someone who was so quickly becoming a friend.

  “I’m excited for the opportunity.”

  “I think it’ll be good for you. Have you looked into their tuition reimbursement?”

  “No.” Although I’d definitely been thinking about it. Getting reimbursed to complete a bachelor’s degree after I finished at the community college?

  Truthfully, given the costs and financial aid I’d need after the free tuition stopped once I got my two-year degree, I hadn’t considered a four-year degree a possibility. Working for Valor would open doors I’d long since locked and sealed shut.

  Yet I still wasn’t sure what to do with it all. If I could stay there full time after spring, I didn’t need to finish college. Valor would provide me with everything I’d wanted since my release—decent job and the means to live comfortably in a small, one-bedroom apartment. It was almost too overwhelming to begin to dream for more.

  “One step at a time, I think,” I told her. “But you’re good with this? The job?”

  “My job is to ensure you follow the rules, Lilly, and since the day we met you’ve done nothing but that. So yes, I trust you’re making good choices that will help move you forward in life. I would like to have dinner with you again soon, though. Catching up in person is always better, isn’t it?”

  It was. Dinners with Ellen used to be the only time I spent with another person.

  Now I had Angie. And Hudson. And his entire family.

  Somehow I’d gone from having no social life outside my therapist and parole officer, and now I was filling my calendar with all sorts of things.

  I shook my head at the wonder of it all.

  “Dinner would be great. Give me a couple weeks to get settled in the job so I actually have something to talk to you about?”

  “Sounds good. Text me when you know more. And don’t forget about your meeting tomorrow night.”

  “I won’t.” It wasn’t uncommon for her to remind me, but it still deflated my mood. Another night at AA. Another night going to meetings that were court-ordered but totally unnecessary. Fortunately, Ellen also allowed me to switch back and forth between AA and Al-Anon, and that was one that made more sense for me. It helped me understand Josh’s choices, even if that understanding came years too late. It helped me understand the depths other family members sunk to protect their addicted siblings and children and parents.

  “Good. Then we’ll speak soon. And good luck tomorrow, although I don’t believe for a minute you need it. You’re a smart girl, Lilly, always have been. You can do this.”

  Something lodged in my throat. It was so rare she gave compliments like this. And the last time we spoke had been underwhelming. Before I could thank her, or reassure her I wouldn’t let her down, she said goodbye and ended the call.

  We hung up and I managed to find two more acceptable choices from my limited wardrobe and dug out two pairs of heels I had, both scuffed and worn, but hopefully people didn’t spend too much time looking at my feet.

  A knock hit the door and I hurried to it.

  Hopefully Angie found picking out clothes as much fun as accounting. Otherwise, I was screwed.

  26

  Lilly

  I woke with a buzz in my stomach, reminiscent of a swarm of bumblebees.

  I start a new job today.

  The reality did nothing to lessen my nerves. I spent extra time on my hair and makeup. Anything to make a good impression on those I would meet, especially Brandon’s assistant, Sandra, who I hadn’t met when I did the world’s fastest interview.

  Brandon mentioned how much he appreciated her work and how organized she was, treating his schedule like a Bible. But I was only going to be there three days a week. She’d probably have me typing letters or working on filing and other basic essentials like printing proposals or something mundane so she could do the real tasks.

  Regardless, I was feeling pretty good about myself as I slipped into a pair of wide-leg black dress pants and a coral dress shirt. It was a wrap top, several years out of style, but shockingly, I’d found it at Goodwill with Ann Taylor’s pric
e tags still on it and got it for a steal for five dollars. It was one of the nicest pieces of clothing I had.

  Angie had even dug through my cupboards, found olive oil. She scrubbed my scuffed black heels with baking soda and then shined them with olive oil. “A trick Mom taught me,” she’d said, handing me shiny shoes that looked almost brand new.

  Now, all I had to was remember how to walk on the short heels and not break my ankle on the walk to Valor Holdings, and I was ready.

  If I didn’t throw up.

  I settled a hand on my stomach and took several deep breaths.

  “You can do this. It’s a simple job you probably could have handled when you were sixteen. Nothing to be nervous about at all.”

  The pep talk settled my stomach but not my nerves, but I’d run out of time to procrastinate.

  With that, I tossed lip balm into my purse, poured myself a travel mug of coffee, and grabbed my keys.

  In the elevator, I tapped my foot, impatient to get the day started. Hopefully I’d stop feeling like I was going to puke at some point today. The doors opened on the second floor, making my trek feel a thousand times longer. I almost groaned from the disappointment when Samaya and her kids hurried in.

  “Good morning,” Samaya said. “You look lovely.”

  “Thank you. Good morning to you too, and you too, Amala and Yasmine.”

  Amala grinned up at me. She was the hell-raiser Samaya referred to in front of Hudson. “Morning!”

  Yasmine was always quieter. Not shy. I figured her for a thinker and people-watcher.

  I grinned down at them, their book bags draped over their shoulders and their knit caps pulled tight over their ears.

  I’d forgotten gloves, and it was getting cold. My hands would be ice cubes by the time I got to work and need a half hour of thawing before I could do anything.

  Shoot.

  “Headed to school and work?”

  “Yes.” Samaya fixed Yasmine’s coat. “This new place is wonderful, but it’s farther to get to their school. I think, technically, we’re now supposed to go to a new one, but I haven’t let them know yet. And since it’s temporary, I don’t want to let the school know in case.”

  I mimed locking my lips with a key. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  “And you don’t usually dress this nice for classes.”

  “I start a new job today.” My grin wobbled.

  Samaya’s didn’t. Hers was large and genuine, showing off bright white teeth behind her brown lips. “Congratulations! That’s wonderful news. Better than that late shift at the diner, isn’t it?”

  “Let’s hope.” I crossed my fingers and she laughed, shaking her head. “Although really, you don’t have to reach far to get better than that.”

  The doors opened and I waited until she shuffled the kids toward the corner so I could head out on the main floor. “Well, have a good day. Have fun at school you two.”

  “School is boring,” Yasmine grumbled.

  “No, it’s not! It’s awesome!” Amala shouted.

  “I agree. School is the best.” I high-fived her.

  “Good luck!” Samaya sang as the doors started closing. Her kids shouting the same were cut in half by the doors closing, and I turned to head toward the front door and walked right into a wall.

  “Oomph.”

  “In a hurry?”

  My wall was dressed in a dark gray suit with a white shirt and a deep, blood-red tie. It also hung on the frame of Hudson’s body who was looking down at me, grinning while he gripped my arms and placed me one step away from him.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. Sure. Fine. You’re also lucky you didn’t end up wearing my drink.”

  “Wouldn’t be the first time it happened in my life.” He smirked. “So, you’re not nervous at all about today?”

  Terrified. Just him asking about it made my pulse skitter out of control. “Psssh. No. Why would I be?”

  He looked delicious and all the parts of me that really liked our kiss the other night wanted another go-around. You know. Research. It couldn’t have been quite as good as I remembered it.

  More testing was necessary.

  Except… this was the first I’d seen or heard from him.

  “No reason at all.”

  “What are you doing here?” I brought my coffee cup to my mouth. His truck was in the garage. I’d never run into him in the lobby before.

  “Thought I’d walk to work with you today. If that’s okay?”

  He could easily offer to drive me. He probably drove every day. But he was meeting me where I was at.

  He was a constant source of surprise. The lingering concern I had about not seeing him since Sunday dimmed as he gestured for me to walk with him. Maybe he really was busy.

  “You could have stopped by my place and asked.”

  “I could have. But I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to hurry if you knew I was waiting.”

  “You could have called. Or texted.”

  “Ah. But you haven’t offered me your number yet.”

  “Oh.” Maybe that explained some of his silence too. I wanted to slap myself in the forehead for forgetting that. “Would you like it?”

  “Yes.” He said it so seriously, I glanced at him. “I’ve wanted it. And I could have looked at your application to get it, but I’ve been waiting for you to give it to me. Instead of taking it.”

  “Oh. Well, then.” Heat singed my cheeks as I dug into my purse for my phone.

  He looked at it like he’d discovered a fossil, and I laughed. “I know. It’s a really old iPhone, but it works. I swear.”

  “I’m sure it does.” He stopped before we reached the exit doors to the building. Typed in his number. Sent himself a text. “There. Now you have mine.”

  I had a way to contact him whenever I wanted.

  Would I ever be brave enough to use it?

  “Thank you.”

  “Thank you.” He smiled again, that soft sweet smile I saw right before our kiss on Sunday and my body trembled from the look, from the memory of it. Before I could step away, he brushed his lips across my cheek. “Let’s get you to work. I hear your boss can be a total asshole.”

  His lips weren’t as warm. But just as full and soft. I tried to hide the tremble that brief kiss solicited. Based on the mirthful look in his eyes, I failed.

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes. I get that sense from Brandon. Definitely.”

  “Exactly.” He shoved open the doors and I was met with a brutal, chilled wind that whipped my hair across my face and sank through my jacket.

  “Damn. It’s freaking cold here. I forget how windy it always is, too.” In the summer the courtyard at the prison was filled with green trees and benches where we could loiter if we earned free time. The winters were another story. The wind whipped through the buildings and flung snow and ice at us from all directions. Not unlike Chicago winds when I was close to the lake. Still, the warm summers always made the winters seem mild until they smacked you in the face again.

  “Brutal. I can go get my truck if you don’t want to walk.”

  “No.” I had to get used to the cold at some point. It’d be better if I had remembered my gloves. “I want to walk.”

  “Okay then.”

  He matched his steps to mine as we headed down the streets, both of us keeping our heads down from the wind. All that work I’d done curling my hair and making it look cute wouldn’t make a difference by the time we reached his building. I’d look wind-worn and mussed. Probably have smeared mascara from watering eyes.

  Darn it.

  We barely spoke as we hustled down the street and less than ten minutes later, we burst into Valor Holdings’ lobby, shaking off the cold.

  “Good grief,” I muttered, wiping my hands up and down my arms to warm my bones. My coffee had probably gone cold, too.

  “Come on. I’ll get you to Brandon’s. I’m sure he or Sandra will have paperwork ready for you to fill out and Sandra wi
ll help you get your ID security card. But if you ever forget it, go check-in at the front desk.” He explained all of this while we moved to the elevators. I stepped back from the rest of the early morning crowd waiting to gather into the cars like herds of cattle. Their whispered morning conversations were an almost overwhelming hum in my ears.

  All these people. Every day. Cramming themselves onto an elevator. My fingers tingled with nerves from it, but beneath it was something else… excitement.

  It wasn’t so long ago I figured I would never get a chance at a life like this.

  And look at me now.

  I could force myself to get over my unease with crowds for this opportunity.

  The elevator was packed with over a half-dozen bodies and the ride to the sixth floor felt like it took almost as long as the chilling walk to the building. That was probably in part because my toes were still frozen in my shoes and my stomach was threatening to revolt with every floor we stopped at, taking me higher to my new job.

  Part-time.

  It was just a very, part-time job.

  Trying to diminish the opportunity did nothing to settle that swarm of bees now turning into an angry wasp nest in my stomach. It probably would have been a good idea to give myself time to eat this morning. That would have been better time spent than curling my hair which was now tangled and twisted. Fortunately, the other women in the elevator, myself included, spent the elevator ride running our fingers through our hair.

  At least I wasn’t the only one.

  When the elevator stopped at the sixth floor, Hudson’s hand, shockingly warm given he also hadn’t worn gloves, settled at my lower back and made me flinch in surprise.

  He pushed me through the few remaining employees—coworkers, I guessed—and didn’t give me a moment to start a futile argument.

  I’d only been to the top floor of Valor Holdings to see Hudson and David. As I mentally prepared to come in today, I tried to picture what my desk area would look like. The sixth floor was nothing like I’d been able to envision.

  We stepped off the elevator and Hudson guided me down a short hallway of cubicle walls that went as high as my shoulders. Hudson smiled and said hello to several people, men dressed in suits and women in similar, professional clothing alike, until we reached an open corner near the back. Outside a wall of glass windows was a large, L-shaped cubicle. Next to it, a smaller one completely empty except for a single computer monitor, wireless keyboard, and mouse. A grin stretched my cheeks as I took it in. It was the only empty desk and looked like it’d been recently prepared with essentials.