Influence in Action
Page 27
7. Laurie Tarkandec, “Arrogant, Abusive and Disruptive—and a Doctor,” New York Times, December 1, 2008, https://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/02/health/02rage.html.
8. Ann Coulter, “Protests Force Columnist Coulter to Stop Speech.” NBCnews.com, December 8, 2005, http://www.nbcnews.com/id/10379693/ns/us_news-life/t/protests-force-columnist-coulter-stop-speech/.
9. I borrowed this phrase from my energetic young neighbor, five-year-old Cali Sosebee.
10. Dacher Keltner, The Power Paradox, New York: Penguin, 2016, p. 34.
CHAPTER 14
1. Bruce Thompson, “Scurvy Elephants and Childhood Misconceptions,” December 6, 2010, http://brucethompsoncoaching.com/main/scurvy-elephants-and-childhood-misconceptions/.
2. Robert Kegan, from the personal lecture notes of the author, Workplace Learning Institute, Teachers College, Columbia University, 1996.
CHAPTER 15
1. A Beautiful Mind. Directed by Ron Howard, Universal Pictures, 2001. Film.
CHAPTER 16
1. For more on this concept, see Robert Fritz, Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life, New York: Ballantine Books, 1989.
2. Robert Fritz, “Tensions Seeks Resolution,” Robertfritz.com, http://www.robertfritz.com/wp/principles/tension-seeks-resolution/.
3. Frank Barrett, Yes to the Mess: Surprising Leadership Lessons from Jazz, Boston: Harvard Business Review Press, 2012, p. 12.
4. Marshall Goldsmith, Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts—Becoming the Person You Want to Be, New York: Crown Business, 2015, pp. 101–124.
5. Bill Bradley, AZ Quotes. https://www.azquotes.com/author/1780-Bill_Bradley.
CHAPTER 17
1. Peter Drucker, quoted in Joan Magretta, What Management Is, New York: The Free Press, 2002, p. 132.
2. Dacher Keltner, The Power Paradox, New York: Penguin, 2016, p. 34.
INDEX
Please note that index links point to page beginnings from the print edition. Locations are approximate in e-readers, and you may need to page down one or more times after clicking a link to get to the indexed material.
Abbey, Edward, 1, 234
Accountability strategy, having an, 224–228
Action mindset, 97–98
Active approach, passive vs., 13
Active listening, 187
Adaptive, being, 22
Adaptive issues, 68
Adaptive learning, 2, 113
Adaptive realities, 80
Adaptive workplaces, vii
Affirmative bias, 91–93, 124, 232
Aggressiveness, verbal, 174–175
Agreement:
disinviting, 196–197
seeking, 173
Aha moments, 17–18, 20–21
Albers, Susan, on training your mind, 57
Analogic information, 150–151
Analysis, systemic, 151
Anecdotal evidence, 151
Anti-confirmation bias, cultivating an, 120–121, 163, 194
Argyris, Chris, 44, 136
Aronson, Elliot, 131, 197
Asking questions, 118, 125, 129–130, 205
Assessing the conversation, 210
Assessments, personality/behavioral, 67
Attention:
as muscle, 57
paying, 27 (See also Disciplined awareness)
Attributes of, 90–91
Authentic curiosity, 180–182
Awareness:
of bodily sensations, 41–42
of cognitive reactions, 40–41
disciplined, 27–34
of emotional reactions, 36–40
importance of, 55–56
mindful, 27–32, 57–58
personal, 35–48
personal vs. situational, 33–34
refocusing of, 74
self-, 32, 42, 43, 55, 64
situational, 49–56
of triggers, 47
of your personality/behaviors, 42
See also Mindfulness awareness practices (MAPs)
Bach, Richard, 91, 201
Back and forth (of testing and inquiry), 183
“Baloney Detection Kit,” 84, 125, 157
Bandwagon effect, 162
Barrett, Frank, 91, 98–100, 131, 224
on errors, 127
in inquiring, 172
Baumeister, Roy, 131
Beam of attention, 29–33
focusing, on ideas of others, 199
noticing your, 61
A Beautiful Mind (film), 213–214
Begley, Sharon, 32
Behavior(s):
difficulty of implementing, 136
habitual, 42
identifying, 68
of others, 53–54
Behavioral assessments, 67
Behavior-over-time graphs, 191
Berman, Marc, 62
Bias:
affirmative, 91–93, 124, 232
anti-confirmation, 120–121, 163, 194
cognitive, 162–163
confirmation, 82, 180
hindsight, 162
Birkman Method®, 67
“Black Hat” test, 166
Bodily sensations, awareness of, 41–42
Bowie, David, 204
Bradley, Bill, on success, 228
Brain:
“braking system” of, 45
“cold,” 32–33
letting your brain wander, 63
taking care of your, 63
“Braking” habits, 66–67
“Braking system,” brain’s, 45
Bratman, Gregory, 61–62
Breathing breaks, 59
Breuning, Loretta, 124, 131
“Bring More Mindfulness onto the Mat” (Isaacs), 62–63
Brown, Brené, 130, 131
Burton, Robert, 131, 197
Campbell, Joseph, 96, 116
Candid, being, 163
Candor, 22
Candor skills, 135–139, 212
helping others see your thinking, 147–158
stating your position, 139–145
Canfield, Jack, on persistence, 97
Carlin, George, on finding humor, 96
Carlyle, Thomas, on persistence, 6
Catching your reactions, 43–44, 46–47, 65, 138, 211
Causal-loop maps, 191
Chaffee, John, 192
Challenges, identifying, 221–222
Change, meaningful, 2
“Checking in,” with your feelings, 66
Chekhov, Anton, on knowledge, 133
Chödrön, Pema, 44, 70
Civil War, 104–106
Clarifying points, 144–145
Clarity, of position statement, 141
Clear, being, 141, 174
Clear thinking, 87
Cognitive bias, 162–163
Cognitive control, 38
Cognitive empathy, 53
Cognitive reactions, awareness of, 40–41
“Cold brain,” 32–33
Collaborative design, 178–179, 204–208
Collins, Jim, 91–92, 130
Commitment, 85–86
Communication, nonverbal, 175–176
Compassion, 96
Compelling, being, 142–143
Concepts, skills vs., 185
Concise, being, 142
Confidence, 86
Confirmation bias, 82, 180
Conflicts, identifying intentional, 207–208
Conspiracy theories, 149
Constructive framing, 188–189
Constructive orientation, 109–110, 129
Constructive self-talk, 110
Context, 7
Contrast, listening for, 122
Control, cognitive, 38
Conversation, purpose vs. patterns of, 34
Conversational capacity, 193, 203
Conversational Capacity (Weber), viii, 33, 57, 136, 148, 165–166, 176
Conversational Capacity Mindset, viii, 73–88
and commitment, 85–86
and confidence, 86
and mental workshop, 75–85
and personal awareness, 36
refocusing with, 74
and trust, 86–87
See also Leadership mindset; Mindset strategies
Conversational game plan, 208–211
Cooperrider, David, 200
Cote, David M., 87
Courage, 22
Covey, Stephen R., 40–41, 78
Cowman, Lettie, on strong vs. weak minds, 94
Creating Great Choices (Riel and Martin), 120
Critical thinking, 83–85, 100, 118–119
Croesus, King, 160
Curiosity skills, 135–138, 159–160, 212
importance of, 182–184
inquiring into the hypotheses of others, 171–182
as key to smart thinking, 184
testing your hypothesis, 160–169
Curious, being, 163, 180–182
Current state, identifying your, 219
“Daily Question List” (DQL), 226–228
Dalai Lama, on positive vision, 91
Data, separating interpretation from, 190
Data-free zone (DFZ), 149
David, Susan, 130
Davidson, Richard J., 70
De Bono, Edward, 131, 156, 166, 192
Decision making, 86
Delayed gratification, 3
Delta Air Lines, 117
The Demon-Haunted World (Sagan), 125
Design, collaborative, 178–179, 204–208
Destructive orientation, 110–112
Destructive self-talk, 112
DeWall, Nathan, 123
DFZ (data-free zone), 149
Diamandis, Peter, on mindset, 117
Difference, leaning into, 78–80, 120
Directly observable evidence, 150
DISC® profile, 67
Discipline, building, 8, 122–123
Disciplined awareness, 27–34
and beam of attention, 29–33
as foundational competence, 33–34
Disinviting agreement, 196–197
Double-loop aha moments, 17–18
Double-loop learning, 79
DQL (“Daily Question List”), 226–228
Dreger, Alice, on changing your mind, 73
Drucker, Peter, 232
Duckworth, Angela, 131
Dunning–Kruger effect, 162
Dweck, Carol, 131
on growth mindset, 104
on smartest people, 77–85
Dyer, Wayne, 125, 194
Ego, 7
Einstein, Albert, on intelligence, 223
Elements of Story (Flaherty), 154
Elements of Style (Strunk and White), 142
Emotional empathy, 53
Emotional intelligence (EQ), 38–39
Emotional reactions, awareness of, 36–40
Emotional reactivity, 44
Emotions, 33, 155
Empathetic listening, 178
Empathy, emotional vs. cognitive, 53
Engaged listening, 122
Engaged workplaces, vii
Engagement, 183
Epictetus, on being disturbed, 41
EQ (emotional intelligence), 38–39
Eurich, Tasha, 69
on identifying emotional reactions, 39–40
on self-awareness, 35, 43, 64
Evidence, 149–151, 156–158
Exercise, 57, 63
Experience, transforming, with mindful awareness, 31–32
Facilitation, informal vs. formal, 215–216
Failure, 6, 140–141
Feedback, seeking, 200
Feelings:
focusing on, 65–66, 68
gut, 155
Ferris, Tim, 122–123
Feynman, Richard, 84–85, 131, 192
Fight-or-flight responses, 32
Films, watching, 130
Filters, 42
Fine, Cordelia, 130, 161, 195
Finland, 94
First Law of Motion, 1
Fit, lack of, 68
Flaherty, Francis, 154
Focus (focusing):
on feelings, 65–66
internal, 30
and leadership, 25
on learning, 74, 97
and refocusing, 74, 125
with single-point attention practice, 58
Focus sentences, 140
Formal facilitation, 216
Foundational skills, four, 136–137
Framing, constructive, 188–189
Frankfurt, Harry G., 131
Fritz, Robert, 7, 218
Fromm, Erich, 103, 109, 131
Frustration, leaning into, 198–199
Fry, Ronald, 172
Fun, having, 8
Fundamental attribution error, 162
Gallo, Amy, on decision making, 86
Game plan, conversational, 13–14
Ganbaru, 94
Gandhi, Mahatma, 129
“Gestapo Interrogation,” 14, 148
Getting outside, 61–62
Gladwell, Malcolm, on updating your positions, 71
Goldsmith, Marshall, 226, 227
on ability to think, 44
on importance of awareness, 38
Goleman, Daniel, 69
on attention, 27, 57
on emotions, 33
on failure to focus inward, 56
on mindful meditation, 59
on need for focus, 25
Good, focusing on the, 125
Good to Great (Collins), 91
Goodall, Jane, 8, 55
Goodwin, Doris Kearns, 131
Goofing off, 127–128
Gottman Institute, 43
Grandin, Temple, 129
Graphic facilitation, 192
The Green Mile (film), 111
Growth mindset, 104
Guessing, 205
Gunaratana, Bhante Henepola, 70
Gut feelings, 155
Habits, “braking,” 66–67
Habitual behaviors, 42
Hall, Eric J., 60
Hamilton, Laird, 121
Hancock, Herbie, 216
The Happiness Track (Seppalla), 128
Harris, Dan, 69
Harris, Ed, 213–214
The Harrison Assessment®, 67
Harshness, avoiding unnecessary, 143–144
Harvey, Jerry, 131
HBR.com, 86
“Heads-up display” (HUD), 214–216
Healthy workplaces, vii
Heffernan, Margaret, on thinking partners, 80
Heifetz, Ron, 131
Helping others see your thinking, 147–158
and evidence, 149–151, 156–158
facets of thinking, 147–149
and gut feelings, 155
and interpretation, 151–153
and keeping things simple, 154–155
and ladder of inference, 148–149, 152–153
and showing your road map, 156
High leverage, 69
Hindsight bias, 162
Hogan Assessment®, 67
Homer Simpson (cartoon character), 85
Hornby, Nick, 167–168
“Hot brain,” 32–33
HUD (“heads-up display”), 214–216
Hughes, Chris, 50–52, 54
Humility, 7
Humor, 96, 128
Hunches, 155
Hussein, Saddam, 50
Hypothesis(—es):
inquiring into others’ (see Inquiring into the hypotheses of others)
testing your (see Testing your hypothesis)
Incompetence, skilled, 44
“Indianapolis Journal” (“Indianapolis moments”), 116–117, 160–162, 193–194
Influence, having, 156–157
Informal facilitation, 215–216
Information, analogic, 150–151
Inquiring into the hypotheses of others, 171–182
and authentic curiosity, 180–182
benefits
of, 173–176
and collaborative design, 178–179
difficulty of, 180
and explaining “why,” 180
and listening, 176–178
as process, 172–173
and seeking agreement, 173
testing vs., 172
Inquiry practices, 197–200
Insight (Eurich), 39
Integrative thinking, 80–81, 118–120
Intellectual inbreeding, 80–82
Intellectual listening, 178
Intelligence:
emotional, 38–39
social, 56
systemic, 69
Intentional conflicts, identifying, 207–208
Intentional progress, 232
Intentions, 135, 136
Internal commitment, 85
Internal focus, 30
Internal locus of control, 104
Interpretation, 151–153, 190
Interpreting the situation, 41
Intuition, 155
Involvement in the process, 86
Iraq War, 50–51
Irresponsibility orientation, 107
Isaacs, Nora, 62–63
Jacobs, Alan, 192
James, William, on bringing back a wandering attention, 30
Japan, 94
Jerry Maguire (film), 157
Jobs, Steve, on difficulty of simple, 147
Kabat-Zinn, Jon, 69, 70
Kahneman, Daniel, 91–92, 192
Kane, Thomas, on concision, 142
Keeping things simple, 154–155
Kegan, Robert, on frustration, 198
Keltner, Dacher, 138, 182
Kennedy, Robert F., on purpose of life, 231
Kida, Thomas E., 197
King, Martin Luther, Jr., 129
LaBier, Douglas, on changing old values, 89
Ladder of inference, 16, 58, 148–149, 152–153, 190, 197–198
Lahti, Emilia, on sisu, 94
Langer, Ellen, 61, 70
Laughing at yourself, 96
Lead, ways to, 233
Leadership:
defining, 1
difficulty and danger of, 1–2
and focus, 25
need for, 1
and organizations, 232–233
real, 22, 103
Leadership and learning zone (LLZ), 220–222
Leadership for a Fractured World (Williams), 99
Leadership mindset, 103–113, 129
and constructive orientation, 109–110
and destructive orientation, 110–112
identifying your, 112–113
and responsibility orientation, 104–107
and victim orientation, 107–108
Leaning into difference, 78–80, 120
Leaning into frustration, 198–199
Learning:
adaptive, 2, 113
double-loop, 79
from failure, 6
focusing on, 74, 98
inquiry in pursuit of, 173