Coming Up for Air

by Amanda Meuwissen

  Cary came to his senses first and dove down beside Leigh to press against the wound, covering his hands that could sign so beautifully in scarlet red. Then the roar in Tolly’s ears sucked away like a vacuum and there was nothing but the man who had done this and who needed to pay.

  Bolting for the fire escape, Tolly raced up to the apartment. Another shot rang out, directed at his pursuit, but the bullet clanged against metal and missed him. As did the next and the next as he shot up faster than most humans could match. Tolly was upon the man in moments, and he was out of bullets by the time Tolly reached him, proven by the plaintive click of his gun.

  Tolly knocked the gun away and seized him harshly. Only when he saw how his outstretched hands were bloodred, with claws, did he realize he had lost control of his form again, but it did not matter. The others could not see more than indistinct figures above them for how the metal platform and stairway hid him.

  “You are a monster….” The man stared wide-eyed at Tolly, giving him the final catalyst he needed to launch forward and sink his teeth into the man’s shoulder. His cry cut off like a whimper as Tolly dug his claws into his sides as well, wanting to tear muscle from bone and make him suffer.

  But no. Then he would be a monster, and even if Leigh believed he would want Tolly no matter what, that would not ring true if he proved he was no better than his brethren.

  Tearing his teeth free, Tolly was careful not to rip out the man’s jugular or puncture the artery. His claws would not be fatal either as long as he did not twist them, sliding them cleanly out again for the man to gasp in pain. Good. Tolly was not like his kin, but without Leigh, he would have nothing to stop him from becoming them.

  “I should kill you,” he said as he threw the man to the fire escape floor and crouched over him, fangs and claws dripping blood. “Why shoot Leigh and not me if I am the monster? Why?”

  “B-because… he ruined everything by bringing you into this.”

  “If he dies,” Tolly snarled, “after what I do to you then, you will wish I had killed you.”

  To feel one more rush of satisfaction, Tolly slashed the man’s face, then made his second swipe a punch to knock him unconscious. He was bleeding in many places now, but not so heavily that he would not live.

  “Tolly, we—” Alvin’s voice reached him before Tolly realized he had been followed. The words cut off abruptly, a sharp inhale leaving Alvin before Tolly turned.

  Other than the men who deserved his wrath, no human had ever seen his true form. It was incomplete like this without his tail but otherwise fully revealed—his eyes and fangs and claws, his skin red and darkly freckled with spots and scales, the change in the color of his hair to match, and the pointed shape of his ears.

  “Please….” He wiped furiously at the blood on his face when he saw the terror on Alvin’s. “Leigh does not know. I did not kill the man, much as he may deserve it. Please do not tell Leigh this is what I am. He will never love me if he knows.”

  “Guys!” Ralph called up at them, frantic. “We have to call an ambulance!”

  Leigh was what mattered and that made it easier for Tolly’s skin to turn back and for his other merfolk aspects to fade. Still, Alvin stared and gave an instinctive flinch when Tolly stood to move toward him.

  “Guys!” Cary cried, even more urgently than Ralph had, and finally Alvin blinked, nodded at Tolly, and turned to rush back down the steps. Tolly followed.

  “He’s not going anywhere,” Alvin said about the man on the fire escape when Ralph and Cary gaped at Tolly’s bloody clothes. “We can worry about him later. We have to—”

  “Get him to the pool. Into the water,” Tolly said.

  “What?” Cary said, hands covered in the blood that would not cease its heavy pulse from Leigh’s chest. Leigh was awake, but only barely and unable to speak.

  “You can heal him?” Alvin asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Heal him? What are you talking about?” Cary sputtered.

  Ralph seemed too traumatized by the past few weeks to add anything.

  “Leigh….” Tolly coaxed his eyes up, lips stained with blood from every feeble cough choking him. Leigh had precious little time, but he looked at Tolly and there was love there, if only he would say it.

  Later.

  “I will save you,” Tolly said and lifted him from the ground without faltering, holding him secure with one arm, while the other wrapped around him and pressed to the wound that Cary could no longer reach.

  The pool was close to the alley exit, and Tolly rushed back inside to reach it, turning down hallways and around corners with impressive speed, even with Leigh in his arms. They came upon no one in the halls, but their luck ran out when they reached the pool. Deanna was there with the children, Miss Maggie lounging in a chair with a book, all so normal and benign until they saw what Tolly carried.

  “Out of the pool!” Alvin called.

  “Oh my God, William?” Deanna exclaimed, though she wasted no time hauling her children out as asked, and Miss Maggie threw her book aside.

  Tolly wished the children did not have to see this, wished none of them did, but he could hold his kinder merfolk form for them and all would be well once he healed Leigh.

  “Out!” Alvin rushed to usher Deanna and the kids free of Tolly’s path.

  Tolly laid Leigh down at the edge of the pool, catching his eyes again and promising without a word that all would be well.

  “Cary!” he called behind him, and Cary came forward to take his place, putting pressure on the wound while Tolly stripped and then jumped into the water to pull Leigh in with him.

  “This is crazy,” Cary said, even as he allowed Tolly to take him. “Why would you….” But words failed him as he looked over the side at shimmering red and gold.

  “You’re a real mermaid?” Gert said, the innocence of a child finding only wonder in what she saw, even with the blood spreading out through the water from Tolly’s stained hands and Leigh’s wound.

  “I can save him,” Tolly said, stunned though the others may have been. “I promise.”

  He dove, taking Leigh under with him and swimming to the deepest parts of the pool. Leigh’s clothing made him heavier, though it was still hardly a feat to get there quickly and make sure Leigh looked at him instead of the blood turning the water red.

  T-Tolly…. Leigh’s mind called where his voice had not been strong enough.

  Stay awake. Stay with me, Tolly said as he pressed both hands to Leigh’s chest.

  Then he sang, if only to dull the pain Leigh might be feeling, but it was from his core that the healing magic flowed.

  A cut on a hand barely made Tolly cringe. Healing the poison he had been injected with had been harder but still manageable. Something like this though, fatal, would take most of his own energy to even attempt. He had to believe he could do it without his own life being extinguished, because here in the water, communing with Leigh, his pact-mate, his love, he was stronger than he had ever been.

  Whereas with the cut on Leigh’s hand, the illumination through his veins had been minimal, this time his entire chest and every connecting vein up his neck and down into his hands glowed. If he had been without clothing, he would have glowed like a beacon. It made Tolly falter and shiver for how much toll the exchange took on him, which must have shown on his face.

  Don’t…, Leigh said, hands trembling as he reached for Tolly.

  I will be fine. You must heal. You must survive.

  I’m not… worth it.

  You are worth everything.

  Their eyes locked, and Tolly could feel the beat of Leigh’s pulse not only through his hands on his chest but in his ears, in his mind, beating in rhythm with his own. They were one. They belonged to each other. Tolly could not allow Leigh’s eyes to close.

  But they did.

  Leigh!

  While pouring more healing energy into him, Tolly brought them down so deep in the water, Leigh’s body soon lay on the floor of the pool wi
th him floating above. The red around them was turning hazy pink. Was the blood slowing? Or did Leigh have no more to give…?

  Please….

  Tolly’s vision dimmed, failing as he pushed harder than his own energies could sustain, but he would not give up.

  Heal. Be well. Be mine, please….

  Any more and Tolly would pass out. He would fail, and Leigh would be lost. If that happened, when Tolly awoke, if he did, he feared the carnage he would leave in his wake through the few remaining days he had left before his legs abandoned him without Leigh’s love to keep them.

  Leigh, he pleaded one last time, and when his strength dwindled enough that he could no longer keep his hands pressed to Leigh’s chest, they gave way and started to drop—

  Only for Leigh to grab his wrists and wake with a start.

  Leigh!

  Leigh’s chest heaved with a deep breath, taking in water with the power of the Breath of Life as easily as he gulped in air. Tolly.

  You are alive. Tolly flicked his tail forward with one last surge and wrapped Leigh in his arms. You are still with me. Oh, my love, please never leave me again.

  Surprised but adoring laughter echoed through their connection. I think we’re destined to keep saving each other. But hopefully there won’t be any more gunshots in our future.

  Tolly laughed back at him, weak, though feeling better by the moment, no longer pouring energy into Leigh, for he was well now, and simply being in the water would help him regain his strength as well.

  Holding Leigh’s face with both hands, he kissed him and pressed their foreheads together. I love you, he said, as heartfelt as he had before. I love you, Leigh.

  I’m glad, Leigh said, despite the wave of sadness that crossed his face. I am. I am so grateful for you, Tolly.

  Grateful. It stung like before, but Tolly was so relieved to have Leigh with him, he would not let it spoil his joy.

  The water was stained, though clearing of blood as the filters set to work, and Tolly swam them through it, hauling Leigh up to the surface with a great splash and eruption of cries and questions from the onlookers. When they saw Leigh was well, there was little more they could say but to express their amazement that Tolly was not what they had thought.

  Carefully, Tolly helped Leigh sit on the edge so he could pull up his shirt to check the wound that revealed a faint scar cleanly healed over. He had still lost blood and looked in need of a meal, but he would be all right.

  The worry Tolly felt for so many others knowing his secret came to the forefront with Leigh’s recovery, and for a moment, he thought of ducking back under the water to hide. He should not leave the pool yet anyway, not until he felt recharged.

  But none of them looked at him with anything less than amazement. He was something beautiful and miraculous to them. He was a hero, for he had saved Leigh’s life, and they were his dear friends who had no thoughts of betrayal to sell proof of a “freak” for riches and fame.

  It was only Alvin who looked on with wariness.

  “I knew you talked too weird to be normal,” Ralph said with the giddiest grin.

  “Who’s normal in this building anyway,” Deanna said, rustling his hair with teasing fondness that caused him to look at her with his usual adoration.

  Miss Maggie merely shrugged. “I’ve seen weirder.”

  “I thought all mermaids were girls,” Gert said, held back from getting too close to the pool by Deanna’s firm hand.

  “He’s not a mermaid, silly,” Gar said, “he’s a merman.”

  “Merfolk,” Tolly corrected.

  “Why ‘folk’?” Gar asked.

  Tolly leaned up on the edge of the pool. “Because sometimes my kin look like men. Sometimes like women. But we are neither and also both.” Much as Tolly had chosen the form of a human man to match Leigh’s desires.

  “Oh. Cool,” Gar said, and Gert nodded in wonderment.

  That seemed to surprise and yet also not surprise Leigh, but he simply smiled.

  “You can call me a mermaid if you like,” Tolly said.

  Maggie took charge from there, getting things cleaned up, getting Leigh into dry clothes retrieved from upstairs, with clothes brought down for Tolly once he was ready to get out of the water. Cary called in for “cleaners” to handle the Moretti man. Tolly hardly cared what Sweeney’s people did to him, just so long as he did not have to see his own damage again.

  He was glad Leigh did not ask. He was glad Alvin did not say anything, but he wished his friend was not so distant.

  Leigh did not wish to leave until Tolly could join him upstairs, so while they retrieved the left-behind groceries, Miss Maggie ordered takeout, and they ate right there together, crowding in close to Tolly with the blood wiped from the floor. The water was still not fit for anyone but him, but they would have someone clean it properly tomorrow.

  “We have people for that,” Cary said, signing secretly to Tolly that he was beautiful. “Boss’ll cover it.”

  When Tolly finally felt well enough to leave the pool, he checked to be sure Leigh was okay, kissed him soundly, then pulled Alvin aside.

  “Please—”

  “Don’t tell Leigh. I heard you.”

  “Yes, but… please do not look at me like that. Please do not fear me.”

  “I’m not afraid,” Alvin said, though he had his arms crossed like a shield to protect him. “I… I don’t know what I am. You were eating him or something.”

  “I was not eating him, merely—”

  “Gnawing on his neck? Shredding him to pieces?” Alvin said, then immediately pulled back. “Not that he didn’t deserve it. He nearly killed Leigh, would have killed him if not for you. You saved him. You keep saving him. But you’re also lying to him.” All the headway Tolly had made in his human life seemed to crumble in Alvin’s eyes, painting him as the outsider he was. “What are you?”

  “I am merfolk,” Tolly said simply. “That was never a lie.”

  “But what are merfolk? Really? Coz Leigh thinks it’s the tail, but that’s not true. It’s more than that. It’s old legends of mermaids and sirens drowning people for fun.”

  He was not wrong; that was exactly what Tolly’s kin were like. “I would never do that, I swear to you, but some things I cannot tell Leigh until the pact is over.”

  “Pact?”

  “The magic that allows me to take this form prevents certain truths from being spoken. Other things, I… I keep from him so he does not hate me as you do now.”

  That snapped Alvin’s attention to Tolly’s eyes, which he had been avoiding, and his arms dropped. “I don’t hate you. You’re freaky and I don’t get what’s going on, but….” He trailed off, frowning at himself, at Tolly maybe, but no, himself, because the next moment, he launched forward, enveloping Tolly and squeezing tightly. “I love you, Tol. You’re the best. You are. But don’t hide this from Leigh. Whatever you can tell him, tell him. I won’t, I promise, but you have to. He deserves to know you really are more Creature from the Black Lagoon than Blue.” He chuckled, and the tremble in his voice was a little less prominent. “Doesn’t change anything else about you. I’m sorry I got so spooked.”

  Stunned but so grateful, Tolly embraced Alvin back with eager arms. He did not realize he was crying until he felt hot tears slipping down his cheeks. Alvin looked at him as they parted like he was truly sorry he had ever stared in fear.

  “You give your vow of love so easily,” Tolly said, wiping at his eyes to clear them, “despite having seen what I am. You believe Leigh could be the same?”

  “He’s not some shallow asshole,” Alvin said, looking calmer after holding Tolly, like he had needed to touch him anew to be sure he was not sharp. “It might just be a shock, is all.”

  “Hey!” Leigh called to them. “What are you two talking about? Let’s head up.”

  Perhaps Tolly was wrong. Perhaps Leigh could accept him as he was. He nodded his thanks to Alvin and went to Leigh with a fresh smile.

  The others h
ad all peppered him with questions the way Alvin once did, assuaged now, ready for sleep, and Gert hugged his legs before they retired, for he was proof of magic to her young eyes and only something to be marveled at.

  Ralph, too, seemed like some of the darkness had lifted, able to move on from the death he had witnessed because Tolly had shown him something miraculous, his hope restored.

  Alvin’s final encouraging smile gave Tolly hope too.

  “You believe we are safe here?” Tolly asked when they entered the apartment. The fire escape was already cleared.

  “After Sweeney’s men were here to clean up, if there are any other stragglers, they won’t act tonight. Come here.” Leigh pulled Tolly to him as soon as the door closed and kissed him hard. Leigh loved him. He did. He would not shun Tolly to know the truth.

  “Leigh….” Tolly sighed, summoning his courage, their foreheads falling together after the kiss with the welcome weight of Leigh’s hands at his hips.

  “You know, for a minute there when I was passing out, I thought I saw that monster again, the one you erased from my dreams.”

  “Oh?” Tolly prompted, feeling his confidence sink like a rock in his stomach.

  “You saved me from all the monsters. Guys with guns. A life I didn’t want. Even the worst monster living in my head.”

  The worst….

  “You mean everything to me, Tolly.”

  That caused him to look up at Leigh directly. “Then you love me, as I love you?”

  “I can’t say that.” Leigh winced.

  “Why?” Tolly beseeched him. It was all he needed. It was the only way.

  “It’d feel hollow from me. Broken,” Leigh said, withdrawing with a pained expression. “Between my dad and a life of bad choices, it’s always been an ugly word. I don’t mind if you say it, but I need to know it’s okay if you don’t hear it back. Not now. Maybe not ever.”

  “Not… ever?”

  “I’m sorry,” Leigh said and meant it, clearly resenting the part of him that could not give Tolly what he wanted, but it was Leigh’s pain that further hurt Tolly, because they should not have to sidestep each other because of what had been made of them.